Captured souls

by bevino
spring 2011


There's a wind chime not far from my grave. I like the sound of it, and sometimes I reach as far as I can and blow at it just to hear it. None of the others like it though; they say they like it quiet. Jiraiya says he lived his whole life in a chaos and that he is now appreciating the sound of silence. I think mother and father would have liked it, but since they never found their bodies so I can't ask them, even though their names once were written on the stone.

The man on the other side, Fugaku, isn't found of the sound either. Truth is he isn't fond of me at all. So when I blow the wind chime he becomes really irritated. His wife tries to calm him down at the same time she pushes me out of his sight. This isn't easy, since we are stuck here next to each other for eternity, but with a little violence I'm back pouting in my coffin, listening to the decreasing tinkling sound.

I like it because it is soothing. Because it's something more than the sound of old farts yelling at me or telling me dirty jokes. I'm the only one who died young in this part of the cemetery, though technically I'm the oldest person here. When Fugaku is really angry, he tells me that it's a mistake I'm still here. He tells me that he can't wait for the day when they finally open the earth and find me, only to bury someone on top of me. At least then I won't reach the wind chime.

I just stick my tongue out when he says that. I know that won't happen, because dad put a seal on the grave right after I died. Right before he and mom disappeared, and they decided to officially declare them dead. Their names faded away a long time ago now, but because of the seal mine remains. I don't tell Fugaku this because he won't believe in seals and such things. Jiraiya understands, because he was a specialist in history and old folklore when he was alive. He also worked out who I was after just a couple of months – the infamous legendary demon.

I don't talk to the others so much. If I could choose, I would only talk to Jiraiya, but since we are all resting here it's not much I can do.

There's a second reason why I like the wind chime. It's the only thing to do around here, and reaching it at least once a day is my only activity. When I was alive I was always on the go; running, training, fighting. I'm still not used to not doing these things, and the demon inside me isn't either. So with my demon's help, we reach for the wind chime together.

I've been dead like this for hundreds and hundreds of years. I've been resting next to a lot of different people, but other than a certain turnover on bodies next to me nothing happens here, and there are rarely any visitors. The Uchiha-couple is the latest addition; they turned up a couple of years ago, but never have their children visited them (and I think I have a theory why, knowing Fugaku).

At least not until Itachi died.

Itachi, my nemesis. My future slayer, my soul's executioner.

Uchiha fucking Itachi just had to die. And he just had to be buried in the family-grave. Okay, I knew that the Uchiha-clan always was buried in the same place. I've been neighbor with more Uchiha's than I can count. But usually they always had room for one more, because of all the years that passed between the deaths in the family. And that one time that it's wasn't like that, they had some place on the other side of the family-grave where they could put the kid. But nooooo, the most foreseeing man ever alive (at that time) – Uchiha Fugaku – just knew that someday he would thank himself for selling a part of the family-grave to the Hyuugas'.

Which means Uchiha fucking Itachi will be buried next to Fugaku.

I've never heard Fugaku laugh as hard as he did when we heard the grave keepers talking.

And yes, he laughed when he heard that his oldest son had been murdered. He is that kind of man.

Jiraiya tried to comfort me, saying that they couldn't do anything because of the seal. But honestly, I have no idea how that thing works. I know it's kept me hidden for all these years, but I also saw clearly how the grave keeper looked at the grave when she checked the place. I can only assume that I was hidden well enough for someone to just walk past, but not to someone actually looking.

I've never been more scared in my death.

And Fugaku just can't stop laughing.

The first time I saw Sasuke was a couple of weeks after that. My demon and I was just on our daily adventure, reaching for the wind chime, when I heard Mikoto (that's mother Uchiha) start yelling like a crazy person.

"Darling, oh, darling! Look, our darling is here!" We lost our concentration and with a snap my demon and I was pulled back to our grave. I rubbed the back of my head, wondering what the hullabaloo was about. I climbed over the ground again and looked, and I could see both Fugaku and Mikoto surfaced as far as they could with their weaker souls. Through them, I could see a dark-clothed being walking closer with long steps that screamed of annoyance.

He only stayed for a moment, watching his parent's stone for a couple of minutes with a deep frown gracing his face. I could only guess that his frown would've deepened further if he had heard his mother squealing next to him. He quickly walked away with his head held high and hands in his pockets.

I found Sasuke utterly gorgeous.

The black hair with the bangs framing his pale face, and the dark eyes which held so much emotion. The eyebrows furrowed slightly, and a wrinkle between them. A straight nose and light pink lips. Oh, I just wanted to trace my fingers over every detail, feeling the smooth skin and cupping his cheeks. I've been in love once before, but it never struck me at first sight. Well, perhaps not love, but at least some serious attraction.

To my delight, Sasuke returned the very next day. He looked calmer this time, and had a bouquet of gladiolus-flowers in his hand. He stood a moment watching the grave, before sitting down in front of it, placing the flowers in it. Mikoto began to cry, and Fugaku looked very pleased. Sasuke looked out of place.

