Nan taylor-pregnant girlfriend
Nan taylor was sat in her usual chair watching a repeat of coronation street when Jamie her grandson came over.
"here he is, ya come up and seen me" Nan said "come up and see me ain't ya?"
"Yes nan" Jamie replied as he entered the front room.
"Oh you are a good boy" replied Nan as Jamie sat on the sofa.
"So what you been up to then lately?" Nan asked him "you been going down those gay bars again."
"No Nan, I'm going out with a girl" Jamie replied "her name is Sarah and she's coming round in abit."
"Oh you got your a girlfriend have you?" Nan asked before cackling "oh I bet she's a right prostitute."
"Nan, I want you to be nice when she's come round" Jamie warned her just as the doorbell rang "oh, that'll be her now." Jamie got up to answer the door and entered the room accomponied by a pregnant young woman.
"Nan, this is sarah, Sarah this is my Nan" Jamie said.
"Oh hello sweetheart" getting up and shaking Sarah's hand before she noticed her stomach "how far are you?"
"Six months" Sarah replied.
"Blimey, you're quite big for Six months" Nan pointed out "it must be a big baby."
"Nan, Sarah is actually having twins" Jamie said "two girls."
"Oh i'm so happy for you sweetheart" Nan said "well listen darling, if he you need anything or fancy coming round for a chat, you know where I am."
"Thanks, but I can't stay for long" Sarah said "I need to go to pick up my baby bumper pack from the Doctor's"
"Well let me show you out sweetheart" Nan offered before leading Sarah to the door. She came back a few seconds later.
"What a fucking liberty" she stated "she's fucking fat, who is she giving birth to, fucking Jabba the Hutt?"
"Nan, she's having twins" Jamie pointed out.
"By the looks of her, she's carrying at least twenty" Nan replied before cackling.
"Nan, why are you like this?" Jamie sighed.
"Oh stop your moaning. You impregnated a girl with a litter of baby Elephants" Nan replied before cackling again. Jamie shook his head and walked out.
Geordie Georgie-Drug addiction fund raiser
"You put the boom boom into my heart" Geordie Georgie sang as she entered the officer with her bike "you send my soul sky high when your loving starts."
"Jitterbug into my brain" her co-worker, Martin sang back "goes a bang bang bang till my feet do the same."
"Wake me up before you go go" they both sang at the same time as Georgie sat down at her desk.
"Mornin Martin" she greeted.
"Morning Georgie" Martin greeted back.
"How was you're weekend pet?" Georgie asked.
"It was brilliant, we took Micheala to her friend's birthday Disco" Martin replied.
"Did the flashing disco lights cause her to have one of her Epileptic fits?" Georgie asked.
"No, we've got that under control and she had a wonderful time" martin replied
"Aye, I'm buzzing for ya, because there's nothing awful than to watch some poor unfortunate soul twitching on the Dancefloor and getting trampled by all those dancing around them" Georgie replied "can I borrow your hot pink felt tip pen?" Martin nodded and handed over a hot pink felt tip pen.
"I'll tell ya what it is, me and some of the girls from the baking club are doing a little fund raiser" Georgie said.
"Oh, what on this time?" Martin asked.
"We're doing a sponsered pogo stick race, twenty three miles,for nine hours for all the Drug addicts in the North east area" said Georgie.
"Oh, I never knew people did fund raisers for Drug addicts, is it that bad?" Martin asked.
"Indeed it is Martin, did you know that every thirty eight minutes, some poor teenager lass is found spaced out in the middle of a public toilet because she's been snorting cocaine in one of the cubicles" Georgie said "if you don't believe log onto the webiste double u, double u, double u dot, I'm fucking stoned, dot co dot uk."
"Well, put me down for one pound an hour" said Martin.
"Nine pound, for all those poor beggars who canny go five minutes without sticking a heroin needle in their eyeball?" Georgie asked.
"Ok, how about two pound an hour?" Martin suggested.
