Warnings: prostitution (lots of it, though most, if not all, will be on the business side), possible later Butters/Kenny, but I'm not promising anything there, otherwise no pairings whatsoever, Pimp!Butters

Episodes of consequence: "Raisins" is Season 7, Ep 14. "Butters' Bottom Bitch" is Season 13, Ep 9.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Is that not what the concept of fanfiction implies.

Not So Naïve Anymore

Everyone knows Kenny's a whore. What they don't know is that Butters is his pimp.

Butters' POV

It all started out very much like it did back in elementary. Except this time, we're eighteen, and this is on a whole other level. It really helped that I had done all this before, though, and this time I actually knew what I was doing and what I was getting myself into beforehand.

I seem to recall that I was actually pretty good in the business back then, despite my naivety and the fact that I was, like, nine; and it was only due to a personal decision on my part that I got out. I'm not so naïve anymore. I know now that those girls I picked up later on weren't selling kisses; that they were actual prostitutes. Good god. Looking back, I can't believe how naïve I really was. Psh, $2000 for kisses? I don't think so. What the hell. Then again, I was nine. And nobody ever actually told me what a pimp was. I guess they didn't really have a reason to; when I walked into that conference acting like I knew everything, I never gave anybody a reason or a chance to assume otherwise. And I know I probably could have asked Kenny about it, but again, I never thought I needed to. At least I had street cred, even other pimps respected me.

Anyway, enough about how much I thought I knew, and how little I really did. I came here to talk about now. I got to now by starting about a year ago. I was seventeen and about a month away from graduation. I had no plans for college or anything like that. If anything, I would have just taken a few classes at community college while flipping burgers someplace that smelled like grease.

I'll say now that a year ago I was a very different person than I am today. I was still the innocent and naïve little boy who was picked on by some and protected by others. I don't think I really noticed it then, but I'm really glad that's not where I am anymore. Fosse or Bill would trick me into trash-canning myself, and then Stan or Kyle would pull me out while Craig or Tweek went to go beat them up for me. I'm really glad I had people to stick up for me, but I don't like that they had to. Now I can stand up for myself, though I do keep Eric around as a bodyguard. It's mostly because he was bugging me for a job, and I was not about to put him on the streets. Most of my girls can handle themselves. But now I'm getting ahead of myself.

A year ago. I know it's likely because everyone was just trying to protect me like always, but I seriously don't know how I didn't find out about it before then. Kenny. He had been whoring himself out around town. For the better part of a year already. By the time I found out, it seemed like it was common knowledge among our classmates. I think I was shocked, though I really shouldn't have been. He's always been the complete opposite of me. Lack of money, plus love of sex, a prostitute makes. Anyway, classes had just ended, a group of us lingering by lockers, and someone made a joke or a reference or something to it. I didn't know, so I didn't get it. So I asked. But nobody wanted to say it aloud. I kept bugging them, asking what they were talking about, until finally Kenny pulled me aside and told me himself, apologizing profusely. Not so much for having kept it from me for so long, but more for that I had to find out.

It clicked almost immediately after. Same day, half an hour later, alone in my room, it clicked. I could do the same for Kenny that I had done for that girl all those years ago, and restart the whole business. I could be his pimp. Heck, it would give me something to do after high school.

Now, I'm a 5'4", little guy with light blond hair, light blue eyes, and not a lot of muscle, who wears bright colors, and occasionally hairclips and Hello Kitty merch. Anybody could look at me and "pimp" would be the last thing on their minds. But I had done it before, and I knew I could do it again.

So I went to Kenny. Right then and there. Didn't even say anything, just grabbed the keys, rushed out the door, hopped in my mom's car, and drove straight to Kenny's. Pretty sure my parents were yelling at me, probably something about grounding, but I just tuned them out as I walked out the door. I couldn't really be bothered to give a fuck. I only had one thing on my mind at that moment, and there was no room for parental threats. I don't even know if I got grounded for that when I eventually came back; not like it mattered at that point. It had already begun. And no amount of grounding was going to stop it.

