A/N: I seem to write far too many Warblers meetings (seriously, what's up with that?) - but okay. This particular one was inspired by a pic I found on the Glee Wikia, of the 'Warblers page in the Dalton yearbook', or something. I have no idea if it's 'real' or fanmade, but it sure beats having to come up with names every single time I want to write something set at Dalton. Anyway, while looking at the names, I found some... possible, but probably improbable, family relations there, so I wrote this. (it's far less funny when I'm writing this than when it happened...) I made up most relations here (because yes, I know, people with the same last name aren't necessarily family - and the same goes for people who don't even have the same last name), and you'll easily recognise the canon ones, I'm sure :P
Anyway, hopefully you'll enjoy the story, and please leave a review at the bottom :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or anything related to it.
The Warblers meetings shortly after Regionals were vastly different from the ones before; for one, they were shorter, deemed less important, and nobody seemed very enthusiastic anymore. They made Kurt feel relieved that he hadn't been there in previous years, when the Warblers had never got past Sectionals. He didn't think he would've survived these depressive meetings for the better part of the school year.
On Friday, however, practice was even worse than the days before. Everyone was quieter than ever, which, in turn, seemed to make Wes incredibly antsy (as he didn't have to use his gavel as much).
"Thad, are you okay?" Jeff eventually broke the silence, and everyone turned their gazes towards the council member who looked like he could have a nervous breakdown any second. Wes, apparently deciding that this was better than nothing, nudged Thad with his gavel – that, and not Jeff's question, seemed to break Thad out of his stupor.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied hastily, frowning as he noticed everyone staring at him. "Nothing's wrong."
"Didn't you have dinner with the family tonight?" David asked, and at least three-quarters of the Warblers in the room flinched as he said this. Kurt, however, had no idea why. Although, if this meeting was going to take longer than usually, he would be late for dinner with his family too. He wondered if that would make his fellow Warblers would flinch as well.
At Thad's almost unnoticeable nod, Wes patted him on the back consolingly, but nobody looked about to explain the situation to Kurt or the other few students who weren't clued in about this family yet. "What's so horrible about having dinner with the family?" Kurt therefore asked, glancing around the room. "I have dinner with mine at least once a week."
"But yours doesn't keep trying to persuade your parents to transfer you to another school," Thad exclaimed dramatically. Now, that wasn't entirely true – ever since Regionals last weekend, Finn had constantly been on Kurt's case, trying to get him to transfer back to McKinley, because apparently, New Directions had realised only now that he was an indispensable asset for them to win Nationals. He chose not to mention this, however.
"Why do they want you to switch schools?" he asked instead. "There are only a couple of months left in your senior year…"
"Thad's uncle used to coach Aural Intensity – " David started, but Kurt interrupted him.
"Who, the chipper homosexual? The one coach Sylvester pushed down the stairs twice to take over as their director?"
"He's still in the hospital," Thad muttered, staring at the table in front of him, but the other Warblers turned towards Kurt.
"The chipper homosexual? Seriously, Kurt?" Wes asked in a disbelieving tone.
Kurt shrugged. "That's what Mercedes and Tina said Mr Schue told them coach Sylvester described him as. What?" he asked as everybody kept staring. "I've heard more offensive things coming out of her mouth or directed at me. Or out of her mouth, directed at me, for that matter."
"Anyway," Wes said, banging his gavel for good measure to prevent other Warblers from speaking up, "two of Thad's cousins – all on his mother's side of the family – are also in that group, so you can bet that they wanted him there too. His parents never gave in, though – every son born in his father's family has attended or will attend Dalton at some point."
"But it does make the family dinners a bit awkward for them," Nick continued.
"Especially now that we both lost at Regionals, and we don't even know who came in second and who third," Thad said miserably. "I bet that I'm going to have to listen to them telling me why Aural Intensity was obviously a very close second the entire night. Or perhaps they'll tell me that if I had joined their club, they would've won, or something. I don't know."
