So I was totally surprised at the lack of Easy A fanfics, seeing as how the movie is BRILLIANT, so I decided to write my own!
I don't own any of the movies referenced in this fic, nor do I own Easy A or any of its characters. Just so y'all know.
Well, here I am again, here at , speaking to all you teeming masses again. Yeah, I know, I'm just as surprised as you are. I mean, webcasts just aren't my thing. Webcasts are for fat, pale guys with skinny wrists who are still living in their mom's basement at forty-five, but they're the fastest way to defuse gossip, so, yeah, I'm here again. No, I'm not debunking any scandalous tales this time, nor am I here to favor you with the details of Woodchuck Todd's and my little date. No, I just thought I'd tell you some things I've learned.
Remember when I told you that my life was not a '80s movie? I lied to you. It's Lucas, and I'm Corey Haim. Oh, sure, I'm not scrawny, I don't wear glasses, and I didn't almost get murdered on the football field after foolishly trying out for the team, and I certainly didn't have Charlie Sheen for a best friend (for which I am extremely grateful). But I did lie like he did. Not about my house or my family, no, but I did lie, and it didn't work any better for me than it did for good ole' Lucas. Oh, I still retained my friends, but you know what? I didn't have 'em for a while, and 'tis worse to have had and lost friends than to never have lost at all. Poetic, eh? Yeah, it wasn't fun being Corey, but I'm pretty sure Lucas was never intended to be a laff riot. I guess I should be grateful that that was all it was, though. At least I didn't have Christian Slater trying to get me to drink Drano or Michael J. Fox shredding my back with his wolf claws or Chevy Chase taking me on the road trip from hell. Sure, Anthony Michael Hall was cute, but ya know, he wasn't that cute.
Another thing I've learned is that people, for all their stupidity (and believe me, there's a lot of it floating around here), are essentially good, at least most of them. I mean, look at it this way. Why else would Todd have given me a ride home from the Lobster Shack that fateful night? Why else would Rihanna have made up with me? Why else would Mr. Griffith even be teaching me? Heck, if you want to go further, and I hope you do, 'cuz I'm not done yet, why else would Old Man Gibbons not expel me? I mean, if every person on earth were scum, the way we usually act, we'd all be a lot worse off than we are now, you know? It's hard to see, but goodness is there. I think.
Well, I guess that's it for this broadcast of Olive on Tour. Boring? Probably, but do I care? Not so much. So, 'till next time, if there is a next time, this is Olive Penderghast, signing off. Remember to tip your waitresses, be good, peace out, be happy, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda… see ya!