A/N: And we're back for another chapter! In this installment of 'Obviously', the author revealed that she lied in the previous chapter about there being Seifer and possible Cleon among other things in this chapter, simply because this one got too damn long.

You guys should thank the fact that this chapter is out on the fact that my allergies are acting up and I fell down the stairs to the theater yesterday and twisted my ankle (Iamsuchaclutzomfg) so I stayed home today. ANYWAYS, I know this has taken a while again but fff hope you guys enjoy it anyway.


Chapter 13: Meet the Jetsons

Cloud Strife was a man of few words, a short temper if you pushed the right buttons, and a relatively level head most days—so he liked to think. He had grown immune to average, day to day annoyances after being raised side by side with his twin cousins who made a habit out of plotting against him and a younger sister who had kept her plotting under wraps until his high school years where he went on many a date against his will. Then there was his parents, one of which made it her daily goal to piss the other off, something that she always did successfully. The sanest one out of the motley crew was probably his Aunt, though her husband often had the some of the same irritating tendencies as his mom and his Aunt had a no bullshit tolerance, no matter how sweet she appeared to be on the outside.

So, yes, Cloud was practically immune to the annoyances that were his family members, or had at least tricked himself into believing he was. In all actuality, he had just made it a habit of shoving metaphorical cotton in his ears. But it was still nice to have the house to himself every once in a while.

Despite the fact that most people saw him as a tall and intimidating 'I-eat-kittens' sort of person, he liked to sing in the shower like a fifteen year old girl. And that's exactly what he did each and every time. He belted out the lyrics to whatever trashy pop song that had been blaring from the radio on his drive down to Twilight Town, because the station he had been listening to seemed to be under the impression that there were only three songs in existence.

As he sung, scratching shampoo across his scalp and through thick golden locks, he failed to notice the slight whining of hinges as the bathroom door was opened and the quiet padding of feet across the tile floor. Only when the shower curtain was violently ripped open did he do much of anything.

And that consisted of screaming bloody murder and falling against the back shower wall, using his arms to brace himself and doing nothing to cover up his manhood. Unfortunately, the lecherous silver-haired man before him dropped his gaze southward almost instantly before glancing back up to wink at Cloud.

"Real nice, babe." The man drawled, green eyes glimmering with mirth. Cloud lunged.

The two had grown up together, however, and Cloud's tactics were more than predictable to the other man who quickly skipped backwards and ducked out of the room. He snatched up the suitcase left outside the.

"Dammit, Kadaj!" Cloud roared, attempting to wrap a towel around his waist as he sprinted down the stairs after the other man. He never was one to bring clothing into the bathroom with him, stripping in his bedroom beforehand and getting dressed afterwards in the same fashion, but regretted it now that Kadaj had his wardrobe for the next week with him in the suitcase he dragged roughly.

"You're back and you didn't even come visit!" Kadaj shouted over his shoulder, knocking over a coffee table as he ran by in an attempt to block Cloud's path. "This is your punishment!"

The blond leaped over the furniture just barely, towel slipping slightly as he did so. He felt his heel clip something and the shattering of glass was cringe-worthy. "I got back at like 1 a.m.!"

"Excuses!" Kadaj finally reached the front door, ripping it open and sprinting out into the blinding afternoon sun. Cloud had long since given up on any sense of humility, but began to form a plan of torture for being forced to practically go streaking. On the college campus it was one thing, but through the quiet, suburban streets of Twilight Town was an entirely different situation. What if Little Old Merryweather and her crazy sisters saw him? They'd never objected to throwing rocks at him before and certainly wouldn't hold back now, given actually reason to this time.

And then there was the problem of his cousins and co. standing on the front stoop.

"Hey, Cloud," Roxas greeted, smug smile on his smug little face. Kadaj seemed to have already barreled through them and was having a bit of trouble getting through the grass. Cloud took comfort in knowing that if any patches came up missing, Aunty Serah would have no restraints or regrets when killing the silver-haired man. Sure, Kadaj's father might be slightly upset, but the blonde's mom was usually pretty good at handling him.

He gave a stiff nod to his cousin, conjuring possible bribes that would ensure the sealed lips of the group, before turning a steely gaze to Riku who was smirking just as smugly as Roxas. Fuckers. "I hope you aren't too attached to you brother," And with that he was off, one hand fastened tightly on the towel at his waist as he chased after Kadaj who was making his way down the sidewalk like a madman.

"That was Cloud's butt," Sora muttered back on the porch, dazed after he stared after his cousin who's towel had slipped as he leaped from the porch.

"It was, indeed," Roxas nodded solemnly beside his brother, staring off in the same direction. After a few moments of silence he turned abruptly and lugged his suitcase through the still open front door. "It's gotten pasty,"

"I told him he needs to stop holing himself in his apartment all the time," Sora said matter-o-factly as he followed behind his brother. "He needs to get some sun! A tan!"

"I don't know how well people will take to him walking around naked for that tan to happen,"

"No one seems to be objecting now," Riku drawled as he slipped off his shoes. Roxas laughed, turning to respond when he noticed Axel's thoroughly confused look.

"Cloud's our cousin, the one in the towel. The cackling , psycho-maniac was one of Riku's older brothers: Kadaj," he explained.

"I can see the resemblance," Axel nodded, because, really, it was almost freaky how similar they looked. The same moonlit locks and aquamarine eyes—the only real difference seemed to be the different cheek bones, Kadaj's more narrowed eyes and slightly thinner lips.

