AN: These are Zurg's thoughts, not mine. I'm not a herald of evilness. :P Buzz Lightyear of Star Command © Disney/Pixar.

"Fear is the path that leads to the dark side... fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering..."

-Yoda, in The Phantom Menace

The Forbidden Monologues

"I am a being. Maybe I am considered mainly being a mechanical android in a majestic emperor's robe, but inside it, I do exist, as a man, as a creature full of dark might."

"I do not want to remember the faltered, fragmented years when Evil Emperor Zurg did not exist. Over 25 years has the maliciousness reigned over the Zeta Quadrant, because of my victories and conquers. It was I, who built the empire this magnificent. One day it was not a black paradise like this, one day there where only a few solar system sharing the forces of the dark side. But as I had deliberated earlier, I do not want to dive into those days, the days when the powerful Emperor Zurg was still an imaginary ruler."

"However... as I do walk around this purple throne room -Oh, purple, what a harmonic colour for evilness!- I see in my eyes the era when I was something else. The other half of my life, which I have desperately attempted to push into the deepest dungeons of my subconscious, opens if front of my view like yesterday. Quasars! Why do these mementos keep pesting me from year to year? Those times should not subsist any longer! The pathetic, whining hours of Zoxedaszeĉ Zora Lightyear."

"Yes... I used to carry that name, one day. Nevertheless, it has been buried under the sands, where eternity fades the forgotten histories. I do not hear that name, any more. It does not echo in my ears like it did 30 years ago... although, I ought to admit that it sounded beautiful when it fled from her lips...  bitter-sweetly I hear her low whisper... 'Zoxe...' Oh Adi, Adi, what did they do to you? Why? I only can ask, why?"

"I feel something burning in my eyes. No, I have to get this mask off and get some air. Adi... why do you still make my heart feel as if it was gushed with a dozen blades? You were not supposed to live any more inside me. You were supposed to be lost, a buried keepsake! Please, do not come to haunt my thoughts, I was in the middle of creating a new manoeuvre for to take the Alliance into my clutches!"

"Fiddling my collars I finally get the suffocating helmet off. Why did I even decide to use this kind of uniform? Yes, it was evil-looking, grinning, covered the officially dead face from everyone. Who knows... maybe it was easier for a young man to breath through this thing...  but do I have a choice? I have taken the oath to seal my face under this for forever. No one may see them, no one may know. Especially not the one person who is the burden of my shoulders.

 But now I am alone and allowed to study my being in sinister peace. Although... the burning in my eyes will not cease, it was again because of you, because of you, Adi! And because of you, Buzz Lightyear, who have grown a menace on my way. The moment I saw you becoming an obstacle for me, I should have comprehended to stop your ongoing before it was too late. By taking you here, by turning you into me.

 Ahh... fresh air. Fresh air of evilness. You sweating helmet, go away from my sight! Curse you! Now, now, attempt at least to calm somewhat down, Zurg... remember what the doctor brain-pod has said about getting too angry at this age. Indeed, occasionally I have felt my chest getting heavy under the fieriest turbulences of my wrath. I do not afford to angina pectoris, not now when I am on the top of my reign. A good way to avoid that is to get involved to the daily physical exercise in my private gym. I am almost as strong as in the bright days of my youth, still more forceful than Darkmatter or Lightyear have ever been. This, with over seven feet height, will boost my power, Jim-kraken-dandy!"

"But curse you, my brains! Molesting me still with the images of the forbidden past. They make my eyes sting even more. I see... I see myself as a boy, surrounded by the green lush of Planet Morph... Graargh, I hate green! It always brings Star Command into my mind, that nauseous combination of green and white.

On the other hand, that was my home, green in the summer, white in the winter. I was the young genius, the only son and child of the family. 51 years ago was born the legend that would be one day called the Dark Lord of Zeta Quadrant. My parents were old, seemingly it was a miracle that Nana Lightyear had given birth to me, when being 45 years old. My father was a politician, the representative of Morph on Capital Planet, what is said ambassador.

 As being supremely more intelligent in my age group, my education was started in the very early years. I began the comprehensive school of high-IQ children at the age of five, applying to senior high at the age of 13. Jim-kraken-dandy, I always have been aware of my incomparability. So were my parents and they treated me pursuant to that.

 Living in such a family, I was introduced to politics very early. My father encouraged me to join a youth party, through which I could aim further. And therefore I decided to start to read political sciences, after I had graduated from the senior high -after one and half years of light studying. Oh those pathetic mortals who attempted to jam mathematics and languages into their blockheads, being several years elder than me, never succeeding the way I did. Mwa ha ha."  

"I smell still in my nostrils your scent, the warm scent of those herbals you always used when washing your hair. Those thick, dark-brown curls that felt so soft when I smoothed them... I got lost into your deep, sapphire blue eyes, while structinizing your lightly oriental features. Adi... your burgundy long dress was in the perfect harmony with your milk white skin and those locks of yours that I used to admire from minute to minute. You were a silent, brave woman, who never wanted to step on anyone's way. And what was the destiny of you, it made me lost my fate in goodness. Goodness. What a wasted virtue.

