The Callback Collaboration

SCENE ONE: Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. All four guys are there, as well as EDDIE. They have takeout subs and sodas, but most of the coffee table is full of D&D papers, books, and other essentials.

EDDIE: Okay, I brought the DM Guide, the Player's Handbook, and the Monstrous Compendium.

HOWARD: Are they all the advanced second edition?

EDDIE: Yeppers.

HOWARD: Good, because that's what I have for all the books I brought.

SHELDON: But my books are fourth edition.

HOWARD: Yes, well, that doesn't matter, because I'm going to be the Dungeon Master.

SHELDON: I thought I was going to be the Dungeon Master.

(everyone protests at once)

LEONARD: Sheldon, the last time you were DM, you were too controlling.

SHELDON: I made every adventure truly immersive to make it feel more real.

HOWARD: You made me roll a constitution check to see if my dwarf could succeed a bowel movement. When the roll failed, you gave me minus five dexterity for an hour until I could try the roll again.

SHELDON: You ate an unidentified root that you dug up from the dirt, and that has consequences.

EDDIE: Yeah, I vote for Howard as DM. All in favor. (all raise hands but SHELDON)

SHELDON: All opposed. (only he raises his hand) Very well, but when we encounter our first dragon, you'll be sorry that Wolowitz didn't take the time to build the suspense with a precursory immersion of the five senses.

LEONARD: Which lasted half an hour. Raj fell asleep. Then you dragon-roared in his ear to wake him up. He got startled and punched you in the throat.

SHELDON: Yes, I remember. If he didn't have the physical strength of a woodland pixie, I might not be here today.

HOWARD: So it's settled. I'll get my campaign books together, and you guys can roll for character stats.

(everyone gathers around the coffee table while HOWARD goes through his books)

LEONARD: Gentlemen…and Eddie…arm yourselves!

(they all take their dice in hand)

LEONARD: Ready…roll!

(they all toss the dice and fill in the numbers on their character sheets)

SHELDON: Oh, goodie, I can be a mage!

EDDIE: I'm definitely claiming barbarian. With my strength score, I could kill a bugbear bare-handed.

LEONARD: I'll be a ranger, then.

EDDIE: We could use a thief.

LEONARD: What do you have, Raj? (peeks at his paper) Oh… Yeah, I'll be the thief.

EDDIE: Why, what does Raj have?

LEONARD: He could either be a cleric or an enchanted bunny.

RAJESH: (embarrassed over his low scores) …cleric.

EDDIE: Okay, a mage, a barbarian, a thief, and a cleric. That's a pretty good team.

LEONARD: Now we need race picks. I'm thinking hafling.

SHELDON: High-elf.

RAJESH: Human.

EDDIE: I think I'll go for half-orc.

SHELDON: A half-orc is an NPC.

EDDIE: Not according to The Complete Book of Humanoids. Hand it over, Howard. (HOWARD passes it to him) Thanks. (flips to the page) Eat that, mage!

LEONARD: Huh! We're 4H, then. (they stare blankly at him) Hafling, High-Elf, Human, Half-Orc… that's four "h"s. (still blank) We can think of a different team name. Let's get our equipment.

(knock at the door)

LEONARD: It's open!

PENNY: (enters) You guys, I need help! I just got an e-mail about that audition I went to yesterday for "Chicago" the musical, and I got a callback!

LEONARD: That's great!

EDDIE: Yeah, congrats!

PENNY: The thing is, it's tomorrow, and they want me to learn a monologue, and a song, and some choreography, and I could really use some help.

SHELDON: We can't. We're playing Dungeons and Dragons.

PENNY: It's just for today.

SHELDON: But today's Sunday, and Sunday is now established as D&D Day.

LEONARD: We haven't even started, Sheldon. We can start it up next Sunday.

SHELDON: And how can you guarantee that you won't drop it again for another pathetic cry of distress? (to PENNY) Don't you have any other friends who would be better suited to this endeavor?

PENNY: I do… but then I would have to drive, which means I'd have to go fill the gas tank…

LEONARD: What if we take turns, that way we'll have four of us here to play, while one of us is helping Penny. Like, I could help with your monologue.

EDDIE: Raj could help with your choreography. (RAJESH raises his hands like "Why me?") Don't look at me like that. You creamed us all when you rented Just Dance 2.

HOWARD: I could've beaten him if I hadn't pulled a hamstring during "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go".

LEONARD: And Sheldon can play the piano, so he could help with your song.

SHELDON: No, thank you. I've heard her sing. I refuse to subject myself to such audible torture.

