Selena Gomez absentmindedly twirled her brown hair in her fingers as she watched her friend play the guitar. She struggled to think of exactly how she should begin the conversation she had been having over and over in her mind. The curly haired blonde finished her new song and gazed at Selena, expecting to hear her thoughts about it. When Selena didn't speak, Taylor took a seat beside of her on the bed.
"Was it that bad?" She joked, knowing intuitively that something else was plaguing her friend's thoughts.
"No – it's not that...I'm just thinking about something." Selena answered with an inward sigh.
"Well," Taylor began. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked this slowly, her caring blue eyes surveying the melancholy expression on the brunette's face.
"I do, but I don't really know how to explain it." Selena searched for the right way to tell her friend what was upsetting her. After pausing for a few moments, she continued, "It's about Demi."
"Oh," Taylor replied. "Did you guys have a fight?" At this Selena shook her head, tears springing to her almond-shaped eyes. "Sel, you're really freaking me out. What's up?" She questioned seriously.
"Honestly, I'm afraid to tell you." Selena remarked. "It's not like I don't trust you. I'm just scared because of how you might react."
"You're my best friend, Selena. I love you, you should know that. You can tell me anything." Taylor insisted. Her friend looked dubious and she explained further, "I promise I won't freak out."
"You don't even know what I'm going to tell you. I wouldn't promise anything." Selena muttered, frowning deeply with a dark look in her eyes.
"WOULD YOU STOP BEING SO DARN CRYPTIC? What is it?" Taylor exclaimed, obviously exasperated. How could she help if her friend refused to talk to her?
"Okay!" Selena screamed. "I have been realizing lately that I might be..." She took a deep breath, biting her lower lip and bracing herself. "...in love with Demi." She said the last part almost inaudibly. Taylor supportively put her hand on her friend's shoulder. The girl tried to pull herself together as her friend said this, but it hurt so much to hear the words escape her lips. Selena was confirming what she had known all along, and it made Taylor's heart ache.
"I know how much strength it took for you to tell me that." She smiled sweetly. "Are you going to tell her?" Selena gazed at Taylor before erupting into the laughter of disbelief.
"TELL her? Yeah, right. We have barely even spoken lately because she's been so busy and you expect me to just tell her all casually that I'm in love with her? Besides, there's no way she feels the same." Selena rationalized, feeling quite defeated. Taylor gripped Selena's fingers in hers with a confident grin. Their gaze met and the older girl squeezed her friend's hand.
"You can't know that for sure. How long have you been in love with her?" The blonde probed curiously. She was dying inside, and Selena's hand in hers felt so perfect. Demi didn't deserve Selena...it wasn't fair.
"Pretty much always." Selena admitted.
"Well, you should at least get out your feelings. Let's write a song!" Taylor hid her emotions as she threw herself into writing a song with Selena. She was teaching her friend the basics of songwriting and even teaching her some chords on the guitar.
Later that evening..
Selena was now home and she had thought a lot about Taylor's advice. She sat down with her laptop and began to type another blog entry. She had a plan.
In the blog, she wrote:
"In life you have to cherish the things that matter to you most. When you look at me I realize that everybody else doesn't matter. I wish you felt the same way whenever you look at others and think that they could give you so much more in one night than I could ever give you in a lifetime.
I'll get over you eventually.
It might be wonderful, it might be magical, it might be everything I've waited for..."
She had been secretly venting her feelings in this blog for awhile now. Selena was anxious to tell Demi how she felt – Taylor had inspired her, but she needed to find an indirect way to tell her. Selena took out her phone and called Demi, knowing from talking to Marissa that she was in town tonight. Demi answered after three torturous rings.
"Selena!" Demi greeted excitedly. "Ohmygosh, we haven't talked in forever."
"I know." Selena said almost bitterly. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come hang out at my place for awhile."
"That sounds REALLY great. Give me some time to get changed, and I'll be there." Demi decided, her voice betraying her obvious enthusiasm. The both of them hung up and the instant Selena closed her phone, she felt her stomach tie itself into knots.
Selena was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when she heard a knock at her front door. She sighed, realizing that she and Demi really must have grown apart if her friend didn't just walk in without knocking anymore. Selena ran downstairs, calling out a quick 'hello' to her parents before answering the door.
