I was bored... don't judge

I am Isabella and this is the year 1866. A major in Maria's army and even though it may seem like it I'm far from being made of stone(metaphorically). I love two men, and even with an eternity to decide on which one, I am still very confused. The first one is Jasper, my everything, the second is Peter, the one who could be my everything. Now do you see how I'm confused?

I've been lying awake for hours (as if I had any choice) thinking about who I would choose. I've been doing that a lot lately. "Honey, you seem upset." Jasper purred in my ear."Last night your thoughts were somewhere else."

"You know I have a lot on my mind." I said pulling my undershirt on and trying to get in my night gown. "I do like you Jasper but my mind is in a hundred different places at the moment."

"I love you Isabella." He gently reminded me.

"I told you I cared for you." I was combing my hair now.

"How come you never tell me you love me?"

"Now stop being silly Sug, you know I don't believe in love." I peppered in as much of my Southern accent as I could and I even used the nickname he adored so.

"Mutual affection?" He asked.

I merely nodded my head and kissed him on the lips as I rubbed my hand down his bare chest. I walked out of the broken down tent and almost made it to my own before I saw someone familar leaning against my neighbor's tent. His dark brown hair and vibrant red eyes peered into the very depths of my soul.

"You look ravishing as hell." Peter told me smirking.

"You know Jasper doesn't want you cursing 'round me."

"He needs to get his pantyhouse out of a bunch, besides you don't kind my cursing do you?" He took a step closer.

"You're not any worse than the newborns." I said trying to sound indifferent. He came a mother step closer and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Is that all I am to you? Someone slightly better than a newborn?"

"You know you're more than that." I told him looking down. He smiled and pulled down one of the straps of my gown. "I just came from being with him. It would be improper." Peter just shrugged. "He's practically your brother, we can't do this to him."

"He is like my brother." He agreed. "But you're my life." With that he took off the other strap of my nightgown and it fell to my ankles. He carried me to my tent and we spent the rest of the night loving each other.

After we were done I felt dirty, like I betrayed Jasper, after all he didn't even know I had feelings for Peter. Peter was currently playing with my hair and I was balled up in his chest. "What's he gonna do when he finds out?" I asked quietly.

"He'll probably try and kill me or worse, tell Maria."

"What can Maria do? I'm stronger than her."

"Yes you are but she decides your fate after this year. She could order you killed, but don't worry I'll die before that happens." He kissed the top of my head reassuringly.

"I still care for him you know. He changed me when I had noone, when I was only a nurse in the war."

"Do you just care for him out of guilt?"

"No but you know that too. You're supposed to have a sixth sense on these things."

"He was quiet for a second until he murmured, "Don't go... please."

"Sorry Peter but this is just a one night stand this can never happen again." I got up and pulled on my clothes.

"I love you too Bella and I know you care for me just as much as you care for him."

"I doesn't matter Peter, I'm still Isabella, Isabella Whitlock. I can't just leave my husband."

"This will happen again."

"Probably." Silence. "I'm training newborns this morning, maybe I'll see you later." I walked out my tent hoping Jasper wouldn't be able to smell Peter on my skin.