Konoka: (Un)Dead and Loving It

Excerpts of (Un)Life From a Konoe Vampire

(NOTE: The characters here are not owned by Ala Iridia or its associates. This is done for fun and NOT profit.)

This was supposed to be an ordinary day.

Alas, alas, Negi would not get his wish today.

When he got to school that day, he should have been suspicious when Makie was reported missing. Following that, Shizuna had strode right in and announced something wonderfully awful: class measurements. So when he also announced this to the class, he got accused of being a pervert. As usual. This was quickly getting out of hand, so he left the premises while trying to piece together that awkward encounter with Evangeline A. K. MacDowell. Apparently, she was a representative of MacDowell Industries, which supplied Mahora with more than half of the robotics this school used. The school's dean was doing a favor for said company by setting her up with potential business partners. Evangeline, still a kid despite her genius, did not like it.

But back in the classroom, things were getting far more dangerous.

"Eh? Where is Maki-chan today?" asked Haruna once they had stripped to their underwear.

"…Who knows?" replied Nodoka as she covered her chest and blushed.

"Makie knew we having a health check-up today," Ku Fei shared a devious grin. "I bet she just slept in, right?"

"It's because Makie's chest is really flat, right?" boasted Fuuka as she proudly bared her own underdeveloped chest.

"Onee-chan," sighed Fumika as she hung her head in exasperation, "doesn't that sound a bit... sad coming from you?"

"Hey, hey! What do you guys think…" Misa suddenly called out, "…about that rumor that's been spreading around the dorms?"

"What rumor, Kakizaki?" asked Asuna.

"Ah!" Interjected Misora, her face paling slightly despite the grin upon her face. She knew about this. "That rumor about the vampire in Sakura Lane, right?"

"Eeeh?-! What?-!" Fumika jumped into the conversation in excitement. "What kind of rumor is that?-!"

Konoka had licked her lips and smiled. So it had begun, huh? "Yeah, tell us more!" It also helped that Konoka had been fascinated by the occult before, and this was no secret to the class.

"Don't you guys know? It's a rumor from a while ago, but they say that when the moon is full, it appears amongst the row of sakura trees near the dorms…" Misa explained. Taking a devilish grin much like the creatures of legend, she added, "…a white-haired beauty descends upon you and sucks your blood…"

The twins screeched in horror and began to cry. Nodoka blinked, not sure why the idea was making her face blush or her cheeks warm.

Konoka had to hold back her giggles.

"Ho ho…" Sakurako grinned. She considered things quietly and began to rub her chin in thought. "I wonder if that monster got Maki-chan? Her blood looks pretty tasty!"

Konoka's giggling stopped. "I thought we were talking about a vampire! Though Maki-chan di—ah does look pretty tasty…" She stopped, shaking off her drooling. "If there really was a monster, don't you think it'd be more like a chupacabra?"

"T…this is getting to be beyond a joke…" Misa groaned, not believing that 3-A could get this twisted.

"You people! There's no way that rumor can be true!" argued Asuna as she held out a hand. "Stop discussing stupid things and line up already!"

"Even though you say that, " dismissed Sakurako as Konoka drew and labeled picture of a chupacabra on the board leaving Nodoka and Fumika quivering, "you're a bit afraid too, aren't you, Asuna?" She also drew a picture of a hedgehog (with blue chalk) to outline how it wasn't one, just for reference.

"No way!" yelled Asuna as she pointed at the board, "There's no way something like that could exist in Japan!"

But she paused. Thinking about something caused her to pause in concern, and shook her head. No way, it couldn't be...

"You so sure about that, Asuna?" Konoka called back, continuing to draw pictures of various blood-sucking creatures and finding her class's increasing panic amusing. "I could give you so much more information~"

"Stuff it, Konoka," Asuna snarled, knowing that her friend was probably just having fun riling the class.


"It's really bad, Sensei!" They heard out in the halls, Ako was calling Negi, and that drew everyone's attention. "Makie has... Makie has...!"

The barrier reflected his attack superbly, with little to no setup, and just a simple chant to activate them. Without a doubt, Negi knew he was face to face with a mage.

However, Eastern magic was entirely foreign to him. The paper that burned up a moment later seemed to be the spell catalyst, and yet he hardly felt magic from it, or the person across from him at all. But that was just minute detailing. Who was the person attacking his students?

Lifting up a fainted and somewhat blushing Nodoka, Negi found himself staring at a white-haired woman wearing an elaborate, Kansai-styled robe. But from that calm, powerful walk. That long hair, cut just right... it couldn't be...!

"Hiii Negi-kun~!" Konoka greeted as if she were just meeting him on the way to the store.

"Konoka-san? You're the vampire of Sakura Lane?" Negi gasped. "What is this, I don't even... how... but you're so sweet and innocent!"

"Sweet I may be, but the innocence is just a front!" Konoka skipped for a bit. "Asuna never bothered to tell you since I hadn't done anything for the last fifteen years, but I assure you, I was always there~" She licked her lips, showing her sharp fangs. "You should relax~. I'm not here to harm Nodoka-han! I'm just here to charm her a little bit so she'll give me her blood willingly~!"