PENNY: Audible torture? This from the guy who tried singing 3 Doors Down's "Kryptonite" on Guitar Hero? Yeah, I could hear you from across the hall.

LEONARD: When was that?

SHELDON: (to avoid further embarrassment) Alright, I'll help.

EDDIE: And I can help you pick out a good audition outfit.

PENNY: Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it! Just give me a few minutes to clear some space in my apartment. (heads out)

SHELDON: A few minutes? To clean up that rat's nest?

PENNY: (from out in the hall) You want me to leave your body lying somewhere in the sands of time?

EDDIE: Hey, Howard, does this campaign have access to the sands of time?

HOWARD: No, but I can make it happen.

(theme segment plays)


SCENE TWO: Same as one.

HOWARD: Okay, Sheldor, you can only use the teleportation spell for one game day, and only for the purpose of letting someone out to help Penny.

SHELDON: Got it. What are the magic words?

HOWARD: I don't know, just make something up.

LEONARD: I think with us being so early in the adventure, the first person to be teleported should be Chantel. We shouldn't need her for awhile.

EDDIE: Agreed. Sheldor, teleport Chantel.

SHELDON: Alright. (assumes a meditative state, waving his arms) Rodlehs si taerg!

LEONARD: That's just "Sheldor is great" backwards.

SHELDON: No it's not, it's a teleportation spell. Be gone, Chantel, until I bid you return!

RAJESH: (stands up with a wave, leaving the room)

EDDIE: Okay, Frodo, how are your cartography skills?

LEONARD: Pretty good.

EDDIE: Can I rely on you to keep a map going as we travel?

LEONARD: Yes, sir…ma'am…Thorne Bloodbriar…

EDDIE: Just Thorne is fine.

SHELDON: May I request that we scout the thicket fully before entering the Den of Screams? I'd like to gather some alchemy ingredients, if I can.

EDDIE: Can do. Alright, so we're traveling north and entering the thicket.

HOWARD: (rolls a die) All's quiet so far.

SHELDON: I search for sigyn's wartbloom.

HOWARD: You don't have enough herbalism training to identify it.

SHELDON: But I took a blue potion, which means my intelligence is advanced for one hour.

HOWARD: But if you never learned how to identify it in the first place, it doesn't matter.

SHELDON: Of course it does.

(as they argue)

EDDIE: This is gonna be a long quest, isn't it?

LEONARD: Yup.

EDDIE: (taking a fistful of dice) Wanna play Liar's Dice?

LEONARD: (taking a fistful of dice) Sure.

(cut to Penny's apartment, with PENNY and RAJESH)

PENNY: (on her laptop) Okay, they gave me a link to a YouTube video that'll teach me the choreography for the Cell Block Tango. (loads it; they watch it) Holy crap! How am I supposed to remember all that?

RAJESH: (stands aside in a clear spot of the room, counts off by nodding his head, then does the choreography, perfectly executed)

PENNY: Oh my God, Raj! How did you do that?

RAJESH: (smiles sheepishly with a shrug)

PENNY: So…how do I do it?

RAJESH: (shows her the first move, and she copies; he holds out his hands to make her freeze, then corrects the position of her arm and shows her the full move again; he stands aside and gestures to her; she does the move correctly on her own; he then shows her the next move)


SCENE THREE: Leonard and Sheldon's apartment; HOWARD and SHELDON's fighting has built to shouting.

HOWARD: It only enhances the intelligence you already possess!

SHELDON: Then what would be the point of a blue potion?

HOWARD: It helps you think faster, more clearly, gives you a better dice roll!

SHELDON: Then why can't I roll to see if I can identify the plant?

HOWARD: Because you don't know what the plant looks like!

EDDIE: (topping their combined volume) Would you shut up? (rolls a die) There. I just disastrously failed to build a campfire, and now the thicket is burning down.

HOWARD: What did you roll? (leans over to look at her dice) Holy crap.

LEONARD: Come on, let's go in the Den of Screams.

SHELDON: But what about the woodland creatures? We must lead them to safety!

EDDIE: Sheldor, you can stay and free the animals. We're going into the Den.

(silence for a moment; SHELDON is consulting his list of spells)

HOWARD: Unless you can summon a rainstorm, Sheldor, you're going to be toast in thirty seconds.

(RAJESH enters the apartment)

SHELDON: I summon back Chantel. Quick, conjure a healing rain!

RAJESH: (sits and rolls a die, grins)

HOWARD: (looks at his roll) Yep, he got it. The fire will be completely extinguished, but you have to hold the spell for three minutes.

