I do not own the characters of Harry Potter, these belong to that wonderful author JK Rowling and the various publishing companies used to publish her works. I am however borrowing them, no not to make money but for fun and fun only.

Summary: Severus Snape and Sirius Black decide to have a fight, muggle style. This can only end badly for all or can it? Rated for some naughty language and violence.


It was a beautiful spring day, a time of year that many students across England got time off for Easter break. This was why one Harry Potter was seated in the gleaming spotless kitchen of his godfather's house Number 12 Grimmauld place. He was an average height teen, lean and had messy short black hair, intense green eyes behind small round glasses and was clad in tee shirt and jeans. He was playing chess with a tall thin boy with flaming red hair, blue eyes and masses of freckles on his face, this was Ron Weasley. He too was clad in jeans and tee shirt and was concentrating on the chess game.

Seated near the teens was a short thin man with short graying tawny hair with neatly trimmed mustache, blue eyes and a few faint scars on his face. He was stroking a squashed face cat with long orange fur who had taken residence on the table. The cat liked Remus Lupin, the wizard werewolf and though he knew that Remus was not fully human and was wolf-like he knew he was a good man nonetheless and liked him as he knew just where to pet him and just the spot under his chin to scratch. At the gleaming stove stood short plump Molly Weasley, her flaming red hair done up in a bun on her head, clad in a long gown of blue with a flowered apron. She was cooking and the day was very peaceful and quite.

Unfortunately that was not to last, the reason for this was the two men about to enter the room. First came Sirius Black, head of the most noble and ancient house Black who sank into a chair and summoned a butter beer from the fridge. He was tall, nearly six foot five and was a strong muscular man with long shaggy near black hair that hung to his shoulders with a beautifully sculpted face with large gray eyes, perfect nose, well formed face with full lips and a neatly trimmed goatee. It was safe and fair to say he was a gorgeous man and he knew it. He was clad in jeans, a purple button up shirt open to show off a bit of his hair covered chest and the rune tattoo on it, and a maroon waistcoat.

"So who is winning?" He asked.

"Ron." Harry said just as Ron put him in checkmate yet again.

"You are getting better mate." Ron said, "you just will never be as good at strategy as me."

"Yea I know, guess that is why Dumbledore has you in all those war meetings then." Harry said, "glad you and not me, I could not figure my way out of a paper sack."

"You could don't discount yourself that way." Remus said.

"Well between Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna Neville and yea the Ferret, well they are the reason I am alive." Harry petted the sleek gray tabby with green eyes that had jumped up onto the table to sit by him, "and as dear professor McGonagall said sheer dumb luck!"

"You have brains, kindly start using them and I will not have to dock points." Came the silky tones of one Severus Snape.

Everyone turned to see Severus Snape make his grand entrance, something he was very good at. He was tall, though five inches shorter than Sirius standing just at Six feet. He was a lean man with long lank black hair that framed a sallow skinned angular face dominated by black eyes and a large hooked nose with a thin lipped mouth. He was clad all in black from his high collared inner robes to his boots and flowing masters robes over all. Some would say he was ugly and he would agree with them, however he was not, he was a good looking man in his own right. He looked over at Sirius and sneered at him.

"I was having a nice day." Sirius said glaring at Severus who took a seat by Remus, "then you had to show up."

"He did help clear your name." Harry said concentrating on a new chess game. "If not for him Wormtail would have got away."

"I still don't like him, he needs to wash his hair." Sirius said grinning as if what he said was even remotely funny, "greasy unwashed mongrel."

"Better a mongrel than inbreed idiot." Severus said, "I see you still are not wearing your flea collar you must simply be crawling with fleas and other things."

Now you may be wondering why Molly Weasley did not step in to stop these two men from the escalation that was taking place. She had six, seven boys if you counted Harry and knew all too well the signs of a fight. She had tried yelling, threatening and even separating them but she knew she had to let things take their course. These men needed to get their aggression out and she had all the potions and such needed stored as she had to tend to the aftermath of her own son's battles. The last was when Percy snapped and beat the stuffing out of both Fred and George. She had let it happen and in the end quietly tended to all three boys, when she went quiet her children knew she had reached the end of her rope, the lecture after was rather scary for all concerned. Fred and George now respected Percy and did not prank him, instead they asked him for help, he had yet to offer any.

