A/N: Hello again! I am sorry for the long wait but I decided to update with this chapter that I believe have lots of twists. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave me a review to keep me motivated in writing this story!
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 16: I love you but I can't have you
Claude smirked at Ciel before he placed a shotgun onto the young boy's hands. Ciel felt the weight of that gun with dread as he tried not to drop the gun to not attract the attention of the guests around them.
"I don't need this." Ciel hissed as he pushed the shotgun towards Claude's hands. "Do you think killing people would lead to a successful rebellion?"
Claude blinked before he started chuckling. Ciel's eyebrows twitched in annoyance as he glared at Claude, waiting for him to stop chuckling. After a few minutes, Claude eventually stopped and smiled. This was just too amusing to him. "I'm telling you to kill one person, Phantomhive. If you succeed then this will clearly illustrate your determination. I assure you that with that determination of yours, you have all the slaves in London dropping onto their knees before you."
"Who is it?"
"Sebastian. Kill Sebastian Michaelis, then you will become king."
How ironic, Ciel thought as he pressed the cold mouth of the gun against Sebastian's temple. Claude told Ciel to shoot Sebastian by bringing him close to him and to bring him close he was told to use seduction. But instead Sebastian was the one who came too close, bringing himself vulnerable to Ciel's shotgun. Sebastian trusted Ciel too much and Ciel knew this since a long time ago. But he never seen it proved this clearly ever before. However, when those cursed words slipped from Sebastian's tongue, Ciel could not help but shake more than ever. How could he kill Sebastian?
I love you.
"Don't say that!" Ciel screamed as he pressed the gun harder again Sebastian's temple, making Sebastian wince slightly from the pressure. "You always…always say that. It bothers me so much!" Ciel continued to scream before he shut his not covered eye tightly. He gave out a long shuddering sigh before he dropped his arms onto the bed. He just could not kill Sebastian. "You bastard!" Ciel hissed as he covered his eyes with one arm as he left the gun on the bed. Ciel breathed heavily as he refused to look at Sebastian.
"Ciel…Ciel…" Sebastian whispered as he moved in to give Ciel a kiss on the forehead.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Ciel screeched as he swatted Sebastian away from him. However Sebastian leaned in to give Ciel further kisses which caused Ciel's heart to squeeze painfully. He finally pushed Sebastian hard enough that Ciel was able to sit up on the bed. He covered his face with his hands as he tried to swallow up the tears that were threatening to spill.
"Please don't say that." Ciel muttered.
Sebastian remained silent as he studied Ciel carefully. Then he smiled sadly and ruffled Ciel's hair, causing Ciel to flinch from the contact.
"Ciel…"Sebastian began, "I have something really important to tell you. Something about you that I should have told you long time ago."
"I don't want to hear anything from you."Ciel hissed as he stubbornly shook his head.
Sebastian gritted his teeth in frustration before he grabbed Ciel's wrists away from his face to have him face Sebastian. "Listen to me Ciel!" Sebastian said firmly as he stared into Ciel's one cerulean eye.
Ciel bravely stared back at Sebastian before he sighed. "What is it?"
Sebastian slowly let go of Ciel as they sat together on the bed and examined each other awkwardly. Then after a few minutes of silence, Sebastian started to speak. "You were never a slave Ciel. Did you know that all slaves have some sort of brand somewhere on their body? But you never received a brand because Aunt Rachel and father protected you."
"What are you talking about?" Ciel hissed. "Master did not even accept me as his son. There is no way that he would have protected me."
Sebastian sighed at Ciel's stubbornness before he looked up at the elegant ceiling and wondered how he could reach Ciel's heart. Then he slowly looked down at Ciel and whispered, "Father loved you more than anything in the world that he did anything to protect you, even though he knew that it would hurt him and you."
"I don't believe you!" Ciel shouted as he covered his ears like a stubborn spoiled child. Then Ciel remembered one single memory of Vincent long ago. Ciel barely had any memory of the master because it seemed like Vincent had tried to avoid Ciel as much as he can. But Ciel clearly remembered the memory of when he was nine. He had a terrible fever and was told to stay in bed. Rachel was watching him for the most part but left to get a pail of water when she believed that Ciel was sleeping. Ciel, troubled by the fever woke up to find his mother gone from his side, causing anxiety to form within him. He panicked and he gingerly crawled out from his bed and dragged himself out to the hall. He dragged himself towards the kitchen slowly until he tripped and fell while he was in a sort of daze. His eyes wandered, his vision blurred, his face burned and he was unable to lift himself up again. Then his eyes fell upon a tall figure that stood at the end of the hallway. Ciel squirmed as he squinted his eyes to concentrate to see who that figure belonged to. It was Master Vincent.
Ciel unconsciously reached his hand out which caused Vincent's eyes to widen. Ciel was in a complete daze and soon his mind was too hazy to even distinguish whether he was dreaming or not.
"Father." He moaned as tears slowly flowed out from his unfocused but beautiful large cerulean eyes. Vincent kept his eyes on Ciel as he slowly backed away from him. "Father." Ciel whimpered as he unconsciously reached towards the man in whom Ciel believed was his father. But Ciel's voice did not seem to reach Vincent as he abruptly turned and walked away from Ciel and in that moment Ciel fell into unconsciousness.
