His perfect eyes, his perfect mouth. The way that he looked at me with his stunning midnight blue eyes and the way that he kissed me with his perfect mouth I would have never guessed who or what he really was. When he said he loved me in his perfect tone of voice I would just melt and believe him so willingly. Oh and the way he smiled with every tooth perfectly straight and white I belonged to no one but him. This is how I used to feel about him before I ran away on that day three years ago. I should have seen it… I do see it now….when I look back….
From the moment he told me he loved me he would walk me home from school everyday. He waited patiently outside the gates rain or shine. And I would smile and run into his willing arms. He was my Mamo Chan and I was his Usako. My heart and brain were stupid back then. I was just so naive.
I always found myself watching him as we walked. Staring at his ridiculous beauty. I should give myself more credit than I do… I did notice a darkness in him, but with all of the things that I had gone through in life I knew the he alone could brighten my world in a way that no one could ever understand. So I gave blind eyes at that dark spot and focused purely on the love that we shared. I didn't think he could open those wounds.
I had seen many terrifying things, especially as a child. My parents killed… murdered in front of my eyes. It never stopped me from loving, nor caring for those I held close. In fact I cherished them even more. I still remember that day… I know I will never forget. Those monsters that pulled me away from my loving family will forever remain in my brain. Why did he lie to me? Why did I fall for him? Stupid! The monsters that live in Tokyo are still there. It makes me think of how it all began…
Mamoru Chiba and I had fought for so long. He constantly made fun of me and my lack of what most would call in-consistency in my academic life. He made fun of my hair, my voice, my lack of grace… if there was something to make fun of well he found it. I of course fought back and I made fun of his perfect silky hair, his perfect satin voice, he perfect grades and anything else I could rearranged negatively that was perfect about him in to something bad. Looking back now I should have noticed the men that surrounded him but most my focus had always been on him as their focus was on him as well. I was so ignorant to his situation. He looked like he was in collage, studying to be a business professional like the rest of Japanese collage men. He would come in to the Crown and sit down on a stool at the bar drinking his coffee and chatting with Motoki who I thought was his only friend. Boy was I wrong. The moment he would see me he would find a way to get under my skin. I sighed at the memory of him joking with me like it was normal and fine. It was all pretend. A show for me. A trap.
My friends could tell by the way I looked at him especially my cousin Minako. She knew how I felt about him and they encouraged me when he was not around. I never thought that I could be with him. It was after the winter formal and my friends and my date Ryu had come in to the Crown. Mamoru sat at the counter expectant to my arrival as he always was when he "randomly" ran in to me all over Tokyo, as I didn't put together the pieces until now of how we always just so coincidentally ran in to each other. I thought it was fate…it was a plot. He as usual had a coffee in hand and acted as if he didn't know I would be there. Now I know I was upset to see him sitting there at this moment in life due to the fact that he would never think of me more than a child. If I would have been paying attention I would have noticed the four handsome young men scattered, always scattered, around the Crown pretending to do nothing but in my memories of dwelling on "us" I can see them in the frames of my memories. Maybe back then I wouldn't have put two and two together but now I understand. Maybe back then Ii I truly understood the magnitude of the situation I could have tried to change it then again maybe I would have welcomed it. I know one thing, he never would have allowed me to leave him in those moments that much I am sure of.
I remember I was happy to see him as soon as we walked though the doors, I shouldn't have been because he would most likely make fun of me in front of my date and then we would argue. He just sipped on his coffee as he watched Ryu and I slip in to a private booth in the back. I liked Ryu, he was one of the cutest boys in my class and I was so lucky when he asked me to the formal. I had to go buy the dress myself, without my mother, but I knew she would have thought I looked pretty in the antique pink strapless gown that I purchased with the little money that I was left with from my parents will. My hair looked elegant and I didn't have that much makeup on, so why on a night I felt so pretty did Mamorou make that face at me. A disgusted face. It was one of the reasons that I sat in the back private book with Ryu, my heart hurt when I saw that look in his eye. I remember excusing myself to the ladies room to gather my thoughts. I laugh now thinking of the pep-talk I gave myself in the bathroom and I tried so hard to exit the bathroom door with my head held high. I was a silly girl… it didn't work. When I came back I joined him in the booth. We didn't sit toward Mamoru, in fact we faced away from him, sitting closely together, Ryu had put his arm around my shoulders and I wouldn't say it was romantic or uncomfortable just well date like. I felt I needed comfort because in all of my arguments with Mamoru he never looked at me like… that.
Ryu told me for the fiftieth time how pretty I looked and I remember being grateful for the first time since he told me so. I was glad that he was there to try and erase the look on Mamorus face the moment he saw me.
"Thanks… " I whispered softly.
"You really are Tsukino-san. I am so glad you said yes to going with me. I was sure that you were going to go with Tsukasa-san. Did you have fun?"