The war was winding down, Voldemort was dead by Harry's hand but that did not mean there were not a few death eaters who had rallied under Bellatrix still out there. Most of the death eaters had actually never wanted Voldemort back and with him dead they rallied under Lucius Malfoy who was bound to Harry in an unbreakable vow to help all of the magical world to heal and to fight Bellatrix. Sirius did owe Severus Snape quite a bit but he was too prideful to say so, he might have been a very rich, very handsome and witty man but he lacked any manners where Severus was concerned.

"I could best you mutt with wand, sword, fists it's no longer four on one or two on one." Severus said softly, "even when it was I could hold my own most of the time and you know it."

"My father was a cad to treat you as he did." Harry said.

"I agree." Remus said, "we all were and I am sorry Severus, truly I am."

"I know you are wolf, still you are an annoyance." Severus said still glaring at Sirius. "This inbreed imbecile still has much to learn."

"Better that than half muggle." Sirius taunted getting Harry to glare at him, sometimes Sirius tested even his godson, "your father…"

"My father was a good man muggle though he was, my mother was wise in marrying him. Your parents were nearly brother and sister were they not?" Severus taunted, "such an inbreed little annoyance you are."

"Right, that is it, you and me, you say you can take me?" Sirius said, "no wands, no weapons, just fists."

"Gladly, here and now?" Severus said, "the rest of the order will enjoy this as they will be here shortly."

"Why doesn't you mum stop this?" Harry asked Ron.

"Because they need to do this." Molly said not turning from the stove, "I will not stop them, none of you will."

"I have a room down here cleared out, that will do nicely to take you down Snape." Sirius said getting a sneer from Severus.

"We shall see." Severus replied.

The rest of the order filed in, there was tall thin Dumbledore with long flowing white hair and beard clad in robes of bright purple. Dora Tonks clad in jeans, heavy buckled brown dragonskin boots and a weird sisters tee shirt her hair spiky and a bright bubblegum pink. Next came Fred and George Weasley identical down to almost the last freckle with the trademark Weasley red hair with two more brothers Percy and Bill, Bill had his hair long and tied back and had a fang earring in one ear and was clad in jeans, tee shirt and heavy buckled brown boots and matching dragonskin jacket. Next came heavily scarred Alastor "Mad-eye" Moody, with long grizzled gray hair with one beady eye and one round blue magical one clad in brown robes. The tabby cat turned into tall stern looking Minerva McGonagall clad in dark green robes her black hair tied back from her face green eyes glittering behind square glasses.

These were the main ones here and once they heard about the fight bets were put on who would win. It was no surprise that Moody bet on Severus, it was a surprise when McGonagall, Fred and George Weasley did too. Harry loved his godfather dearly but knew that Severus was going to make mince meat of him, which was why he put a hefty bet on Severus himself. The only ones not to bet were Arthur Weasley (who had come late and heard what was going on) and Molly. Both men found instead of a nice quiet fight they were going to be the evening's entertainment. Severus was going to enjoy this though he went to take several precautions against Black, none were magical but one would protect him well as he knew no matter the rules Sirius Black would find a way to break them. The once peaceful day was about to get a whole lot more violent indeed.


Both Severus and Sirius got ready for the fight, this was a simple affair really, both men stripped down so they were shirt-less and barefoot. Severus it seemed had taken to wearing trousers under his robes and they, like nearly all his wardrobe were black. He excused himself for a moment to the toilet then came back tying his hair back glaring at Sirius. Under his layers of clothing he was clearly a very lean man but not skeletal, he had wiry lean muscle under his pale skin with a scattering of course black hair on his lean but muscular chest. Sirius had a lot of hair on his chest and in addition to his rune tattoo his chest he had a cross tattoo on his left forearm, a lion head on his right bicep and paw prints on his left shoulder. He was well muscled with smooth muscle under his tanned skin and he looked huge next to Severus.

