It's Always Been Him
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight nor its characters, SM does. I do however own this plot and Edward….Ok maybe not Edward, but a girl can dream, right?
BPOV – Present Day
It's a beautiful day for an engagement. My Engagement. This should be the happiest day of my life, so why did I feel sick to my stomach? I looked up at the man who would become my husband in a few short months time, my Fiancé, Jacob. I loved him, sure, but did I love him Love him?
I sighed quietly to myself and for the hundredth time asked myself if I had made the right choice, sure we had been friends for many years and he had stood by me through my darkest years. We had started 'dating' two years ago and to be honest he and my mother had been the ones to push this engagement. I said yes simply because for me my dream alternative was not an option and though I knew it was not fair to Jake, I still said yes. I didn't notice my father walk up until he reached for my other hand; the one that was not encased in Jacobs.
"Bells? Are you ok, honey?" I looked up into my dad's deep brown eyes. I saw so much love and concern there that I didn't have the heart to tell him anything but my usual lie.
"Of course, Dad. Why wouldn't I be?" Charlie crinkled his nose at me. He knew me well. I shook my head at him silently trying to convey that I didn't want to discuss anything further.
"Izzy! Jake! Congrats you two!" I turned to see Leah, Jake's Uni friend saunter up and place a kiss on Jake's cheek before placing one on mine. I knew Leah wasn't really happy for us as she had the hots for Jake herself. Funnily enough, I couldn't find it in myself to be jealous of her attention to Jake. Weird, I know, but I just didn't feel possessive in the least. I guess I just wasn't that type of person.
"Thanks, Leah. How are you?" I asked politely
"I'm fine. Same ol', same ol'. You know..." she shrugged and I smiled at her lack of enthusiasm. Leah and I worked for rival firms. I enjoyed my job. Leah didn't. She worked as a paralegal secretary and hated having to get coffee for 'big ass brainiacs' as she called all us attorney's.
"Yeah, I know" I answered. Jake gave my hand a squeeze then released it as he went over to speak with his sister and her husband. I turned back to Leah.
"So..." I began, not knowing what exactly what I was going to say. Fortunately I was saved by a very Alice-like squeal from behind me
"Isabella Marie! I cannot believe you!" Oh boy, Alice sounded mad. Wait! What? Alice was mad? Why? I turned to find the little pixie storming through the guests towards me. I cringed at the pure fury and pain etched on her tiny beautiful features.
"Hi Alice" I said resignedly
"Don't 'Hi, Alice' me Izzy-Bella!" I sighed. Ever since I had decided to ditch my school name Bella in favour of a more mature sounding Izzy, Alice had taken to calling me Izzy-Bella. I really didn't understand why. I mean, it was longer than my actual given name for god's sake! But Alice was Alice and nothing could change her mind once it was made up.
"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked. Alice stared at me for several moments before grabbing my hand and pulling towards the house. I followed quietly. Like I said Alice was Alice. She towed me through the house and up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She let go of my hand and pointed to my bed
"Sit" She commanded. I walked over to my bed and sat down on the edge and waited for Alice to speak as she paced back and forth. I watched as she went from my door to my window at the opposite end and back again, several emotions played across her face. Hurt, anger, pain, pity, love. I just couldn't understand the reason for them being there. Finally she stopped at my window, looking down at the garden below where all my friends and family where gathered. She turned slowly to face me and I was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I was by her side in a flash.
"Ali, what's wrong? Are you ok?" She shook her head and wrapped her arms around my waist and sniffled
"Izzy-Bella, Why? Why are you doing this?" she whispered. I felt myself tense. I knew where this was headed. She and I had had this conversation thousands of times in the last eight years. Albeit with several different outcomes, but it always started here.
"Ali, not now Please. Not now" I pulled away from her and returned to my bed and sat down, my head in my hands
"Why not now? Izzy-Bella, you don't love him! You know it and I know it! The only person who doesn't know it is Jake! Hell, forget that, I think even he knows it! Bella, you love Ed-" I shot up from my bed
"Don't. Alice, don't say it!" I all but snarled at her. She stamped her foot. Yes, she actually stamped her fucking foot at me!
"Give me one good god dammed reason why not, Bella? I mean for god's sake! WHY THE FUCK NOT?" she was screaming at me. I sank back on my bed, tears streaming down my face. I knew the reason and so did she. Because she was right and I didn't want her to be right. Eight years later and I still loved my best friend. But I had lost him. I lost him to a blonde, sexier than thou Tanya. Alice sat down on the bed next to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"Oh Bella. After all this time, you still haven't figured it out?" I looked at her through the haze of my tears and shook my head.
"It's Him. It will ALWAYS be him. For you there will never be anyone else, baby girl" I could do nothing but sob. She was right and I knew it, but there was nothing I could do about it. I was engaged to Jake and I did love him enough not to hurt him, not to mention the fear I had of his temper.