Standing there in a red and black plaid shirt, skinny jeans, red lipstick and way too much eye makeup was Demi. As Selena stared at her, she thought about how beautiful she was, and how much more beautiful she looked stripped of all that heavy makeup. They both smiled then, hugging awkwardly. Demi stepped inside, closing the wooden door behind her.
Demi and Selena walked up the stairs together, and Selena's mother stopped them before they could hurry down the hallway.
"Demi! It's so great to see you." Selena's mother commented. The two girls had been friends since they were seven and spent so much time together that their mothers had each unofficially adopted the other.
Demi grinned widely, lovingly throwing her arms around Selena's mother. "I know. I've been so busy lately with the show and writing songs and everything. I missed you!" It hurt Selena immensely to hear that Demi seemed to have missed her mother more than she did her. Selena stood with crossed arms, watching her mother and best friend converse together rapidly. Finally, a silence settled over them and Demi cleared her throat.
"Okay, well, Selena and I are going to go catch up." Demi, still smiling pleasantly, told the woman. The younger girls waved a quick goodbye as they dashed down the hallway towards Selena's open door.
Demi took a seat on the chair at the computer desk, gazing up at her friend expectantly. Selena settled onto the bed, just far enough away, growing progressively more nervous. Just as Demi opened her mouth to speak, Selena emphatically jumped up from the bed.
"I have to pee." She lied, leaving Demi alone in the room to her thoughts.
Demi remained in the room, wondering what had gotten into her friend. Had things really gotten so bad between them that when they were together, they could find nothing to say? While it was true that Demi had been busy with work, she had also been busy with someone…She wasn't normally the type to ditch a friend for a guy, but she had really liked Trace. At least, until he kept pressuring her to sleep with him. She had morals and frankly she was surprised at how he acted. Demi quickly ended things, leaving things with Trace bitter and straining her friendship with Miley and the remainder of the Cyrus family. Now she had no one and felt guilty about dropping Selena the way she had. The call couldn't have come at a better time.
Demi moved her fingertip over the laptop pad, intending to surf the internet while Selena used the bathroom. She noticed that the window open was a blog – Miss G's blog. Miss G happened to be one of Selena's nicknames. Curious, Demi figured if it was private she wouldn't post it on the internet, so she read.
Selena entered her room again just as a mystified expression crossed Demi's face. Selena felt her stomach do and flip and put on her resolve face. Now or never, she told herself in a mantra.
"Uh, hey…hope you don't mind – I got bored…" Demi trailed off awkwardly.
"Not at all." Selena assured, but inside her head she was screaming, Are you going to ask me about it? After it was obvious that Demi wasn't going to bring it up, Selena dove in, asking nonchalantly, "You didn't…read what I had open, did you?"
"Uh – yeah. Was it…personal?" Demi stammered, her face turning scarlet as she was being confronted.
"A little bit. But that's okay."
"So, who is it about?" Demi questioned. She then immediately regretted bringing it up. "I mean, just wondering. You don't have to tell me."
Selena knew this was her moment. Thinking carefully about how she was going to phrase her answer, words came spilling from her lips: "I wrote it about you—" at Demi's shocked face, she continued. "I've been in love with you for years and damn it, I am sick of being too cowardly to admit it. I love you…as more than a friend," she bit her fingernail as intensity blazed from her chestnut eyes. "And I don't expect that you will ever return my feelings. I just…HAD—to—get—it—out." She breathed heavily as she finished, leaving her longtime friend completely speechless.
"I see." Demi felt stupid for responding this way but she had not an inkling of how to react. She was helpless as Selena sat there, tears streaming down her cheeks as she made this huge confession. Demi didn't know what to think or feel. Seeing her friend crying like this about her totally disarmed her. The girl sat there in disbelief, unable to form any other words as she watched Selena's hope crash to the ground. If only she could comprehend a way to make her tears stop flowing – but the world wasn't making sense right now. Demi felt dizzy with confusion and she sat unmoving on the chair, not meeting Selena's hurt gaze.
"Are you okay?" The younger girl murmured delicately, rising from her place a few feet away from Selena and taking a seat beside of her. When Selena didn't respond, she grabbed her hand, forcing the other girl to look up at her. "Are you okay?" She asked again.
"I don't know. You haven't really reacted." Selena noted. "If you don't know how to feel, neither do I. Are you mad? Happy? Just react!"
"I'm not happy, Sel. You're crying your eyes out and that definitely doesn't add up to happy. Of course I'm not angry. You can't help how you feel. But –" Demi paused, carefully considering her words. "But I'm in shock right now. I don't know what to say. I think maybe I should go. I'll call you when I react appropriately." Demi shot back, letting go of Selena's hand and storming out of her room. Selena sat there, her head in her hands and her hair matted to her tear-striped face.
Taylor wrote in the spiral-bound notebook furiously, desperate to save these lyrics before they left her head. As she wrote, she sang along, picturing herself performing it live. In this daydream, Selena was front and center, beaming at her. She felt quite ridiculous having these strong feelings for someone and not doing something about it. It was unlike Taylor to feel so passionately and not express herself...it was driving her crazy. She finished writing the rest of the song as it had occurred to her, then picked up her guitar to play for fun.
She began to sing quietly at first,
She looks at me, I fake a smile so she won't see...
Taylor paused, biting her lip and forcing herself to continue.
That I want, and I'm needing everything that we should be.
I bet she's beautiful, that girl she talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without...
At this point she was beginning to feel really emotional. She might have written this song about Drew, but now more than ever these lyrics applied totally to her situation with Selena. She built up the strength to keep singing.
She talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when she's with me.
She says she's so in love, she's finally got it right
I wonder if she knows she's all I think about at night...
As she launched into the chorus she began to cry, singing desperately.
She's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.
She's the song in the car, I keep singing don't know why I do...
Putting the guitar down, Taylor erupted into sobs. She couldn't stifle them as her whole body shook, tears streaming down her face. Here she was, really crying on her guitar as the song had been written. She wished she could say something, do something – but this wasn't what Selena needed right now. She was having a hard enough time without Taylor being selfish about her own feelings. Besides, there was no guarantee Selena would return how she felt. Surrendering to her urge to cry was strangely satisfying. Sniffling, she wiped the mascara smears from her cheeks. The blonde was jolted from her wallowing when she looked up to see Selena standing there. Attempting to regain her composure, she stared at Selena, who was wearing a frown.
Selena was too preoccupied to notice that her friend had been crying. She quickly sat beside Taylor, leaning into her shoulder. The older girl wrapped her arms around her, gazing at her in concern before she asked what was wrong.
"I told Demi how I felt. Well – I didn't really tell her, she more found out because I purposefully left my journal open on my computer for her to see."
"I'm guessing by your presence here that you're less than happy with her reaction. What did she say?" Taylor questioned, genuinely caring for Selena's well-being. It hurt her to see the girl she loved so obviously hurting, but she couldn't help but be somewhat happy that Demi didn't feel the same way. That meant maybe she had a chance...
"She said, 'I see.' She didn't even react! At all! The least she could have done was reject me or something. But no, she didn't even care one way or the other. Then we fought because I yelled at her and I don't know, things just aren't good." Selena's voice was loud as she explained what had happened. After a knock, a short plump blonde woman entered the room – Taylor's mother.
"What's the commotion?" She noticed Selena's head buried in Taylor's shoulder, with her daughter's arms around Selena. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, mom. Girl stuff." Taylor smiled. "I'm sorry, we'll try to keep it down."
"No, no. It's fine. I just wanted to tell you that your father, Austin and I are going out to dinner if you want to come. Selena, you're welcome too, of course." The woman stood in the doorway, looking at the two girls carefully.
"I'm not really hungry." Selena offered lamely.
"I already ate too. But thanks for offering." The older girl told her mom, who gave a satisfied nod, closing the door behind her and leaving the girls to resume their conversation. Selena grabbed Taylor's waist, snuggling closer, her lips dangerously close to her neck. Taylor tried not to shiver as she felt the brunette's breath on her neck. She smoothed her hair back and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault." Selena nonchalantly pressed her lips against Taylor's neck, kissing it softly and then moving her gaze to meet Taylor's. "Can I stay here tonight?" Taylor's heart was beating loudly in her chest. She couldn't fathom why Selena would have kissed her neck...but now her body was acting crazy. Her breath got caught in her throat as she struggled to respond to Selena's question.
