She was close
Well you couldn't get much closer
She said I'm really not supposed to, but yes... - Arctic Monkeys
"I'm sorry sir, but Lieutenant Hawkeye is currently still MIA." Roy Mustang stares, Onyx eyes looking into clear blue.
"What was that, Lieutenant Havoc?" he questions the man standing before his desk.
"After she was sent on a job with her men-"
"I know of that!" Roy interjects, and Havoc seems to shrink into himself. With a sigh, Roy runs his hands through his hair, "So she still has yet to be found?" Roy murmurs, more to himself than to anyone else in the room.
"Unfortunately, yes sir."
"How long has it been, Havoc?"
"How long has it been since Riza - Lieutenant Hawkeye - been missing?"
"Two weeks, sir."
"Two weeks…" Roy repeats. He looks to his papers, piling day by day without the firm woman with the beautiful honey colored eyes glaring at him and pushing him to do his work by his side. "Why then, Havoc, does it feel like it's been years?"
Havoc coughs, obvious discomfort in it, and he turns from his Brigadier General and says, ever so quietly that Roy thinks he didn't hear anything at all, "I miss her too, sir."
Riza Hawkeye: MIA Six months
Roy takes a walk around town.
He sees her blonde hair and curved figure everywhere he goes. He sees the rare skirt she wears in a blink of an eye, he smells the honey and lily scent, that had always clung to her, in the air. She's everywhere, and he can't get her out of his head.
When Roy closes his eyes, he sees them in private, he sees her naked body before him and his fingers twitch nervously towards her frame, and she smiles at him, a coy smile he didn't suspect she had in her, "Why sir," she begins, "don't tell me that you're getting nervous now." though when he opens his eyes, she's gone.
He sits at a bench in the park. Black Hayate is running rampant. He thinks of the joke they shared, that Roy was just as much his father as Riza was his mother, and that if anything happened to her, it was only natural that Roy takes responsibility. She was joking, as was he, just those few months ago, but Roy wishes now that they had never been so light-hearted at the idea. They both knew what their jobs hold, they both knew that they could die at a moments notice.
No, no, there is no proof she's dead. Roy refuses to believe this.
It seems everyone around him is slowly becoming used to the idea that their bright beam of sunshine; that their sturdy mother-figure, is gone. But not Roy. Not for a moment is he used to this, and he doubts he ever will be. Sometimes, when he's in his office, he looks to the couches with a sort of longing. He thinks about the times he and Riza would wrestle in them, their bodies meshing together. Of course, Roy thinks with a smile, these instances happened rarely; Riza was quite the stickler when it comes to where they had their romantic rendezvous.
No. Not was. Is. And not had, but have; for in the future, when Riza is returned to him, he will remind her.
Then, as Roy stare blankly at Black Hayate, from the corner of his eyes, he sees her. Roy bolts up from his seat, he grabs Black Hayate, and he runs to her. She's getting away. Her blonde hair is moving from side to side as she walks, and her figure makes him hunger to take her down now and devour her right on the spot in this park. Not that she'd ever allow it.
"Riza!" he shouts. The woman stops short and looks over at him from behind her shoulder.
It's not Riza. But it looks a hell of a lot like her.
"Riza…" he says again.
"Can… can I help you?" asks the imposter. Her body is shaped like Riza's body - the body that Roy has had time to memorize time and time again - though the hips aren't exactly right. Her hair is just like Riza's, though her eyes are not that honey color, but just a plain brown. Her face is like Riza's, but her nose is crocked.
"I'm sorry, you looked like… Riza." the woman raises an eyebrow though she smiles a smile that doesn't remind him at all of Riza.
"Riza, huh, is she your girlfriend?" then, without waiting for an answer, she holds up her hand, "I'm Jessica."
They talk for a while, and she looks so much like Riza that it hurts. He talks to her for a few hours before she invites him to her house. She's not sly like Riza, and Roy doesn't have to work well over ten years to finally get her to spread her legs for him. In fact, it only takes a few hours to tackle down this Jessica woman. Roy kisses her all over, and he feels less empty for a bit of time. Black Hayate is in the other room, occasionally growling.
It's not his master Roy's seducing, the dog fucking knows that.
Without meaning to, Roy lets it slip out, "Riza…" the woman freezes, and Roy realizes his mistake. He peers up at her, and she looks livid. She removes herself from him, wraps herself up in her robe, and says rather stiffly, "I think you should leave; I don't think this 'Riza' would appreciate this much." Roy looks to her sheepishly, knowing she's absolutely fuckin right and it irritates him. He gets Black Hayate and they leave.
Riza Hawkeye: MIA One Year
He finds himself hauled up in a bar a lot these days.
It isn't that different then how it had been not too long ago before Riza came. When he had her then, there was no reason to go to a bar and get himself past the point of coherency. Before then, the women would fall on his lap, they'd get him undressed, he wouldn't have to do a single thing, they'd do the work. Though it was different with Riza, oh so different.
"Hey, isn't that the one girl who works with you?" asked the bartender. Roy looks up, his eyes travel to where the man was pointing to. He doesn't see the woman because her back is to him at that exact second as she sits down. A book, he notices, is by her, and she runs her hand through golden locks.
Roy's eyes are sort of half-lidded and he feels a swishing go around inside his head. He's drunk, really drunk, and the thought of Riza sends him into a frenzy. He gets up at once, his drink left behind him and he goes towards the woman on shaky feet.
His whole body is shaking.
He's so close now, he tries to get a better peek, though his hearts hammering in his chest, and he believes it has to be her, it just has to be. He's behind her now and she's reading her book. He places his hand under her chin and moves her head to look up at him. She looks shocked and about to scold him with that classic look of annoyance, but before she gets a word in edge-wise, he kisses her full on the mouth.
Instead of getting pushed away, Riza pulls him in tight and he feels that grip and he tries to touch her. Roy feels like every ligament in his body is on fire and that he's about to start crying there at that moment. He missed her, he missed her smell, her smile, her look of anger, her devotion, her body, her heart.
When he pulls away, he looks at her and he smiles and she smiles back, though he notices something in an instant.
It isn't her.
She's drunk, this woman, even with the rouse of a book in her hands, and Riza is almost never drunk. She doesn't allow it. She raises an eyebrow, "Well hello there, stranger."
"Oh," he says, and then, in his clouded mind, "Can I call you Riza?" She frowns.
"Uh, my name is Chelsea."
"Okay, Chelsea, can I call you Riza?" his words are slurred and the woman gives the angry Riza look, and then, without a word, she stands.
"You prick, no way can you call me some other chicks name. Get the hell out of my sight." He ambles away, feeling heavy hearted
Riza's not anywhere, is she?
Riza Hawkeye: MIA One and a Half Years
"Havoc," he murmurs out as he glances over papers. At least he's able to do his job still, then again, it's his duty. It would be disrespectful to Riza and the rest if Roy were to just give up on everything.
"Yes, Brigadier General?"
"Where do you think she's hiding?" Fuery and the rest of the group Roy had grown so accustomed to are sitting at their individual desks, doing paper work, though they all stop and look at him in confusion. He can see them looking without having to look at them in return.
"Hiding, sir?" asks Havoc. Roy risks a glance up. Havoc is shooing the other men out, and they obey. Perhaps they know he's loosing it and at this point in time, Havoc is the only one Roy feels the most comfortable with divulging his feelings to. First Hughes, then Riza; would Havoc fall next? Probably. Everyone he cared for died at some point.
"It's been a year; where can someone hide for a year?" she's dead, he knows this has to be the case because they can't find a single trace of her. No where is she, though he wishes he knew where he could spot her, if only in a glance.
"…Sir…" Havoc begins, "You know that… Lieutenant Hawkeye. Well, she's…" he's trying to say the word dead, and Roy knows it. Maybe neither one of them can face that idea.
"Were you in love with her?" Roy questions, glancing over at the blonde man. He already knows the answer and he's known it since day one, long before Riza was his. Still, he asks because he wants to see if he can be honest to Havoc, and the only way he can be honest to Havoc is if Havoc is honest to him.
Havoc is bright red in the face and he looks to his feet, "You know I did," he murmured before allowing a glance up, "but I already knew she would never look at me with you around."
"Did you hate me?"
"A little," Havoc straightens up, "but you're my friend, and that would always come first. Even if you stole women from me left and right." Roy smirks at this and Havoc gives one back. Honesty.
"You know, sometimes, I think I imagined her all along." Roy admits.
"What do you mean?"
"I wonder to myself sometimes if she ever truly existed or if I fabricated everything." Roy's looking out the window, trying hard to not get submersed in thoughts, "I think of her constantly, the time we spent together since we were young all the way until she left." he shakes his head, "I think I must have imagined it, because I'm the only one who talks of her."
"You didn't imagine her." Havoc informs, "We might not talk about her, but that doesn't mean we never think about her.
"Hmm," Roy says, because that's all he can say.
"It'll get better eventually."
Though they both have a sinking suspicion that it won't.
Riza Hawkeye: Recovered
He runs because it's all he can do.
It's two O' clock in the morning and Roy Mustang is running like a mad-man. There's a woman waiting for him at home. She's pretty and nice and she smells good. Roy doesn't love her, but he sort of likes her and after two years of his missing Lieutenant, he had to give up eventually and try to move on. Though now this woman's out of his mind right now because he's running and he's running so fast that the back of his legs hurt.
He turns up a corner and he runs up a steep hill and he wishes that in his panic that he had remembered he had a car before he had gotten half way to his destination. He's foolish but he really can't care at all.
Suddenly, thoughts go out the window as he stares at the HQ's infirmary building. He runs without hesitation in it, then up a flight of stairs, and then finally he runs down a hall where he runs into his subordinates. "Sir!" and they salute.
"Where is she?" he asks and he looks at the door there and he's about to run in, but Havoc grabs him and pulls him back. "She's resting, leave her for morning, sir." and Roy falters and he tells Havoc to go fuck himself, only he doesn't really. Instead, he bites his lip and then sits on the ground by the door and he waits wide eye all night until finally it is morning and he is allowed in.
His legs tremble as he approached the person sleeping in the bed. She's not breathing too heavily and her hair is sprawled out and she looks a bit dirtied and scratched, but she's still his Lieutenant, his Riza. So now Roy plays the waiting game because he's waiting for her to wake up and he shakes the entire time because he wants to hold her, but he's afraid she's going to get hurt.
A doctor comes in an looks at some sheets. "You are Roy Mustang, correct?" Roy stands on his shaky legs that want to buckle.
"Yes," he replies shortly.
"I understand she was your subordinate?" something about the word was pisses him off and Roy swallows his anger and nods. "I see," he looks to the sheet and then at Roy, "Unfortunately, your subordinate has officially been withdrawn."
"What?" Roy hisses out.
"Due to the tortures she underwent, she has next to no memory of her past, she is unable to work." Roy stares and continues to stare and the doctor continues to name off things that are wrong and when all is said and done, he leaves and Roy waits for her to wake up and he contemplates a lot of things.
Riza's mind is gone? Everything? Even him?
She wakes up slowly and he catches her eyes fluttering open. Tiredly, she looks to him and gives him a confused expression. "Riza?" Roy asks attentively.
"Do I… know you?" she murmurs and Roy feels his heart sink, but he has been preparing for her to ask, and he'd rather have her memory wiped than have her dead.
"Yes, you were my Lieutenant and…"
"Was I something more?" she asks in question after Roy doesn't say anything, "friend?" At this moment, all the frustration and the pent up tears of two years comes out uncontrollably and he starts to blubber out things about love and marriage and taking care of her and missing her and so desperately searching for her and she remains silent until he is done and has settled.
"I'm sorry," she tells him, "but I don't know you," and with that classic serious Riza look of hers that Roy had been missing terribly, "I'm not your Riza."
"Please," Roy whispers and he touches her hand gently and she shrinks from it. Afraid of touch, also a problem that Riza once had, "can I call you her name? Can I believe you're her?" and Riza looks long and hard and she's formulating something in her mind and Roy wants to touch her and he wants to kill those bastards. He wants to torture them, he wants them to feel immeasurable pain so that a lot more than memory gets wiped.
"You…" she stops and she pouts and she thinks and she looks at him hard and all the while, Roy is shaking so badly that he doesn't know what to do.
"Please, I don't mind starting over. I've waited two years thinking your dead. Please, let me have a chance." he grabs her hands again and this time she only winces but does not shrink as their eyes stay connected, "Let me call you my Riza's name, I want you or her or whoever you are. Let me."
She breathes and she closes her eyes and she's silent for almost ten minutes, she opens them and says, quite simply, "You can call me anything you want."