Riku huffed as if being born into his family had been the bane of his existence. Hell, it might've been. They could've performed some creepy voodoo shit on him all throughout his childhood since he was the youngest—that would explain why he was such an egotistical asshole now (not that Axel could talk). In reality, Riku was just looking for the love he never had but because of the trauma he had been subject to as a child, he came off as having an abrasive and arrogant exterior. Underneath it all, there was still a small child hugging a worn rabbit stuffed animal—his only friend—and crying, waiting for someone to pull him from the darkness.

And Axel just so happened to eat bullshit for breakfast and spew it randomly throughout the day.

"At least they're all attractive," Sora chirped, earning a glare from Riku that was easily ignored. "Imagine how badly it would suck if you had to deal with them harassing you all the time and have to look at their hideous faces!"

"Yeah, just think how I feel," Roxas said with a small smirk.

"Hey!" Sora squawked indignantly. Roxas only laughed, grabbing Axel by the wrist and pushing past the brunet who stood in the empty doorway that allowed entrance into the rest of the house.

"Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house. Mom and Dad should be around her somewhere, too,"

Axel felt his heart jump at the prospect of meeting the blonde's parents. He had never been particularly good with people's families, not because of a lack of trying or the incapability to put on a fake, charismatic smile, but because his flaming spikes, piercings, and tattoos came into view, they generally made up their mind in the direction of Axel being a hazard, no good for their son or daughter.

"This is the living room, nothing special here," Roxas said, motioning in the general direction of the room the entryway opened up into. Axel got the distinct feeling that this wasn't going to be a tour, as much as a point and state the obvious before continuing on their merry way. Before he was dragged along, he got glimpses of picture frames on the opposite wall, a mounted plasma TV, a grey couch in the shape of an 'L', and a staircase that split the wall it was pressed against in half.

Then they were in the kitchen, a bright burgundy color adorning the walls along with chrome appliances and finishing. It was here that the blonde released his grip (much to Axel's disappointment—the blonde's hands were surprisingly soft, something he had been too distracted to notice all other times or was too busy nursing a new bruise after being slapped or punched to notice) and made a bee line around an island to the fridge where a note was attached with a round blue magnet.

"Dear Cloud," Roxas read under his breath, "Claire and I have gone out to the store and taken our charges—" he snorted at this—"with us so they don't break anything or send you on a homicidal rampage. Should be back by 5. Love, Aunty Serah,"

Turning to face the redhead who had taken to examining the kitchen, he glanced at the stovetop clock. "My parents won't be back for another half an hour, my aunts are with them, too,"

Axel sighed in relief, not as discretely as he had hoped, apparently.

"Are you nervous?" Roxas laughed mockingly.

Axel frowned. He had every right to be nervous; there was a high possibility that he would return to Hollow Bastion missing a left nut, considering this was Roxas' parents he was dealing with. If they didn't like him, it was plausible that they would just seek to exterminate him permanently, considering the blonde's own violent tendencies. Then again, it was Sora's parents, too. Maybe Roxas was the black sheep of the family and everyone else was going around handing each other handfuls of sunshine with sides of love, peace, and happiness. Or maybe they were nothing like either of their children and were instead some form of mad scientists who dissected the brains of everyone the twins brought home so they could implant a chip that would—


He jumped and glanced at the blonde who was standing with his hand on his hip and an amused smile tugging at his mouth. "You don't need to be nervous," he said in a surprisingly reassuring tone. Axel shrugged. "And who cares if they don't—they hardly put up with Seifer as it is. One of my Aunt's 'accidently' knocked him unconscious when I first brought him home,"

Ignoring the oddity of being compared to the blonde's boyfriend and making a mental note to befriend whatever aunt who had done the world a great justice so they could plot against Seifer at a later date, he muttered, "But I want them to like me,"

"Well then they will. You don't have anything to dislike—except for being hella annoying, but we deal with my Dad and you're not nearly as bad as him," he joked. Axel rolled his eyes, ruffling the shorter man's hair.

"Whatever you say, Rox,"

"Wanna see my room?"

Axel nodded and found himself being led into the living room and to the staircase behind the couch. A few steps creaked under their weight and the railing groaned slightly when Axel grabbed for support after nearly face planting. As they reached the second floor, the shouting of Sora could be heard along with the sound of a videogame being played and Riku laughing in a sinister fashion every few minutes, presumably whenever he beat Sora in a round of whatever game they were playing.

Roxas took a left away from the noise and continued to the end of the hall where a large window was placed instead of another wall. Just before said window were two doors on either side of the wall, one white and one black. Roxas opened the black door as he did so many times growing up in the house.

If Axel had to guess, he'd say the walls were a deep, almost metallic grey, a guess based on the only strip of wall that was uncovered in the corner. Other than that all vertical surfaces were covered with everything from newspapers clippings and old advertisements to photographs and posters. A desk was set up in the corner, shelves filled with countless books that reached the veiling and a whiteboard strapped to the side covered in illegible writing in various colors. The bed was made up perfectly, as if it had been a part of a hotel, black comforter tucked neatly underneath the queen sized mattress and numerous checkered pillows fluffed and sat upright against the iron headboard.

"So this is where little Roxy did all his time angsting," Axel let out a low whistle, eyes roving about the room. He examined a plaque on the wall about the '25th annual struggle tournament'—whatever the hell that was. Apparently, Roxas had gotten first place.

"I was not angsty," Roxas retorted as face-planted onto his bed, nearly moaning at the sensation. The spring mattresses the university tried to pass of as humane didn't have anything on foam beds.

Besides the plaque was a photo of what Axel guessed to be a 16-year-old Roxas besides another boy with wavy, dirty blonde hair that was partially gelled back. He had an arm thrown around Roxas and the two were sweating, both grinning like mad men and brandishing blue bats in their hands.