"I...suppose so." Taylor sighed inwardly, knowing this evening would be even more difficult to get through sharing a bed with Selena. It took every ounce of self control for her not to grab the other girl and kiss her. Fearing the consequences, she held back, but it was the hardest thing she had ever attempted to do. Selena let out a happy squeal, pushing Taylor down onto the bed and climbing on top of her. She tickled her mercilessly, and the older girl let out uncontrollable giggles, while thoroughly enjoying Selena's hands all over her. Taylor fought for control, pinning Selena to the bed and tickling her in return. When the two of them finally stopped laughing, the blonde stared down at her. "You're so beautiful." She whispered, her heart fluttering in her chest at the look Selena was giving her.
Taylor knew that if she didn't get up now, she wouldn't be able to refrain from kissing the other girl. Reluctantly she disentangled herself from Selena, sitting up on the bed. Selena remained in her laying position while Taylor searched for a movie to put in. She decided on Love, Actually. Placing the DVD in the player, she turned off the lights and joined Selena on the bed. All of her attention was devoted to the fact that Selena was touching her, rather than the movie. She waited until Selena fell asleep, then snuck out of the room to call Demi.
Demi groggily answered the phone after several rings. "What?"
"Hello to you too. We need to talk." Taylor told her seriously. "I have a very upset Selena in my bed right now. I think you need to talk to her tomorrow."
"I think you need to mind your own business. Did she even tell you what happened?" Demi hissed, irritated at Taylor for calling her so late, waking her up and harassing her about Selena.
"Yes, she did – she tells me everything. I know you were shocked, I understand, but it's been hours and you still haven't talked to her. The least you could do is call her and see how she's doing. If you cared about her even half as much as I did –"
"You don't know how I feel." Demi interrupted.
"No. I don't. But you're doing a pretty poor job of showing that you care if you do. She's in love with you, Demi. You have been friends for over half of your lives. Make an effort, or you're going to lose her forever." Taylor urged her. She was only doing this for Selena.
"Why do you care so much? Are you in love with HER or something?" Demi asked this in an accusatory tone. "I don't appreciate you calling me at 2 AM to yell at me for something you didn't even participate in. You don't have the right to do this. I will talk to her in time. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this."
"Fine. But don't be surprised if she won't talk to you by the time you make a decision about how you feel. And in case you were wondering, she's fine now, thanks to me. Goodnight." Taylor hung up the phone, fuming with anger. As she entered her room again, she tripped over her desk chair. Cursing slightly under her breath, she noticed Selena stirring from her sleep.
"What's going on?" Selena questioned, yawning.
"Nothing. Just tripped over my chair and hurt my foot." A pained expression crossed her face and she had dropped onto the floor, holding her foot in her hand. "Ouch." She hissed.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Are you awake?"
"Obviously. You're talking to me."
"I think maybe you should...give up on Demi. As a completely objective third party with no personal interest in the matter, I don't think she feels the way you do. I don't think she's capable. Also, she's quite rude."
"What do you mean? Did you talk to her?" Selena rose from the bed, coming towards Taylor's voice – she couldn't see in the dark.
"I called her." Taylor admitted. "I had to..."
"What did she say?" Selena came closer, leaning down.
"She said she needs time. I kinda told her off." Taylor paused. "I've never told anyone off before. It felt good."
"Thanks." Selena's fingers had found Taylor's lips. She brushed her fingertips against them. "I mean it..."
"Please, Selena, don't." Taylor pleaded, feeling what was coming. "I can't, not with things the way they are. As much as I want to."
"Want to what?" Selena asked her daringly.
"Kiss you." When Taylor said this, Selena was completely floored. She stared at her friend in total disbelief. There was no way she was serious – she had to be joking. Taylor was the most heterosexual person Selena knew. Despite the fact that she had been really flirty with Taylor tonight, she didn't really think of her that way...or did she? Selena gazed into Taylor's blue eyes and noticed how much they reminded her of the ocean. It was true the other girl was crazy beautiful, and although Selena was attracted to her, she rationalized that she had to get over Demi before pursuing anything with someone else. Besides, there was still that glimmer of hope that Demi would decide she felt the same way. Selena reluctantly pulled away.
"Are you serious? Wait...don't answer that. Taylor," She sighed deeply. "You are so beautiful. I would be the luckiest person in the world if I were to kiss you right now. But you know how I feel about Demi and if you are serious, I can't bear to do this to you while I feel this way about someone else. If you're serious, if you're willing to wait, if...maybe we can..."
Taylor nodded, a knot in her throat preventing her from speaking. She got up from the floor and wordlessly took her place in the bed. Selena, feeling uncomfortable, took the extra pillow and a blanket and settled onto the floor.