"If we can't reach you by tomorrow afternoon, we'll send out a search party," Trent promised, and a few others nodded solemnly.
"That must be weird, having cousins in another Glee club," Kurt mused out loud, and to his surprise, a few Warblers laughed at this.
"That happens a lot, though," David informed him. "You know, various family members in different groups. Don't you have a stepbrother in New Directions?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yes, exactly – a stepbrother. We're not actually related. I only – I mean, our parents only met when we were in the same Glee club already."
Jeff gestured to the two boys sitting on the couch next to his. "Cameron and Richard are cousins too – I know, they don't really look anything alike – "
"We hear that a lot," Cameron butted in as Richard shot the room a lopsided grin.
"Still, it's true," Wes said, and now, the two cousins shrugged simultaneously.
"Never said it wasn't," Richard reminded him.
"Anymore family relationships I need to be informed of?" Kurt asked, looking around the room suspiciously.
David and Wes exchanged looks, but before they could say anything, Jeff had taken over again. "Nicholas here thinks he's related to one of the New Directions students too."
Kurt turned around in his seat, half facing Blaine. Only then did he realise that his boyfriend had, rather uncharacteristically, kept his mouth shut during this entire meeting. Blaine was, however, already looking at Nicholas, so he wouldn't notice if Kurt sent him any concerned glances.
Nicholas nodded excitedly. "Yeah, my… second cousin, or something! He's the tall one, you know? Last name's Hudson – so is mine, you see?"
Now, Blaine did glance at Kurt, who could only stare at Nicholas. "Finn?" Kurt asked uncertainly. "Finn Hudson is your second cousin?"
Again, Nicholas nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, he is. I've still got some pictures of us playing together when we were younger. Did you know that he was actually pretty small back then?"
"I can't imagine Finn being small at any age," Blaine muttered, finally saying something, and Kurt almost wanted to cry out in mock-surprise, but there were more pressing matters at hand.
"He's my stepbrother!" he exclaimed, and now, Nicholas looked happier than ever.
"Oh, wow!" he said. "That makes us like… step-second cousins, or something! How cool is that?"
For half a second, Kurt needed to remind himself that yes, Nicholas was actually a junior as well, and not some overly excited freshman, or a middle schooler who had accidentally walked in at some point during the meeting.
"You weren't at the wedding," he said after that – of course, what he meant was that Nicholas and his parents had apparently not been in Carole's contacts so he, as the wedding planner, could send them an invitation.
"Family troubles," Nicholas informed him. "Apparently, my dad and some of his brothers and cousins tried to get custody over Finn after his father's death, only partially, I think – because they didn't think that his mother could bring him up by herself."
Well, that was nothing Kurt wanted to get involved in and, he suspected, neither did Nicholas himself. "I could ask Carole if you could come over some time?" he suggested, and, once more, Nicholas' face lit up.
"That would be great! Thanks, Kurt, I owe you one!"
As Nicholas bounced in his seat, Kurt turned towards Blaine. "Do you have any distant relatives I should know about?" he asked, but Blaine just shrugged in reply.
Wes and David, however, seemed to have other plans. "What about Jesse?" Wes asked loudly, causing Kurt to look from the council members to his boyfriend and back.
"You know, your cousin? The one who's in LA now?" David added, grinning.
"Jesse St James?" Kurt asked, aghast. "Ex-member and lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline? He's your cousin?"
"Uh… yeah," Blaine replied. "Why?"
"Why?" Kurt repeated somewhat shrilly. "Blaine, when were you going to tell me this? Were you ever going to tell me this, or was I supposed to find out whenever your family all gets together and I happen to be invited? Trust me," he ended in a lower voice, "that would not have ended well."
"You have something against Jesse, Kurt?" Wes asked, a little too happy about Kurt's distress. "He seems like a cool guy. Very talented, too."