Half an hour later, Ali and I walked back downstairs to rejoin the party. We hadn't resolved anything, but at least Ali understood my decision to marry Jake a bit better and even if she didn't agree with it, she accepted it as my choice. The only problem was I wasn't so sure that I accepted it. Somehow I didn't see this going far, but I didn't want to admit it out loud for fear of making it true.
Monday morning dawned bright and warm. I couldn't help but smile. I loved summer. It was my favourite time of the year. As I dressed for work, I couldn't help it think back to Saturday and the moment when Jake saw Alice and I walk back into the garden. The look on his face was unfathomable as he took in my red rimmed eyes. Of course he had asked if I was ok and I said I was. What had stuck with me was the sadness in his eyes when I said that I was fine. I wondered then and now if he had guessed what Alice and I had been talking about. I shook myself out of my musings and grabbed my laptop bag and keys and headed out into the sunshine.
I arrived at work just after 8.30am. Earlier than my usual time of 9.30am. But I was due in court at 10am and there were papers that I need to pick up before I got there.
"Hi Yvette" I called to the paralegal secretary in my department as I walked passed her desk
"Hi Izzy. How are you? Good weekend?"
"Yeah, not bad. You?"
"Yeah. My son's team won their football match on Saturday, so I've had nothing but kids around celebrating all weekend" She shook her head "How about you? Do anything nice?" I groaned inwardly. I knew it was time to come clean and tell her about my engagement. It would leak somehow anyway.
"Yeah. Jake and I got engaged on Saturday" I had barely finished before Yvette squealed and jumped up from her desk to rush over to me
"No way! You sly thing, you! Show me the ring!" I held up my hand where Jacob's 2 carat diamond ring sat "Wow, Izzy! That's some ring! He must really love you!" my smiled faltered. I knew what was coming next
"Are you happy? You must really love him! Oh! You need an engagement shower!" I gently extracted my hand from hers and stepped back slightly
"No, no shower, please. Yes I am happy. Thank you. I gotta run, Siobhan. Court date!" I waved as I turned and hurried to my office. I could feel the tears prickling my eyelids and I wanted to be alone if they were going to make an appearance. I shut the door to my office and walked over to my desk, setting down my bag and laptop. I sank into my chair and leaned back, resting my head on the headrest. What is wrong with me? I had a gorgeous guy who loved me, wanted so badly to marry me. So why was I not happy about it? I shook myself out my thoughts as my cell rang.
"Hi Ali. What's up?"
"Nothing. Are you free for lunch?" I smiled. Alice and I worked only a few blocks from each other so we met up for lunch frequently. Once every other week Rosalie joined us. It was a bit further for her as she had to come from Richmond. But she had to come over for work anyway.
"Yeah. I'll be in court until about 12.30pm, but I'll be free after that. What are you thinking?"
"1pm. Bella Italia?" Bella Italia was our favourite restaurant not far from our offices. Alice always found it ironic that our favourite restaurant was named after my name. I knew better. It was just a coincidence.
"Sure, Ali. Isn't Rose coming down today?"
"Yeah. She'll meet us there" I could literally hear Alice bounce up and down in her excitement. My smile got wider
"Great! I'll see you guys there then!"
"Okay Izzy-Bella!" I sighed
"Izzy, Ali. Just Izzy" I reminded her. She pssht-d at me
"You will always be Bella to us, honey. But seeing as you insist on being called Izzy now, I compromised and decided to call you Izzy-Bella!" I couldn't help but laugh at her logic.
"Ok, fine Ali. See you at 1pm"
"Ok. See ya!" I hung up the phone.
An hour later, I was on my way downtown to the courts. I went over my notes for the case as the cab manoeuvred its way through the New York traffic. It was a simple case of drink driving, but my client was fighting it. I knew I would lose the case, but this is what I was getting paid a pretty penny for.
"That'll be $25, Ma'am." I glanced up and saw that we had arrived at the courthouse. I paid the cab and got out and walked up the steps. I was half way up the steps when I froze. I saw a flash of bronze hair. Familiar, so familiar. I slowly started forward again, keeping my eyes peeled for that familiar sight.
I had just reached the top when I spotted the sight again over the top of the rush of people who were bustling around me. I stopped dead and stared, unable to believe my eyes. I couldn't reconcile the sight in my mind. It couldn't be. Yet those long forgotten tingles told me it was so.
And then, as if he had felt my eyes on him he turned. Slowly. And then, he was staring right back at me, his mouth open in a silent 'O'. There in front of me stood the one face I had never thought I would see again; the one face that had haunted my mind and dreams for the last eight years, the one person who had the power to break me. The only person I had ever given that power to.
Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen.