SM owns it, Dollybigmomma rocks it, I just write it. I gave Dollybigmomma all my pre-started stories to choose which one I should post next, and this was the one she loved the most and wanted to see me finish right now. My girl, Dollybigmomma, is doing good after her surgery, and I'm home now. This story is for her. Love and miss you, lady! Thank you to all that offered prayers and well wishes for my girl.

Chapter 1 - Not All There

I held the cell phone that Dr. Cullen had misplaced during his shift. I hadn't realized I lived so close to him, but when his nurse brought the phone in and asked me to drop it off at his home, I realized he was a close neighbor.

I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Dr. Cullen was a handsome man, but he seemed kind of creepy. He was always polite and friendly, but I always got the shivers whenever I was around him, and not the good kind. I pulled into the long winding driveway and wondered how large this estate was. I mean, we lived in a small town, who needed endless acres of forest? There were plenty of free national forest lands for even the biggest tree hugger. I didn't understand the need to own it. Really, what were they doing with it? There was a huge iron fence surrounding the place; it must have been thirty feet high!

Maybe my instincts were right. Maybe Dr. Cullen was secretly a mad scientist. Why on earth would he need a thirty foot fence?

To my surprise, a little black-haired girl opened the gate, letting me in. I reluctantly moved forward. People knew I was coming out here, so I would be safe, right?

I drove my truck through the gate and waited for the girl to shut it behind me, before I could give her the phone. Suddenly, the girl yelled, "Edward, don't you dare!" but then there was a loud bang. There was something on top of the cab of my truck.

"Edward, get down from there right now!"

I wondered what kind of creature was perched on my truck, and I was even more shocked when something leaped down and stayed sitting like a monkey next to the girl. It was a man. I didn't understand what his problem was.

"I'm so sorry. Edward's not in his right mind."

The man pouted and then stood up and took a running leap into the trees. I watched as he hopped from limb to limb like an animal.

"Is he okay?" I asked watching the guy take off.

"Yeah, he's fine; he was just curious and wanted to see who you were. He isn't used to visitors."

"This is Dr. Cullen's estate, correct?" I asked nervously.

"Yes, of course, come on up to the house." She started walking toward the house, but from what I could tell, it was still a ways away.

"Would you like a ride?" I asked.

"Oh, thanks, that'd be fun!" she giggled and jumped into the truck.

We hadn't gotten far, when Edward dropped down into the bed of the truck. He stretched out and lay down, closing his eyes as if he was enjoying the ride. I smiled back at him, and the little girl next to me giggled again. "He seems to like your truck."

"I think you're right, should I drive around the circular drive a few times?" I asked.

"He'd like that."

It was upon finishing my third lap around that I noticed Dr. Cullen standing on the front porch looking confused.

I stopped the truck, and to my surprise, Edward opened my door for me and offered me a beautiful smile.

"Thank you, Edward. Aren't you the gentleman," I complimented, and his grin grew wider, making his green eyes twinkle. He was a very handsome man. Weren't most handsome guys like him unavailable?

"Bella? What are you doing here?" Dr. Cullen asked looking slightly amused at Edward, who was now standing stiffly like a proper English gentleman.

"You forgot your phone, and you're on call, so since I only live up the road a ways, I brought it out for you."

"That's very kind of you to go out of your way like that," he said walking down the steps towards me. "I see you've met my son, Edward," Dr. Cullen said with a proud smile, and Edward bowed with a great flourish.

"Yes, it was definitely a pleasure," I said and offered a curtsy in return, causing Edward's eyes to sparkle with mirth.

"This is my daughter, Alice," he said indicating the dark-haired girl who skipped up and hugged me. I gently hugged her in response. I had a feeling she might not be all together, either.

"It's very nice to meet you as well, Alice."

She smiled widely. "I'm so excited to have a new friend!"

Edward cleared his throat, raising his eyebrow. "Pleasure," he said pointing to himself, and then he pointed to Alice, "Very nice," he said in a teasing tone, as if to say I liked him better.

