Okay, this is a one-shot thing. Pick three characters, and put them in the situation where they are the last people alive five minutes before the world ends. That's right, folks, Middle Earth is gonna blow, and the last ones standing arrrrrrrrre: Glorfindel, Gollum, and Mary-Sue. I'll write for three more characters if anyone reviews this. This story makes no logical sense; it defies all reason, so don't even *try* to understand it. This is meant to be odd, and really quite disturbing. Beware the out-of-characterness! Enjoy.

The Last One Standing

Glorfindel picked himself up off the scorched ground, brushing off what remained of his once-white tunic. Above him, the stars in the heavens were blowing up, one by one. It was only a matter of time until the Sun showered Middle-Earth with her final fury. Even now, the land glowed red from her flames.

Glorfindel looked around, sighing. Everyone else was gone; Elrond, Estel, Legolas, Galadriel...they were all dead. He was the last one left in all of Middle-Earth, and so he stood, waiting for the end to come.

But wait; seems he wasn't alone after all. Crawling towards him was a scaly, hissing creature, with massive bulging eyes. He seemed to mumbling something about "the precious", and was making a horrid "gollum, gollum" sound in his throat. He saw Glorfindel, and grunted. "Naaasssssssty Elfsss."

"Nasty yourself, Smeagol." answered Glorfindel, tossing his hair. "Looks like this is the end, doesn't it?"

"Yesssss..." grumbled Smeagol. "Nasssssty Yellow-Face going to kill ussssss."

"So it would appear." agreed Glorfindel, sitting beside the scaly creature. "Looks like we're the last ones left."


"Oh, shit..."

Smeagol began to screech as Glorfindel swore. For, approaching over the horizon, they saw one of the last left alive: Mary-Sue.

Her long, flared-yet-slitted-for-ease-of-mobility green skirts were fashionably dusty; her brown bodice was undone at the top three holes, revealing an eyeful of her cleavage. Her wavy mithril-coloured hair hung glossy and smooth down her back, and she kept one slender hand on her deadly Elven-sword. Her sea-green eyes were wide in her flawless face, yet she bravely sang in her angelic voice as she came over the hill.

"Aw crap." Glorfindel and Smeagol groaned in synch, wishing simultaneously that there was somewhere to hide in the barren land. But Mary-Sue was upon them, with a cry of, "Fear not, I will save you! I alone know how to stop the destruction of the stars, and can save Middle Earth! I have travelled far with this knowledge, weary miles through a desolate land-"

Swiiiiissh. Thud. And Mary-Sue hit the ground, an arrow embedded exactly between her huge, sea-green eyes, an expression of heartfelt shock frozen on her perfect features . Glorfindel dropped his bow, looking satisfied.

"Why'd you do that?" asked Smeagol curiously.

Glorfindel shrugged. "If Middle-Earth didn't end, it would be up to the three of us to re-populate it."

Smeagol wrinkled his nose. "Ewwwwww."

"My thoughts exactly." With that, Glorfindel settled on the ground next to Smeagol, drawing his long legs up to his chin. "Smeagol?"


"Do you wanna play charades?"

"Bite me, Elf."

And with that, Middle-Earth blew up in a rather spectacular kablooie.

The End.