Back on track, I waited on the McCormick front steps for the door to open.

"Butters? What are you doing here?" Kenny asked, confused, but still smiling. Not like I could blame him. I never really just showed up at people's houses on my own; I usually waited for them to come to me to get dragged along on their escapades.

"Um, well, I kinda need to talk to you, Kenny. Can I come in? Er…" I glanced around to see past him into the house, "Is anyone else home?"

"Nah. Well, nobody conscious, anyway. Come on in."

I followed him back to his room and shut the door behind us, where he flopped down on his bed and gestured to a chair I could sit in. I sat down for all of two seconds before getting up again out of nervousness.

Kenny raised an eyebrow at me, "So, what's up?"

"Oh. Yes. Well, um. It's…" I trailed off.


"It's about… i-it's about you bein' a…" I trailed off again.



"Uh huh. Okay, what about it? Again, I'm really sorry you had to find out about it—"

"No!" I had to cut him off. "No, it's not that. Please stop apologizing. It's nothin' like that at all."

"… Okay. So, what is it?" Kenny asked slowly.

"Actually, I'm a little embarrassed as to why I'm here. I'm not sure you'll believe me; it's really not like me at all," I began with a blush, my old nervous habit of rubbing my knuckles together making an appearance.

"You're not," pause and raise brows, "… are you?" he questioned in disbelief.

My eyes widened at the insinuation. "Oh god no! I wanna be your pimp!" I blurted out to avoid any more misunderstanding. I mean, seriously? That was twice already he'd gone ahead and assumed. If I let him keep guessing, he'd never get it. Immediately I was blushing, my hands flying to my mouth.

I had no idea how he would react. Well, really, I had acted so impulsively that I hadn't given much thought to how he might react. I wouldn't have thought he'd be mad or anything, but then I also didn't expect him to jump up and celebrate either. I just didn't know. I didn't even know if he already had a pimp; he'd been doing it for a while, though; he must have. And we weren't exactly the closest of friends, but I figured I knew him well enough that he wouldn't beat the crap out of me or something, not that he was the type to do anything like that anyway. I could only hope that he'd take me seriously.

"What?" he finally asked in breathy incredulity after a long, shock-filled silence.

Taking in a deep breath, I slowly and calmly repeated myself, "I want to be your pimp."

He slowly got up from his bed and made his way over to me, "Are you serious? I mean… this is like, completely unlike you, Butters."

"Then I guess you really don't know me as well as you thought you did. Yes. I am completely serious," I deadpanned, looking up at Kenny to meet his gaze exactly, without a hint of doubt.

"Well… Christ, do you even know what you're suggesting here?"

"Yes, Kenny, I know exactly what I am doing. Hard to believe, I know, whatever. But for once, this is a subject about which I am not ignorant. I've done this before," I stated deliberately, knowing exactly the response this would provoke.

"What? You've done this? What the hell are you talking about?" Kenny asked the inevitable, clearly taken aback.

Sighing, I began to explain, "Do you remember in elementary school? There was this girl sellin' kisses out behind the portables?"

"Yeah, I remember her. Sally something or other, right? What about her?"

"Well, after I got my kiss from her, I ended up gettin' her more customers for a cut. Then I expanded by gettin' more girls to sell kisses."

"That was you? You're the one who started all that?" he asked, his eyes widening even more than they had been this whole time.

"Yup," I said, finally sitting down.

"Whoa. I had no idea. Major props, man. You had a pretty good thing going there," he said, following my lead and falling back down on his bed, looking a little numb, like he was still processing this new information.

"Thanks, Ken," I said, starting to relax, nerves leaving me. He was taking this well, though I hadn't yet gotten an answer, but that was to be expected. "Yeah, I was actually pretty good at it, we were makin' quite a bit. I had a rep in the business, too, if you can believe it. I'm not even close to sure how word got out – it might have been that pimp convention, now that I think about it, I don't know – but soon enough other girls started coming to me, girls not from our school, girls off the street. By the time I shut down, half my crew were actual whores."

