HAPPY SUPER-BELATED BIRTHDAY, LISSY! :D
This is soo late, but you still love me ;P
AND AHHH! My fiftieth fic! :D
Oh, happy day ;P
Anyways, this one's for you, hun :)
Cause life starts now
You've done all the things that could kill you somehow
And you're so far down
But you will survive somehow, because life starts now.
-life starts now, three days grace.
and at the end of the day, you're not alone
The first time you remember seeing him, you're five and he's about to turn nine. The sun is shining brightly outside, so Grandma Molly makes you, your older sister Molly, and Teddy go outside and play together.
Molly insists she's too grown up to play and instead reads some book under the apple tree.
You stand there frozen, unsure of what to do.
He must sense your fear (Rosie was right, boys can tell when you're scared), because he smiles brightly at you and grabs your hand. As he pulls you to the sandbox Uncle Bill and Uncle George made for all of the Weasley kids, you decide you don't believe in cooties anymore.
You're in love.
You're seven now, and you love to play dress up.
One day, Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny bring Teddy, Lily, Albus, and James over for your dad and mum to watch. You're so excited. You finally have someone to play dress up with. Except, when you ask Lily, she says no.
You try to keep your tears at bay, but they fall from your blue eyes anyway.
Teddy yells at Lily for being stupid and offers to play with you, instead.
"You'll have to be a prince," you tell him, smiling brightly. Images of you and Teddy, all dressed up in pretty clothes and ballroom dancing when your older flutter through your head and your grin widens.
He nods. "I could be a prince."
You giggle and grabbing his hand, pulling him towards your bright blue painted room.
The room painted the same colour Teddy keeps his hair.
But, you're young. You don't think much of it. All you know is one day, you and Teddy are going to grow up and act like your mummy and daddy does.
"You're a teenager, now," Teddy says, shaking his head. "I just can't believe it."
It's around nine at night, and your thirteenth birthday party has just ended. You're sitting outside on the porch swing with Teddy, listening to the crickets. Things are quiet, something you're grateful for after all the noise you heard, today.
"Why not?" you ask, almost defensive. You realize, he's always thought of you as a baby sister. Nothing more, and nothing less. Just a baby sister. That upsets you. It makes you want to prove him wrong.
"Beca-" before you can stop yourself, you kiss him. Its fast, it's short. It's the only thing you have to convince yourself it's not true. That he really doesn't think of you like a sister.
You're so sure he'll kiss back.
He doesn't kiss back. He pulls away from you and stands up.
"I-" he starts, then stops and runs a hand through his hair. Sighing, he says to you, "oh, Luce. I love you, Luce. Just, not like that."
Tears of embarrassment and anger well up in your eyes, but you nod anyway and change the subject. He seemingly forgets all about the kiss, but you don't. It lingers, in the back of your mind the rest of the night. It's your first kiss.
You think you should regret it, but you don't. You can't regret kissing Teddy. And you can't help but still have hope he'll come around. Maybe not now, but one day.
When you're older.
"Teddy," you smile brightly at him. It's your fifteenth birthday party and you're so happy he's there. "How've you been?" you ask, pulling off that silly muggle birthday hat Grandpa Arthur gave you.
He pulls you in for a hug that you swear lasts for way more than five seconds. "Great, Luce. Did you hear?" he asks, automatically pulling from the hug at the thought of whatever he's thinking of. His eyes are wide with excitement and his happiness is contagious.
"No, I didn't," you say, smiling at him. "What? What is it, Teddy?" you ask and his hair turns a light pink.
"Well," he turns shy and you're curious as to what's going on. For a second you forget to breathe and you're convinced he'll finally ask you out. "Victoire and I are dating now!" he says, instead.
You don't know what to think. What to say. So you just stand there smiling dumbly, as he's whisked away by one of your cousins. And you're still standing there. Still smiling dumbly and staring at nothing.
You realize your heart has just broken.
You can't give up, not on Teddy. So you don't. You spend your days wishing and hoping for him. Every star, every birthday candle, all those shooting stars, they're all wasted on something that'll never happen. And yet, you still hope. You're a wishful thinker, an optimist. You really believe it'll happen, that you just have to give it some time
The next time you see him, you're seventeen. It's the first family dinner in a year that everyone is at, together. The room is crowed and noisey, and yet, somehow they manage to snag the good couch and snog all over it.
You're disgusted, so you go out into the hallway, to get some air and gather a game plan. You need to win him over.
"Lucy!" Lorcan Scamander says, smiling at you when you run into him in the hallway.
You're too distracted to talk to him, though. So you give him a tight smile and tell him you've got to go. That you're busy. You don't look back as you walk away from Lorcan.
You don't see him watching you walk away; your mind is too busy plotting things you can do to make Teddy notice you.
When you get back in the room, he doesn't notice you. So you try talking to him.
"Teddy," you say, smiling at the fact that you finally caught him without Victoire standing right there beside him. "How've you been?"
"Great, Luce. I've been great," he says and hugs you. "How about you?"
You talk for only a few minutes, before Grandma Molly is calling everyone to dinner. It's the best few minutes of your life.
As you sit down, across from Teddy, you can't help but slip into your optimistic state of mind. You decide you just needed to wait. You've waited already, yes, but you're older now, more mature. Surely he sees that. He just needs a little more time to realize he sees that.
You don't want to admit that the only thing he can see is Victoire.
You just need to wait a little longer, you decide.
So you wait. You watch as he falls for your (perfect) cousin, Victoire. Of course, she feels the same about him. But, that's okay, you decide. He'll realize how he feels for you, one day. Until then you'll wait. He's worth the wait, after all.