A few days later...
Selena was surprised when he approached her at the LAX airport. His brown hair was getting shaggy and as he spoke, he wore a shy grin. Selena personally wasn't a fan of the series, but that was nothing against him. She still admired him and all he had to put up with. She was especially impressed by how muscular he was and how difficult it must have been to come by it.
"Hey. I'm – I'm Taylor. Lautner." He extended his hand politely. As she shook it, she noticed how firm his handshake was, and she tried to match his firmness. She'd always heard that if one had a firm handshake, they gave the appearance of being more assertive. She liked that idea, and took it to heart. "Walk with me. Paparazzi are going to be on our butt in 2.5 seconds and I don't want them to eavesdrop."
Selena complied, and the two of them walked together. "So what is it you want to talk to me about?" She asked him cautiously.
He laughed. "There's no way around the awkwardness of this. I know you're friends with Taylor Swift...I've met her and seen her at a few events and I really have a crush on her. So um, yeah, I was wondering if you could give her my number or something."
"That's lame! I mean, it's sweet you like her, but I don't think my giving your number to her will really impress her. But..." Selena paused thoughtfully. "You seem decent. So maybe I will mention you, then you and I could get you prepared for asking her out. How does that sound?"
"That sounds awesome!" Taylor exclaimed with excitement.
"...You do realize that both of your names are Taylor. Are you that narcissistic?" Selena questioned him playfully, grinning.
"No! Her name is irrelevant. I really like her. I appreciate you helping me out." Taylor thanked her.
"No problem." She took the phone from his hands and programmed her number in. "For when you're ready to strategize, Shark Boy."
Selena was not surprised that after she had finally returned to Texas, all of the gossip magazines and websites had ran with the LAX story. They speculated that they were dating. This made Selena chuckle because it couldn't be farther from the truth. It was the unwritten law of fame that whenever you were pictured with someone, you absolutely had to be dating.
Selena had been expecting the call from (girl) Taylor, asking her if the rumors were true. As if right on schedule, her phone buzzed in her pocket.
"I read something interesting about you today." Taylor mentioned immediately. "I saw something about you and Taylor Lautner dating?"
"You know gossip. I ran into him at the airport, we talked. Wasn't a huge deal. Whatever." Selena shrugged it off. Taylor, however, seemed a bit more concerned.
"You're not dating then? I didn't think so but...maybe he has a crush on you. Do you even like guys? Or have you not really thought about it?" Taylor was asking eagerly.
"No, we're not, and trust me – he's not into me. Guys? I don't know. I guess I can't really say for sure either way. I've dated a couple, but it wasn't anything special. I've never felt for a guy the way I do for D—well..you know." Selena stammered while attempting to paint her fingernails purple.
Demi was at the recording studio when she received a text from her friend Jac. She ignored the text while she was singing, but once the song was wrapped, she whipped out her phone and read what the message said:
"Taylor L. and Selena are together. Can you believe it? I didn't think he would be her type."
Demi read and reread the text message in disbelief before responding: "I hope that's not true."
"Why?" read Jac's reply.
"Long story." Demi typed, then turned off her phone in frustration. She sat there with her guitar, and she heard music in her head. Soon the music combined with ideas for lyrics. She was getting a song idea! She wrote down her idea as quickly as she could, inspired by the news Jac had given her. Taylor Lautner and Selena...if it was true...what did that mean about Selena's confession? Had she moved on? Could they move on? Was she using him? And not to mention the fact that Taylor and Demi had gone on a date once. Just once, and it was the most awkward, ridiculous date she had ever been on. Both of them ended the date with the decision that they would be better as friends, but now thinking about him dating Selena made her irrationally angry. Dating her best friend was incredibly unsavory, even if she was her ex best friend.
Wait, when had she started thinking of Selena as her ex best friend? She was saddened by the thought. So many emotions were going through her at that moment, and she poured them into her song, which came out quite a bit angrier than she had originally intended.
Her favorite lines were "in the twilight it's so hard to see" – a pun on the movie Taylor was most famous for, something clever fans would be able to catch, even if she was never able to admit that the song was about him. She chuckled when she recalled Taylor picking her up for the date, singing quite badly in the car, thinking he was serenading her. She couldn't write all of the things she wanted, but she could write enough, and it made her feel good. With a smile, she decided to lay down the track, then and there.