"So you're just making up for it now then?" he asked, glancing over at Roxas with a grin, only to be pelted in the face with something large, black, and incredibly soft. Roxas sat perched on his haunches atop the bed, glaring playfully.

"Not angsty,"

"Right, just homicidal—my bad," the redhead said as he leaned down to pick up the offending trajectory, half expecting Roxas to have thrown a live cat at him. But in his hands was now a plush toy about the size of his head with round, plastic yellow eyes that stared unwavering and spiraling antennas, sticking out from its head. On the left side of its chest was a red dotted outline of a heart. "A heartless toy? I haven't seen one of these in forever,"

"It couldn't have killed you," the blonde stated defensively against the homicidal comment. He never meant to kill anyone—just severely maim.

Axel raised a brow, arriving at the bed in two quick strides and plopping down beside the other. He gave a small smirk. "It could've stole my heart," If you hadn't already—What, no. No. Axel mentally slapped himself; even he refused to be that damn cheesy.

Roxas snorted. "You are so lame,"

"Says the one with a heartless toy," Axel shot back.

"Shut up," the blonde fell on his back against the pillows and pouted. And pouted. Pouted. Holy shit if Axel's brain wasn't having trouble registering the expression on Roxas and all plausible ways it would be Sora in disguise because the blonde simply didn't pout and Axel suspected it was on account of little man syndrome which produced the need to come off as rugged and manly and—

Well, if Axel had been functioning properly he would either be sporting a broken nose and rib or Roxas would give in to his advances rather than doling out some bodily harm after he jumped in. He supposed his lapses in brain activity every now and then came in handy for once, considering the former was highly unlikely to happen.

Roxas snatched the heartless from Axel and held it up, looking as professional as one could while holding a children's toy and was about to explain exactly why he still had such a thing when the front door slammed opened downstairs and someone shouted into the house. "Munchkins!"

The blonde dropped everything and leapt off the bed, disappearing through the doorway and down the hall at what seemed like lightning speed. Axel listened as the footsteps grew faint, stopped somewhere near the staircase, and started up again, this time increasing in volume.

"Why are you just sitting there?" Roxas asked impatiently, now bouncing on the balls of his feet in the doorway.

Axel quirked a brow, "I don't—"

"Let's go!" With all the energy of Sora (maybe they really had swapped), the blonde yanked him from the bed and had him trailing behind by a tightly squeezing hand on his, leading the conquest to the lower level.

Gracing the last stair and no longer at the risk of tripping over each other's feet, Roxas released Axel's hand and flung himself at the woman who stood at the front door, leaving the redhead to stand awkwardly on the sidelines. The woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, a sly, charming smile gracing her features as she took the blonde into her arms and spun him around, her beach-waved chestnut locks flowing behind her and rattling with the beds placed on a few strands. When she put Roxas back down she regarded him with glimmering moss green eyes that stood out against her caramel complexion. She ruffled his mop of golden locks, exposing a large black tattoo on her bicep as her sleeve rose.

"Been a long time since I've seen you, eh?" she said, voice laced with a mildly faded Australian accent. "Sorry I couldn't be here for Christmas—you know how work is, flyin' all over the place,"

"It's fine, you didn't miss much," Roxas said, grinning. "Cloud got here late Christmas eve, pissed mom off. Dad got drunk on Christmas and pissed off Lightning who was already tipsy, and you know how she gets,"

"Yeah, your Dad called me blubbering about Light beating him up. Says he would've fought back if he could hit a girl, but I call bullshit," she snorted. "But look at you! Have you grown at all?" she said, poking and prodding and turning the other around. "They don't have your Struggle up there to keep you busy, and you know Hayner will get all emotional if he finds out you had noodle arms now. Speaking of struggles, where's your brother?"

As if a trigger had sounded, a stampede started on the floor above and quickly transitioned onto the stairwell. Not two seconds later, Sora had thrown himself at the woman much the same way Roxas had, only he refused to let go after the initial twirl.

"Good to see you, too, Sora," the woman said, patting the brunet on the back as he continued to squeeze her. Looking over his shoulder, she grinned and winked at the silver-haired man who had just descended the stairs at a much calmer pace. "And Riku, as dashing as ever. You and So finally made it official, eh?"

Riku rolled his eyes but smiled all the same. "Hello, Fang,"

She threw back her head, laughing. "About damn time! All the things me and Roxas pulled trying to get you two—"

"What?" Sora questioned suspiciously as he placed himself properly on his own two feet. He glanced between Fang and his brother, who coughed into his sleeve and pointedly avoided his gaze.

"—But of course Riku was all 'I want him to fall in love with me because he wants to, not because the two of you concocted some backwards plan. If the fates want us together we will be!'" she mimicked in a mockingly baritone voice. Across the room Riku glared, what looked like a barely pink smudge across his pale cheeks. Must've been a trick of the light.

"You and Roxas played matchmaker?" Sora asked incredulously. Fang glanced over to the blonde before realizing her mistake, making a half-assed attempt to 'correct' herself.

"Namine, I definitely meant Namine,"

"You played matchmaker with Fang?" he was interrogating Roxas now, who was twiddling his thumbs nervously.


"I knew you cared about me, Roxy!"

"The only reason I did it was so Riku would stop moping around all the time—I couldn't cope with his hormones," Roxas stated, finding a spot on the carpet surprisingly interesting. He was pretty sure it was a blood stain, actually, whether it be from the time Cloud knocked Kadaj's teeth out during a particularly nasty brawl during high school, or the time Sora and Roxas had come home with multiple gashes when they decided it would be a good idea to go down the giant hill in the park, both on the same scooter.