"Oh, Edward, that's not how a gentleman talks to a lady," I said in admonishment, and he frowned at me. "But I'm sure you're a gentleman and would happily say sorry by kissing Alice's hand in apology."

Edward's eyes darted back and forth between Alice and I, and then he finally stepped forward and with a great flourish, took a bow and kissed her hand.

"Why, such a handsome and kind gentleman," I offered in encouragement.

He puffed up his chest and walked over by me, standing stiffly again.

"Well, Bella, it seems you've made your way into my children's hearts. Would you care to stay for dinner? We don't often invite people over, because it sometimes upsets the kids, but I have a feeling you'd actually make our normal evening ritual quite pleasant, seeing as Edward has taken quite a liking to you."

There was someone guffawing from the front door. I noticed Edward narrow his eyes.

"Ah, Emmett, you've decided to join us," Dr. Cullen said smiling at the dark doorway.

A dark-haired man poked his head out of the door and looked around but didn't step outside.

"Come, Bella, I'd like to introduce you to the rest of my family. Each one is just as unique as the next."

I turned to Edward and stuck out my elbow, offering my arm. "Would you care to escort me in, kind Sir?"

He smiled so brightly, making him even more handsome, and I just loved it. Alice giggled, clapping happily. I hooked my arm in his and let him lead me inside, striding forward as if he was on the royal guard. He turned his nose up at a smirking Emmett.

"He's nuts, you know," Emmett said causing Edward to glare in his direction.

"Well, all I see is a very kind and handsome gentleman, so I'd kindly ask you not to tease my friend."

Edward nodded his head in agreement, and then he turned us away from Emmett, snubbing him.

"Is she crazy, too?" Emmett asked Dr. Cullen.

"No, Son, she's just a very sweet, understanding woman. It'd do you and the family good to take some cues from her."

"And what? Play nice with the crazies?" Emmett snapped.

"Emmett, would you please go pick some flowers from the garden for our dinner table arrangement?" Dr. Cullen asked.

Emmett was silent.

"That's what I thought. We all have our problems, Emmett. I think it's time you were more accepting of your siblings' differences."

I could see the smile in Edward's eyes dim a little. I didn't want him to be sad.

"Edward, Dr. Cullen said you have a garden, I just love gardens. Would you please, please, please show it to me?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, and Alice came dancing up with sheers and a large vase. "Yes, Edward, we must get flowers to make the table extra special for Bella."

I gave Edward a puppy pout. "Please?"

He smiled and nodded his head, and then he led us out the back of the house. The garden was massive. I gasped in surprise. "It's so beautiful," I spoke softly in awe, afraid that if I blinked it would disappear.

Alice walked over to a plant and yanked it right out of the ground.

"Oh, Alice, may I please help? I love making flower arrangements," I said trying to stop her from tearing the whole beautiful garden apart.

She handed me the plant, and I took it, patting it carefully back into the ground. "Now, let's find just the right buds for the arrangement." I looked back at the vase she had. "We need some water in there to keep the flowers fresh." She nodded, carrying it over to Edward. To my amazement, Edward started to unzip his fly.

"Wait!" I stopped them. "That's not water."

"He drinks water, and it comes out here," Alice said pointing to his crotch.

"Yes, but that isn't water we drink. Do you drink it?" I asked Alice.

She shook her head no.

"Edward, do you drink it?" I asked. He shook his head no, but then he walked over to a tree and urinated on it. He zipped up his pants and pointed to the vase with a quizzical look, as if asking what the difference was. How did I explain this?

"Edward, doesn't that smell a little different than the water you drink?" I asked.

He leaned over and sniffed a little where he'd just peed, making a sour face.

"Water doesn't smell, so when we make flower arrangements to set on dinner tables, we use water like you'd drink, so we only smell the food."

He seemed to accept this with a nod and took the vase to the water hose. I let out a sigh of relief.

I had a feeling dinner would be most interesting.

A/N: A little crazy is nice, isn't it? Thanks for reading and please review!