He looked around quickly, as if to make sure no one was there. Of course there wasn't, and Sasuke began talking, with a voice that made my legs feel weak.

"Itachi's dead, mother, father," he began, nodding respectfully when he addressed his parents. "Murdered, by a partner. They are still investigating, but I don't think they'll find anything. He's still under examination, so he won't be buried for a while. Fucking god this is ridiculous." Sasuke sighed, and I walked up to him, stomping harder when I was on Fugakus' grave (though he didn't seem to care). I sat down next to him, eying Sasuke closely. He's even more beautiful close-up. "Damn therapist," I heard him whisper, and I snickered slightly. Then his head suddenly snapped up and he looked right at me, and I fell back on the ground.

His foot went through my leg as he made his way to my grave, and I quickly crept backwards in sheer panic. I know he didn't really see me, but damn it felt like it. He crouched in front of my stone which now was next to my face and put his hand on it. A shudder went through my whole body as I felt his hand so close to my soul, and everything became somewhat blurred.

"Uzumaki Naruto" he said quietly, brushing my name with his fingertips. This was too much for me. A shock went through me making my body convulse, and in completely madness I reached up and kissed him on the lips. The air pulsed around us and the grass swayed in every direction. Whirls made their way to the wind chime which began to sound piercingly, uncontrollably, with nothing beautiful in it except for the emotion. Suddenly everything was on fire around us, our bodies, our bellies and our lips. Sasuke gasped and fell backwards and I saw stars, because Fugaku had just hit me in my face, and I don't remember Sasuke leaving.

It was a nice couple of days after that, because Fugaku refused to talk to me, or anyway near me for that matter. Which meant it was awfully quiet on my right side. The only times I heard him was when he muttered something about Itachi, and I could only imagine it had something to do with getting rid of me.

My lips still feel tingly when I think about the kiss. I tried to ask Jiraiya about it, if he had any idea of what had happened. The only thing he could think of was that it could have something to do with the demon inside me. Sometimes I wish I could talk to him, but ever since I died I could only sense his feelings deep inside me, and they were as confused as I was.

Sasuke seemed to be busy though, because he hadn't showed. I wondered if he had felt a tenth of what I had felt when I kissed him. I wished he had felt something, because it had been mind-blowing. Perhaps that was what happened when a dead soul kissed an alive one. I had no idea.

I could do nothing but wait until the next time he arrived, which was a week later. It was in the middle of the night when I woke up at the feeling of someone throwing up on me. In rage I flew up to see who the horrible person was.

It was Sasuke.

He was on all fours over my grave, coughing and crying, with an almost empty bottle of expensive wine next to him. I peered over to my right to see if Fugaku and Mikoto had woken up, but it didn't look that way. Jiraiya also seemed to be asleep, if not he just didn't care. But I cared, and I put my hand on Sasuke's head and stroked it soothingly. I could see on his right hand that he had been in a fight, because his knuckles were bruised and slightly bloody. I crept under his face to make sure they hadn't hurt him, but he seemed fine. Teardrops went through my head as I lay underneath him, and they left a weird feeling in my brain. I put my hand behind his neck, trying to will his head closer to mine. His head moved closer, and for one of the first times in my time as dead I enjoyed the fact of not being able to feel taste. I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids, the little wrinkle between his eyebrows, his chin. The same shuddering feeling returned, but not as shockingly this time. It was a small fickle in the air and the wind chime just swung slightly.

Sasuke tensed up for a moment, before relaxing and letting me and the alcohol lull him to sleep. I stayed awake on the ground the whole night, and my soul turned so exhausted in the end that I blacked out. When I woke up, the puke was gone and in its place a single stem of a white bellflower.

I think it was this night that I fell in love with Sasuke. It was so easy to see inside someone's soul when that was all you were.

I like everything about Sasuke.

I feel the rising feeling of panic when I remember that I soon will be replaced by Itachi, which mean that I will no longer exist at all.

I can feel the days of my doom creeping closer. Mostly because Fugaku keeps looking at me with a smirk and the word "soon" at the tip of his tongue.

They didn't find Itachi's killer. Sasuke don't seem to care when he tell his parents this information. I'm not sure exactly why Sasuke keep coming to us (and yes, I say us, because he always gives me a flower too – I think he feels bad for me because his family is robbing me). He doesn't like either of his parents, and he doesn't seem to be very fond of Itachi either. I think he thinks that he is obligated to do it. When Itachi's in the ground I don't think he's ever coming again.

The interment is tomorrow.

I've never felt so cold in my life. I think that if my body was able to, I would feel cold sweat all over my body. Instead, my soul I vibrating slightly, and I almost seem to be blurry. Jiraiya is beside me, and it feels good, knowing I won't be all alone. They opened my grave hours after Sasuke left yesterday, and I feel naked, exposed and scared. I look at the remaining of my body. They didn't use a coffin when they buried me, and the earth has eaten me. I can't believe that my soul still has something to hold onto.

Soon, it won't have to struggle with that anymore. I don't know why – mostly because I never cared – but when a person is buried in top of an old grave, the soul that rested there before vanishes. I've seen it so many times, but I never thought it could happen to me. Perhaps I believed too much in my father's seal.

