Rating: T (language)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Author's Note: I promised a third in the series and here it is! The first is Aftermath of Minimal Loss and the second is Trials and Tribulations of a Dysfunctional Family. This story is a continuation of the Prentiss clan with the kids as teenagers. There will be some overlap in the stories, so it's best if you read the first two. If not, I'll try and make it a stand-alone story. Read and review please!
"Moms, can Henry and I order pizza?" Nate called as he clomped down the stairs.
"Look, Jen. One of our teenagers actually exists outside the sphere of his room," Emily teased.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm a living human being. How phenomenal. Can we order pizza?"
"You and your brother actually agree on a single pizza to order?" Emily asked her look-alike son as he leaned heavily against the granite top island in the kitchen.
"Maybe," Nate vaguely responded. "Henry! Do we agree on food?" He bellowed through the house.
"Really, kid? We have an intercom for a reason."
"It's so much easier just to scream. I mean the intercom is all the way over there, and then I have to push the button." Emily rolled her eyes at her son's laziness before grabbing the wine glasses and walking back to the living room.
"Your son is lazy. The other one is incommunicado," Emily informed her blonde wife.
"Why is he my son all of a sudden?" JJ grinned; taking the wine glass Emily offered her. Nate followed his mom into the living room; he noticed the presence of his uncles and started laughing.
"She is going to flip shit when she walks in and all three of you start interrogating her about her date," Nate informed them. Derek Morgan glared at him from the plush couch. Rossi, in his previously claimed recliner, just nodded knowingly while Reid started looking nervous. Before he could continue, Emily gestured to the kitchen, "Dollar in the jar, kid."
"Oh crap I forgot about that."
"Now it's two," JJ said watching as he grumbled and shuffled towards the kitchen to put two dollars in the cuss jar. When he returned he asked again, "can we order pizza? I'm hungry and Henry... Well Henry is somewhere but he's always hungry."
As if on cue a lanky blonde teenager walked in through the front door, rolling his skateboard easily in front of him.
"Wheels up," Emily reminded the thirteen year old. "Want pizza?"
"Yeah, sounds good," Henry responded, walking over he leaned against the arm of the couch.
"H, you're bleeding," Morgan pointed out.
"Oh right it's nothing-just a scratch. James and I tried this trick. Obviously, it didn't work out so well. We'll get it down though."
"Scratches don't bleed," Morgan reminded his nephew. "Like mother, like son," he muttered under his breath. Henry shrugged noncommittally before turning his attention to Nate.
"Yeah, dude, you call. Moms took my cell, remember?"
"Ha!" Henry laughed. "Sucks to be you. Does Abby or Hales want anything?"
"Nah, Abs is out with that guy. That's why those three are here, and Haley is working on her science project in the backyard."
"So does she want food or not?"
"She's a Prentiss; of course, she wants food," Nate quipped before heading to the kitchen with Henry trailing behind him. Before Henry left, he addressed the men in the room. "Any of you packing?"
"Of course not!" They all shrieked guiltily. Henry glanced at Emily and JJ and shrugged.
"Neosporin and band-aids, Henry," JJ called after him. After a quick "yes ma'am," she returned her attention to the men. "Cough 'em up. They are going in the gun safe until you leave." Reluctantly, all three men pulled off their service weapons and passed them to JJ. "Good boys," she chided. "And Morgan, no judo. He's a good kid."
"I'm sure he's a good kid. You wouldn't have let her out of the house if he weren't. Plus she's got a good head on her shoulders." Rossi said in that grandfatherly tone. "But," he continued, "it is her first date in a car with a boy. He needs to full interrogation."
"Trust me, he got it. You should have seen Momma when that kid showed up. Abs forgot to mention they were both FBI, and the kid nearly shit his pants. And I know, I know- a dollar in the jar," Nate said, his voice carrying from the hallway.
"He really didn't know you were both FBI?"
"Nope, and Em had her badge and gun casually resting on the kitchen counter," JJ joked. "Poor kid."
Soon they heard voices outside, and all three men were ready to pounce. JJ just sat back, ready to enjoy the show. A blonde, blue-eyed girl ran up to Emily.
