Orochimaru took another slug from the bottle of homemade white lightning he was holding as he staggered about his lab. Kabuto was unconscious on the floor. Tell him not to experiment while drunk would he? Well, he'd show him...

9 months later:

Orochimaru watched curiously as Kabuto entered his room carrying a newborn baby as if it were a live bomb. Considering some of the things he'd come up with over the last year, that was an actual possibility.

"Which experiment is that?" Orochimaru asked.

"You never gave it a number." Kabuto replied.

"What was the purpose of the experiment then?" Orochimaru asked.

"To create the offspring of Shimura Danzo and Maito Gai." Kabuto replied with a shudder.

"Get rid of it!" Orochimaru said, looking at the THING THAT SHOULD NEVER EXIST in horror.

"How?" Kabuto asked. While standard policy was to feed failed experiments to other experiments that weren't exactly human, he feared the possible transmission of whatever the hell it was that made Maito Gai...Maito Gai. There was no way in hell he was going to study this thing thoroughly enough to find out one way or another. Another possibility would be to dump it down the incinerator...

"Give it to its father." Orochimaru replied, undoubtedly having already anticipated the incinerator plan and decided that he didn't want the thing's ashes tainting his base. If it had just been Maito Gai's, maybe, but it was also part Danzo...

"Which one?" Kabuto asked.

"I don't care." Orochimaru replied. "Kidnap a Yamanaka while you're at it."

"Why?" Kabuto asked as he carried the thing that was purportedly a human male out the door.

"So I could have, oh, the last hour of my memory erased." Orochimaru replied.

3 Days later:

Shimura Danzo contemplated the basket that sat on the desk before him. The letter that had been attached to the basket claimed that the baby inside was his. He knew this to be impossible, not only because it had been more than a decade since he'd last had sex, but also because he'd been incapable of reproducing since that little misunderstanding with Utatane Koharu in which she'd repeatedly stomped him in the balls until the Military Police had finally deigned to show up. It had taken eight of their best officers to pull her off him. Hiruzen's old teammate had calmed down quite a bit in her old age.

He ordered one of his agents to have the child tested. He would find out who the child's parents were and deal with them. Not only was abandoning children on people's doorsteps criminally irresponsible, their pathetic attempt at tarnishing his reputation was somewhat irritating as well.

A couple of hours later, the test results came back.

"Leave this on Maito Gai's doorstep and bring me a Yamanaka." Danzo ordered as he tossed the basket containing the baby at the nearest Root agent.

20 years later:

"Hokage-sama, why did you put Maito Gai's son on your council of advisors?" Rock nee Haruno Sakura asked her former teammate.

"Meh, I wanted to keep him where I could see him." Rokudaime Hokage Uzumaki Naruto replied.

In an Undisclosed location:

A young man with a shiny black bowl cut who was dressed in traditional clothing of an eye searing shade of green sat at a desk quietly drinking tea. A teenager dressed in camouflage spandex entered the room. The man handed the teenager a scroll which the boy promptly opened and began to read.

"YOSH! If I cannot complete this assassination mission, I will run 500 laps around Konoha on my hands!" The teenager yelled as he thrust a fist into the air.

Maito Danzo sighed as he watched his young agent race out of the room. He didn't really enjoy these kinds of things, but he would do anything it took to make sure the Flames of Youth always burned brightly in Konoha.