Disclaimer: I do not own GLEE FOX does.

Written between NBK and original song. Mentions of character death. I like the Blaine character but the pairing doesn't appeal to me.

Part one

New Directions was gathered in the Hummel household having a reminiscing party. After high school they had all been pretty busy and finally after three years they could all make it. Burt and Carolee had graciously offered to check into a hotel for the night so the twenty young years olds could be as loud as they wanted. With the help of parents and siblings they had gathered random embarrassing items from their houses and brought them putting them into the memory box.

They had all gone to dinner at breadsticks before retiring to the Hummel-Hudson house to drink and make fun of each other. "Alright who's reaching in first?" Tina asked helping Kurt serve drinks.

"Kurt or Finn since it's their house." Artie spoke up.

"My hands are full Finn grab something." Finn nodded and reached into the box. Out came a comb. "What the hell is this?"

"The magic comb." Britney giggled and reached for it. "I thought I lost this."

"Wait you mean that garbage comb Artie gave you before Regionals?" Santana asked leaning against her girlfriend's back.

"Wait that was actually true?" Sam asked with a frown. "Dude a garbage comb?" The fake blond asked Artie.

"Well she needed something to boost her confidence and it was all I had on me. She had to pee for crying out loud." The others shared a laugh.

"Alright Brit your turn to reach into the box." The blond laid the comb on the coffee table and pulled out the 'hat of fate'. They all looked at it with mixed feelings of dislike and joy. The hat had done good and bad.

"There's no way this is the same hat." Puck said prodding it as if the felt would burn him.

"Oh yes it is it took me five minutes to get Schue to give me the damn thing and a promise to return it this weekend." Kurt huffed perching himself on the arm of a plush chair next to Mercedes.

"Maybe we should put our names in it and chose people to pick that way." Mike was bombarded with snacks and bottle caps. "Gezze it was just a suggestion!" He laughed holding up his hand.

"Already way ahead of you." Kurt jumped up and snatched a pile of white from the mantel and dropped them in. "Alright hat of fate who's next?" Kurt said dramatically pulling out a name. "'Cedes your turn." He set the name next to the hat. The diva took the box and reached in pulling out a black cat suit. Rachel turned bright red as did Finn. "Alright spill."

"I do believe that was from Miss Berries Grease phase." Kurt commented looking a little guilty. "Which I guess was partially my fault."

"Kurt why would you bring that?" Rachel huffed looking very embarrassed.

"Not me darling. I didn't go to your house." Kurt took a drink from his wine glass. "Alright Rachel pick out…"

"Berry dressed as bad Sandy. Could we get like a repeat performance." Puck joked earning him a pillow to the head after she picked out a name. "Tina."

The goth girl reached in and pulled out a disk case. "What is that?" Quinn asked. Tina and Brittney smiled and Kurt paled a bit.

"Let's pop it in and see." Tina said hopping up and going over to the entertainment system.

"Do we really?" Kurt protested getting up and trying to grab it

"Park it Hummel we all agreed to this. Seems the girls know what it is so it can't be that bad." Puck said. "I'll hold your scrawny ass down if I have to." Kurt relented and blushed as Tina started the disk. Single Ladies sounded from the speakers and they all watched as Tina, Britney and Kurt did his famous routine. There was also the interruption from Burt.

"This was before Kurtie came out." Brit giggled.

"Dude did you just grab Tina's ass!" Finn and Sam shouted at the same time.

"Gaga I wish I had just went back to beginning and redid it. It was suppose to be part of my dance portfolio." The male diva mumbled into his wine.

"Damn Kurt you look good. Better then in the football uniform." Puck commented making Kurt blush and cleared his throat reaching into the hat. He set his glass down as he opened the folded paper. He was about to read the name when a familiar voice came on.

"There it's recording." Kurt paled and stared at the table.

"Blaine I'm not sure about this." A younger Kurt said as a half naked Blane walked away from the camera and back to the bed.

"It's not like anyone will see this but us Kurt. As soon as we're done we'll stash it away somewhere we'll find it in a couple of years to remind us or our first time." Blain pulled a very naked Kurt to him.

"Turn it off!" Kurt screeched making them all jump. Finn managed to grab the remote and turn the whole system off. There was dead silence. "I'm sorry." Kurt gasped standing up. "Please excuse me. Sam you're next." Kurt got up and hurried to his kitchen feeling sick. He grabbed the nearest bottle of alcohol and took a long swig.

"Easy there Kurt." Puck took the bottle from him and just watched him a moment.