It was this time that Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger entered the room with Draco Malfoy and Narcissa Malfoy. Ginny had long flaming red hair tied back from her freckled face and brown eyes, Hermione had bushy brown hair tied back in a plate and brown eyes and tanned skin, like most of the teens here they were clad in jeans and tee shirts. Draco Malfoy was a pale boy with white blond hair, gray eyes and was clad in black trousers, a green shirt black waistcoat and shoes. Narcissa Malfoy was tall, her honey blond hair was piled on her head and she was clad in robes of navy blue. It was very clear she was closely related to Sirius Black as both not only shared the same gray eyes but they had lots of features in common and were beautiful people. She saw the state of the two men and sighed, Sirius was going to learn a painful lesson today.

"What did Sirius say this time?" Narcissa said to Molly (they had become good friends though taking care of Severus who they both cared deeply for).

"Just a challenge to Severus." Molly said, "I am staying out of this, you can watch but I would rather not."

"No, I will stay here have some tea, let them fight." Narcissa said.

"Severus will win." Draco aka Ferret said, "he is far more powerful than Black!"

"Yes he is, the Black wizards have always been weaker and less smart than most Black witches." Narcissa replied.

"Yes indeed, it is why my father married a Black witch." Arthur said, "my children are gaining a lot from the Prewett and Black blood."

"Right better get t' the rules then." Moody said.

Most everyone but Narcissa and Molly went into the large cleared out room next to the kitchens. At one time they had been dungeons but Kreacher had happily cleared out the dark and evil things that had been put here and now it was a large stone chamber perfect for a fight. Both men walked to the center of the room and glared at each other, well Sirius glared, Severus sneered up at him hands clenched in fists. Moody put up a magical barrier the men could not get out of and scanned them with his magical eye for any magical items they might be hiding, it was Dumbledore who got to hold the two men's family rings as he was the only adult head of an ancient house here that could do so. This was to be a bare knuckle nearly anything goes kind of fight but there would be rules.

"Right then, these are the rules boys." Moody said, "no eye gouging, biting, pinching or going fer the family jewels. Oh and no spitting or slamming anyone mostly their head against the floor. Oh and no transforming to yer Animagmus form! Other than that have fun!"

"I intend to." Severus said.

"You are going down Snape." Sirius said.

"Right then, began!" Moody said.

At first all the men did was circle each other sizing the other up, Severus was in classic boxing mode but Sirius was a bit less formal. It was clear who had some training right away and it was not Sirius. Still he did have mass on his side as his blows would have a tad more power behind them. Severus ducked Sirius first blow and got him in the chest and the battle was on. Severus was very good at blocking and weaving in and out, Sirius manage to break his nose getting Severus to grunt in pain but just waded in and kidney punch the taller man getting him to gasp in pain. Harry watched as Sirius staggered back and Severus looked as if he had relaxed. He wanted to shout a warning as Sirius charged Severus but he did not need to as Severus tripped the taller man and kneed him in the gut.

"Minerva why did you bet on Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"Really Albus he is the better fighter and dare I say it man." McGonagall replied, "Sirius does deserve this, if I had done more to him in school maybe this would not be needed now."

"So you bet on your godfather Harry?" Draco asked the other teen.

"What you mental? He clearly is at the disadvantage here, he is bigger and slower than Severus, they are not an even match and professor Snape is taking advantage of that fact."

It was true, while Sirius had weight and power on his side he did not have speed like Severus. Severus had broke his nose in school but that fight had been broken up by Lucius Malfoy who had sided with the little first year and helped start a feud that lasted to this day. Severus was a hard man when he had to be, he could be cultured and act well mannered thanks to his mother but his father taught him how to survive in the mills. Severus was an odd little boy, loving books and learning and if not for his fists the other boys would have beat him badly and bullied him in his primary school. Instead he earned a grudging respect for his fists and was showing Sirius just what he was capable of here.

Sirius staggered back and wiped blood off his face, he too had a broken nose and now a busted lip and black eye but Severus was clearly not done with him. He ducked several more blows from Sirius, kneed him in the leg and shoved him back. Sirius being Sirius kneed him in the groin and Moody stepped in and gave Severus a free shot. All Severus did was slap Sirius for his free shot (making a point to all here mostly Sirius) and the battle was on again. Sirius was now in a rage, which is right where Severus wanted him. Severus knew Sirius could not think clear when he was really angry and so he started to taunt Sirius, words after all really got to Sirius and it was as funny now as it had been in school to rile him up to a full foaming snarling growling rage. In fact one of Severus's favorite games was "Black baiting" and though Sirius had beat him up in school the points he lost and detentions he suffered for picking on "poor defenseless Snape" always made Severus's day.

"Pathetic Black, if you are the shining example of pureblood supremacy then I am glad I am not you." Severus said silkily.

"I am not like my parents Snape!" Sirius growled, "at least I never took the mark like you did."

"Yes a mistake I regret, however I at least admitted my mistakes, have you done the same?" Severus taunted the other man, "then again you are the product of incest and complex thought is clearly something you lack."

"Now that was an insult." Draco said smirking, "I love my godfather."

"I love mine but he does deserve this." Harry said not liking seeing his godfather beat to a pulp but knowing Severus was right in what he was doing, "he was a bully and Snape has a right to do this."

"Boys, why must you settle things with fighting?" Hermione huffed. "How will this solve anything?"

"Because it is fun?" Percy said, "Merlin trashing Fred and George felt good!"

"How dare you!" Sirius screamed, oh yes he was losing control, "how dare you say such things to me, lord Black!"

"Do shut up, I out rank you, me the half blood Prince is a prince!" Severus said smirking coldly, "You are a lord alright, a lord of incest…"

That did it, Sirius howled a real howl and charged Severus, he got Severus a few good times but was too upset to really make a good fight of it now. In a blind rage he began to lumber after Severus who was ducking and fairly dancing out of the way of Sirius's fists and feet. He waited until Sirius was starting to get tired and waded in once more and really started to batter the other man. Sirius tried to get in blows he really did but Severus was going for the soft spots and Sirius was fast losing steam. Severus kidney punched him and then gave a few more shots to his stomach and then to his jaw, the last blow sending Sirius staggering back and falling to the floor. Severus quickly knelt by him and got him two more times in the kidneys and stood glaring down at the curled up form of what was left of Sirius.

Dumbledore looked sadly from the battered form of Sirius Black to the battered but still standing form of Severus Snape. Molly had had words with him, that he was not to interfere if Sirius and Severus did have a full out fight, as long as magic was not used that is. He had allowed this and saw Severus looked very happy his eyes glittered and he smiled a cold cruel smile as he waited for Sirius to try and get up. Yet that was not happening and Dumbledore hoped that Sirius did not seek revenge for this, he knew that Sirius was a very prideful man. Said prideful man was not moving, he was still breathing and Severus kicked him to his back to show he was out cold and not getting up. It was at this time Molly came in and handed Severus a towel and looked from Sirius to Severus, with a flick of her wand Sirius was awake and sat up slowly.

"Feel better?" She asked.

"Yes, I beat the mutt up." Severus replied.

"My head hurts." Sirius slurred a clear sign he had a concussion, "can't see straight."

"Take this." Molly said shoving a potion at him to take care of the concussion, "now you two have had your fun. I allowed it but no more, Severus you made your point and Sirius as you started it you got what you deserved. Now I don't expect you two to get along but this is the last fight I will tolerate out of either of you, unless it is self defense."

"Oh it will be." Severus muttered.

"Don't you dare rile up Sirius and claim self defense Severus Snape!" Molly said staying calm which was scaring the hell out of her children. "And you Sirius might want to quit the verbal battles with Severus, you will never win!" Molly said still deadly calm, "do I make myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am." Severus said, "crystal clear."

"Yes ma'am." Sirius said having enough sense in his thick head to not press her, "clear as day."

"Good, now let's get you patched up."

