Author's Note: Alright, after the last episode I just know Castiel has had something to do with Sam's soul/soullessness. It's one of the only things I can think of that could make the brothers see him as a traitor. Even then, I don't think Sam would blame him with that major guilt trip he's on.
Anyway, purposefully vague because I don't know exactly what Cas has done, but I'm so sure he's done something.
Also, did anyone notice the rock-paper-scissors thing? Either Sam forgot Dean always throws scissors (ah! Wall!), or he lost on purpose (aw, sweet) ^_^
Summary: The wall cracks more and Sam recalls something Cas had hoped he wouldn't. Slight 6x17 spoilers.
Goodbye Blue Skies
Castiel answered Dean's call the moment he mentioned 'Sam' and 'happened again'. He's in the boys motel room where only one bed is occupied, the man sitting up, head in his hands until Cas announces his presence. Green eyes meet his with desperation and no time is wasted on pleasantries.
"Seized again. Remembered again. Won't talk to me. Hasn't said a damned word."
Help. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him. Helphelphelphelphelp.
Sam isn't far away; doesn't stray far now for both their sakes. Too dangerous for Sam. Too much knife-edge worry for Dean.
The younger Winchester is silent, hands in his pockets as his breaths turn to fog in the cold. The trepidation and concern in Cas becomes more pronounced. He's mere feet away when Sam speaks, voice graveled and soft.
"I know what you did." Castiel closes his eyes tightly and clenches his jaw. He doesn't know why he does it. It serves no purpose. Maybe a part of him thinks he can block it out, make this all go away. Make it so Sam doesn't know. Not yet. He wasn't ready. Castiel wasn't ready for the changed way Sam would see him now.
Sam is standing eerily still, his back to Castiel. He doesn't look at him. Doesn't look at anything really. The angel feels dread creeping it's tendrils around him. He takes a long time to choose any words at all. They all seem grossly inadequate.
"I remembered." Castiel's teeth snap shut. He abandons his first thought. He won't do Sam the disservice of trying to conjure up a lie. "I know what you did to me."
"Sam…I'm so…sorry. I'm-"
"Don't ever tell Dean."
Confusion is immediate. The brothers were careful not to keep any secrets from each other, not anymore. And this was certainly a large secret. Castiel isn't anxious to lose Dean as a friend as well, but he asks the only thing he can.
Sam refusing to look at Cas is killing something inside him. There's no anger in the hunter's voice. No contempt or malice.
He sounds so tired….
"You're his friend. He'll need friends."
'When I'm not here anymore, not me anymore. When I can't see him anymore because of you. You did this. It was you. It was you.'
Cas is sure that last part was in his head, but he wants Sam to say it. Because it's true and he deserves it and they both know it.
Sam turns to walk back to the room. Back to Dean to grasp and claw and try to hold onto every second they have left.
He comes within inches of brushing Cas's shoulder, but his eyes are fixed only on the door. Cas wishes Sam understood other languages so he could find a better word to use than 'sorry' because Castiel was so damn sorry.
The angel freezes as Sam walks past him, soft voice caught on the breeze, but so strong and without a hint of deceit that Cas feels weak all of a sudden.
"I forgive you."
Sam forgives Castiel his sins and the angel hangs his head as this tortured soul-friend-brother takes on a responsibility of absolution that should have been his own.
Castiel stands there for a long time after Sam has returned to the motel room. For the life of him, he can't think of anywhere he wants to go. He stands there so long it begins to rain. Two drops fall on his cheek and the angel thinks it funny.
There's not a cloud in the sky.