 I was eighteen when I met you, finishing my education in the political science faculty. You were a couple of years elder than me, but that was not a hinder of love. You took part of the same lessons, as a beginning student. I, the youngest of them all, kept casting my eyes on you and you returned those regards, smiling a warm smile to me. I was a handsome view, then, although I still consider myself being better in looks than the relevant-aged; that do-gooder Commander Nebula is a golliwog compared to me. But then, my blue-black, thick hair was finished with a stroke of gel, my body growing robust. I was the admire target of many women, but I saw only you, Adi.

 A couple of months later, when I turned nineteen, I took you under my wing, laced a ring around your finger. You gave me your maidenhood and I gave you the shelter of a caring husband. I had wealth, I had power already then, I afforded to provide you for everything you needed. My parents bought us a literal mansion for wedding present. You were brought to a wonderland from your humble home. Only that your life had to be so short, such a drop in the ocean...

 Adi-Gaia Lightyear was the name you were known as by my side. The same summer, a couple of months after our wedding day, my father decided to retire from his profession. However, what he had done as an arrangement for me, was a surprise. He had recommended me to several higher directions as to be his successor. What was there to hinder my steps? So far, I had been already a candidate to the Alliance parliament, so I was the perfect person to continue his glorious occupation. Money and control for my sore hands. Therefore Adi decided to quit her studies and stay home, because she was sure I could support her and the progeny. The wedding night, our fulfilment of love -I still used to believe in that thing, then- must have been fertile since she was carrying a new life inside her. That era was a minor paradise, even when I descend into it now, in this paradise of evilness."

"She gave me a boy. I had wished for a girl. Maybe, if it had been a girl, my scion would never have grown to such a terror. Nevertheless, you do not know, who is your father, son of Z. Z. Lightyear. And you shall not know that. That man of the past abysses does not exist. His name is forbidden. He is dead." 

 "The bright days were not many. As I went on further on my career, I, for my extreme unluck, became involved in a payola plot. Some members of the Alliance senate had behind everyone's backs been giving money out so that they would be criminally elected further, to higher positions. At that time, the nowadays wannabe-alliance was only consisting of two Quadrants, the politic atmosphere full of corruption and blackmailing. Some quarters were shaking hands with a Tradeworldian mafia. Sigh... that was also the grim reaper of my fortune.

 It was spring then. My son was barely a year old. She and he were living on Morph, I was working on Capital Planet. Every weekend I went back to my family, to declare my love to my beautiful wife and the child she had given me. One month, however, I was thrown into that payola case as I thought of earlier. I was invited to a 'highly classified meeting' with some Alliance senators and parliament members. What the thing indicated to be, was a debate about how to apply illegal positions as ministers, how to direct taxes to one's own pockets and so on. This all was led by the that-time finance minister of Planet Ihhihii-Tih, rubbing friendly shoulders with the Trade World men. I was not aware where I was led and became shocked when I was offered a possibility to become a Secretary of War. For the prize, I would have participated to the revolt that was targeted to take the Alliance into other fingers.

 Young, heedless I was. I used to believe in goodness. I surely wanted more power but in those days not in that form. I wanted to earn it by myself, not through 'illegal' matters, as I thought then. What a hoot that was... I declined, retreated and bore the tales to the Universe Protection. What an idiot I was... if I had had the power of the dark side then in my hands, I would have succeeded to enormous majesties then, already. But I was different. I believed in justice. Nevertheless, the justice was not there when I called for its help.

 I was supposed to be a hero after revealing the blackest scheme since made against the galaxy. News blazed my kudos, I was granted with an honorary medallion, given me by the President himself. And I could not see the future. Not the clouds that were tumbling over me. My peace, my melody was only an illusion. The villains I had gained found a way to retaliate me. Some underground scum of the 'fraternal' mafia burgled into my house on Morph and... killed her. My son was not in her arms, then, but sleeping in another room, not spotted by the assassinators."   

"What did they do to you, quasars, what did they do to you? What was left for me when I too late approached the scene of horrors? Your beauty, you precious little being was cut into pieces, lying on the floor, swimming in the well of your life! That... that image is something... I can never... cough... I can never get rid of it, how much I ever attempted to extinguish it. What did they do to you? WHY? Why did it have to be that way? Every night you return to my nightmares in that form, your fine features cut, slashed into shapeless heap of meat! Even now... it chokes me, making my knees weak of vomiting... I have to sit down so that I will not burst because of this memento... I have to dispel that picture from my head NOW! Oh, Adi...

 ...not much was there left for funerals. Your remains were cremated and your ashes strewed into the river of your hometown.

 That indicated to be the end of goodness in me. At first, I was afraid. So afraid of what might happen to me and the estate you had left me. The darkness surrounded me, the despair. You were the only light in my life I had ever had. Not even the child could warm my heart like you had done. Gradually... the despair turned to anger. What was there good in goodness, if it leaded to results like this? I wanted revenge, revenge to those who did this to you. Quasars, where was the justice when it was needed? Nowhere, nowhere! I started to hate everything, my own life, my work, myself... what was there left for me, but to seek for nemesis..."