Once upon a time, three Baltics lived together in a house in the woods. The oldest was a Lithuanian, the middle was an Estonian, and the youngest was a Latvian. Their lives were very peaceful and happy until one day.
The Lithuanian was sitting in the living room when the phone rang. He picked it up and answered, "Hello?"
"Like, hi!" the voice on the other line called. The Lithuanian grimaced slightly. It was their Polish friend. "What's wrong now?" the Lithuanian sighed.
"I like, need help putting in the new pink light bulbs I bought!" the Pole exclaimed.
"Can't you just put them in yourself?" the Lithuanian asked, clearly irritated.
"No! I totally need all three of you guys to help. There are a lot of bulbs that need replacing and I
like, can't do it myself," the Pole complained.
"Fine. We'll be at your in an hour," the Lithuanian replied.
"Thanks! You're totally the greatest!" the Pole cheered, but the Lithuanian had already hung the phone back into the receiver.
The Estonian and Latvian were in the kitchen, preparing cepelinai*, leib*, and piragi* to eat for lunch. They had just set the dishes on the table when the Lithuanian came in.
The Estonian noticed the Lithuanian's exasperated expression and asked, "What's wrong? You seem upset."
"I promised our Polish friend that we'd help him install his new light bulbs," the Lithuanian explained. "I also said we would be there in an hour, so we have to leave now."
"I don't want to go! I'm hungry," the little Latvian complained.
The Lithuanian gave him a look that said, "We are going and that's final."
So, with a little grumbling from the Latvian, the three Baltics got ready and left their house. In their haste, the front door had been forgotten to be locked.
In a town not too far from the Baltics' home, there lived a pretty girl named Natalia. She lived in a house with her older brother and sister. Natalia loved her brother very much. So much so, that she wanted to marry him. Her brother, on the other hand, did not return the feelings and became scared of her.
That day, Natalia had chased her brother into the woods with a marriage registration form in her hand. She lost sight of him, though, and found herself lost in the forest.
She wandered along the path for a bit, until she came to a house. Feeling a bit tired and not caring at all about the laws of breaking and entering, she opened the door and walked inside.
There, Natalia found a pleasant and clean interior and an enticing scent wafting from the kitchen. She followed it, and found three delicious looking meals.
Natalia walked to the first dish and tried it. She made a face, spat it out, and cried, "This food is too hot!" She went to the next plate and tried that. Again, she made a face and exclaimed, "This meal is too cold!" Finally, she tried the last dish. Once more, she spit out the food and complained, "This one is also too hot!" But, feeling hungry, she decided the last dish tasted best and begrudgingly ate it up.
After her meal, Natalia felt the need to relax. She went into the living room and found three chairs.
She sat in the first one, a tall chair covered in a deep red velvet. After a few minutes of trying to adjust herself, Natalia hopped out of the chair and said, "This chair is too stiff!"
Natalia sat in the next one, a medium sized chair with an elegant design. She had just sat down, when she cried, "The cushions on this one are too flat!"
Finally, she sat in the last one, a small wooden rocking chair. "This one is comfortable," Natalia said, contented. After a few minutes of rocking back and forth in it, the chair buckled under her weight and broke into many pieces.
"Stupid, weak chair!" Natalia spat. She yawned and suddenly felt very drowsy. She climbed up the stairs to find three doors, all next to each other.
She opened the first door to a fair sized room with various martial arts posters* and a large bed. When she laid down on it, Natalia noticed immediately that she was laying on it as stiff as a board. She jumped up and complained, "This bed is too hard!"
Natalia left that room and entered the next one. Inside, she found a normal sized room with a desk and a computer on it and a plush bed. As she sat on the bed in the process of laying down, Natalia literally sunk into it. She got up and announced, rather loudly, "This bed is far too soft!"
She left that one and opened the door to the last one. It was small, with bookshelves, Natalia couldn't help but notice, displaying romance novels* with titles like "Master of Desire" and "Immortally Yours", and a cozy bed. Natalia snuggled into the covers and murmured to herself, "This one's just right."
She soon found herself in the comfortable realm of sleep.
The three Baltics returned to their home to find the front door wide open. They walked in, shocked. Suddenly, the Estonian let up an anguished cry from the kitchen. The other two hurried in and noticed right away what was wrong.
"Someone has been eating my cepelinai!" the Lithuanian gasped.
"Someone has been eating my leib!" the Estonian exclaimed, very upset that his highly acclaimed dish was now ruined.
"Someone has been eating my piragi, and they finished it!" the Latvian cried, tears starting to form in his eyes.
All three Baltics went into the living room and gasped simultaneously.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," the Lithuanian noted.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," the Estonian examined, noticing the small dent in it.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair, and they broke it!" the Latvian sobbed, tears now flowing freely down his face.
As the Lithuanian went to comfort the Latvian, the Estonian heard snores coming from upstairs.
"I think whoever did this is still in our house," he called to his friends. They tiptoed up the stairs and went to go inspect the bedrooms.
They went to the Lithuanian's room first. "Someone's been laying on my bed," he said, noticing the rumpled sheets.
The Estonian's room was next. "Someone's been laying in my bed," he said.
They went to last room, the Latvian's. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and they still are!" he cried. There was a platinum blonde haired girl in a dark blue dress in the bed.
All three Baltics were surrounding the bed when Natalia awoke. She gasped when she saw three strange men looking down on her. All four of them were quiet, bewildered beyond reason.
Suddenly, a twisted little plot formed in Natalia's head. She put on a mask of fear and forced tears to form in her eyes. "Oh, please don't hurt me, sirs! I was just looking for a place to nap!" she wailed. "Is there anything I can do in repay for coming in your home without asking?"
Before any of the Baltics could answer, Natalia exclaimed, "I know! You can come to eat dinner at my house."
The Lithuanian and Estonian found nothing wrong with the prospect and readily agreed. The Latvian, however, thought he saw something malicious in the strange girl's eyes. But, he quickly shook off his uncomfortable feeling and agreed with his friends.
Natalia got up off the bed and led the Baltics to her home. Her brother answered the door and was shocked to see his obsessive little sister with three strange men. She stood on her tiptoes and whispered her plan in his ear. He smiled a very scary smile and gave the Latvian the shakes badly.. "Won't you come in," Natalia's brother offered to the Baltics. They walked in hesitantly, starting to feel unsure of their decision.
After dinner, Natalia's brother said, "You three will become servants at our house, da?" There was something so forceful and intimidating in his voice that the Baltics had to agree.
So, that's how the three Baltics were tricked by a girl and became servants. They moved out of their house in the woods and still work for Natalia and her family to this day
*cepelinai: a traditional Lithuanian dish
*leib: a traditional Estonian bread dish. It is so important to Estonian culture that there is a saying like our bon appetite: "May your bread be good"
*piragi: a traditional Latvian dish. It's basically bacon buns
*martial arts: found that on the Hetalia wiki page for Lithuania's enjoyments
*romance novels: Latvia enjoys reading them, I've read. I had to find the titles of the novels on the internet, since I didn't feel like making them up.
A/N: The story on how the Baltics came to work for Russia. I don't own Hetalia. Hope you enjoy this fail parody of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. This is unbeta-ed and I will post the beta-ed version when I get it back. Please review! :3
Much Thanks and Love,