Yeah sorry I couldn't be arsed to update this.

*Crowd boos and throws vegetables*

Oh, come on. I have no excuse other than my extreme laziness.

But yeah, I wrote this so be grateful.


I still love you.

Kind of.


Jk :')

Song: 'Xtatic Truth' - Crystal Fighters :)

30th June 2011

Dear Diary,

Yeah well I'm back at last.

Seriously, I bet you've like, shrivelled up in pain because I've been gone for so long.

You're probably all pruney now.

I don't actually know why.

That was kind of IRRELEPHANT.

So anyway. You're probably teetering on the edge of life wondering what happened when Santiago and co FINALLY returned aren't you?

I bet you think that they came back then ran off again to start a hippy convention and worship cows.

Or that they came home wearing shorts and sandals proudly telling everyone that they conquered Antartica.

To be fair, it wouldn't be hard to conquer Antartica because absolutely fucking no one lives there.

Apart from a few polar bears.

I mean penguins.

I don't even know. Or care, for that matter.

Well anyway. They came back and... that was it.

Oh come on Jane there must be something AWESOME that happened?

Absolutely not.

They just... came home.

And yes, my relationship status on Facebook has gone from 'in a relationship' to 'flying solo', if you must know.

Also my life has gone from 'dull' to 'duller than Coldplay's frontman doing a duet with Rolf Harris'.

Yes, that's how tragic it is.

So anyway, enough about other people. I'm more important.

I'm currently chillin' in ma room on my lonesome right now.

Well, as lonesome as you can get when you have some blithering fool called Alec rifling through your sock drawers.

Actually they might be my underwear drawers...




"I am not... how dare you. I am not a pedophile."

"Why is my pink bra in your hand then?"

"Oh for fu... is it alright if I borrow it?"



"Actually it might be a bit small for me..."


"Jus' sayin."

And with that my tranny brother started bending his knees and 'dancing' out of my room (bra in hand) singing some reggae song by some person with dreadlocks.

I was literally stunned.

And worried.

Is he doing some kind of double act with Caius now?

Like, when Grandad and his Grandson find some porn and feel the sudden overwhelming urge to wear a pink bra and leopard thongs?

Please don't tell me Alec owns a leopard thong.

That's disgusting.

I think I'd rather watch a Coldplay duet with Gary Barlow than this monstrosity.

Dear Lord.



(Ohhhhhh yeah. I just called myself J. Whatchoo gonna do?)