"I sure did. Dancing was great and I am so glad that all of Lita and Rei's hard work paid off in the end. They worked so hard on this dance. Thank you for asking me." By this time I know I was looking right in his eyes hoping to show how full of gratitude for all the dances and the compliments mine were. His eyes were so sincere… and then things changed. He moved in on me and I froze like a deer in the headlights. I didn't want to kiss him. He was a friend. It was at the last second that I dodged the bullet.
"Tsukino…" This time he growled my name and grabbed my face.
What was happing… why would Ryu act this way?
I pulled away again and he grabbed my arms firmly. And he tried to pull me in…
That was really the end… Ryu was off me in a matter on seconds Mamoru's strong arms pulling me away from him.
"Don't you ever touch her again." He warned in a tone that made me shake. It was so authoritative.
"Get off her." Ryu yelled back stumbling up from behind the booth where he fell.
"You stay the fuck away from her… if you ever come near Usagi –san again I'll kill you."
Ryu was out the door and I was just shocked… did Mamoru just pull Ryu off me…. Oh Ryu… did he just try and attack me… we had fun and why would he do that…
I didn't realize I was speaking aloud the whole time.
"Why did he… Ryu… why did he…" I mumbled over and over in Mamoru's arms.
"Usagi… Shhh.. its over. I think you should let me walk you home."
"Oh… no… it's okay really…" I couldn't comprehend what had just happened and this was not the time I needed Mamoru picking on me.
"Really, it's fine." He put his coat around me and walked me out the door. My memories now recall him giving a random head nod to them… his men. His men that were keeping my friends entertained.
It was cold out but I didn't feel it. My heels clacked on the sidewalk next to his silent shoes as we walked down the street.
"Usgai.. say something." He said after a few moments of walking.
My head was going so fast.. why did Ryu do that.. grab me that way… why did I act so friendly with him I must have given him the wrong idea but I just needed some comfort after Mamoru's glare…
"U… Sa… Gi…"
"Why did you look at me that way!" I said then gasping and putting my hands over my mouth trying to shove the words back in.
"Huh…" He looked down at me in wonder. I couldn't look up I was so embarrassed and I was about to give away my greatest secret.
"Come on Odango tell me what on your small brain tonight." He started to rattle my nerves I would not give in. So I stopped.
"You have walked me far enough Chiba.. I can make it far enough on my own."
" Don't be so ungrateful." He said and grabbed my arm to give me a short tug in the direction of my house. He looked angry and frustrated like a small child.
I stood still like a stature. He looked at me incredulously and I literally put my foot down.
"Go away, Chiba. I don't need your help anymore. I could have dealt with Ryu-san on my own!"
"It sure didn't look like it." He gave a smug smile.
"Maybe I wanted it!"
He was in my face, anger clearly in his tone, "No you didn't and I'm not letting you walk home alone. So stop standing there and let's go."
"And, I'm not letting you walk me home anymore!"
"And I'm not letting you out of my sight!" He yelled back at me.
"What so you can look at me like I'm hideous like you did at the Crown!"
"Usgai get real your one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my life now let's go." He let out quickly. It was the first time I saw him let his guard down. I knew he told me the truth.
This time I didn't stand still in anger… I just stopped to replay his words.
"What… what did you just say?"
His anger disaplacted and his cool calm face held a look that like most of my memories of him I will never forget. He grabbed my hand in his large on and let his other caress the side of my face.
"Usagi…" he smooth voice said my name and I felt chills down my spine. "You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Nothing about you is hideous… The look was one of… well I didn't expect you to have a date." He growled out the word date.
I know I swooned at his intense gazes and licked my lips in anticipation, "Mamoru this is just not the right time to play such mean tricks on me." I could feel the tears in my eyes.
"Usako, they aren't tricks. I really just love you." And he kissed me… it from then until that hateful day it was nothing but happiness.
Now, I know that if he had it his way he would have always kept me in the dark. Locked me up from the rest of the world and kept me in my ignorant bubble. I know it dumb to think we could have stayed happy that way, him protecting me and me just being naive.
One day I remember sitting on the sofa with him. I was lying on his chest reading my newest manga and he was just watching me. As usual he received a phone call and gave a ton of yes, no, where, when… it was just another day. On this day he got up abruptly knocking me off of him and started yelling in to the phone. I was stunned so much that I really only heard part of his rant but I know it was about money and diamond. Not diamonds ,plural, just one diamond. It was quite odd. He reached for me apologizing profusely for dropping me and I know that I was a bit dumb struck but something about his conversation struck a nerve in me. It showed though on my very readable face.
"Usako what's wrong? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry." He caressed my face and kissed my lips gently.
"I don't like that…" I whispered to him.
"I was just upset I didn't mean to forget you where there." His eyes showed sympathy in them and he pulled me back down to the couch and caressed my hair.