"You went to a pimp convention?" was the initial response, with a smirk. Then came the delayed reaction, "Wait, what? Holy fuck! You had real whores working for you? Damn, Butters!"

"Well, to be fair, back then I didn't know that," I answered shyly, blushing lightly. "I mean, I was nine, I didn't know what sex even was. I thought sellin' kisses was the extent of what bitches an' hoes did. I just thought those girls were just really good at sellin' kisses, with all the money they were bringin' me. Only later, after I'd learned what prostitutes really were, did I figure it out."

"Alright, point taken, I'll give you that. Still, that's impressive. Pretty hardcore for age nine," he agreed.

"Well, they had come to me 'cause word spread that I respected my bitches. They liked that, and that's where my reputation came from. And if you join me and let me be your pimp and help me get started again, I'll maintain that rep," I implored, getting back to the main point at hand. I had known that I would have to explain, but I still wanted an answer.

He gave a slow sigh, leaning back and looking down slightly. "Well," he began, "I don't know. I just… I mean, this is pretty weird. An hour ago, when I told you I was a whore in the first place, you were that innocent, naïve little kid that we all tried to protect from the harshness of the real world. But now… you're a fucking pimp… and a good one, at that. God, I had no idea. You know more about this than anyone could have imagined."

"Actually," I couldn't help it, "I'm pretty sure Stan, Kyle, and Eric knew at the time. In fact, Kyle's the one who told me I was a pimp in the first place. I think they pushed it out of their minds, though. They probably don't remember me doing all that anymore, so you're probably still right."

"Huh, go figure. Guess I was preoccupied by the girls themselves. Ah, so much well-spent money," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, probably…" I had to agree there. "Do you want some time to think about it?"

"… Yeah. But don't go anywhere," he added quickly. "I may need you here to answer any more questions. I think I'm still in shock here."

"Alrighty." After a pause, I continued, "Actually, I had a few questions for you, too, if ya don't mind. Uh, besides the obvious, 'will you work for me' question, I mean."

"Shoot. Might help me think it over to keep the conversation going."

"First, I wanted to know if, well, do you already have a pimp?"

"Well, yeah. I woulda thought you'd already know that, taking what you just told me into account."

"I kinda figured you did, as long as you've been doing this. I just wanted to make sure, you know? I know it'll be hard to leave him if you decide to come with me."

"Hmm… he can deal. Ultimately, it's my decision. He can't stop me from leaving if I so choose."

I let silence fall for a moment or two, "… What's he like?"

"Oh. He's alright. I mean, he's not particularly nice, but he doesn't yell or hit us. He's… I suppose he's lenient, but not too forgiving. He'll work with you to get you where you want to be, compromise, but if you screw up, he'll stick you in the seediest parts of town, making sure all you get is the cheap scum," he told me, adding with a shudder, "That's not nice. I've been there. Once only, thank god, but still, that was not fun."

I shuddered as well; then raised my eyebrows a little, "Only once?"

"It was just some stupid mistake I made early on that I easily could have avoided, so after that first time, I made sure to avoid any more stupid mistakes. Not to brag, but I am one of the best out there," he said smugly. 'Not to brag,' my ass. He so wanted to brag. But I didn't mind; he was speaking the truth. I knew that even then. And I certainly know it now.

"I'll bet," I chuckled, smiling at him.

"It's true!" he defended.

"I believe you!" When the look on his face didn't change, I rolled my eyes and continued, "Look, of course you are one of the best. I wouldn't have come to you had I thought any different. I'm serious about this, and if it's going to work, I need serious players on my team."

He looked at me for a long time before speaking again, nodding a little, as it to convince himself, "You really are serious. And I think you'd really pull it off, too. And I never thought I'd be saying that about you pimping." I shrugged at him with a look that said, 'there ya have it,' and he sighed, glancing down, "So… if I were to accept your offer… what would happen, exactly?"

