A/N: This ficlet is the result of a challenge between myself and my friend CSG4ME. Poor Aragorn is trying to write a letter to Arwen, but the rest of the Fellowship keeps intervening! Shh... let's see what happens!
A Letter to Arwen, Love, The Fellowship
"Aww shit," moaned Aragorn as he spilled his fourth pot of ink that hour all over the ground.
"How on earth are you so clumsy?" berated Legolas, examining the ends of his hair for split ends. "Are you writing a letter or wasting your time?"
"Wasting my time, apparently," sighed Aragorn, "I just wanted to write a letter to Arwen to tell her about the quest so far… Tell her we're safe…"
"Safe?" interjected Boromir, "You call this bloody quest SAFE?" He gestured to his collection of bruises and cuts that hadn't yet healed. "This blasted wood is full of peril," he mumbled. He'd gotten into a bit of a spat with some of the guard earlier. His ego had taken the worst hit.
"If you call beautiful women and delicious food perilous, let me rescue you from the peril," chirped Pippin, entering the grove where the fellowship was resting.
"Nah, Pip, I won't let you. It's too perilous." Merry grinned, munching on a loaf of bread happily.
"Now Gondor," continued Boromir, totally ignoring everyone, "Gondor is a safe place. It is a city of glory, of glittering white stone, of dignity and grace…"
"Oh my god, Boromir. Shut up about Gondor already!" Legolas protested.
"Our road lies further East to Mordor, not south," said Frodo, eyes twitching.
"But… Gondor is, like, next door to Mordor," Boromir whined.
"For the last time, we will not travel to Gondor! That's final!" Aragorn said hotly. "Now, back to the more important issue at hand. What should I write to Arwen?" he asked dreamily, staring at the paper and sucking on the end of his quill.
"You won't write anything if you keep spilling the inkpots," yawned Sam, who everyone had previously thought asleep. "And write something nice… about the food. Or the flowers."
"Don't mention my hair, it's atrocious," Legolas interjected.
"Tell her how little food there is on the road," Pippin complained through a mouthful of apple.
"She already knows that, Pippin," Aragorn said.
"Where's my hairbrush?" asked Legolas.
"Tell her how hot her grandmother is," grunted Gimli. Aragorn turned to stare at the dwarf with a look of horror on his face.
"But I can't say that!" he said.
"Will somebody please help me find my hairbrush?" demanded Legolas, "My hair is in a state of crisis!"
"It's here," said Gimli, chucking the brush at Legolas' face.
"OW!" complained Legolas loudly when the brush hit its mark. "GIMLI, that HURT!" Legolas rounded on Aragorn. "Tell her that Gimli is a mean dwarf!" he demanded of Aragorn.
"I won't say that!" Aragorn protested.
"Then I will!" Legolas said, snatching the quill and paper from Aragorn and fiercely starting to scribble.
"Oh, let me write something too!" Pippin said excitedly.
"And me!" chimed in Merry.
"I have to tell her how unfair you all are being," added Boromir.
Later, in Rivendell…
"What's that you have there?" asked Elrond, sinking to sit beside his daughter on a bench.
"The most bizarre letter I've ever received," replied Arwen.