Unexpected Sanity


Stephanie Plum

Pairings: Stephanie/Ranger, Tank/Lula

Rating: Eventually NC-17

Spoilers: Anything & everything up through Sizzling Sixteen is fair game…I can never remember what book what stuff happens in.

Disclaimer: Not mine Stephanie and her world belong to Janet Evanovich, which if you are reading the fanfiction…you probably already knew.


^Spoken Aloud Thoughts^


^^I can't believe this happened. I mean I thought Grandma Bella hated me. So why did she call me and tell me to meet her. This isn't good. This restaurant is on the wrong side of Trenton, no one will look for me here if she puts the eye on me and makes me choke on my food. Oh crap, she's here. I better stand when she gets to the booth, that's respectful, right?^^

Apparently, when Bella Morelli decides to have a one on one discussion with you, she's actually alright. I mean she didn't start in with the curses or visions, or anything, as soon as the waiter finished taking our orders, she got straight to her point. "I don't like you. I don't want you with my Grandson Joseph. Look I really don't like you, but I do respect you, I respect you enough to tell you. You and my grandson are no good for each other. You poison one another. Joey is looking for someone like Angela, or like your mother Helen. You, you are not them- you are Edna. My Joey, he's stubborn. You are stubborn. He likes you so he tries to force you to change, to be what he wants. Love, love isn't changing everything about a person. Love is accepting and supporting who the person actually is."

"The two of you have been toxic for each other since you were 16. But one day Helen and Joesph will convince you to marry him. Then you'll make each other miserable. Joey will turn into his father and his grandfather. But you aren't Angela, you aren't me. When Joey cheats, or he hits you…you will kill him. Or your friend the Cubano-he'll destroy him and I won't even have a body to bury. Please. I'm asking you-stop seeing my grandson. Let him go find some girl who will be all the things he wants her to be."

She stopped talking for a minute and I thought she was finished. But no, she'd just seen the waiter approaching. I guess she didn't want any witness to what she had to say to me. Cause the second he left she jumped back in with both feet.

"I don't even know why you are still with Joseph. He's not exactly the most…" She struggled to find the words. "Well, look if you were my granddaughter and someone was treating you like my Joey treats you…I'd kill him in his sleep. There is no dating; the only place he ever takes you is Pino's. I've heard the way he asks you to come over…the boys miss you…pah. And then the only other places you are seen together are your crime scenes. He's always berating you and dismissing your opinion…you were the one who cleared His, OUR GOOD NAME. But no he treats you like a dingbat. And Mine GOD…after I heard about his behavior when the police wanted you arrested for the murder of your ex-husband. And he KNEW the man was still alive. I don't even like you and I had to yell at him for that."

"Umm Thanks." I said as politely as I could.

"No thanks are necessary. My Joey is a good man. But a man still. Sometimes they all lack common decency. You need to ask yourself a few questions. If my Joey is so determined to turn you into a 'burg wife, why does he not court you like a 'burg wife should be courted. Do you think this is how the Stankovic boy courted your friend, the Molnar girl? Do you think this is how your father courted Helen…mine God, even your Grandfather courted Edna better than Joey courts you. Have there been dinner dates to Rossini's? Nights of dancing? Does he bring you flowers? No. Now I love my grandson…but he's been a cazzo to you since you were six years old."

^^I guess my shock showed on my face. I had no idea Grandma Bella knew those kinds of words…let alone knew about choo-choo.^^

"Yes, I knew…I expected your mother to come over and raise a fuss, get Joey in trouble. I was shocked that she punished you instead…I know you shouldn't have done it but you were 6 for Christ's sake. Then there was that debacle where he wrote about you all over Trenton. He told his dad he was laying his claim, so you'd still be his when he got back. Instead you broke his leg and refused to have anything to do with him. I can tell you, it was lucky for him that he shipped out the next day. Frank showed up the day after Joey left with a 45. Your grandfather Mazur was with him, he had that cannon Edna keeps in her purse now."

I know she saw the shock on my face after that. But instead she just shook her head. "You have helped Joey clear his name, and with his cases, yet all he does is berate you and act like a piazzaiolo." By this point the waiter was back with our food. Bella Morelli and I actually had a pleasant lunch, somehow she got me to tell her how I really felt about the way Joe 'seduces' me.

I'll admit it, there are times when I think Joe confuses how he treats me with what he claims are Ranger's motives. So I said this to HIS grandmother. "Joe is always saying the Ranger is only after one thing, and when he gets bored, it will be on to the next one…but Joe only calls me when he's arrapato. At crime scenes all he does is yell at me, doesn't even ask if I'm ok. It's so embarrassing and I have to work with those cops all the time. Probably it's completely dysfunctional."

When Lunch was finished, I picked up the check. I was pretty flush right now, thanks to the late summer/early fall FTA boom…besides old ladies are always nearing broke, right? As I walked her to her car…that's respectful right? She gave me a deep, deep look "I've said my piece. I want my Joey with a nice 'burg girl who will give me great grand children. You aren't that girl. Let him go…and you, you can fly."

^^As soon as she pulled off, I went home. The files can wait 'til tomorrow. I need my thinking position now.^^

Italian Translations

** cazzo=Vulgar term for Penis

** piazzaiolo=Pejorative term for a coarse vulgar fellow

** arrapato=Horny or ready for sex