"Baby, what's really wrong?" He said after a few moments of silence. I could tell by me keeping quite that it bothered him.
I knew I shouldn't have said it but I told him. "It's just that you sounded like… an… I don't know." I shut down.
"What Usa? I sounded like what?" He always had to know my thoughts. It was one of his things. Me keeping things to myself I noticed really put him on edge.
"Well, you sounded like an angry Yakuza wanting his money." He stiffened. I went on sensing his anger toward the horrible example I gave. "No Mamo-chan I know that you would never get involved with something like that. I know that you run your Uncles business and it was just about work but the way you yelled was just so…" I sighed. "I know that you could never be one of those monsters."
"Monsters?" Mamoru choked out.
"The monsters that murdered my parents when I was a child… The monsters that killed my parents in front of me for the money the borrowed to save my life. The money that they gave back. They are monsters."
Mamoru sat me up and looked in to my tear filled eyes. "The Yakuza killed your parents, Usako?"
"Are you sure?" He went on grabbing my shoulders this time looking anxiously over my face, what did he expect to find?
"It was when I was five, I had a tumor on my liver. It was killing me. My parents were not of wealthy and they had no one else but Minko's family who had just as little as us. So my father borrowed money from the Yakuza… the Black Moon Clan."
I could see the hatred in his eyes that day and even now. Back then I thought it was for how much he hated the Yakuza like I did. Now I realize it was how much he hated the Black Moon Clan, his nemesis.
"What happened?" he urged on.
"Right after my surgery my parents came in to some money. More money than they owed the Yakuza. My father paid back the part that they had borrowed with interest but that just wasn't enough for them."
"It was raining out. We were rushing home when they came out of the woodworks. They demanded more money from my father knowing he came in to some more money legally. He tired to fight… they told me to run… and that was it. Two shots and I watched them go down…. That's why I hate them." I said with such vengeance.
Mamoru held me for hours after that. I thought I was so lucky to have my Mamoru… my Protector. Little did I know it was he I needed protecting from.
We had spent a lot of time together. We loved each other. I was almost eighteen and about to graduate. It was like yesterday. It was raining just like it did on the day my parents were killed and I was getting out of detention. Mamoru like always was waiting for me with an umbrella in hand. I could feel the foreboding. I knew something would go wrong. I tried to let Mamo-Chans smile wash away this fear I felt but it did no good.
We were walking side-by-side down the normal road we took go to my house. The rain was just falling from the sky like a waterfall and thunder rattled in the air. I shrieked of course at every blot of lighting and every boom of thunder and he just held me, chuckling at me. "Little bunny. I won't let it get you." And he kissed the top of my head.
We turned down the alley to cut though to my street. That's where they were waiting.
"Chiba Mamoru." We heard a man yell. Though the rain I could see that he was standing right in front of us. He was a younger, man wearing jeans and a vest...no shirt. "Give us the girl and no one get's hurt."
"Mamo-chan… " he pushed me behind him and let out a growl.
"What do you want with her?" He answered back standing tall and not acting a bit freighted even when the other two men joined the shirtless man at his flankers.
"Well it seems that Diamond has taken a fancy to her and seeing that he is not to pleased about when your men came and tore up his club the other night he figured he would have her as payback."
I won't pretend that it clicked for me right then. I still didn't understand but I sure as hell got it when a random man lunged for me out of the blue and Mamoru was so quick to bash his face in. He also pulled a knife out of his jacket ready to fight.
"Stay behind me, Usako. Do you understand?" I know I didn't look at him. How could I?
Mamoru went in first attacking the first man that called out to us. His fighting skills where so beyond me he took the two smaller men down so easy before others joined from the Black Moon Clan and I'm not sure when his men joined him but that's not what I really remember. I only recall the betrayal. I didn't care who was after me or what was going on in that time frame I had to get away from him. I turned and ran though the rain. I heard Mamoru's command "Follow Her!" to his men and sure enough I could hear them behind me trying to get me.
I felt blind as I pushed though the rain, two of the men who when I looked back could semi remember their faces. All of my days late for school made this run a breeze, it was just seeing where I was going though the rain. It slowed me down, they were right behind me. I knocked over a garbage can taking them out. I couldn't run forever though and they were up in a flash. I saw my only hope at escape. "Hold the bus!" I yelled in gasps. "Hold the bus!"
Grabbing on to the hand rail I pulled my wet, tired body on to the bus.
"Please, close the door." I begged. The driver stunned at my appearance but seeing the men following me slammed the door shut and started moving. They watched me with a stunned faces as my bus took off.
I know now that if they would have caught me or if I didn't run at that exact moment I would never have been able to escape. I took my ticket to freedom and left Japan and now… well I am going back.
It's been three years and times have changed. I have warned my friends of the Yakuza and I have to go back. It's a once in a life time opportunity to teach like I want to. Enough time has passed…