A year later, he's still blind to your feelings. He's still with Victoire. Nothing has changed, and you're still wasting your wishes.
But something has changed.
"We have an announcement to make!" Teddy says, standing with Victoire.
It's family dinner at Grandma Molly's again and everyone is there.
You know what they're going to say, before they even say it. You don't spare yourself the pain. You don't want to. You want to hear it for yourself. So you sit there. No one even notices that you've gone deathly pale and rigid. Your grip on your glass of water is deathly tight, but you pay no mind.
"We… We're getting married!" as Victoire says this, Teddy meets your eye. You look away.
Suddenly, with all the women hugging Victoire, and the men congratulating Teddy, you can't breathe. You don't want to. You just want to crawl in a hole somewhere and die.
You stand quickly and run to the door. You don't even try to stop your tears as they fall.
You stand outside on the porch. The normally-blue sky is a dark shade of grey and it's raining hard. Somewhere in the distance, lightning strikes a tree down.
Matches my mood, you think. Before you know it, you drop to your knees and sob. A pair of arms encircles your waist. For a second you hope its Teddy, but when you look, it's not.
It's just Lorcan.
That thought makes you cry harder. He holds you as you sob into his shoulder.
No one inside even knows you two are missing.
During the year it takes to plan the wedding, you get close to getting over Teddy. You know you'd never have been able to do it without Lorcan. He's been your rock through this whole ordeal.
"Come with me?" You ask him a week before the wedding. You've got one more thing to do, before you can be fully over him. Without even asking, he nods and grabs your hand and holds it tightly as you Apparate to an alley near a local muggle hardware store.
You grip his hand tightly and pull him out of the dark alley way and into the store. When you get inside, you ask the first employee you see wear the paint and paint supplies are.
You choose green. Green like the grass. Green like the Slytherin house. Green like leaves.
Green like Lorcan's eyes.
You don't even think about that, as you cover the bright blue up. You just want it gone. You don't want to have to see it anymore. It's a constant memory. One you just want to forget.
Lorcan helps you paint. You two spend all day, just painting. Soon, there's only a small spot of blue left.
Things are silent. You panic. You don't know what to do. You're not ready to get over Teddy. You know you're not. You've spent your whole life pinning for him. You don't know anything else.
You told yourself you'd never give up.
When you tell Lorcan this, in a frenzy of hurried words, he shakes his head at you.
"You're not giving up, Luce. You are moving on. You're recognizing that Teddy is getting married in a week. And not to you," the words seem harsh, but you know he means well.
You understand what he's saying.
So, you shoot him a look. He sees your fear, your pain, the betrayal you feel, and he places his hand over yours, on the paint brush. "Ready?" he asks you.
You nod and together, you slowly lift the paint brush. A tear falls as the two of you paint over the last spot of blue. You know it's for the best.
The next thing you know, the blue is gone. A weight is lifted. You're not over Teddy, at least, not yet. But you feel better.
"It'll be alright, Luce," Lorcan whispers, staring at the drying paint as he grabs your hand and holds it tightly in yours.
"I know," you whisper.
Somehow, you're sure you'll be crying yourself to sleep tonight.
It rains during the wedding. You want to laugh, to jump for joy and be super happy that the weddings ruined, but it's not.
You and you're family are magic. You can just magically move everything inside. No big deal.
And plus, they've already married anyway.
(Kissed just as it starting raining.)
As everyone's running inside, you stand there in the pouring rain. You let it soak your hair and your dress. The dress clings to your thin body uncomfortably, but you don't care.
You throw your hands up in the air and stare at the sky.
"You'll get a cold, you know." a voice says from behind you. A voice you hadn't heard in so long. You expect to get butterflies and to get choked up.
"Teddy," you're shocked. Out of all the people to be out here, it had to be him. "You should be inside with your wife," it doesn't even hurt as badly as you thought it would, to say that.
"I needed to talk to you," he yells above the thunder storm.
Part of you thinks he's going to admit his true feelings, like in the movies. The rest of you don't want that. He belongs to Victoire now, and after almost five years, you're okay with that.
"About?" you ask, turning your head back towards the sky.
"Lorcan," he says, running a hand through his hair. "He… He loves you, Luce."
You're not shocked. Not even remotely. You should be, you know you should be, but you're just not.
Then you realize you need to do something. So you shove past Teddy, pausing, when your back is to him and his is to you. "T-thanks, Teddy. Thank you," you say. Before you know it, you're hugging him. Hugging him tightly.
Maybe you did love him at one point, or maybe you were just in love with the idea of love. But it's different now.
Those feelings have changed. So you hug him tightly, then let go.
"Goodbye, Teddy," you say quietly, standing there for a second,just staring at him, before you run inside the Burrow.
Inside, people are dancing. Everyone you pass stops and stares at you. You know you must look like a mess, with your red hair soaked and tangled, and your dress is sticking to you. You pay no mind, to them.
Your attention is on him.
He was always there, you realize. Always. Just like Teddy broke your heart, you broke his. And you need to fix it.
He's in the middle of a conversation with his twin and your sister. He looks amazing in his white suit, his blonde hair is a mess, like usual. He's never looked better, in your eyes.
You walk calmly up to him. He pauses mid-sentence to look at you in curiosity. You don't speak, you grab his glass of wine and shove it at Molly.
And then you wrap your arms around his neck, pull his face down to yours, and kiss him like there'll be no tomorrow. When he kisses you back passionately, you realize, you'll be alright.
You're so thankful for what happened with Teddy. It helped you realize something you never would have on your own.
You don't love Teddy.
You love Lorcan. And, Lorcan will always be the one for you.
A special thanks to my Twinny, Mi High Lover, for BETAing this :D Thanks so much Twin! (: