36

I let my mind think back to when I dated Eric. I was a freshman in college and he was a senior. I felt so grown up and wanted to make the leap into womanhood. It wasn't about love, it was about growing up. My experience with Eric was generic, typical, and nothing special. We stayed together for about six months but every time with Eric was the same.

I made my confession and gave broad details, mentioning how I longed for more and Edward had provided it. I left out the first encounter in the gallery, but Edward didn't.

"You must have loved it when I did you in public," he said, and ran his hand gently through my hair.

My face reddened and I hoped Dr. Lynn would move on but she stopped right there. "Your first sexual encounter together was in public?"

"Yeah," Edward said proudly, and I emphatically said, "No!"

She stared so I had to explain. "It was in the gallery where I worked, but nobody was there and people just walked by without looking in."

"How did it make you feel?" she asked me.

I crossed my arms because I felt my body shaking and said, "I felt cheap and like a whore."

Edward looked totally stunned. He stared at me with a look of horror on his face. He never once assumed I felt that way. I had chased him so hard he naturally assumed I loved it. I felt tears begin to fall and I said, "It wasn't the sex, but he just left afterward."

He shook his head and said, "You were still working, you couldn't leave."

"But you could have stayed," I said softly.

"I had a painting to finish. I was so crazy over you I couldn't force myself to work without seeing you. You inspired me to finish the painting after that," he said, trying desperately to make me understand.

"But you didn't tell me," I pointed out. "I thought you got a piece of ass and went on with your life."

Dr. Lynn interrupted and said, "But you kept seeing him, why?"

I had to think about her question for a long time. I finally had to admit something I tried so hard to deny. I looked at Edward and said, "I liked it."

"Liked what?" she asked me.

"I liked the feeling of living on the edge with this crazy, romantic guy that set my body on fire."

"Is that why you didn't tell him of the pregnancy? You knew a guy like Edward was not someone you viewed as a father?"

I saw the pain in his eyes and I nodded. It was a hard thing to admit to his face. I used every excuse I could think of to talk myself into hiding the pregnancy from Edward, but the truth was I didn't want him to be Masen's father. I went along with Emmett's plan because I knew it would keep Edward away forever.

"I didn't trust you," I told him honestly.

Dr. Lynn turned her attention to Edward and said, "How did you lose your virginity?"

I braced myself and felt my abdominal muscles tighten. His face saddened a bit and I grew more curious. He finally said, "This guy I used to buy pot from let me crash at his house one night. His mother came into the room and got into my bed."

"How old were you?" Dr. Lynn asked.

"Fifteen," he said and refused to look at me.

I looked over at Dr. Lynn and she gave me a worried glance before leaning over and touching Edward's arm. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I got the shit for free," he said, but it wasn't funny and nobody laughed.

"How did you feel?" Dr. Lynn asked him.

"I don't know," he said nonchalantly. "It wasn't like she raped me. I fucked her, so I can't complain."

"Edward, it was a breach of trust. You were a young boy and she took something from you. She taught you women were not to be trusted and they would only hurt you."

His eyes grew wet and I was surprised by his emotion. He finally said very softly, "I was bad."

"No, Edward," Dr. Lynn said, "You were not bad. She was very bad to do that to you. But do you feel the difference between Bella's love and what that woman did?"

He nodded and finally turned to look at me. I smiled and him and blew him a kiss. He smiled back and said, "I love you Bella."

We collapsed into each other's arms and I held onto him with all my strength. Maybe our beginning was messed up, but our forever could be perfect. We made a follow up appointment and went to get Masen. He was playing with a huge fire engine and looked up when we walked into the room.

Edward picked him up in his arms and kissed his cheek before saying, "Masen, nobody will take advantage of you."

I knew with all my heart Emmett wouldn't have to protect Masen, because his father would make sure to do it.

We went to weekly meetings and always left there feeling united and better able to understand each other. Edward still said things without thinking them through, but it became endearing instead of infuriating.

Alice married over Christmas break and luckily we were all moved into our house by then. I was a bridesmaid and Edward was a groomsman. Lucy and Masen were the flower girl and ring bearer.

Edward escorted me down the aisle and then we separated to stand next to Alice and Jasper. I smiled at Masen as he walked over to stand by Edward. They looked so much alike and I considered myself lucky to have them both in my life.

Edward was looking around the church as if he wasn't paying attention to anything and then suddenly our eyes met. He stared and then mouthed something to me.

"What?" I mouthed back so he did it again.

I couldn't understand what he was saying so I furrowed my brow and shrugged my shoulders. He said it again, but whispered it loudly. I shook my head again so he leaned closer and said in a soft voice, "You look hot."

The crowd began to laugh and Alice reached behind Jasper and smacked Edward with her bouquet. We both dutifully looked at the minister and kept our eyes off of each other for the rest of the ceremony. The reception was filled with great food and drink, and I danced slowly in Edward's arms most of the night.

When it grew late we headed home. Masen feel asleep in the car and Edward carried him inside and put him to bed by the light of the Christmas tree. He came back to the family room and pulled me into his arms. "What do you want for Christmas?" he asked.

"I have everything I need," I said truthfully.

He gave me one of his mischievous smiles and said, "Have you ever done it under a Christmas tree?"

"No," I laughed.

He reached over and grabbed the fury Santa hat resting on the lamp shade and put it on his head. "I'm going to cum down your chimney," he said in a seductive voice.

"You'll have to put me on the naughty list," I said, and turned so he could unzip my dress.

He pulled my dress down my arms and when he saw I was only wearing nylons he bit my ass harshly causing me to hiss from a mixture of pain and pleasure. He pulled my stockings down my legs and tossed them onto the tree.

I tried to turn around but he kept my back to him and pulled me against his body as he opened my legs with one of his feet. He unzipped his tux without removing it and bent his knees to be where he needed his body to be.

The lights were dancing on the tree as he held me tightly with one arm, grunting as he pounded me hard. It was new and exciting and I felt wild with passion. I began to meet him with my own thrusts and he yelled out loudly, "Holy shit."

I screamed out and bent over, giving him better access as he found the rhythm to send him over the edge. We both fell to our knees and when I turned to face him he pulled me onto the floor in his arms. Nobody brought out my full colors like Edward. He was the excitement and the danger I craved, but managed to make me feel safe and loved at the same time.

He reached under the tree and pulled out a present. "I want you to open this now," he said with childish excitement.

"It isn't a dildo is it?" I asked.

He laughed loudly and said, "I really need to get one of those. I think we would have fun."

I didn't need to tell him it was the truth, he knew it already.

I reached over and picked up a long thin box and handed it to him. "I'll open mine if you open this one."

He nodded with enthusiasm and sat up so he could watch me. I glanced down at his crossed legs and said, "Um…honey, put your dick away please."

He looked down and then laughed and pushed himself back into his pants. I tore open the box and found another box inside. I groaned and shook my head before opening the next box. Inside I found a box of condoms and I looked at Edward with disgust and tried to grab my gift out of his hands. He pulled it back and said, "Wait, look and see what kind they are."

I looked at the box and he said, "No, you have to look inside at them."

I ripped off the top of the box and looked inside to see a diamond ring sitting in a foam holder. I looked up at him with wide eyes and said, "Seriously, is this real?"

"It better be, it cost me twelve thousand dollars," he laughed, and grabbed the box to take the ring from the foam. I held out my hand and he slipped it onto my finger. I held it up and watched it sparkle in the blinking lights. I leaned over and kissed him, trying to show him how much I loved the ring.

He finally grabbed his gift and quickly pulled the wrapping off. He looked at the long stick lying in the cotton and then looked up at me. "Was this when you found out about Masen?" he asked.

I shook my head lightly back and forth. He looked back down at it again and then his breath shook and he asked with tears, "Are you pregnant again?"

"Yes, I'm due in July," I said with a squeal.

Edward dove at me, knocking me back onto the ground and kissed me as he rolled onto his back. We were laughing and crying and enjoying the moment like we should have with Masen.

We never told anyone when we went to city hall and got married. We just began wearing wedding rings and nobody questioned it. I didn't want a big wedding. Edward was all I needed and I wanted it to be just about us.

I was determined to do something to reward Lucas Trent for his kindness to a stranger. We found out he had been accepted to Northwestern for college and designed an anonymous scholarship just for him. I didn't want him to know who I was, but I wanted him to know being kind in the messed up world had its rewards.

I had a relatively easy pregnancy and we didn't announce anything until Masen's fourth birthday on Valentine's Day. We explained he would be a big brother and he couldn't wait to tell Lucy, since she would be having a new sister in just a month.

For some reason my children loved being born on holidays and our daughter Elizabeth Anne was born on the Fourth of July. Masen adored her and was an attentive, protective big brother.

Emmett remained a big part of Masen's life. He coached his little league teams and Edward taught him how to play the guitar and paint. Masen didn't favor one over the other and ended up taking after his Aunt Alice by excelling at gymnastics.

Edward and I had a date night once a week, where we would talk about anything and everything. Then we would come home and get kinky in the bedroom. He learned to trust and communicate and I learned to explore my adventurous side and trust in him.

The only problem we encountered was Edward's propensity to announce things at Sunday brunch. The kids were running around outside, our two, Emmett and Rose's two, and Alice and Jasper's son. Emse said, "Bella, you look so content."

I smiled and said, "I'm happier than I've ever imagined I could be." And then I put my arm around Edward.

"She should be," he said loudly, "I finally bought a dildo."

"EDWARD," I screamed, and smacked his arm. "God, you are so exhausting."

"I told you," Emmett laughed.

"You made your bed, now lie in it," Alice added.

I looked at Edward with my eyes fully open. I saw him without any tints or soft hues. Edward was full chroma and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The End.

Thank you to everyone who read my story and especially those who took the time to comment. I am terrified of reviews and cry over the negative ones, fret over the so-so ones, and totally disbelieve the positive ones…BUT I AM WORKING ON IT!