The Importance of Being Celibate
A Pregnancy Parody by Chibi Horsewoman
Note: Sorry for any updating delays. My husband and I are down to one computer and he gets priority over me because he actually needs it for work. Thank you for your patience.
Dedication: My reviewers. I keep losing count of how many I get per chapter and who I replied to! Thank you all very much!
Disclaimer: The cast and characters of Winx Club belong to their respective owners. However I am quite sure I am solely responsible for Flora's mood swings and sudden love of bacon. I also don't own Gears of War. My husband does, but I don't. I do own The Mad Cow as it's appeared in a few fanfics. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only and am not making money off of it.
Chapter Six: Flora's Hormonal Mishaps
The day after Tecna and Musa had told their boyfriends, Flora and Layla were still on the fence and Stella was on the phone with the Royal Seamstress of Solaria. Stella of course hadn't told Brandon yet; she was waiting for her wardrobe to be finished. A girl had to have priorities, she kept telling Flora and Layla.
Layla was lying in bed, still fired up from beating Tecna at every family friendly game they'd played. Flora was considering going down to the cafeteria to get a bacon and onion ring sandwich when she remembered that she still had to tell Helia. Since the fairy of nature also didn't feel like trying to wage a bet or a war with Layla, she decided that the only way to get this done and over with was to call Helia and have him meet her at her favourite greasy spoon in town- The Mad Cow. Besides, The Mad Cow had better burgers and onion rings than the Alfea cafeteria hands down. Of course, first Flora had to find her phone.
"Has anyone seen my phone?" Flora asked out loud after five minutes of furious searching. She had been crawling around on the floor near her bed, looking under it.
Stella looked up from the fabric scraps she was going over for her new line of maternity clothes; the Royal Seamstress had sent them over via magi-fax. "Have you tried on your night stand?"
"Why, did you put it there?" Flora snarled at Stella. The blonde fairy shuddered and started looking for a place to hide.
"No, you did." Layla replied as she sat up and faced her overly hormonal friend. "We were using our phones to keep time when we took our tests the other day. You left yours on the bed."
Flora reached up onto her bedside table and felt her phone with her finger tips. "Ah, there it is. Sorry 'bout that."
Stella and Layla both groaned. Neither girl knew if she could handle nine more months of Flora's hormonal meltdowns.
Flora quickly dialed Helia's number and he picked up on the fourth ring, right before it went into voice mail.
"Hello?" Helia asked tersely. He had been playing Gears of War Three and he didn't like being interrupted mid-fight.
"Gee, thanks for making me feel loved." Flora snapped, scaring the daylights out of her boyfriend.
Helia was so flustered he nearly dropped the phone. He had never heard his girlfriend sound anything less than calm, sweet and patient in the few short years of their relationship. If she was suddenly snapping at him for taking too long to answer the phone, he'd hate to hear what would happen if he accidentally introduced her to an ex girlfriend as his 'friend'.
"Did you hang up on me now? I can't deal with this Helia!"
The black-haired man swallowed hard, "Flora, sweetie, I am so sorry for not answering the phone when it first rang."
"That's okay! I forgive you." Flora trilled, "Just don't ever let it happen again. Anyway, I need you to meet me at the Mad Cow in forty-five minutes."
"Flora I don't know if I…"
"It's important! If you don't meet up with me there, I'll just have to come over to Red Fountain."
Again Helia swallowed hard, Flora sounded so unlike her usual self that he assumed she was under some kind of spell. True, both Riven and Timmy had just found out their girlfriends were pregnant. Yes, Sky had also noticed that Bloom ran off to Earth again and was anxiously awaiting her return. However none of this seemed to have any connection with Flora's sudden one eighty attitude change, at least not in Helia's head. So what if they'd had sex over a month ago, none of this mattered to Helia. Flora was spelled; he was almost one hundred percent certain of it. Of course Helia did know of the Earth saying 'When you assume you make an ass out of you and me' but he didn't quite understand that connection.
"Helia, are you still there?" Flora demanded angrily when her boyfriend had been silent for too long.
"Yes, yes I am." Helia heard himself stutter, "I was just wondering why you wanted to meet at a burger place. I thought you preferred someplace with a salad bar."
"I just want a change of pace; I'll see you at the Mad Cow in forty-five minutes." Flora pressed the disconnect button so hard on her touch screen that it cracked. "Aw crap! Now I have to replace that."
Forty-three minutes later Flora and Helia were sitting in the Mad Cow, Flora was devouring a double bacon cheeseburger with onion rings and Helia was looking at her trying to figure out if there were any signs of a spell.
"Stop staring at me like that!" Flora finally spat as she reached for a napkin and daintily dabbed ketchup and barbeque sauce off her face. "You're making me nervous."
"I'm making you nervous?" Helia asked astonished. "You called me and shouted at me, you've become demanding, and now you are devouring that cheeseburger like it's going to be taken from you at any moment."
Flora took a long sip of her lemonade, "So? What's your point?"
"My point is that you don't seem like yourself at all. I'm worried that you've been spelled."
At her boyfriend's admittedly asinine statement, Flora began to laugh and smack the table with her hand much to the astonishment of Helia and the other patrons in the diner. The fairy of nature laughed so hard that she started to hiccup. Helia came over to pat her on the back and no sooner had he done that Flora turned around and puked right in his lap.
"That's what you get for eating so fast." Helia chided as he dabbed in vain at the vomit. He was struggling not to look disgusted, but failing miserably.
Flora glared at her boyfriend. He wasn't making her situation any easier. "Helia, it's not because I ate so fast." She finally stated.
"The hell it isn't. You know it's not good to gobble your food like that. I doubt you even took the time to chew it properly."
"Helia, I'm pregnant."
The raven haired specialist gasped, and then pinched himself to keep from passing out in Flora's vomit.
"Come again?" Helia asked when his vision had cleared enough for him to focus.
"I said I'm pregnant." Flora repeated acidly, not hard given the bile that was rising again in her throat.
"With my baby?"
"Yes, with your baby!" Flora all but shouted.
"Are you sure you're pregnant with my baby?" Helia asked, still dumbstruck. Yes, of course he knew Flora could only be pregnant with his child, he knew she wasn't the kind to go sleep around. However, that question just came out before he could stop himself. And he instantly regretted it in the most painful way possibly.
"Yes! I'm sure that your dumb ass impregnated me!" Flora shrieked as she forcefully kicked Helia in the kneecap and rushing out the door. This left Helia to writhe in pain and endure the cold stares from other diners who knew exactly who the couple was.
Helia sat in silence waiting for the check while hisses of disapproval emanated from the other patrons. The server finally came over to Helia and dropped the check on the table; there was a note in red about how cruel and nasty he was. It disappeared soon after he read it. Drat that magic dimension; even the wait staff knew spells.
Walking to the bus stop, Helia knew he'd have some major apologizing to do and he planned to do it as soon as Flora unblocked his number from his phone.
Ugh, finally I finished this after over a month, thanks so much for waiting. As I stated in the opening note, my husband and I are down to one computer and he gets first dibs because he uses this one for work.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm going to try and update a few other stories soon.