Ciel shook his head to get the memory out of his mind. Even though it was a memory when he was in a daze, for some reason Ciel could remember Vincent's face clearly. He remembered how many of the oblivious maids have commented how Ciel looks so similar to Vincent but Ciel had always ignored those comments. But maybe it had always been bothering him. The secret about his father. The secret about his everything. Maybe Ciel had known it all along but he chose to be ignorant. Maybe he was ignorant all along.
"Ciel? Are you alright?" He heard Sebastian ask as he felt his gentle hand touch his cheeks.
Ciel's eyes widened in surprise from Sebastian's action then he swatted Sebastian's hands away. "Don't touch me." Ciel hissed as he scooted away from Sebastian's reach. Sebastian's flinched slightly from Ciel's words but he has gotten used to it over the few weeks he has lived with Ciel.
"Ciel, I have something more I have to tell you." But Sebastian was received with a cold shoulder and Ciel refused to even look at Sebastian.
"Are they lies?" Ciel then asked which caused Sebastian to feel so insecure that he just wanted to do something to change this predicament.
Then after a few minutes of silence between them, Sebastian suddenly grabbed Ciel and kissed him furiously like never before. Ciel gasped in surprise, giving Sebastian the time to slip in his tongue. Sebastian sucked on Ciel's tongue, creating loud sucking noises which made Ciel moan. The shivers from Ciel's moan caused pleasure to run through both of them. Sebastian growled and deepened the kiss even more. Their tongues battled until they both let go in order to breathe. A line of saliva connected them until Sebastian licked it away with a satisfied expression.
"Now are you willing to listen to me?" Sebastian asked with a large grin. Ciel then coming to realize what has happened, blushed deeply in embarrassment as he touched his bruised lips. Then as if he was a child who was told not to do something, Ciel pouted which made Sebastian feel the need to kiss those lips once again.
"I will listen to you if you don't do that again." Ciel muttered.
"I won't, so please listen." Sebastian answered with a bit of disappointment. But soon Sebastian gave Ciel a serious expression before he said, "I was a slave before father picked me up."
"What?" Ciel asked blankly, not understanding why Sebastian was saying such nonsense at such a time.
"All slaves are branded as soon as they are born." Sebastian said. "I of course have one too, that is why I never took baths with you even though you always had insisted." Then Sebastian turned his back towards Ciel and lifted his shirt to show a brand on his left back that was ironed into him. Ciel just stared before he gently touched the brand with the tip of his fingers.
"Does it hurt?" Ciel whispered while continuing to touch the brand.
"No, not anymore." Sebastian turned back and looked at Ciel. "Father hid you, saying that you were not a slave's son. He protected you with his everything."
But Ciel did not say anything, not quite believing.
"So I had no right to tell you that you were mine because you were never mine to start with." Sebastian said softly and then he reached for Ciel and touched his cheeks. But Ciel remained silent as he looked into Sebastian's eyes with one cerulean eye.
"I am sorry." Sebastian then whispered as tears which he rarely ever spills flowed onto his flawless cheeks. Ciel just stared at Sebastian's tears and did not say anything. He felt that he should just accept Sebastian's words without denying them and suddenly Ciel knew what he had to do. They were too lost together to ever separate again.
"If you are sorry then I order you to help me start a revolution Sebastian." Ciel said with gleaming authority. He gently touched his eye-patch before he continued, "I order you to become mine and stay by my side until the very end!"
Sebastian smirked at the boy before he gently took Ciel's face with his hands and stared into Ciel's uncovered eye. "I shall become your sword and your shield. I shall be your knight on the chessboard that will overcome all obstacles." Then Sebastian took one of Ciel hands and kissed it, "Everything that makes up Sebastian Michaelis shall be yours."
Ciel did not say anything as he simply studied Sebastian with wonder, causing Sebastian to smile. He slowly reached out and took Ciel's face into his hands once again. Then noticing a tear threatening to spill out from the corner of his eyes, Sebastian waited for it to flow. When it did, Sebastian licked the tear off Ciel's cheek as he whispered, "Then in return, can you belong only to me Ciel?"
"I do not belong to anyone." Was Ciel's answer but as he pulled away from Sebastian, he gave a small peck on his lips as if he was sealing a promise between them.
A distorted and detached memory.
A very warm memory.
Ciel's eyes fluttered open and he felt like he was in a sort of daze as if he was still dreaming. He was hovering in midair and he was convinced that he still was, just dreaming. He tilted his head slightly to look up to find a handsome face looking straight ahead. He saw a lock of midnight blue hair, the same color as his own, sway as the man moved slowly. Then for the first time Ciel noticed that this man was carrying him.
Ciel felt absolutely safe and the warmth coming from the man's chest was so comforting that Ciel snuggled deeper into the man as he gave a small content sigh. With this action the man noticed Ciel was awake and gave him a gentle smile.
"You really are a naughty boy." A deep but gentle voice whispered, "You have to sleep and wait for Rachel to return." Then as if the voice of the man was a sweet lullaby, Ciel closed his eyes while he enjoyed the man's warmth. He let deep sleep pull him in as this memory slowly and bitterly was forgotten.