A/N: Oh Lordy, it's been a while. I was cleaning out my hard drive and stumbled upon the last chapter for this story. Written ages ago and completely forgotten about because it kinda sucks. But I hate leaving things unfinished and it's completely written, so I may as well just finish out this story. You should probably (re) read the first two chapters. Enjoy!
"Have fun. Be careful. No funny business." Jane called out after the retreating form of the two teens, sighing as Maura wrapped her arms around her waist.
Though anticipating it, both women jumped as the front door closed with a dull thud.
"I don't like him." Jane pulled out of the embrace, heading into the kitchen to fetch a beer.
Maura sighed as she fell back into their couch. "He was perfectly considerate and very well spoken. Even when facing you." She gave a pointed glance to Jane from above the top of her recently opened book.
The detective gave an equally pointed glance from her position at the island, pouring a glass of wine for her wife. "He was checking you out Maura! He's taking our daughter on a date and was totally checking you out. I don't blame him, but I mean come on!"
"You're being ridiculous."
"Damn it Bass!" Jane yelped as her foot collided with the family pet. "Fuckin' turtle. And I'm the ridiculous one…" She mumbled under her breath.
Maura smirked. Some things never change. "Tortoise Jane. Tortoise."
"Tomato, Tomahto." Jane growled as she handed the wine glass to Maura.
The detective turned on the TV, flipping through the channels too quickly to observe what was on each channel. She exhaled, turning the television off after making a complete rotation of programming. "So what do we do now?" The brunette propped her legs up on the coffee table, head thrown back against the back of the couch.
"What we do every other night." came the disinterested response from the Medical Examiner.
Jane turned to face her wife, mouth agape. "How could you possibly think this is 'just like any other night'?" Jane whined, her voice catching a higher tilt at the end in effort to mimic Maura.
Raising her eyebrow, Maura deliberately placed her wine glass down before crawling across the couch, backing Jane down into the cushions so she lay atop the woman.
"Perhaps I can interested you in some diversion therapy?" Maura breathed against Jane's ear, offering a light nip to the woman's earlobe before moving lower to lavish attention on the sensitive patch of skin just behind Jane's ear.
"Ah—But" The detective's resistance was falling fast, but be damned if she was going down without a fight. "But wh-what if things don't go well and Olivia needs us to…ohhh Christ." Jane bucked against Maura as deceptively strong hands cupped Jane's hypersensitive breasts.
Maura grinned, moving her hands to grip Jane's wrists, pinning them above the detective's head.
"We can be as loud as we want. Anywhere we want." The woman nipped and sucked along Jane's collarbone, her thigh strategically pressing against Jane's growing desire.
The detective's eye's slammed shut. "Baby, I…"
"Jane." Brown eyes met hazel, both sets of eyes dark with desire. "Be quiet and let me fuck you."
"Honey, please sit down. You're making me nervous." Maura stood up on her tiptoes to whisper in the taller woman's ear, arms slipping around the detective's waist.
"Gah! Shit woman, we should put bells on you or something. You'd make an amazing ninja. " Jane spun on her heels to come face to face with her wife, a small smirk playing on her lips as a hilarious image of Maura decked out in a ninja suit popped in her head.
Maura kissed the skittish woman's cheek. "Livie'll be home soo—oh my."
"Maur?" Jane turned again to follow Maura's gaze out the window. She let out a little yelp as she watched her teenage daughter pressed against her boyfriend's car, in the throws of a passionate make out session.
The smaller woman burrowed into her wife's shoulder blade. "This is why I wanted you to sit down. I don't care to witness this. At all."
"Fuck she's coming." Jane clutched Maura by the bicep, dragging her back to the couch. The detective barrel-rolled over the back of the couch, legs resting over the backrest as her head landed with a dull thud against the armrest, Maura tumbling on top of her. Maura scrambled off Jane, picking up her book so as to seem nonchalant just as their daughter burst through the door.
"How was it, Livie?" Maura called out, slightly breathless from the action-packed 30 seconds prior.
"Awesome, the Sox killed it tonight. How was your night?" Olivia smiled as she came to rest against the living room entryway.
"Oh you know, uneventful. Totally regular night." Jane drawled, a hand running through her hair as she pulled herself up from her reclined position.
Whether the teen recognized the sarcasm in her mother's voice or not, she responded as if the statement was uttered without it's presence. "Super! Well…I'm tired. Goodnight." And with that, Olivia bounded towards her bedroom.
"That's it?" Jane questioned disbelievingly, eyebrow raised as she turned toward her wife, pointing a finger at Maura. "She gets that from you. Always so literal, constantly leaving you hanging for information."
"I…never realized how frustrating that personality trait was until this precise moment."
"Come on. We're about to go put one of my personality traits to use."
Olivia smiled as she heard her parents' knock on her bedroom door. It had taken all of two minutes for them to come chasing after her.
"Come in!" the teen sing-songed.
Olivia stifled a laugh as Jane and Maura wearily entered the room, both looking incredibly nervous.
"We...uh…wanted to know more about the date…" Jane blurted out, refusing to meet Olivia's gaze.
The teen smirked. "Pretty standard. Watched some baseball, got knocked up. Ate a hotdog."
Maura let out a gasp as Jane threw an arm around her shoulder. "She's kidding". Jane turned to her daughter. "You're kidding right?"
Olivia laughed. "Of course I'm joking. That sex talk you gave me did wonders in eliminating my drive completely and irreversibly."
Again, Maura looked equally horrified. "Liv, that wasn't the intention! Sex is a completely natural and rather plea-…"
Jane cut in. "Maur, another joke." She squinted at her daughter "…I think".
The teen nodded, no longer enjoying playing mind games with her obviously distressed parents. "I'm sorry. No, I'm not pregnant. And that sex talk did nothing more than educate me in the areas I needed to be."
Crickets. That's all that was heard for 40 seconds as all three individuals tried to navigate this new family dynamic.
The teenager finally broke the silence. "Hey, can you both like…breathe or something?"
Olivia watched as both parents audibly gulped, and she took it upon herself to make the situation more comfortable for all. "I'm not getting married anytime soon. I'm not getting pregnant anytime soon. I'm not even planning on having sex anytime soon. I like Billy. He likes me. He's awkward and 17. I'm awkward and 16. It's a high school relationship. When I have a serious relationship, you'll know about it. Until then, relax."
"Oh thank God" Maura sighed, slumping onto her daughter's bed.
Olivia tilted her head in thought. "Aren't you guys supposed to be the parents? Shouldn't you be like…calm and collected about all of this? Instead of freakin' out and having me talk you down from the ledge?"
"Hey! We don't exactly know how to handle this either. This is new for us too!" Jane cried out indignantly.
"Oh really? I can sooo use this to my advantage in the future."
Maura laughed as she bent forward to press a kiss to the teen's head, whispering in Olivia's ear as she pulled away,
"Not on me, but that one over there…" Maura pointed playfully at Jane before walking out of the room. Jane narrowed her eyes, unable to hear the private conversation between her two girls but suspecting it to be at her expense all the same.
Maura couldn't help but chuckle as she heard Olivia's teasing voice lift through the air.
"Hey Ma, how do you really feel about smoking weed?"