My first Metal Fight Beyblade fanfiction with my favorite character, Tetsuya Watarigani! As mentioned in the summary, it is mostly crack and not intended to be taken seriously at all. Enjoy!

Tetsuya knelt in the sand, picking a crab up out of the sand. It snapped lazily at him, knowing it was no use to fight against him.

Tetsuya wasn't a good-looking man by any stretch of the imagination. He had a face only a mother could love, with a grayish pallor and deep circles under his eyes, cheeks sunken and hollow. His long, greasy dark hair hung limply down his back. Numerous crabs surrounded him, snapping their claws as if they were trying to tell him something.

"What's snapping, crabsters?" Tetsuya asked in his loud, grating voice.

More claws clicking.

"That's just crabulous! I've been snapping along just like always, thank you for asking, crab!"

The crab in his hands gave him a hard pinch.

"OW!" Tetsuya abruptly dropped the crab and sucked on his bleeding finger. "What the crab was that for, pinchy?"

Sparkling streams of tears fell from his eyes.

"You're a meanie-mean crab!" he cried as he wept.

He blew his nose on the edge of his battered cape. He laid back in the warm sand to stare at the clouds drifting by.

"That one looks like my mad cancer!" she shouted, pointing the cloud out enthusiastically, his injury forgotten. "And that one looks like a spider crab!"

If crabs had the power of speech, they might have said something along the lines of 'what the fuck is wrong with this guy?' as he went on and on about the various clouds.

"Hmmm," Tetsuya yawned. "I'm really sleepy crab. Maybe I should just…take a little crab nap."

He started snoring soon after, muttering things like 'crabby', 'snap-snap', and 'crab' in his sleep. His crabby companions scuttled around him as he dreamed about having friends who didn't have shells.

He wouldn't admit it, but he really did want to have friends. He just had no idea how to make any. Perhaps one day, when he was more mature, he would learn.

Until then, he was perfectly content with whiling away his days with his scuttling little hard-shelled pals.

Kinda weird, but who cares?

Anyone who doesn't review will have Tetsuya visit their house in the middle of the night XD