Nothing matters now anyway. My soul will cease to exist in mere minutes. I wonder where it will go. Is there a life after death? Is there something at all after this?

I will probably never see Sasuke again. I look at him now. I sit in my grave, the only safe place I know; the only place I know at all nowadays. I want to cry. I want to close my eyes and never open them again, but every time my eye lids open I'm back in this dreadful scenario, back to waiting. Sasuke is looking down in the grave with an expression I can't read. I don't try to, because I don't feel good at all. The priest is saying the final words, and everything around me darkens.

The coffin is hovering above me, blocking the light. It slowly comes closer, and Jiraiya pulls away a little, afraid that he too will cease to exist.

It's the feeling of not knowing that is worst. I don't know what will happen, neither of us do. When we are alive we are worried about the day we will die, and when we've passed away we get so comfortable in our deaths that we don't think about the end at all.

I don't want to die.

Not again, I don't ever want to die again.

My life ended so soon, and my death was so long. It doesn't matter, because right now, today, I am not ready at all to die.

The feeling surrounds me, and suddenly the coffin presses upon me and I turn flat, before popping inside it. For a second I'm inside Itachi's coffin, and on the way through I meet a very surprised older version of Sasuke. The moment passes quickly, but I can feel his hand grasp mine as I leave the coffin. There's some strange kind of force pulling me upwards, above the small group of people who have their heads turned towards a hole in the ground and are completely unaware of what's happening above their heads. The wind chime begins to tinkle, but there's no wind moving it. There's wind around me, however, sweeping around me and capturing me inside a cocoon. I get the feeling of not being able to breath, and the wind moves through me. I try to scream, but nothing comes out, and I am pushed around and hugged at the same time.

I want to stay.

I want to stay with Sasuke.

That's the only thing that goes around in my mind as thunder-bolts strike through my body. I catch on fire and water is pouring down from everywhere. I get so aware of my soul that it's earth-shattering.

I want to live.

My demon roars inside me, and suddenly everything explodes and I fall down on the graveyard with a hard thud. My body hurts and my heart is beating painfully inside my chest. Everything is dark and I realize I've closed my eyes. Everything feels so hard and solid, and I am scared but I don't know why.

Inside of me, I feel nothing. I am soulless; I'm a shell of something I'm not sure of.

Breathing is hard, but it works.

The wind chime has fallen silent and the only thing I hear is the sound of advancing foot-steps.

"Are you alright?"

I move my fingers, and when I look at them they seem strangely visible. I'm not even sure I've ever seen them as dead, or if it only was my imagination. It's summer and the dusk is nearing. The sun is low on the sky, and I wonder why I feel the heat of it.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

I don't know how long he tried to get my attention. It could have been seconds, of minutes. It could have been hours for all I know. If he hadn't put his hand on the back of my shoulder I would've never realized that it was me he was talking to, and that it was me that he was seeing.

"Fucking-hell!" I swear in an unholy way. Sasuke quickly pulls his hand away. I slowly sit up, and can conclude that the funeral is over since no one but Sasuke is remaining. I put my hands on my chest, my face and my thighs.

"Are you alright?" Sasuke asks again. I look him in the eye and it feels so weird, knowing that he for some reason can see me. That I for some reason am sitting in the grass on the graveyard I've been buried within for hundreds of years in a concrete body that seems to be pumping blood and all that stuff. That I for some reason am alone for the first time in my life, because the demon inside me is gone.

I look up at Sasuke and nod. I will never understand this. Well, perhaps someday, but certainly not today. I give him a smile, and he offers me a hand and helps me stand. It's wobbly, and he helps me. I have no idea why he does this; he just found a weird person on the ground on the cemetery, and decides to help him. I won't complain. I love Sasuke, and I will make sure that he will love me back sometime in the near future. I lean on his shoulder as he helps me walk, and soon I get used to moving my legs and I try to stand without his help.

Being alive is fantastic.

I have absolutely no other way to describe it.

I have no idea what I will do. I don't know where I will go, or what will happen to me at all. For some reason it seems like I got a second chance and I will make sure to value it.

Sasuke seems to understand that I need his help. Good god I need his help. I've never been outside this graveyard, not in this time. Sasuke is frowning, and I love him for it. I

We slowly walk together towards the exit. I remember how to walk. I remember the times I ran, and I try it as I run back to my grave, which is now Itachi's. They've already replaced the stone, and I promise myself that I will find my own and take care of it. I look at Jiraiya's grave and stroke the rough surface. Sasuke is waiting behind me, and I smirk at his parents' grave. I reach for the wind chime, and the last thing I do before I follow Sasuke, is to ring it as hard as I can, laughing at the alive sound that surrounds me.

The end

I am fully aware of the weirdness of this fanfiction. I can't explain a thing in it; dear reader, do not try to ask me! I have my own way of seeing this and I hope you'll find your own. I never think about death or life, and I apoligize if it's just to hard to understand. But at the same time I hope you at least found it interesting!

Thank you for reading!

With love, bevino