Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable characters here within.

Warnings: Graphic M/M sex, sad attempts at humor, Granger Danger.


Before Hermione could utter a single syllable, the Fat Lady cleared her throat and enunciated carefully and loudly "I said, do you have the password, dear girl? You need it to be allowed entrance to the Gryffindor common room, you know." As if she could see behind her painting, she tossed her head back nervously.

An exasperated look flooded Hermione's face as she resisted hexing the painting open. "Yes, yes, I know. This is the fifteenth time you've asked and informed me - if you could just let me spea-"

"Are you sure you're even in the right area, dear?" A bead of sweat grew and began to roll down the painted woman's face. "I'm quite sure I've never seen you here before - you must be a lost little Hufflepuff - terribly thick your house has always been, deary. Not that I meant any offense, its just that - well, let me tell you a story about your founder..."

Hermione's hand inched closer to her wand.

After years and years of trying nearly every remedy known to wizard and muggle, Harry learned one thing that managed to subdue his hair - sweat. Never before, despite the physically strenuous activity of running away from Dudley for most of his life, had any activity caused him to sweat so profusely. It seemed that the addition of a partner was what he had always needed to get the proper workout. A large hand ran through Harry's sweat drenched hair before teasingly dancing back along the side of his body - large hands, Keeper hands, the hands of Ron Weasley, Harry's secret. It was no secret to the school that the two were best mates and connected at the hip - the secret part was how, in private, without clothing, they retained their attachment and enjoyed it immensely so.

Ron's hands clumsily slid along Harry's rib cage. Harry's moans easily dripped from his panting lips. They had barely touched each other yet, but both were far beyond eager. With Umbridge, and DA and the normal day to day annoyances of school, the boys hadn't been able to get any time alone in over a month. Their lingering touches, and hungry glances grew so sensual that even Hermione - they're brilliant, and oblivious, best friend - commented on their overt closeness. It was that comment that had drove them to skip potions class and meet here, in the Gryffindor common room, to relieve their tension.

They hadn't had much patience as they renewed their tryst, and as such, after the robes were removed, only Ron's shirt was off, while Harry's was loosely hanging from his shoulders - each button having been ripped open. Of course, each had managed to open their pants and pull them down to their respective thighs, allowing easy access of their attention hungry members.

Harry rocked back and forth on his hands and knees, causing friction to erupt between the crevasse in his arse and Ron's throbbing cock. His glasses slipped down his sweat slick nose and off his damp ears, falling to the ground soundlessly. Not caring to pick them up, Harry focused intently on the sensations and noises within the room. It was only then that he noticed - it sounded like there was a commotion outside the common room. Harry lifted his head to stare towards the back of the painting. Weren't they supposed to be waiting for something...? "R-ron? I think there's- fuck!"
Ronald smirked victoriously as Harry quivered. His hand had finally ended its descent and wrappped around Harry's prick. Rather than beat it madly, he lazily massaged his fingers up and down - pale hips sped up and did most of the work for the two boys.


Hermione, as if it were possible, craned her neck to try to see around the Fat Lady. That exclamation sounded suspiciously like two things - a moan, and her best friend, Harry.

Anxiously playing along with Hermione's delusion that she could see around a painting, the Fat Lady adjusted herself to block the irritated girl. "That's the new password, it seems one of your mates is trying to help you out."


The Fat Lady raised a thin, manicured eyebrow. "Did you learn nothing in Flitwick's class, dear? Were you that silly chap that blew his eyebrows right off? You have to say it in the same tone, of course!"

Hermione fiercely blushed and opened her mouth to blatantly refuse - the Fat Lady's triumphant smirk stopped her cold. With a determined and horrifcally embarassed look she cleared her throat and "Oh! Merlin, yes!" Hermione nearly shrieked in a girlish moan all her own.

Without missing a beat, the Fat Lady replied. "Except the password just changed again. Security measures, dear. You understand."

Not that Ron didn't love stroking Harry and causing him pleasure, but this situation was a win-win. The more he stroked Harry's needful cock, the more Harry bucked, and the more Harry bucked the more sensation he got from his own long neglected member.

