A Letter to Albert
Warning: Spoiler-rific fic.
A/N at bottom
How are you?
No, that's not a good way to start. Something else, perhaps. But I can't think of anything else beside how are you. So…how are you, Albert? I hope you're alive. Honestly, I don't know how you managed to live up until now without me. Well, I'm sure Eugenie can take over that role for me.
I swore to myself that I wasn't going to ramble. I wasn't even planning on leaving you this letter. The one I wanted you to read is with Eugenie. This…this letter is different on some points. I guess I'll start with the location but I can guess you already might know when I wrote this. I really do hope you forgave me about the pills, Albert. I didn't want you to go. The Count…he planned to kill you and with that foolish duel, he will. But he's not. I can't let it happen. I won't. You already know or maybe you don't. Maybe you pulled some other idiot stunt and ended up dead. I hope not. It'll be shame. Or maybe you're not reading this. I did hide this letter and who knows what will happen to our hideout. Either way, I'm writing to you, to Albert de Morcerf.
Where was I…? Ah, that's right. I was going on about you not dying by the Count's hand. I'll be taking your place. My chances…well, I don't think I'll be coming back alive. It's funny. I should be scared witless but I'm not. As I write, my handwriting is as steady as ever. Of course, my heart is pounding but that's unrelated to what I'm about to face. This letter does have a purpose. It will. But not yet. Lord, I have to work up the courage to write a few simple words on a paper that might not even reach your eyes. I need a few more moments.
So, yes, my fate isn't looking too hopeful but I don't mind giving up my life for you. First of all, I won't let the Count have his way. Even after I repeatedly told you to stay clear of that man, you never listened. Though I guess that's one of your charms, not an admirable charm but a charm nonetheless. I'm doing this reckless act for you. I want you to live. I want to live too but I want you to live more. And I don't want you to hate anyone for what will happen soon. Albert, you can't hate. Look what hate has done to the Count. Don't go down that path. It won't suit you. You are pure, Albert. Maybe that's why you're so naïve. But, once again, that naïve nature of yours is another charm you hold. Whether it's an admirable charm or not, I'd rather not say.
God, I'm rambling. I'll let you in on a secret.
Do you remember that time we went horseback riding? I had asked who you had a crush on. And when you asked me, I didn't answer you directly. Rather, I said I'll never tell you. I'll tell you now. I do have a crush on someone but I swore to myself that I will never tell that person as long as I lived. I cherish this person so much. More than you can ever imagine. When they smiled, everything felt perfect. I knew, as long as I could be by their side, I was satisfied with what we had. That person didn't need to know what lied in my heart.
I can imagine you're racking that brain of yours to figure out who it could be. Let me help you.
I love you, Albert.
Since we first meet, I've been captivated by you. I felt as if nothing could go wrong when I was by your side. I had vowed I would never tell you because I feared if I confessed to you, there was the possible chance that I could've lost my best friend. That thought alone is more frightening than what I am about to do. See, my handwriting, it's become shaky because I'm confessing to you.
I love you, Albert.
Albert, I love you.
That mole underneath your eye, I wished so many times to lean over and kiss you there; to be able to have consoled you whenever you became upset by hugging you and kissing that spot. But I consoled as a best friend only. I couldn't lose you, Albert. If it meant being able to be by your side, I gladly kept my feelings hidden.
And don't pity me. Don't think it's sad. It's not. I'm not sad. I still have those memories we made together as friends. I'm always going to treasure them. No matter what, they are my treasures.
I think I should stop. The time for the duel is drawing close. I need to hide this letter. You're mad if you think I'm going to just hand this to you. That's why I'm hiding it. You know, rereading this letter, it seems I just rambled on at the beginning. Albert, I hope you find this letter. Not because I want you to know my true feelings but because it will mean that you lived. Obviously, I won't know if you did. In the small chance I do make it out alive; I will find this letter and tear it up. I will continue to be your best friend. And I will be your best man at your wedding with Eugenie. Face it, we both know it, or rather, I knew it before you did. You love Eugenie even if you haven't figured it out yourself yet. And, if by some chance you find this letter years later after the incident, and you're still not wedded to her, well…you're a bigger dolt than I imagined.
But I'm not trying to get to that conclusion. My point, of you having found and read this letter is not for you to know of my true feelings for you. It'll serve as proof that you are alive; that I was able to give you my last thoughts. Even though I will have no way of knowing if you find this letter, I know it will serve as proof that you are alive.
Before I leave, I'm going to brush back your hair and kiss that mole underneath your eye. Why? Because I can, that's why. Because that is another charm I love about you.
I hope you're doing well. I hope that you are happy. I hope that you are loved. I'm not too sure about heaven or souls but I do know while Eugenie loves you on the earthly plain, I will love you where ever heaven resides.
Albert clutched the yellowed paper in his hands. He sat on a wooden chair in front of the desk Franz always sat. On a whim, Albert had decided to visit the hideout, for the memories. Vines had taken over most of the outer wall and it seemed like no one else had occupied the space. Everything was covered in dust and spider webs. The floors creaked with every step, giving the hideout more of a personality than before. After all, what would you expect to happen to the place without five years of being kept it in shape? Franz's letter wasn't hidden at all. Albert had opened the first drawer and there it was, sitting inside a slightly yellowed envelope.
Albert read the letter over again. Franz's hand writing has started off strong. And he did seem to have rambled a bit at the beginning but as the letter progress, his hand writing had become shaky. There were tears drop splattered here and there and the bottom corners of the paper were crumpled. Albert could only image what Franz must been like, spilling stray tears on the paper, smudging a few words as he wrote and confessed; a confession that had the chance of never being heard had Albert not visited the hideout on whim. Clutching the letter as his mind probably wondered if Albert would even find the letter.
Albert clutched Franz's letter, tears spilling over his cheek as his heart cried out as well. His chest pained him as a sob escaped his lips. It's been so long since he cried so hard, ever since Franz's death. He straightened up on the chair, wiping away his eyes as he stared at the letter once again. He didn't stop the steady flow of tears. He was sad but not terribly sad. Albert was happy as well. He had something else of Franz's. Words that were tangible and that he could keep safe in his mind as well. Albert lifted his hand, touching the mole underneath his left eye.
"Franz, even now, you're making fun of my naivety, aren't you?" His voice cracked but it didn't matter. Albert smiled gently. "I am wedded. Or will be soon. And I realized much sooner that I loved her than what you were probably thinking. I'm no longer naïve, Franz. After your death, everything fell apart at the seams. Paris was nearly destroyed. But there is peace now. I'll be striving for that peace with Haydee." The tears had stopped as his voice became calmer. Albert couldn't help but wonder if the calm he was feeling now was the same calm Franz felt after he wrote the letter. Albert read through the letter again. He nodded and folded the paper, tucking it back into the envelope as he placed it inside his jacket's pocket. He headed to the exit and turned around. He took one last look. This was going to be his one last visit.
"Franz, there are two names I will never forget," Albert said to the hideout. "I will never forget your name. I couldn't even if I tried. And I will never forget the Count's name, Edmond Dantès. I'm not remembering his name out of revenge, rest assured. I can't forget about him either even if I wanted to. Even though he took your life, I do not hate him." Albert looked around the room for the last time and headed down the stairs. He let his hands run over the banister as he walked towards the front door.
"I'm alive, Franz. I am happy and alive." He walked out the door and momentarily shielded his eyes from the sun until they adjusted. He lowered his arms and stared at the wide blue expanse of the cloudless sky. Eugenie was waiting for him, leaning against her pink car. Albert smiled and waved to her. She smiled back and waved.
"And Franz, while you love me from the heavenly plain, don't forget that I will love you from the earthly one."
Guys, Seriously, I cried like a baby when Franz died. Hell, I cried while writing this fic. I'm gonna admit it, if the scene is sad, I'm gonna cry. I cried a bit when Gaara was revived and his village was waiting for him. I mean, c'mon, that was beautiful. But, watching episode 18 of Gankutsuou, I cried the same way when I saw Toy's Story 3. Like. A. Baby. I seriously love this anime so much. If you haven't seen the anime, what's wrong with you? I mean, sure, the animation, with all it's LSD looking effects, can be offputting, but give it a chance. It's tragic and beautiful and tragic and wonderfully paced and tragic and amazing voice acting. I've seen it subbed so far. And I'm a fan of Jun-Jun, a.k.a Albert, so I always love his performances. Kinda hesitant to watch it in English. Not because I don't like dubs, I love them too, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry again. It's too soon. I just recently finished the anime. My heart needs recovery. So, hope you enjoyed this fic and review'd.