"Guess I ruined the party." He tried to make it sound funny.

"Kurt I thought you went to therapists for this shit." Puck said.

"They didn't help and you know it." Kurt replied bitterly. "I thought I had gotten rid of everything." Kurt wrapped his arms around himself. Puck pulled him into a tight hug. Kurt desperately tried not to cry.

"Want me to tell them to go home?"

"No, I'm just going to go to bed. Go back to the party and remember. I don't want to ruin it for everyone." Kurt pulled away and vanished down stairs. He sat on his bed for the longest time staring at the white walls as he was forced to remember.

Blaine had been his first everything that counted. He had loved Kurt like no one else ever had remaining completely faithful even when he'd gone off the college leaving Kurt behind for his senior year which he had transferred back to McKinley to be with his New Directions family. Kurt had gotten into the same school. It had a wonderful arts program that was close to home. They had gone into the city to celebrate their finals being over.

Kurt would never forget that day no matter how hard he'd tried. Waking up in their apartment and making passionate love before trying to take a shower together that resulted in a round of shower sex. Their day had started late but happy. Three hours later Kurt held Blaine as he bled to death from gunshot wounds. People were just cruel. Kurt had never learned what the gunman had really been shooting at he'd been in shock for months after trying to cope with the fact Blaine was gone. His parents had come to get him helping him pack up his things as Blaine's parents packed up their son's. They had been so kind and sweet to him as always offering him to take a few of Blaine's things as mementos.

Three months after Kurt threw himself in to school in another state and tried to forget despite everyone's protests. It had all just hurt too much to have another loved one snatched away from him. A package had arrived for him while he was away from Blaine's parents but he had just told his dad to put it up. It was sitting in the back of his closet.

Strong fingers tilted his head up and lips pressed against his own, lips that promised comfort and another chance to forget. Kurt pulled Puck onto the bed and pulled off his own clothes without ceremony. They'd been doing this for over a year. One break he'd come back to visit and Puck had been there when he'd had a breakdown like he was having that night. There were no words of comfort, of sweet nothings, just passionate mindless sex. They never spoke about it, it just was and Kurt let Puck fuck him into whatever mattress they happened to be on. He forgot all the pain and hurt in the defined arms of Noah Puckerman.

They fell asleep together. It wasn't uncommon Kurt never had the heart to just kick him out. So when he woke up at three in the morning finding sleep to evade him he didn't freak out or anything. He got up to relieve himself without noticing much. But coming back he noticed something on his desk. The disk lay there. Kurt glared at it and picked it up intending to snap it in half, but Puck had brought it down. Kurt walked over to his dusty TV and DVD player and turned them on keeping the noise down so Puck wouldn't wake up. The scene picked up just where they had stopped it. Blaine lost his pants his darker skin a contrast to Kurt's pale form. He watched as they had sex for the first time. It was far from romantic, neither had been with anyone else so intimately and it had ended up with a bed covered in lube and lots of giggling. Kurt watched as Blaine entered him kissing him touching him softly. "Blaine." Kurt sobbed as the man in question left Kurt a few minutes after they had both climaxed and turned off the camera.

Kurt turned off the TV and pulled on a pair of pants heading upstairs. It was five in the morning so he hadn't expected Finn to be sitting at the table. They stared at the other. "Puck down stairs?"

"Uh yeah." Kurt replied walking to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. "Sorry about last night. I hope you guys still had fun after I left."

"We tried but it wasn't as much fun. Though someone had found a whole slew of photos from Gaga week and the KISS deal." Kurt laughed lightly and took a seat happy to play that nothing had happened. "Kurt." Finn's face grew serious. "You're my brother and I love you and I know how traumatizing it was to lose Blaine." Kurt's hands trembled threatening to spill coffee over them so he set it down. "Stop stringing my friend along. If you aren't going to take it seriously then tell him no. Turn him away."

"What Puck and I do in private is none of your business." Kurt said with an air of aloofness. Finn slammed his hand down on the table making Kurt jump.

"It is my business when I'm the one who see's how hurt he is when you leave like nothing happened!" Finn shouted. "I know he won't stop if you don't make him and he won't listen to me."

"Finn you're over reacting."

"No I'm not." Finn shook his head. "You're seeking him out for your own selfish needs and he's letting you because he'll take anything he can get from you." Kurt stared at Finn mouth agape. "If you aren't going to take a relationship with him then cut your ties before you break his heart." They were silent for a while. "Think about it Kurt he's dropped everything anytime he thinks you might need him. All you have to do is ask or look hurt and he goes to you. We all tried to comfort you but you just wanted to forget. None of us can understand how you felt Kurt but we tried and you pretended it never happened. That outburst last night was insane."

"It hurts."

"Because you won't let it go." Finn snapped. "Kurt I'm not trying to hurt you but fuck man it's been two years. He's been dead two years and it's time you accepted that and realize that you're hurting the people around you." Finn's words were sinking in, he was right. Every single time since that first desperate fuck Puck had been his go to and he hadn't thought twice about it. Puck left in the morning or he did. While Kurt had been pinning and mourning over Blaine Puck had been trying to show him how much he cared. Kurt got up and hurried back downstairs. The bed was empty but the shower was running. Kurt stood shaking unsure of what to do. Could he even return Puck's feelings after so many empty fucks did Puck really want him? The water stopped and Kurt felt like he couldn't breathe. Puck came out dressed in his clothes from the night before. He stopped and looked at Kurt with a raised brow.

"I'm sorry." Kurt burst out just confusing the older man more. "I'm sorry I've been such a horrible person to you. That I never realized what you were feeling. I'm a selfish bastard and I don't deserve anyone's love."

"Don't say that." Puck bit out.

"How can you…how can you bear to look at me after what I've done to you?" Puck actually closed his eyes and sighed. "Blaine's dead and I've never accepted it. He's never coming back but you've been here every time I've needed you. "

"Finn talked to you." Puck said walking over to the bed to pull on his shoes.

"If he hadn't I never would have realized what I was doing. What are you doing?"

"Getting ready to go."

"Oh." Kurt wanted to tell him to stop that he wanted to talk but his throat closed up. Puck didn't say anything as he stood and headed up the stairs. Kurt stood there in shock. What the hell! Kurt heard the front door close and rushed up the stairs. Finn and Quinn were sitting in the kitchen as Kurt rushed past them. "Noah Puckerman you get back in this house and fucking talk to me!" Kurt screamed throwing open the front door. He blinked in shock at the hulk of Jewish jock standing right in front of him.

"No need to shout Kurt I'm right here." Puck said digging in one of his ears with a finger.

"I'm so fucking confused." Kurt groaned.

"I like you. I'm not a replacement for Blaine I just can't be. I waited for the appropriated time before I decided to sleep with you. And it took you a long fucking time to get a clue."

"I know I'm sorry."

"I'll forgive you if you go on a date with me. Start a proper relationship with me. If you want me."

"I do. I want you. I'm sorry." Kurt felt the tears overflow.

"Fuck been waiting for you to cry. I kept waiting for you to explode."

"Guess I got to good at building walls." Kurt sniffed.

"Yeah well now that I've got them down a little I think I can get through without your brother's nosey but appreciated help." Puck was looking over Kurt's shoulder. Kurt turned to see both Finn and Quinn duck around the corner.

"You do realize he'll be coming after you next with his big brother speech."

"But he's younger then you."

"I'm taller… owe Quinn!"

"Look I told my sis I'd take her shopping today. So I do have to get going. I'll come pick you up about seven."

"Sounds good." Puck smiled and leaned down kissing Kurt softly. The shorter man felt overwhelmed.

"Shit man are you alright? I can stay."

"No I….I'm fine go I need some time." Kurt said stepping back and rubbing at his eyes. He needed to think and calm down. Puck nodded and left with a half smile. Kurt closed the door and leaned his head against it.

"Kurt you gonna be alright?" Quinn asked softly.

"I don't know. I don't know what to think. " Kurt couldn't breathe all of a sudden. Quinn pulled him into a hug and held him as he broke down. Twenty minutes later he was apologizing and blushing.

"Kurt we've been waiting for you to come to us for so long. We all love you very much and it's been scary wondering if you'd snap and hurt yourself." Kurt stared at them wide eyed. They though he was going to kill himself? He admittedly did feel better and lighter.

"I'm sorry. I just…I couldn't let him go. I'm still not there."

"No but it's a start. So what are you going to wear?"

"Oh my gaga I never asked where we were going." Kurt started hyperventilating.

"Come on sweetie we'll go through your closet together." Quinn smiled at her husband and led Kurt down stairs. Finn went back to the kitchen to clean up. Puck was probably going to yell at him later but he just couldn't take seeing them hurting anymore. Ten minutes later Puck was calling him and yelling at him over the phone about getting his nose in other people business. It ended with a thank you and Finn was nice enough to ask where they were going to he could inform Kurt about the appropriate dress so he didn't spend all day freaking out.