"We would talk business." I was feeling a lot more confident by this point, posture casually relaxed in the desk chair. "Honestly, I haven't had much time to think about that – I came over here practically the second it hit me – but I know from before exactly what needs to be done, so I have a plan in place without even really thinking about it."

"How solid are we talking?"

"Like, plan out working around school, scheduling, then plans for after graduation (seeing as it's only about a month away), makin' sure we both do graduate (I don't want you endin' up a dropout), hire on more girls, talk money, find a location to work out of, tell my parents I got a job of some sort that's not this (I really don't wanna get grounded for this, I'm treatin' it as my chance to end that crap), network the underground… like that solid. I'll think of more."

"Oh, wow. You weren't kidding. You really do have everything planned out. And all that was just off the top of your head? Like, you didn't have to think about that at all?"

"It's all comin' back to me; I'm gettin' back into the mindset," I shrugged. "Most of that, I did back then. I got all the way to the hiring on more girls part on my own. Then I found out about the convention, and that took care of the rest. Meeting other pimps covered networking, and a few of them were even nice enough to teach me the basics right then and there at the party. Overall, it kinda happened as if it was second nature to me. I didn't have to think about it to make it happen then; I don't have to think about it to make it happen now."

"Dude, you just keep impressing me more and more with each sentence. I think I have to stop you before you overload my brain," he declared, lying back on his bed.

"I'll let you have a moment," I smirked.

Kenny laid there for several minutes with his eyes closed, brows furrowed in thought, while I watched him, waiting patiently. He was beautiful. I knew it wasn't an easy decision I was asking him to make. He was probably doing pretty well with his current pimp, and I really had no way of knowing if he could do better with me. I just hoped he thought he might. And not half an hour ago, I was just a naïve friend, while now I was asking something of him that was probably outside of his comprehension of that friend. He would have never expected anything even close to this to come from me. Cartman, sure. Craig, why not. Heck, Kyle even, before me. So it was easy to understand his current lack of response to the situation.

Finally, he sat back up. He looked at me, reading my face, for a good long moment. He spoke at last, words forming slowly, "Okay, you probably know that this was the last thing I expected from you when you walked in my front door earlier. You've always been the sweet little boy, innocent to the harsh world, who we've always had to protect and… walk on eggshells around, phrasing things delicately so we wouldn't taint that. But in the time you've been here, you've managed to turn that upside down. I'll tell ya one thing; I'll never underestimate you again. After this, I don't think anything you told me could surprise me anymore. It's almost like that persona we've always known is some kind of… reputation you've been keeping up or something. Come to think of it, innocence is your reputation. Though, now I can't tell if it's fake or not. Why someone would fake such a level of naivety, I can't grasp. It would only further taint your image."

"It wasn't fake. But I can see how you might come to that conclusion," I told him honestly, taking his pause to interject momentarily.

He nodded, and then pushed past it, letting a grin spread, "But you are a good friend, Butters. You're still sweet, and anyone who's spent any time with you loves you (other than Cartman, but he doesn't count)."

This made me smile, "Aw heck, Kenny, thanks. And Eric means well. At least, he thinks he does. He means well for himself, and he misunderstands that for general well-meaning," I allowed, though in the back of my mind, some small part of me wanted to pull out my old Chaos persona and slap 'the Coon' around a bit.

"I know. There's nothing we can do about that," Kenny sighed. He paused to get back on topic, "But you. You're still my friend, and I care about you and don't want to see you get hurt out there. But then, I have to remember everything you just told me. And with that in mind, frankly, I think you can handle yourself. At least, you have the means to make sure you have back-up and protection so nothing can even get close enough to harm you. And that says power. And in this… industry, power is important. So… I really do think you have what it takes. And… I… I want to help you get there. I want to be there to see you do it. I'll do it," he finished with a determined nod.