RAJESH: (rolls again, gives a thumbs up)

HOWARD: Chantel has successfully extinguished the fire.

SHELDON: Great. Now I'll see if I can conjure up a safe campfire so we can dry off after the rain.

EDDIE: (to LEONARD) You might as well go help Penny.

LEONARD: Sure. (gets up and heads for the door)

SHELDON: Wait a minute, I didn't teleport you! Just wait until I'm done with the campfire… (rolls) Rats! (rolls again) Rats! (rolls again) Rats!

EDDIE: (to LEONARD) Yeah, I may not be here when you get back.

LEONARD: I'll try not to be gone too long. (leaves)

SHELDON: (rolls again) Ah, there we go! A nice campfire. Now… Where'd Frodo go?

EDDIE: To help Penny. Now come on, let's go in the Den.

SHELDON: But I didn't teleport him to safety.

EDDIE: Fine, then, he went ahead into the Den without us, and I'm going in too.

SHELDON: But we're not dried off yet.

RAJESH: (points to something on his character sheet)

SHELDON: Oh! And Chantel has potatoes that we can roast over the fire while we dry off!

EDDIE: …Yeah, I'll see you in the Den.

HOWARD: As soon as you set foot inside the Den, you're attacked by something hiding in the shadows. Roll for initiative.

EDDIE: Finally! (rolls)

SHELDON: (he and RAJESH are miming roasting potatoes on skewers over a fire) This is very pleasant.

RAJESH: (smiles and nods)

(cut to Penny's apartment, where LEONARD is sitting while PENNY is standing to deliver her monologue)

PENNY: You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie—Bernie liked to pop gum.

LEONARD: No, not pop, chew.

PENNY: No, not pop, chew. So I said to him, I said if you chew that gum one more time…

LEONARD: No, not chew, pop.

PENNY: I said if you chew that gum one more time, no not chew, pop…

LEONARD: No, no it's not… (waving his hands as a sign to start over, he reads) You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie—Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew, pop.

PENNY: So it is pop?

LEONARD: No, it's chew. Chew, then pop.

PENNY: Bernie liked to chew then pop gum?

LEONARD: No, it's… (shows her the script)

PENNY: Oh, I got it! Yeah, I remember now, okay… You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie—Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew—pop. So I come home this one day and I'm really irritated and looking for a little sympathy, and there's Bernie laying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing. No, not chewing—popping. So I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time…" And he did! So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots…into his head. (finished) So? How is it?

LEONARD: It's really good! Um…

PENNY: What um?

LEONARD: It's just very, you do it like you're talking about something that happened at the Cheesecake Factory, you know? It doesn't sound like…you're talking about…how you murdered someone.

PENNY: You're right. I see that. Okay, I'll try again. (in character) You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like Bernie—Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew—pop. So I come home this one day and I'm really irritated…

LEONARD: Uh…

PENNY: What?

LEONARD: It's better, but…it just doesn't really sound like you're that irritated.

PENNY: (in character) So I come home this one day and I'm really irritated…

LEONARD: Maybe try…try thinking of something that really irritates you, like something that always just drives you crazy.

PENNY: (thinking) I guess I could think of, you know, how I get irritated as a struggling artist who works as a waitress.

LEONARD: Actually, I was thinking more like any time you ever gave Sheldon a ride to work.

PENNY: (there's a visible change as she thinks of it) Oh, that's good. I can work with that.

LEONARD: Okay, now do it!

PENNY: (in character) You know how people have these little habits that get you down?

LEONARD: (helping direct her as she acts) Like Sheldon's backseat driving.

PENNY: Like Bernie—Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew—pop.

LEONARD: (imitating Sheldon) Penny, you're driving too fast!

PENNY: So I come home this one day and I'm really irritated and looking for a little sympathy, and there's Bernie laying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing. No, not chewing—popping.

LEONARD: Penny, slow down for the speed bumps!

PENNY: So I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time…" And he did!

LEONARD: Penny, your "check engine" light is on!

PENNY: (her irritation has built to near-madness) So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots…into his head!

LEONARD: (recoils for a moment in fear, then smiles and claps) That was perfect!

PENNY: Thank you!

(back to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment; SHELDON and RAJESH mime eating the potatoes off their skewers as EDDIE is furiously rolling her dice)

EDDIE: Okay, I got the first one for five, the second one for eight…the third I missed by three.

HOWARD: You lose six more hit points.

SHELDON: Mmm! Mine's done just right!

EDDIE: Will you guys get over here and help? I'm almost dead!

SHELDON: We're too far away from the Den to hear you.

EDDIE: How far away is it?

HOWARD: About a hundred yards.

EDDIE: (takes a deep breath, then yells at the top of her lungs) Get over here and help me, you idiots!

(RAJESH appears to be terrified, while SHELDON calmly holds a hand to his ear)

SHELDON: I think I hear Thorne Bloodbriar's voice. Sounded like she was in trouble. Let's investigate.

EDDIE: You damn well better!

LEONARD: (enters the apartment; he warily asks) What'd I miss?

EDDIE: I'm being killed by a horde of golems while the mage and cleric have a nice little boy scout outing!

LEONARD: Well, then Sheldor, teleport me back in. (sits down)

SHELDON: You left the room before I could teleport you out.

LEONARD: So where am I?

HOWARD: Lying dead on the Den floor.

LEONARD: What?

HOWARD: Thorne used you as a body shield.

LEONARD: You what?

EDDIE: I'm sorry, Frodo, I had no choice! Smelldor and Mae West wouldn't help me!

RAJESH: (to SHELDON) Who's Mae West?

HOWARD: (rolls) …and you just died from that ruptured spleen you got from the third golem.

EDDIE: Thank God! (gets up and crosses to the door, but turns to glare at SHELDON and RAJESH and say) When I get back from helping Penny, my ghost is gonna haunt you guys something fierce! (leaves, slamming the door behind her)

RAJESH: Come on, Sheldon, cover me while I go in to resurrect them.

SHELDON: Resurrect who?

RAJESH: Thorne and Frodo.

SHELDON: They're dead?

RAJESH: They just said…!

SHELDON: We're a hundred yards away from the Den yet, we don't know any of that.

(LEONARD turns on the TV)

SHELDON: What are you doing? (no response) Leonard?

LEONARD: I'm sorry, I can't hear you, because my name is Frodo, and I'm in the afterlife now.


SCENE FOUR: Penny's apartment, where PENNY and EDDIE are going through her closet and dresser drawers.

PENNY: So I'm not sure if I should go for color.

EDDIE: No, in the Cell Block Tango, everyone's always wearing black. Just a tank top and shorts. Something in character, but that's also comfortable enough to move around in.

PENNY: I know I have a black tank, and I think I have some black shorts in here… (rifles through her drawers) So how's the game going?

EDDIE: Let's just say we've been playing for almost two hours, and in the game, it's only been about fifteen minutes. Bru-tal. How's rehearsing coming along?

PENNY: Good! You were right about Raj, that little guy sure can move. And Leonard's directing was so on-point. I'm really starting to feel good about it. (pulls out a black pair of shorts) These?

EDDIE: Yeah, those'll work.

PENNY: What about shoes?

EDDIE: Probably heels. They usually wear heels for this number. And if you can do the choreography in heels, it'll be that much more impressive.

PENNY: Yes, good plan. Do you do acting?

EDDIE: I used to in high school.

PENNY: None in college?

EDDIE: (shrugs) Never went to college.

PENNY: Oh. Really? You just seemed like…I mean, being a writer and everything…

EDDIE: I was just never that interested. I mean, it might have been fun taking literature courses and stuff like that, but I was done with math and science. No way I could take four more years of that torture.

PENNY: Have you…ever said any of that to the guys?

EDDIE: Oh hell no, I know better.

PENNY: So, I don't get it. You don't like math or science, and playing dragons with them is so brutal, so…why do you hang out with them?

EDDIE: I guess I don't necessarily dislike math or science, so much as I just sucked at those classes. And I play brutally boring D&D with them because no one else plays D&D, or does any of the other stuff I like to do. I mean, really…

PENNY: What?

EDDIE: Since I moved out here, they're the only friends I've found to hang out with. Gives me an excuse to leave the house once in awhile. And they're a good bunch of guys.

PENNY: Oh. Well, anytime you want to take a break from geeky games to go shopping or watch movies, you can hang out with me.

EDDIE: Good to know. (checks her outfit) Yeah, that should work. Just be sure to practice your choreography in those shoes.

PENNY: No problem. (tries the beginning of the choreography and stumbles) Yeah, I'll get it.

EDDIE: (heading to the door) I guess that leaves Sheldon as your final coach.

PENNY: Yeah, give me a minute to find the tequila, then you can send him over.

EDDIE: Got it.

