My Family

My family isn't perfect. In fact, they're far from it.

Mommy was a murderer. You don't really get much worse than that, do you? She killed a few of her boyfriends, or rather, people who she thought were her boyfriends and didn't take it well when she found out the truth. Well, she never hurt my dad, which is good. No one in our family ever hurts anyone else. Except maybe that time my grandma hit my mom on the head with a TV. And my other gran. And both of them ended up in prison. Maybe grandma knows what she's doing.

Basically, I never knew my mommy, and I'm kind of pleased about that. But I'm glad I went to live with Daddy. I'd much rather that than being in care, or even being adopted. He's the greatest Daddy in the world.

They don't think I can understand them, but I can sort of. I don't know what everything means, but I can tell when they're talking about me. I could tell when Daddy told Grandma she couldn't smoke, just because of me. Or when he told her that we needed to clean the house because he didn't want to raise me in a dirty household where I can get sick real easy. I mean, he turned out to be wrong, but it showed us all how to be a little more hygienic, and it means that I come first, no matter what. That's why I love Daddy – because he loves me best.

After Daddy, there's Grandma, although she doesn't really like to be called that. I don't think she thinks she's old enough to be a grandparent, but I think she is. Well, all adults seem big to me, but maybe some are bigger than others.

Grandma's really pretty, for being a big adult. She cleans toilets for a living, not the most glamorous job, I know, but no one I know has a really good job. I mean, Grandma and Grandpa both get dirty when they go out to work, and Daddy works at the grocery with Sabrina, where he sometimes takes me, when I don't go to Shelley's day-care. Shelley's nice, I guess, but a little bit scary sometimes. But she plays silly songs on the small guitar (I don't know what it's called) and that holds my attention for a while.

Grandma stopped smoking for me. I don't really know what smoking does, but Daddy says it's bad and that she should've stopped ages ago. She's trying really hard, still using the special plasters on her arms when she gets cranky. But I think that means she loves me too, like Daddy. And I love her back, wither she's an old lady or not.

Grandpa's funny too. He works cleaning pools, but he plays guitar as well. Sometimes, when he babysits me, he brings it out and plays me songs on it. They're better than Shelley's songs; she does ones about cows jumping over moons, or eggs falling off of walls, but Grandpa does songs called "Don't Stop Believing," and other songs by Journey. I don't know who Journey is, but I like his songs a lot.

I don't know if Grandpa liked me at first. I think I was too loud, what with my crying and my moaning, but I think he likes me now. I like him anyway. He and my Dad get on well. Maybe Daddy and I will get on as well as them when I grow up – although I refuse to pull his finger.

Then there's Maw-Maw. She's not my grandma, not even great grandma. She's my great, great grandma, I think, and she's really old. She doesn't act old, but she's wrinkly, and she is a little bit mad, in my opinion. Sometimes I think that my family have to take care of her more than they take of me!

So that's my family, proper family, I mean. But there's also Sabrina, and although she's not a "blood relative," whatever that is (I picked up on it when Daddy wrote a will…I still don't know what that means) she's a really close friend of Daddy's, too close Grandma thinks. She works with him, like I said, and she jumped through a floor for me, although I'm not sure why. She's Shelley's cousin, and she can play proper guitar too, but just not as good as Grandpa. I think my Daddy likes her the best, except for me, but she's a close second. He doesn't like her boyfriend though – he calls him naughty names sometimes, and so do my grandparents, but never when Sabrina is there. They keep going on about how they could break up, but I don't really care about their conversations. As long as someone changes my diapers, I'm content.

They're crazy. They're stupid. My family's not perfect. In fact, they're far from it.

But I wouldn't change them for the world.

Very cheesy, I know. But do you know what makes it even cheesier? Cheesy reviews! :D Please? If you do, and if I ever meet you, I'll give you a cuddle. What more could you want?:)