"Konoka-san, why are you doing this?" Negi asked. "And furthermore, you're a mage? If you are, you should know mages are here to work for the better of everyone!"

"Negi-kun, Negi-kun!" Konoka took on a chastising tone. "You can't take a black-and-white view like that! Otherwise when gray looks you in the face," one moment, she was a good ten feet away. The next, she was in Negi's face. "You'll falter, and someone will die."

He wasn't sure when he spotted that war fan, all he knew was that he needed to get the hell out of the way before it sliced him in two. "Waaaah!" He cried, rolling out of the way. The slash had been so powerful, apparently backed by magic, that Nodoka's clothes shredded despite his defense.

"You're so quick!" Konoka giggled. "You really are your father's kid. And thanks for giving me a nice view of Honya-chan~!"

"Don't freely strip your classmates!" Negi complained hotly. He immediately stood up again, trying to prepare a spell. But Konoka had kept her distance—that attack wasn't even intended to kill him, just scare him backwards.

Konoka blinked. "Ah, uh-oh. Gotta go for now!" And, passing a playful wink, her skates appear upon her feet, and she quickly makes her escape. Negi stared blankly after her, just as Asuna, Haruna, and Setsuna appeared behind him.

"What was that?" Asuna asked, looking about the night. "Are you oka—what happened to Honya-chan?" She screeched at the sight of the stripped Nodoka.

"Don't tell me Negi-kun was the vampire!" Haruna gasped, flailing her arms.

"No no! That's not it at all!" Negi flailed too. "Please take Nodoka back to safety, I've got to go after this supposed vampire." He pumped his legs, and wordlessly pushing in magic, he pumped after Konoka without a thought.

"Hey wait!" Asuna called, but her words fell on deaf ears. She grit her teeth. She didn't want to have to do this, but the idea that she knew who was wreaking havoc was too great. She took a running leap start and chased after Negi.

"A vampire... this may be my chance," Setsuna said, gripping the cover that held her sword. "And even if it isn't, someone's got to keep those two out of trouble." And of course she fled after them as well.

"Huh? Hey guys?" Haruna called out, stuck with Nodoka. "Why is everyone leaving us? Hello?-!"

Negi kept up his brisk pace. Mind churning, he thought back—he'd been living with Konoka for months, and no really big hints stood out about this. How had Konoka gotten away with this. He had been living with a vampire the whole time? But the more he thought about it, the more the little things made sense—never using garlic in her dishes, that one time where Asuna looked at her and said, "Never mind, he sleeps with me." That odd warning from the dean, telling him to "mind his granddaughter." Or how Konoka seems much more vibrant at night.

And father... Konoka knew of his father?

Negi shook his head. He's got to keep focused, and prevent Konoka from doing anything else—and there she was, running up ahead. "Got you!" He called, pulling out one of his trainer wands and aiming it.

Alas, Konoka was faster. "Oh, you put that wind specialty of yours to actual use!" She just giggled and took a flying leap off of a bridge, the robe of hers forming into bat-like wings. She flew away.

Negi gave chase, hopping on his staff. "Something's weird about this... Konoka-san seems to use those strong paper charms—those are called omyoudo, right? But Konoka's own power seems weak..." He was slowly catching up to the white-haired vampire. "Konoka-san! Please stop! We can talk about this!"

"Really, Negi-kun? That's what your daddy said, and look where it got me! But~" She twirled around, easily skating backwards as he gave chase. "If ya catch me, I'll tell you more about him!"

Negi almost paused, but kept racing on. "Really?"

Konoka just giggled and licked her lips.

With the promise of information about his father, Negi didn't even hesitate anymore. "Ras tel ma scir Magister!" He could feel his magic flow out as he continued his pursuit. "Elemental summon! Come to me, spirit allies, and bear arms!"

Several lance holding air spirits formed around him. Negi aimed a finger and commanded, "Capture her!"

Konoka squeaked as, rather than getting higher in the air, she dived back into an alleyway. His clones stayed tight on her tail. Negi followed through, but as he rounded the corner, he panicked as he saw his clones crash into invisible walls.

Or not so invisible walls—he spotted omyou shields launched into places along the thin walls, and he squawked as he weaved to dodge the papers his clones failed to.

Konoka up ahead laughed—apparently, seeing Negi pull through her traps was highly amusing. "Wheee! I haven't had this much fun in a magical battle in ages!"

Negi kept quiet—Konoka's distance had dropped, and he needed just a little more before he could launch his last spell...

"C'mon, Negi-kun! I know you're faster!" Konoka called out, leaping up to the top of a building in a single bound. Negi, being cunning, kept going for a little bit and went up the other side. Without slowing down, he spotted Konoka on the roof, prepared his last spell...! "Flans... Exarmatio!"

Konoka saw him just as he began to shout, and whipped out a charm to block him, but she hadn't expected his particular spell, and the charms—and the majority of Konoka's clothes—were blown away by Negi's spells. Her robes were turned into white bats, flapping away with shrieks as Konoka stood before Negi only in a bra and panties.