Molly had her supplies out and tended to both men, Dora helped and proved she was good at this sort of thing. Severus was not impressed with her flirting with him, he knew she was dating Remus and there was no way she could embarrass him. After all he was used to little girls trying to throw themselves at him at Hogwarts and could ignore them, or so he thought until Dora turned her hair a nice shade of blond, her eyes blue and increased the size of her chest and ran a hand along his jaw "accidently". It took all his will power not to jerk back in shock. He was aware now that there were other girls here and that he was shirtless. Oh wasn't that bloody wonderful? He now would have to have Flitwick add more wards to protect his quarters as he was sure they would try to throw themselves at him. Merlin he was not even good looking, could not girls at least go after a man who looked good? Ginny came over and looked him over and he scowled at her.

"Finding something you like?" He said dangerously.

"You don't' have any broken ribs or bones do you sir?" She asked. "I am good at healing, my brothers can get violent with each other."

"No, those are fine." Severus said, "do you mind?"

"Mind what sir?" Ginny asked as she steered Dora to tend to Sirius with Molly who was in far worse shape, "I can heal decently you know."

"I don't have a shirt on!"

"Oh Merlin professor I have six brothers, besides you have nothing to be ashamed of though you are a bit on the thin side." Ginny said, then added "sir. Besides I am not like Dora, I will not try to seduce you."

"Really." Severus said glaring at her.

"Anyway you should be fine sir." Ginny said as she worked in bruise healing creams on his bruises, "those bruises should heal up in a day."

"Thank you." Severus said and was surprised when Ginny handed him a shirt.

"Thought you might feel better with that sir." Ginny said.

Severus realized that caring did run deep in the Weasley family, he put his shirt on and went and found the rest of his clothes and soon was clad in his black robes and boots once more. He sat at the kitchen table and had a cup of tea and smirked as he saw several unhappy teens having to pay out to Fred and George, and wait Harry Potter bet on him? Interesting maybe there was hope for the brat after all. He stared at McGonagall who was collecting winnings and a warmth spread through him, it was silly a simple bet making him feel this way yet it did. It showed to him that McGonagall validated him and saw him as better than the Marauders had been. The fight had made him happy in beating Sirius but McGonagall's actions really made his day. He smiled at her and nodded and she nearly blushed but took a seat instead and a nice cup of tea.

"Minnie you bet against me?" Sirius said walking into the kitchen fully clothed now, "but why?"

"Well it was clear he would win and you my dear sweet boy did need to be taken down a peg or two, for you own good." McGonagall said, "why Severus was being kind to not have a wand battle against you."

"He could not best me."

"Yes he could, remember in Hogwarts? He put James in the hospital wing on more than one occasion and held his own against us." Remus said, "we never fought fair but he has."

"Four on one is not fair, you remind me of my cousin growing up from the stories I have heard." Harry said, "professor Snape did fight very fair, you did not."

"I am sorry Harry and you are right and are more like your mother." Sirius said.

"I think hell froze over. Severus said, "Sirius Black with an intelligent thought."

"See this is why I hate you." Sirius snarled.

"Why because I am smarter than you, stronger and more powerful?" Here Severus just grinned, "why Black you are jealous!"

All Sirius could do was sputter and stammer and he knew that yet again Severus Snape had bested him. He growled and took a cup of tea and glared at Severus who just smirked at him and finished his tea. Draco was amused by this, he and Harry had become friends, they would still snip and snipe at each other but they at least did not need to resort to fists. Both were on agreement of one thing, Severus Snape had completely owned Sirius Black in that fight and both were actually perfectly fine with that. Severus was content, he had proven yet again he was the better man and what is more even many in the younger generation recognized that. It really was good to be Severus Snape he mused smirking at a befuddled Sirius Black.

The End


This is mildly AU, basically a few different things, but not really important, what is important is Severus got a chance to beat up Sirius. Now you are wondering why Molly would allow it? Well boys do solve some problems by fighting, Severus and Sirius have many issues to resolve and this was really the only way. If they had used magic someone would have ended up dead, most notably Sirius Black and well I don't want to see Severus in Azkaban. This was the best way he could beat him and win and prove a point.

Having Ginny know how to heal would not be out of line. She has six brothers, boys can be violent even when they got along. Friendly punches, shoving and wrestling all would need to be healed and I am sure she did so to be in nice and also as a kind of blackmail. She probably is less uptight about nudity and her professor running around shirtless as she is so used to her bothers in far less I am sure as boys will be boys.