"He's lying," The silver-haired man stated, jutting his chin out haughtily. "Roxas likes to forget we're not all little girls like him,"

"Oh really? Well I can always call Hayner and ask him how many times I had to bail on him because I had to babysit you when you magically appeared in my room while Sora was on a date. Or we could just go check my pillows—I'm sure the tear stains are still there," Roxas shot back.

"You promised you wouldn't tell," he hissed lowly.

The blonde smirked cruelly, leaning forward slightly in a taunting matter, "Oopsies,"

With an uproarious shout of frustration, Riku stormed off into the kitchen, not without flipping Roxas the bird. Sora hurried behind his boyfriend, trying to reassure him. "I think that it's sweet that you cried over me, Riku!"

"Shut up, Sora!"

"Way to go, Rox," Axel laughed, more than happy to enjoy the silver-haired man's suffering. Just last week, Riku had attempted to sneak black hair dye in Axel's shampoo and, as universal law pertains, one does not fuck with a Strey's hair.

"And who's this?" the woman asked with a raised brow, finally alerted of his presence. "Did ya finally dump that Seifer kid, Roxas?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, mumbling something under his breath about broken records and people needed to mind their own damn business. Returning to Axel's side, he tugged the redhead forward none to gently by a death grip on his upper arm.

"This is my friend: Axel. We go to school together," the blonde growled. The overemphasis on 'friend' probably should have shot down Axel's hopes and dreams, but it just so happened that Axel was determined and would forever persevere. Roxas would come around eventually; no one could resist his charm.

And if someone was to ask Axel's childhood therapist, she would confirm that his habit of lying to himself had been around for quite some time and was a subconscious coping mechanism, a way he dealt with his crushing reality. In this situation, said reality being that the object of his affections was taken.

"Axel, this is my aunt: Fang. She's Cloud and Namine's mom,"

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am," he said, attempting to sound calm as he offered a hand. In reality he wanted to do a double take, being that the woman hardly looked a day over thirty five and was, apparently, mother to both a senior and sophomore in college. That must've been some damn good anti-aging cream. Then, of course, there was a smaller part of his brain that had put two and two together and guessed that this was probably the aunt who had, according to Roxas, punched Seifer's lights out. Here, he was stuck at a cross-road between giving the woman a congratulatory hug or cover his gonads and hope the woman liked him enough not to beat him when no one was looking.

Fang studied the redhead for a moment of scrutinizing agony before she broke out in peels of laughter, slapping her hand in Axel's and giving it a firm shake. "Since when do you hang out with such yuppies, Roxas? 'Ma'am'!" she snorted. "No offense to you, or anything—Axel, was it? Just expected something different,"

"He's not a yuppie, Fang, he's just being polite," Roxas retorted. "Something people with cooth do, but you wouldn't know anything about that,"

Fang released Axel's hand to pinch her nephew's cheek, baby talking. "Someone's a little grumpy?"

"'Expected something different'?" Axel repeated curiously as Roxas slapped away Fang's intrusive hang with an utterance of 'bitch' to which the woman shoved him playfully.

"Oh yeah, Roxas talked all about you when he was home last. 'Axel this, Axel that," the woman said with a suggestive smile, clearly enjoying the torment of the blonde. Axel perked up at this; Namine had mentioned Roxas talking about him but he figured the girl had just been over exaggerating.

"I did not," Roxas squawked.

"Did so!"

"You weren't even there!"

"Light told me," she stated triumphantly, to which Roxas returned to muttering darkly under his breath, glancing uneasily at Axel every so often.

"You're probably just nervous, though, eh?" she turned to the redhead with a surprisingly sympathetic smile. "Been there, done that; luckily Snow, that's the twins' Dad, and I got to go through that hell together,"

"You knew their dad before?"

"Oh yeah, we go way back. I was the one who—"


The woman jumped as the front door slammed open with all of the viscous fury of a menopausal woman in unison with the sudden shout. Rather than a fifty year old woman, however, the person standing in the doorway with a bag of groceries at her hip was relatively young and attractive…if you looked past the rage. Axel had been subject to a very similar anger doled out by his mother throughout his childhood and was smart enough to take a cautious step back, as did Roxas.

Fang, however, remained in the same spot, grinning sheepishly. "Hey, b—"

"Don't. You. Dare," the woman hissed, pale pink bangs falling into her eyes but doing nothing to hide the inflamed dark blue.

"I was just—"


"What's wrong?" Sora asked, head emerging from the kitchen upon hearing the commotion.

"Your lovely aunt here didn't think it necessary to help with the groceries when the car broke down up the street," the woman hissed vehemently.

"Trivial matters," Fang declared. "Why focus on that when our dearest nephews are here, and Riku, and Roxas', ahem, friend," The wiggling of eyebrows did not go unnoticed by Roxas, who groaned, or Axel, who was beginning to like this woman more and more.

"Go help Serah with the groceries. Snow is still trying to jumpstart the car," the pink-haired woman commanded. Once Fang was out the door she smiled at the pair in the living room. "Good to see you again, Roxas, and it's nice to meet you—Axel, right?"

Well wasn't he just oh so popular in the Villiers family. He only hoped he wouldn't become the topic of scandalous gossip. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too," Axel smiled politely, purposefully leaving off the 'ma'am' for fear of being mocked again.

"I'm Lightning, Sora and Roxas' aunt," she said without so much as a raised eyebrow at the redhead's reserved tone. After ruffling Roxas' hair gently she turned and disappeared into the kitchen to greet Sora and Riku properly.

"You honestly don't have to be so nervous, you know," Roxas stepped closer to the redhead, keeping his voice low to avoid being overheard by the group in the kitchen. "It's just my family, not a world summit meeting,"

"It might as well be," he grumbled as he crossed his arms with a huff. Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Man up! You're blowing this way out of proportion,"

"I have to make a good impression, though," he whined, staring down into cerulean eyes, less than half a foot between him.