Having not been able to touch his Harry for over a month made him desperate to make up for lost time. Ron eyed Harry's tie, still hanging loosely around his neck, obviously completely forgotten in their lust. One of those rare moments when the youngest Weasley son had a good idea occured. Slowly, he bent forward, making sure his hips stays completely connected with Harry's, and grabbed the tie. Only after returning to his upright kneeling position, did Ron make Harry aware of his new discover. He jerked the tie in his direction twice to give Harry the idea. After Harry began to shakily get up onto his knees, Ron released the tie and snaked his right arm around Harry's torso to help him up. Violently, he jerked Harry up and pulled their ubodies flush against each other. Harry yelped, and turned to Ron with a question in his eyes. Unhindered by those awful glasses, Harry's green eyes were breathtaking. For a second, they made Ron forget his plan. Only a second, though.

Taking advantage of Harry's turned head, Ron used his teeth to grab the proffered left ear lobe. Ron grunted as he continued to push against Harry and pump him. "I want to fuck you."

"Perhaps you could go ask Dumbledore for assistance with your terrible ineptness."

Hermione's right eye twitched slightly. "Alright, I'll go down to his office, then."

"Oh, no. He's out in the forbidden forest."

"What could he be doing out there?"

"Making sure its still forbidden, of course!"

Harry groaned as he attempted to continue pushing into Ron's hand and back against hit heated, throbbing cock. Those were sent shivers and shock waves through his body. They always did. His knees were shaking, barely any help in supporting him. Harry relied on the strong, muscled arm wrapped around him to keep him up. Ron would always keep him steady.

"Yesssss..." His word stretched out into a low hiss as Harry could feel Ron's length practically begging for entrance. "But, not enough time. I need to come." He had never mastered the art of speaking in anything but stuttered broken sentences while in the heat of passion.

Ron pulled Harry closer and whispered, "There's always time. We have all the time in the world." The irony of the statement considering Harry's situation made it all the sweeter for him.

"My dear lady, what has this young Gryffindor in such a state? She interrupted my weekly stroll through the forest, banished the werewolf I was conversing with, started to drag me away, and hex a whole lot of centaurs that crossed our path."

The Fat Lady swallowed nervously at the politely curious blue eyes eyes. "Professor Dumbledore, this young /girl/ - as I am unsure of her title - is not only out and about during class hours, a fine time for sneaking I must say, but also, she has yet to provide me with the proper password."

Hermione instantly rounded on Dumbledore in an instant, her wand still waving about, already having proven what it was capable of, and her right eye having developed a curious twitch. "I am 'out and about' during class time because I needed to grab my textbook for Potions. And /this/," she gestured wildly to the Fat Lady with her wand, who flinched at the menacing piece of wood. "painting has changed the password no less than seven times since I first came upon her, well over an hour ago, has questioned my house loyalties, and nearly accused me of being a spy for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Professor Dumbledore," Her wand came back around to point at him and slowly waver from her shaky grip and near-whole body tremors. "If you do not have this painting step aside and allow me to retrieve my textbook, so I can possibly receive a quarter of the credit for the surprise examination today with the ten minutes of class I have left, you will have to find a new Gryffindor Common Room keeper because there won't be so much as a shred left of this monstrosity left when I'm done with her." Her wand began tracing a line between Dumbledore and the Fat Lady.

A barely visible Adam's Apple bobbed nervously, nearly submerged, it rather looked like a slow wave along the bloated skin of the Fat Lady's now damp neck. She snapped her fingers as her facial expression lifted. "Such violence. Of course, she must be a Slytherin! You'll be looking for the dungeons, dear. Down seven floors, there's an unmistakable stench of decay, sanctimonious slime, and evil - can't miss it." Her small eyes watched Dumbledore nervously and strained to hear. Wait, she didn't hear anything. Were they finally done?

"Stupefy! Confringo! Diffindo! Expulso! Bombarda! Lacarnum Inflamarae!"

Harry quickly backed away and into Ron as he heard shrieks and spells being screeched. The Common Room entrance fell inward in several burning pieces. Hermione stood before them, both eyes twitching as a smile of deranged satisfaction spread over her face. Dumbledore was standing behind her, a healthy distance away, looking concerned. A large woman was running through paintings, still screaming.

Her wand still raised, Hermione tilted her head and demanded. "Harry, Ron, what are you two doing here and not in potions?"