(cut to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. As EDDIE enters, everyone is yelling over each other; RAJESH is lying in a fetal position, his eyes wide)

EDDIE: (barking over the noise) Hey! HEY! (they quiet down) What is going on?

SHELDON: Leonard got us lost in the Den of Screams.

LEONARD: I didn't get you lost, you just didn't follow me, even though I have the map.

SHELDON: Just let me look at the map!

LEONARD: You can't see the map! We're in completely different chambers!

EDDIE: Enough, you two! Look what you've done to Chantel! (kneels down next to him to make eye contact) It's okay, dear, Thorne Bloodbriar's here.

RAJESH: (seems to "come to", sits up, and hugs EDDIE, crying) Thank Krishna, you've come back!

EDDIE: (to the others) You see this? You see what you've done? Howard, where am I?

HOWARD: Instead of resurrecting you, they just carried your body along to wait until you got back from Penny's.

EDDIE: They carried a half-orc all over a dungeon?

HOWARD: They got some darn lucky strength check rolls.

SHELDON: And sometimes we used you to prop a door open.

HOWARD: You're with Chantel and Frodo now.

EDDIE: Okay, here's how it's going down: Chantel, resurrect me. Sheldor, teleport out. It's your turn to help Penny, anyway. Leonard, lead us to where Sheldor's been so we can all meet up when he teleports back. Move! Now!

(LEONARD studies the map while SHELDON stands up)

SHELDON: Rodlehs si taerg! Now I can get my keyboard. (crosses to his room to get it)

EDDIE: Umm…Raj…you're gonna hafta let me go now. (pries herself out) Okay, then. Better?

RAJESH: (nods)

EDDIE: Okay. Resurrect me now.

RAJESH: (nods and rolls his dice)

(SHELDON comes back out, carrying his keyboard and wearing his noise-cancelling headphones)

SHELDON: I must say, I am not looking forward to this.

LEONARD: Uh, Sheldon, if Penny sees you wearing those for her singing coaching, she'll probably beat them off your head.

SHELDON: (not having heard him, opens the door) See you in a bit. (leaves and closes the door)

LEONARD: Do we have to bother finding him? He's going to get killed anyway.

HOWARD: (on a laptop) I'm still working on a way to get the sands of time in here…I'm consulting a fan-written RPG module for the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time movie. I might be able to work something out.

(cut to Penny's apartment. SHELDON has the keyboard set up at her counter, with him sitting on a stool)

PENNY: Okay, I printed off the sheet music they gave me: a copy for me, a copy for you.

SHELDON: (sneers) "Chicago". If my mother knew that I was helping my friend audition for a vaudeville burlesque show, she'd have me exorcised.

PENNY: She won't find out. It'll be fine. And I'll really appreciate it.

SHELDON: Very well. Are you ready?

PENNY: Yes.

SHELDON: Alright. (begins playing)

PENNY: (refers to her own copy, singing) He had it coming, he had it coming, he only…

SHELDON: (stops playing) Wrong.

PENNY: What?

SHELDON: See the lyrics? The "g"s are cut off the ends of the words.

PENNY: Oh, right. Okay. Start again. (SHELDON starts playing again; she sings) He had it comin', he had it comin', he only had himself to blame. If you'd of been there, if you'd of seen it…

SHELDON: (stops playing) Wrong.

PENNY: What now?

SHELDON: It's "have". Would "have", not would "of". While it is a common grammatical error, it makes no sense whatsoever. How can you "of" been there? How can anyone "of" been anywhere?

PENNY: I'm sorry, alright? Can we keep going?

SHELDON: Didn't Leonard work with you on this when you did your monologue? No, of course he didn't. If you can't get the speech right in the song, how can you expect to have it right in the monologue? Maybe we should rework the monologue before we continue the song. (gets up from the stool)

PENNY: No! Sit!

(SHELDON sits, then tries discreetly to reach for his noise-cancelling headphones)

PENNY: Put those on, and I'm getting my shotgun off the wall!

SHELDON: (looks frantically around) You have a shotgun?

PENNY: …No…it's just an expression.

SHELDON: (up from the stool) Do you even have a license to possess a firearm? Are you under the radar?

PENNY: It's from my monologue.

SHELDON: (still growing frantic) Is there a motion detector or a tripwire that I might get caught in?

PENNY: (sighs) Sheldon, there is no gun in here! (as SHELDON's paranoia comes to a peak, she carefully puts her hands on his shoulders) Sheldon, I promise you, I don't have a gun. I just said I did because I was upset. I'm sorry.

SHELDON: (calming down) Really?