With his heart constrained in his chest like some bullshit romance novel written for desperate teenage girls and middle aged women, Axel was quite sure it was the gayest he'd felt in all nineteen year of his life. Not when he'd had his first time during his junior year with a boy who had not a care in the world and certainly none for Axel; Not when he wasted the summer after senior year in a club with Demyx, lusting and flirting with older men who would buy him drinks and end the night calling him a tease; Not even when he realized his feelings for Roxas weren't just fleeting like he thought.

Out of all those instances, it was now, standing before the man child at that awkward stage of life when one made a transition between being a boy and being a man, made even worse because Roxas still had boyish, though handsome features. Looking down at the blonde his sight was filled with elegantly disheveled hair that many people would spend hundreds of dollars to obtain the gel to have but he merely rolled out of the bed to obtain, the bluest eyes in existence, and a light smattering of freckles. There was concern in the shorter student's slightly sorrowed brow and the hand placed lightly on his upper arm.

It was in this instance that Axel realized and accepted the fact that he was simply fucked because he had fallen for this sadistic little blonde who, on top of everything else, was taken.

God dammit.

"Because it's your family," That wasn't to say he wouldn't stop trying, though.

Roxas laughed. "And why's that so important?"

"Because you're important to me,"

And what was unnerving was that Roxas just stared. Instead of just carting off Axel's seemingly imbecilic behavior like he usually would and chocking it up to the redhead being dropped on his head as a child or simply being the fruit of the loom that he was, he just stared, betraying no surprise or affection or disgust. Just stared with those two fucking blue eyes.

Axel was more than grateful when the front door slammed open for the umpteenth time.

"My baby!"

And Roxas was tackled by a mass of wavy pink hair.


Dinner at the Villier-Farron-Oerba Yun-Strife household was an interesting affair to say the least. Interesting in the way that the majority of them were some type of crazy and those who weren't really were but lived in denial and the others were nice enough to prolong the shattering of their hopes and dreams of living out life as a normal, functioning member of society. But, of course, that was but a pipe dream for anyone who was a part of, or even associated with, the family.

Because of the sheer lunacy that oft times occurred when the entire family sat down for a meal together, it was seen as something of an unspoken rite of passage. When a new person was brought home it was like being admitted into a cult, and that's why no one was over long enough to be involved in a family meal. The only person Roxas had ever allowed to stay was Zexion and Hayner, knowing they could handle the crazy. He preferred to spare his other friends from possible traumatization, however, conveniently having them out of the house by dinner or in far after it was over. Sora followed the same rules, as did Cloud and Namine in their own home.

Maybe they were overdramatic, but better safe than sorry.

So bringing Axel to Twilight Town for Spring Break was kind of a big deal unless they planned on going to Taco Hell for dinner every night—which they didn't. Roxas loved the 'not-quite-meat' meat and cheesy, fiesta goodness, but after one too many high nights in the drive-thru, his stomach, large intestine, and asshole all began to rise in revolt.

Roxas figured the redhead would fit right in with the concentrated psychotic that was his family, but with the nervous jitters that seemed to be spilling off Axel in disastrous waves, he wasn't so sure he'd be up for it. The blonde had tried to soothe his fears repeatedly, but it never seemed to reach Axel. Roxas knew he was just trying to make a good impression, that for some reason this was so overwhelmingly important to him ("You're important to me" to be overanalyzed and nit-picked at a later hour) but if he were to just act like the flaming, vanilla coffee loving man he was, things would be just fine.

Roxas figured worrying about it wouldn't do much good.

After his mother had tackled him to the living room floor and done the necessary amount of tearless sobs of joy, she had attacked Axel as well, slapping away the hand he had stuck out as he introduced himself. He'd gotten as far as "Hi my na—" before he was assaulted with a hug and a surprisingly strong Mrs. Villiers.

"I know who you are, silly," she has stated sweetly before tittering off to the kitchen to repeat much of the same process with Sora and Riku. Soon after, his Dad had come in carrying the bulk of the groceries and not bothering to quiet his bitching about it along with the 'piece of shit' car.

The next hour and a half had been spent cooking, the twins prohibited from going anywhere near the kitchen, which meant their time waiting was spent sitting in Sora's room playing a marathon of Soul Calibur 5. So far, Riku and Roxas had gone head to head and double KO'd each other 3 times while Sora and Axel sulked, accusing the other pair of cheating.

"This is a load of bullshit!" Sora declared as he threw his hands up in the air, Xbox controller still in hand.

Sitting on the bean bag beside the bed, Riku smirked, "Just because you suck—"

"I am fantastic!" he hollered as he thrust a finger in his boyfriend's face. "You can teleport! That's the only reason you won,"

"Your character could teleport, too, Sora," he explained. Sora looked nothing short of shocked.

"What? How?"

"Y and B,"

"I want a rematch!"

"Not now, short stack," Axel said as he reached down from his seat atop the bed to pluck the remote from Sora's hands. He returned to the character selection as Riku handed his controller off to Roxas.

"Right now, Axel wants to get his ass kicked again," the blonde snickered, going through the necessary screens before the start of the battle. Axel shoved him playfully.

"I wouldn't be so cocky, Roxanne, you're going down," a lecherous grin spread across the redhead's face as he leaned forward, doing more than violating the other's personal space as he stopped with a mere centimeter between their faces.

"Bring it, flamer,"

"You know, the whole competitive flirting thing you two have got going on is really cute and all, but your match started already," Riku said as Sora, having moved to sit in his lap, laughed impishly. Roxas made a mental reminder to push the pair down the stairs later as he turned to the TV and the armed characters waiting on screen.

"Complete bullshit!" Axel claimed two minutes later, staring at the screen in belief. It really shouldn't have been that much of a surprise considering he'd lost all the other rounds against Roxas, but there was always something to be surprised about. The first round it was the obvious fact that the blonde was an expert at Soul Calibur, giving Axel reason to believe he had spent many hours holed up in his room playing it and had been holding out on him. And now the surprise was that he had been beat by a manic depressive character who beat herself with her own weapon on multiple occasions and probably shared certain qualities with her blonde controller as far as anger management problems went.

"Ba-zing! I win again," Roxas cheered, throwing his hands up and flashing two peace signs, taking care of the necessary lame that needed to be exerted each day. From the beanbag Sora snorted mid-laugh and Riku chuckled silently.

"Hand it over," the silver-haired teen said, holding his hand out to Axel, who hugged the controller protectively.

"Screw you, I want a rematch. Munchkin over here cheated,"

"What did you call me?"

"If Axel gets a rematch I want one, too!" Sora declared, jostling around in uncoordinated flails in attempt to get up but only causing Riku a considerable amount of pain with his bony butt in the process.

"Boys! Dinner!"

Said boys sighed in resignation as the shout of Serah Villiers reached them. It was go downstairs now or be threatened later and get dragged downstairs in an undoubtedly unpleasant manor that either included Kadaj's sexual harassment administration or Fang's uncanny ability to tug four ears simultaneously.

"Guess no one gets a rematch then," Roxas dropped onto the floor in an army-esque rolled, landing in a crouch and reaching over to turn off the Xbox as everyone got to their feet. As they stepped into the hallway, the scent of the first homemade meal any of them had been within a ten yard proximity to in the past month was enough to get them hightailing down the stairs.

"You guys act like you haven't seen food in years," Lightning commented with a hint of amusement at their stampede like entrance.

"Basically," Sora harrumphed as he plopped into a vacant seat. "Not real food at least,"

"Well you boys can always come home to get a real meal," Serah said as she helped Snow at the stove, pouring something or other over what looked to be some type of meat. Axel really didn't give a damn so long as it wasn't tofu and didn't taste like concentrated asshole—hell he might eat it even then, it just smelled too damn good. "Campus isn't that far away,"

"Gas is expensive, mom," Roxas whined as he slumped in his seat, staring at his plate listlessly. If the food would just carry itself from the dishes set out onto the table to his plate that would be really fantastic. Accio-everything-edible-on-the-table.

"You have a job," the woman deadpanned, her tone making it clear that 'poor-college-student syndrome' was not a valid excuse for not coming home more often. "You should be lucky you live so close to home. Axel, dear, where do you live?"

Axel perked up, having been on the losing-side of a staring match with a bowl of mashed potatoes. He glanced at Serah, the woman with the same soft features as the twin's. Axel would dare say the only thing they got from their father was the eye color, and for Roxas the hair, as well, everything else seemed to be a gender-altered image of their mother. "Oblivion,"

"See! Oblivion—that's states away! Just think if there was that much space separating you and your momma," Roxas rolled his eyes at this as Sora gave an exasperated 'We know, mom'. The woman gave them an amused look before turning back to Axel, once more. "If you're ever feeling homesick you're always welcome here, hun,"

Axel smiled, nodding his thanks despite feeling slightly uncomfortable—the woman was just so damn nice. To think Satan's spawn had come of her womb—that was ironic in of itself. "Thank you, ma'am,"

She sighed, "If only my boys were as polite as you,"

"See, Fang? Polite—not a yuppie," Roxas shot across the table at his aunt who merely grinned in response. Lightning, however, was quick to punch the other woman in the arm—at lightning speed some would say. Ha. Axel had come to accept the fact that he was funnier than other people and was on such a high level of hilarity that others merely couldn't begin to comprehend, much less appreciate, what he did.

"You called him a yuppie?" Lightning inquired incredulously.

"I was only joking!"

"Well he is," Riku drawled from his end of the table. Axel aimed a glare passed the two twins to the silver-haired man.

"Shut up, Riku, I'd rather be a yuppie than a drag queen,"


"I've been in your dorm, Riku. You have a fucking vanity; no regular man should have that in their living space. Plus I've seen all the hair products you use,"

"You use just as much as me!"

"Doesn't count, all those hairspray cans in my bathroom are empty,"

"That doesn't change the fact that you used them," Riku pointed out. Axel regarded the other with a 'duh' look on his face.

"Obviously. But it's still only one product, compared to your zillions—"

"There's like ten!"

"So you admit it!" Axel exclaimed, pointing a finger at the boy and grinning in victory.

"Alright, shut it, ladies," Snow barked as he placed the last dish on the table. He turned back to the counter, pulling off his tie-dye oven mitts and cooking apron—totally not lady-like in the least. Under his breath, he muttered, "I don't know why all my sons' friends are faggots,"

"Snow!" Serah squeaked, eyes wide with horror.

Fang grinned, "'Cause your sons are faggots,"

Snow glared at her, taking his seat at the end of the table as Serah did the same opposite him, "You're one to talk,"

"Hey, don't get defensive, my son's a faggot, too," she shrugged.


"It's true though, honey," Lightning said, glancing at the blonde. "Just accept yourself for who you are,"

"Yeah, Cloud, just accept yourself, we all do," Kadaj leered at his side, earning a rough shove onto the floor from the gay-man in question.

"You know 'faggot' is an offensive term, Dad," Sora pointed out and waved a forkful of salad in his father's direction as if that would get it across. The man rolled his eyes, his gaze ending up on Axel.