"Kehehe, well done, Negi-kun," She breathed. "You'd definitely make a cute little brother."

"This is my victory. You cannot use your charms, and you can't outrun me in this state. Please tell me about my father, as you promised." Negi stepped forward.

"A little too quick to declare victory, though," Konoka wagged her finger. "I'm a vampire! Of eastern origin, no less. You don't know what tricks I have up my sleeves!"

And Negi stepped forward again. When he felt the magic suddenly swell up at his feet, it was too late for him to move. "Wha—?" Negi flinched as binds swirled around him and locked him in. "No way!" He gasped as he was rendered immobile in a matter of seconds.

"Hehe, you fell for my trap card, Negi-kun~!" Konoka chirped, her fangs poking out in her smile. "You should really watch where you're going!" She slithered up close to him.

Negi had to admit, Konoka was frighteningly beautiful. She already looked good while she was "normal", and with just a hair color change, she held an air of aristocracy about her. However, that didn't change the fact that right now, Konoka was now sizing him up to bite. "Well, sorry, Negi-kun, but I've got to have your blood. My destined partner is waiting for me out there somewhere, and I can't get out there if your father placed that awful seal on me!"

"Wha?" Negi gasped. And then something else hit him. "How old are you really? Is the dean really your grandfather?"

Konoka's face fell for a bit. "It might be odd to say... He's actually a descendant of mine." When Negi looked more confused at this, she continued, "Since your father sealed me here, the dean's been... looking out for me, I guess. But I'm not going to be babied anymore! You don't last five hundred years sitting still all the time!" She licked her lips again and bared her fangs. "Now, this might hurt for a tiny bit, but I promise you'll feel good! I won't really have to kill you either!" And she sunk down to bite.

Nooo! Negi cried in his mind. I'm still gonna die! I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry, father! As Konoka bit into him, the pain was so brief he hardly noticed. Maybe this isn't a bad way to go...

"Konoka! Clench your teeth!" Rang a voice.

"Mmm?" Konoka looked up from her feeding, and her eyes bugged out. "Oh crap." That was just moments before Asuna's foot collided in her face, sending her sprawling into the rooftop wall. She sunk, watching as Asuna landed, and then freed Negi as if those binds of hers were nothing. But more than that... "Owww! That hurt~! Asuna~, you're too mean!"

"Konoka! You know better than to torment Negi with your vampire stuff! He's only ten!" Asuna shouted. "Besides, what's so special about his blood, anyway?"

"His blood can set me free! I don't have to be stuck between here and Kyoto anymore!" Konoka shouted back, though she still looked teary. "...and I can find her again!"

"Who?" Negi and Asuna raised an eyebrow.

Konoka dropped quietly, and didn't say a word.

But that was just as well, since behind them, a mysterious warrior appeared. "Your reign of terror ends here, vampire!"

Asuna and Negi paused. Who the hell was that?

A blade gleaming in the full moon, Setsuna landed down between them. "Kagurazaka-san, Negi-sensei, please step back. This is an especially dangerous foe." She turned and faced Konoka. "Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!"

"Hold on, you!" Asuna bellowed at Setsuna. "You're overdoing it! There's no need to be killing anyone!" Besides, didn't I hear that line from a video game somewhere? She added mentally.

Konoka rose, gazing at Setsuna with a flurry of emotions. From shock, to sadness, to... recognition? A grin, far softer and pleased, returned to her face. "But it was by your hand that I was once again given flesh..." She rose, walking slowly towards Setsuna, licking her lips once more.

Setsuna's powerful composure from earlier began to drop. "S-stay back!"

Konoka ignored it. "I finally found you again, Secchan. I will revive your fate." And, not caring that Setsuna was brandishing a sword designed to cut her down, she kissed her.

Setsuna squawked into said kiss, stunned by the sudden change in events. She was supposed to be protecting the peace! So why was this vampire kissing her? Why did it feel so good? And... what the hell were these memories from? "Uwaaaahhhh!" She scrambled back. Stuttering, she began, "U-um, I'm not allow—err, I don't swing that way! Definitely not that way! Don't touch meee!" And, embarrassed beyond all recognition, Setsuna turned tail and ran, leaping off the building.

"C-come back, Secchan! I haven't given you all your memories yet!" Konoka called out, giving chase. She stopped breifly for a moment and turned to Asuna. "Umm, I'll explain to you and Negi-kun when I get back! Gotta go, see ya!" And she was off too.

Negi and Asuna just blinked. "Umm, what did I just see?" Negi asked.

Asuna scratched her head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Should we... help Sakurazaki-san?

"No. Let's just go home."


(Sup. This is Cygnus/The Ansem Man going with a flavor of a fic I don't really have time to expand (thanks a lot, GHQ). This won't be the only chapter, but don't expect too much detail out of this one. We at Ala Iridia had the idea of seeing what it would be like if certain duos switched places with Eva and Chachamaru, titled "If I were a Vampire...". Me being the bigger KonoSetsu fanboy of the lot, came with this idea. If you're confused about why Konoka's planting memories, that explanation will arrive in a future date. **. Anyone bold enough to turn this into a full fledged fic is more than welcome.)