PENNY: I swear on my favorite Prada rip-off shoes that there is no gun here. Okay?

SHELDON: Okay.

PENNY: I'm sorry I mentioned it.

SHELDON: Alright. (sits down)

PENNY: Isn't there anything you'd like to apologize to me for?

SHELDON: (putting on the headphones) What? I can't hear you. (starts playing the song) Alright, from the top!

(cut to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. EDDIE and RAJESH are having a thumb war while LEONARD is reheating pizza in the kitchen)

HOWARD: You know, when I was a Dungeon Master in college, I would make notes during our sessions and then write it into a blog of adventure stories. It had over two hundred followers and almost three hundred views a day…

EDDIE: Ha! That's one for me, Chantel!

RAJESH: (waves his hand dismissively)

EDDIE: Yeah, I know one out of five. So I'll go for two out of six, come on!

HOWARD: (mock-writing a blog entry) The barbarian half-orc, battered and bloodstained, vanquished the cleric in a bout of thumb fortitude… Yeah, this has to be lamest D&D session ever.

LEONARD: While the pizza's reheating, we can play dilly dally duck!

EDDIE: Play what?

LEONARD: You know, where you sit in a circle and clap the hands of the one next to you, and try not to be the last one slapped.

EDDIE: Oh, you mean crocodile moray.

LEONARD: What?

EDDIE: Just come sit. Howard, you wanna join?

HOWARD: (incredulous) Are you kidding? This is the most…it's…yeah, okay, I'm in. (gets up from the couch and joins them) I know this great version called "Qua de la oma"…

SHELDON: (enters the apartment with two orange blots of paint on his forehead) Penny's ready for her callback.

LEONARD: What happened to you?

SHELDON: She took her paintball gun off the wall and fired two warning shots at my head. At least, that's what she called them, but I don't think she really understands the concept of a warning shot. (crosses to his desk and gets a baby wipe to clean the paint from his head; he then notices the way they're sitting) Oh, you're playing Stella Ella Ola! I want to play!

EDDIE: Sure, scoot in.

SHELDON: Just a second. (opens his desk drawer, takes out a pair of disposable gloves, and puts them on; then he sits with them) Okay, I'm ready. Just, nobody slap too hard.

EDDIE: Okay, but which version do we do?

ALL ANSWER: Klingon.


SCENE FIVE: The following day. Everyone is lined up in the hallway between the apartments, waiting for Penny.

LEONARD: How do you think it went?

SHELDON: Given her temperament when I was working with her, and taking into consideration the violent nature of the character she's portraying, I'd say she likely did quite well.

HOWARD: I never even got to see her do it.

EDDIE: The Cell Block Tango? Yeah, she made it my mission to make sure that you didn't see it.

HOWARD: (whine) What?

RAJESH: (to HOWARD, gleefully smug) It was totally hot!

LEONARD: Aw, I only got to do the monologue. I didn't get to see the dance.

HOWARD: Oh, please, you're beyond seeing Penny do a hot dance. You get no sympathy.

EDDIE: (to LEONARD) You and Penny? Were you like a couple?

LEONARD: Yeah, for awhile.

EDDIE: Atta boy, Frodo! You know, I kinda figured you two had something like that at some point. You two just have that sort of Sam-Witwicky-Mikaela-Banes vibe going on.

LEONARD: Really?

HOWARD: I always saw it as more of a Screech-Powers-Lisa-Turtle kind of vibe.

(PENNY comes up the stairs and is startled when she sees them all there)

PENNY: Holy crap! You guys nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing?

LEONARD: We wanted to see how your callback went.

PENNY: Oh, it went great! I got everything down perfectly!

(everyone congratulates her at once)

PENNY: Yeah…it's just too bad that the director of "Annie" couldn't use me…

EDDIE: What?

PENNY: I read the date wrong off the e-mail. The callback isn't until tomorrow. I wound up walking in on an audition session for "Annie". I think I scared a couple of the orphans with my shotgun monologue…

HOWARD: Well, hey, that gives you another day to practice!

PENNY: Yeah, and it was nice to know that I could do it when the pressure's on.

HOWARD: Maybe you should do your audition for us, you know, to practice in front of an…

PENNY: Not even if you were the director of the show, Howard. (unlocks her door) Thanks again for all your help, guys, really. (goes into her apartment, closing the door behind her)

(SHELDON opens the door to his apartment, and the guys begin filing in)

RAJESH: (trying to console HOWARD) I could show you the dance. (HOWARD grimaces) What? I still know how it goes.