"Are you offended?" he asked, and before Axel could so much as open his mouth to answer barreled on, "That's unfortunate, I apologize—"

"Oi, what about me?" Riku questioned.

"Shut up, Riku, you've mooched off of me for 18 years, I can call you whatever the hell I want," he snapped before turning back to the redhead. "Like I was saying before I was interrupted,"—insert glare at Riku—"I apologize if you were offended, but if you plan on sticking around, you're gonna have to deal with it,"

Axel grinned, "I plan on it,"

"Well then toughen up,"

"Already a callous,"

"Good," he glanced at Roxas, smiling slightly as he jerked a head in Axel's direction, "I like this kid,"

Roxas laughed lightly, "His name's Axel,"

"I like you, Axel," Snow said with a stern nod.

"Glad to hear it," he smiled.

"Aw, you've got Snow's approval," Kadaj cooed across the table. "You and Roxas might as well get married now,"

"And you should stop beating around the bush and tell Cloud how much you want to do him, already," Roxas deadpanned and shoveled a clump of mash-potatoes in his mouth.

Kadaj cocked a brow, smirking, "Who says we haven't already?"

Cloud began to choke as Fang made to get up from the table, placing her hands on the table and pushing herself up slightly, "Time to go kill Sephiroth,"

"Stop," Lightning said without looking up from her plate. After slipping a piece of roast into her mouth and swallowing, she continued, "We'll do it after desert,"

"What's wrong with me?" the elder silver-sibling inquired, clearly offended, as Fang contently took her seat once more.

"It's you," Lightning drawled.

"Riku's doing Sora!" he explained, motioning wildly to the couple at the opposite end of the table, the shorter of which turned cherry red as the other merely smirked.

"Sora isn't my son," Lightning pointed out. "And, besides, Riku's a good boy,"

"So am I!"

"Why are we talking about this at the dinner table?" Serah sighed, resting her forehead in her palm. Axel wasn't sure about anyone else, but he was having a hell of a time.

"Don't try to pretend like you're normal just because there's someone new, Mom. Axel's a freak, too," Roxas said.

"I am not," the redhead defended, but after a pointed look from Roxas he relented, shrugging. "Okay so maybe I am,"

"Oh, good then," the woman perked up. "So, Axel, would you like to provide us with your file or should I go ahead and call my private detective to do a background search,"

And he wasn't sure if he should laugh or not.


"I understand why you're so bitter," Axel said solemnly, leaning against the door and spreading his arms across it as if to keep out a monster. Considering this was the Villiers house, he kind of was. The rest of the house was suspiciously quiet, who knew what kind of plotting could be going on.

"Shut up," Roxas laughed, reaching for his Heartless toy but thinking better of chucking the thing again. Instead, he clutched the plush toy to his chest and sat on the bed.

"But the pieces are all falling into place!" he exclaimed with a flourish. "Your anger, contempt for all living things, scathing sarcasm—It all makes sense now! It's all because of a harsh childhood, I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner," He fell onto the bed face first, the force causing Roxas to bounce slightly and end up closer to Axel once he had settled.

"I don't what you're talking about, I've got weirdo parents, antisocial cousin, lesbian aunts, psychotic neighbors—I'm living the American Dream, really," Roxas sighed dreamily, placed a hand daintily over the cavity where his heart supposedly was. The vote was still out on whether or not he actually had one.

"Our founding fathers would be proud," Axel said with a sharp nod. Roxas saluted the air. "They were all banging each other, by the way,"

Roxas laughed as he fell onto his back in order to lay next to the redhead. "Think so?"

"Totally. You don't spend that much time locked up in Independence Hall, writing the Constitution together without anything happening. Plus, it was hot as hell; much clothes couldn't have been worn,"

"I can dig it," Roxas agreed, staring at the ceiling. "Washington owed Franklin, after all. I mean, we all would've been fucked if Franklin hadn't gotten the French to save our ass," he nodded, seemingly to himself. "Washington was definitely his bitch.

"That's sick!" Axel laughed. "Franklin was like eighty something,"

"Old man was getting it in,"

"Living the life," he chuckled. "Hope my sex life is as good as his when I'm that old,"

Roxas wrinkled his nose, suppressing a laugh. "Ew, wrinkly old Axel balls,"

"You mean 'yum, wrinkly old Axel balls'," Because, really, who wouldn't think just that.

"No, I don't think so," Or not.

"Okay, how about just 'yum, Axel balls'," he grinned, waggling his eyebrows to which Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Oh, baby," he drawled dryly as he wiggled his hips and Axel had to force himself to keep his gaze above the belt. "In your dreams,"

"Only the special ones," Axel winked when Roxas glanced over.

"Friends aren't supposed to fantasize about other friends," he swatted the redhead's arm playfully.

"Oh, but Roxy, we could be so much more it only there wasn't a certain douchebag in the way," he teased. "But I could take care of him easily, just say the word,"

"Be my guest,"

Axel sat up slightly, perching himself on his elbows so he could look at Roxas properly. The blonde avoided his gaze, fiddling with the string that had conveniently come lose on the stitching of his Heartless. Axel raised a brow, reluctant to ask the question that had been on his mind for some time but wanting to know the answer, anyway. "Why don't you just break up with him?"

"Because," he huffed.

Axel rolled his eyes, sitting up. He crossed his legs, knee resting on Roxas' stomach. "Because why?"

"Because he's my boyfriend,"

"But…he wouldn't be if you broke up with him,"

"What does it even matter to you?" the blonde snapped, glaring at the redhead who remained unfazed. Compared to early morning, sleep deprived, pre-coffee Roxas, 'touchy-about-my-relationship' bitch Roxas was nothing. Sure, the Heartless antenna looked pretty sharp, but if he lost an eye, he could always ask Xigbar for an eye patch.