"He's a traitor, he's awful, and arrogant, and he likes humiliating others! He – " Kurt had much more to say about Jesse St James, but he was interrupted.
"What exactly did he do to you, Kurt?" Nick asked, looking at him with wide eyes.
"He tried to sabotage us last year before Regionals," Kurt replied in a haughty voice. "He joined New Directions, then left a week before the competition. He dated Rachel and then threw eggs at her in the parking lot, even though she's a vegan."
"Wait – Jesse went to McKinley?" Blaine asked, seeming flabbergasted. "What – oh."
"What, 'oh'?" Kurt demanded. Now that he knew that his boyfriend was related to Jesse St James (out of all the people he could be related to, it had to be him), he wanted a full explanation. Or at least a little one – he'd pry the rest of the story out of him some other time.
"Jesse lived with us – well, with my parents – for a few months last school year. I wondered what was up with that, but he never told me."
Kurt muttered under his breath. That evil, conniving –
"And he dated Rachel?" David asked with interest. "The girl who sang during Regionals? The one Blaine – "
"Yes, that's Rachel," Blaine said loudly, flushing a little as he glared at David, who didn't seem fazed in the least.
"And yes, Jesse dated her," Kurt replied. "What, you didn't know about that?"
"Obviously not," Jeff snickered as Blaine continued to look baffled.
"I was barely home last year while Jesse was there," Blaine answered Kurt's question. "I think he mentioned having a girlfriend at some point, but I didn't know her name or anything."
"But he went there to sabotage you?" Thad, who had apparently recovered enough to contribute to the conversation again, asked Kurt.
"Yes, he did," Kurt replied firmly. "Sure, he made up some cover up tales – which reminds me… if we're talking about family relationships between members and coaches of different Glee clubs – did you know Shelby Corcoran is Rachel's birth mother?"
Now, Blaine was gaping at him; the entire room was silent.
"Shelby Corcoran, who coached Vocal Adrenaline the past few years?" Wes asked. When Kurt nodded, he continued, "So she sent Jesse Rachel's way to – why?"
"She's just her birth mother," Kurt told Wes, and the rest of the group. "She had no say at all in Rachel's upbringing, they never even met – and weren't supposed to until Rachel turned eighteen. But all of a sudden, she decided that she did want to know her daughter, and so she sent Jesse to help Rachel figure it out, or something."
"But of course, it had to happen right before Regionals," David concluded.
"Rachel and Jesse met pretty soon after Sectionals, but yeah, he didn't really break up with her until a week before the competition," Kurt responded.
"And now? Rachel never mentioned her mother…," Blaine said.
"Neither of them could completely handle it," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes at that dramatic situation. "You know, getting to know each other after sixteen years of not knowing each other. So they didn't stay in touch, as far as I know, and Rachel doesn't scream it from the rooftops that her mother pretty much abandoned her twice." Then, he remembered something. "But, Shelby Corcoran did adopt Quinn and Puck's daughter. Does that count as another inter-choir family relationship?"
"Quinn and Puck's daughter?" Blaine, and after him, most of the other Warblers, echoed.
"That's a story for another time," Kurt waved him off. "If I don't leave now, I'll be late for Friday night dinner. Oh – Blaine, don't think we're done talking about this, by the way. And I'll ask if you can join us next week." At this, Blaine visibly blanched, but at least he attempted to not let it show too much. Thad also blanched, but for an entirely different reason. "You'll survive," Kurt told him, before turning to Wes. "Are we done?"
Wes waved his hand for a second before remembering that that was, indeed, the hand with the gavel, and he accidentally hit David over the head with it. "Yes, Warbler Kurt – consider this meeting over."
And with that, they all left. A very happy Nicholas called after Kurt to remind him of his promise, but Kurt was gone before he could finish. Friday night dinner would definitely be interesting now.
A/N: So... what do you think? Let me know, please review! :D