"Umm, Momma, it exploded."
"What exploded, Hayley?"
"My science project.
"Well, we may need new pool water," Hayley insinuated.
"Oh good heavens. Alright, let's go see what's up. Boys, behave," she commanded as she followed the ten year old to the backyard.
"Okay, they've been out there long enough," Rossi decided, pulling himself out of the recliner and to the door. "Well hello Abby and gentleman caller," he said menacingly as he opened the door, revealing an attempted kiss on the doorstep.
"Uncle Rossi," Abby drawled slowly. "What are you doing here? Oh no," she muttered as she realized her other uncles awaited her in the living room.
"Alright, well I'll be heading out," the flustered teen said as he started backing away. "I had a great time, Abby. We should do it again."
Before he could back farther away, Rossi commanded, "You, young man, inside please. I'd like a word."
"I'm really sorry, Max," Abby looked at her date apologetically. "He means well."
"Is he a," Max trailed off, frightened.
"Yeah, he's FBI too, so the other two in there."
"Your moms, oh I know they are FBI. We talked about this, remember?"
"Two more," Abby corrected.
"Five FBI agents," Max stammered.
"Hopefully just five," Abby said under her breath.
"There are two others that aren't here, but they're all FBI."
"You said you had a big family. You left out dangerous, lethal, and overprotective."
"Let's continue the conversation inside," Rossi commanded again. As soon as Max walked in the door, he immediately tried to retreat as the tall, muscled Morgan advanced.
"I'm Derek Morgan- the godfather." JJ snorted at Morgan's attempt to make an ominous movie reference. "That's David Rossi, Profiling Legend, and that is Doctor Spencer Reid." Max visibly shook. "Abby, why don't you get a drink for your friend?"
"Um, I think my boyfriend fine. I'll stay right here. On the other hand where is Momma? MOMMA," she screamed and ran to find her brunette mother before anyone caused her date bodily harm. "Momma! Why did you let them in? They're going to scare him away."
"I tried to tell them the wrong time. Just be glad they weren't here when he showed up at the beginning of the date."
"Valid, but they're going to kill him now!"
"No, Mom took their guns." Abby gaped at her.
"But... But..." Abby stuttered. "Why is the pool purple?"
"Hi," Haley muttered. "Science fair project," she explained.
"Ah. Okay," Abby returned. "Back to my life crisis, my boyfriend in the living room about to be killed by the male members of our crazy family!"
"Life crisis. Really, Abs?" Emily sighed heavily at the drama. "Alright, I will go intervene. Hayley, grab the hose and a bucket."
"Thank you, and Haley, you have purple almost everywhere. It looks really attractive."
"Gee, thanks. Hope the boy runs away in terror," Haley sneered teasingly at her big sister.
"Be nice," Emily scolded as she returned to the house. "Morgan, let go of Max," she yelled, her voice booming.
"What? He said he was a fighter."
"Morgan," Emily warned. Her partner released the teen from his snake-like grip. "Max, thank you for dropping Abby off before curfew. I hope Mrs. Prentiss and I will see you soon. You're more than welcome anytime. Don't worry. These three don't live here, and they mean well," Emily said, leading Max to the door. She turned around and Abby was standing with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot expectantly. Emily just smiled and went to sit on the arm of JJ's chair.
"Sorry Squirt. We just worry about you," Rossi said, immediately entering grandfather mode.
"He put him in a chokehold!"
"Yeah, in hindsight, that might not have been the best idea," Morgan mused. "Can I have my gun back now?"
"Not until Max pulls out of the driveway and is safely down the street," JJ replied evenly.
"And you. Uncle Spence, what did you do?"
"Nothing," Reid responded, holding his hands in front of him defensively.
"Okay, I may have tried to give him an IQ test. He's not very smart you know."
"Urgh!" Abby grunted and stomped upstairs.
"We love you too, Princess!" Morgan shouted after his goddaughter's retreating figure. "Too over the top?" He asked, looking between Reid and Rossi for confirmation.
"Probably," JJ laughed, "but it was damn amusing."