"Just want to see you happy, Rox," he hummed, flicking the blonde in the head. "Now stop being a brat,"

"I'm not being a brat!"

"Yes you are,"

"Am not!"

"Are too,"

"Shut up, flamer,"

"Oh how you wound me," he rolled his eyes. "Midget,"



"At least I don't read cosmopolitan,"

"I was looking for ways to please my man," Axel smirked. "Maybe you should read it, get some tips. Better yet, send it to Sei—Fuck!" he cried as he was smacked rather harshly across the face with a pillow, effectively knocking him off the bed.

Roxas peeked over the edge of the bed, a grin on his face. "Whoops,"

Horror was personified as Axel slowly climbed to his feet, pleasant smile in place. "Oh it's on,"

Roxas let out an unmanly squeak (one that's existence would be denied for years to come) as he scrambled back in an attempt to get as far away from the redhead as possible. Unfortunately for him, that meant nearly falling off the bed himself. When Axel caught his wrist, he might've been inclined to thank him any other time but now only struggled to get away from him, preferring a rug burn on his face than torture via Axel.

"You're not getting away that easily, Blondie," Axel cooed as he yanked the other closer. In an instant he had pinned the blonde face down on the bed, straddling his back and keeping the younger's arms trapped under his knees. He then enacted the ultimate form of torture…and began to tickle.

"Axel—" Laugh. "S-Stop—" Laugh. "Oh my god—" Laugh. "Asshole!" Laugh. Axel continued to cackle as he ran his fingers fleetingly over Roxas' neck and ribs, squeezing his sides lightly as the blonde made fruitless attempts to squirm out of his grip. Only when the door swung open did Axel stop his administrations—Roxas sighing gratefully—long enough to glance up at Riku and Sora.

The brunet blinked, "Kinky,"

"I knew you two had to be having sex," Riku said and leaned back into the hall slightly. "Pay up, Cloud!"

"Goddammit!" Came the instant reply.

"We're not having sex!" Roxas squawked as he shoved Axel off of him, the redhead too busy laughing to do much about it.

"Well, obviously; you still have clothes on," Riku smirked. "But you were clearly on your way,"

Axel continued the behavior of a hyena as Roxas' cheeks gradually turned from neutral, to pink, to a light shade of red, glaring at Riku for all he was worth. "I hate you,"

"Ah, but you still haven't denied the foreplay," he pointed out as he waggled a finger. At his side, Sora laughed and hip-checked him lightly.

"Stop teasing my brother,"

"But I'm so good at it," Riku said as he wrapped an arm around Sora, kissing the top of his head by means of apology.

"And I'm good at making spit look like butter on your pancakes at breakfast," Roxas growled. Axel mirrored Riku, slinging an arm over the blonde's shoulders.

"Chill, Rox. They already know, we might as well own up to it,"

Roxas groaned and shoved himself up off the bed, storming out of the room and down the hall. "You all suck!"

"Oh, come on, Roxas, don't be a baby!" Sora laughed as he followed his brother out. "We're having a sleepover in the basement so you can't be cranky for that!"

"You know one day he's going to realize you coming onto him isn't just a joke," Riku said as he leaned against the doorframe, regarding Axel with a careful gaze. The other laughed humorlessly, running a hand through his hair.

"All the better for me, then I won't have to grow the balls to tell him myself and get my ass rejected,"

Riku rolled his eyes, "Fucker, it's obvious he likes you,"

"Tell him that," Axel snorted. "And his boyfriend for that matter, too,"

"Seifer's a dick," stated Riku. "And Roxas deserves better than him,"

"Aw, big brother Riku,"

"Whatever, Lover-boy," he laughed as he pushed off the frame and turned into the hall, Axel following behind him. "At least I've got my boy,"


"The time is approximately 7:29 p.m. and we have just finished dinner, the subjects in questions are currently up in one of the subject's bedroom. Now, I, Sora Strife, call this order to meeting, to be adjourned as soon as possible to avoid being caught and having vital body organs removed by the hands of one temperamental subject," the brunet clasped his hands on the now clean kitchen table, glancing at those who sat with him. He nodded to the woman at his right. "If you would,"

"The aforementioned subjects in question are one Roxas Villiers and one Axel…" Lightning looked at Sora.

"Strey," he provided.

"Yes, Strey. Now, all those present are here on the common understanding that one Seifer Almasy needs to be eliminated from Roxas Villier's life, correct?"

"I'm not so sure we should be toying with the boy's love life like this," Snow said, brows furrowed.

"You hush," Serah demanded, swatting the air surrounding her husband and taking a sip of her tea. "He came out of my womb I can do whatever the hell I want. Besides, that Almasy boy is a dick—my son can do better,"

Riku snorted. "Truer words never been spoken,"

"Okay, all those in favor of an intervention?" Fang asked, eyebrow quirked. Simultaneously 'I's came from around the table, one belated from a reluctant Snow. The dark-haired woman glanced at Sora, nodding.

The boy grinned, "Alright, so here's what we're going to do…"

A/N: I hope you this entertained you guys enough not to throw bricks at me and instead to leave a review.

Anonymous Replies:

Destry: I could never abandon you guys-you're my reason to breath! Kindasortamaybe. LIABFASFUI I think I always say it but I'm glad it made you laaauuugh /weeps. I'm so paranoid this shit isn't funny ; A ; AND SHIT WILL GO DOWN. It was supposed to go down this chapter. But I guess you guys will just have to wait 'til next time, HAHA.

Luraherper: lasigbalisgb back to you, fffffff, thank you so much I don't deserve all the compliments.