"Twelve pound, Martin I don't think you are aware how serious this is" said Georgie.
"I'm abit skint this week, I've got a huge mass of bills to pay" Martin said.
"Twelve pounds it is then pet" Said Georgie, writing on a clipboard.
"I'm really sorry Georgie, if i could afford abit more I would" Martin replied.
"Aye, we'll say no more about it because I wouldn't want it to come between us pet" Georgie replied. Martin went back to his work and he didn't notice Georgie sneak up and place a bag of cocaine on his desk.
"Martin, have you been taking Coke?" Georgie asked in horror. Martin gives her a puzzled look.
Derek faye-gay adoption
Derek faye was shopping in Asda when a woman walked up to him and asked if he could pass her an onion.
"Here you go dear?" Derek replied, giving the woman an onion. She had two kids with her.
"Oh, are these your kids?" Derek asked.
"Yes" the woman replied.
"Oh I love to have a little son or Daughter, but I'd had to get myself a girlfriend first dear" replied Derek in a gay manner.
"Well, there's a Gay Adoption agency round the corner" the Woman replied.
"I beg pardon?" Derek asked, shaking his head a little.
"A Gay adoption agency" the woman replied.
"Yes I heard that bit" Derek replied "what on earth are you insinuating?"
"Well, they do allow gay couples to Adopt kids these days" the woman replied.
"How very dare you" Derek scoffed.
"What, you mean you're not..." the woman stated.
"Who dear, me dear, gay dear, no dear" Derek stated.
"Oh I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to offend you" the woman replied.
"Offend me, just because a man listens to Elton John's greatest hits whilst doing the ironing, you assume he rides the homophobic bandwagon?" Derek asked.
"Well I'm terribly sorry" the woman said again.
"Twenty years I've been shopping here and I've never heard the likes" he scoffed again "Gay Adoption, how very dare you." He placed his clutch bag under his arm and walked off in a gay fashion. He walks over to his partner leonard who is wearing a tight leather clad shorts and tank-top.
"Come on Leonard" Said Derek. They walked into the Gay Adoption centre.
Aga saga woman-washing machine repair man
Mrs Taylor Thomas was in the kitchen, talking on the phone. her two Children Chloe and Thomas were sat at the kitchen table, eating their breakfast.
"Ok, thankyou so much goodbye" Mrs Taylor thomas said before putting the phone down and turning to her two Children "Children, mummy has some bad news."
"What is it?" Chloe asked.
"The washing has broken" she told her two Children who both looked terrified.
"But Mummy, can't you fix it?" Thomas asked.
"I'm sorry darling I can't and here is the bad news. I had to hire a repair man" she told them. Both of the children were really scared.
"No Mummy, not a repair man" Chloe said, horrified.
"I'm sorry darlings, but Mummy didn't have a choice" Mrs taylor thomas replied. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang and a very scared Mrs taylor thomas answered it to a repair man.
"Hello, I've come to fix your washing machine" he said in a thick scottish accent.
"Mummy, what is he saying?" Thomas asked.
"I don't know, but i think he wants to kill us" Mrs taylor thomas replied. The repair man looked at her in a strange way.
"Ok, can I come in?" he asked. Mrs Taylor Thomas squeaked as the repair man went into the kitchen and took out his tool box. Mrs Taylor Thomas nad her children were backed up agaisnt the kitchen counter.
"Mummy, what are those things?" Chloe asked, pointing at the tools.
"I don't know darling, I think he might hurt us with them" Mrs Taylor thomas replied.
"Mummy, I'm scared" Thomas sobbed.
"Sssshhhh, it's ok darling, mummy won't let anything bad happen to you" she reassured him.
"Right, Mrs Taylor thomas, a screw has come loose on the back area so I'm going to have to screw that back in" the repair man told her. Mrs Taylor Thomas and her children watched in horror as he took out a screwdriver from his tool box.
"Mummy, what is he going to do?" Thomas asked.
"I don't know, but don't look him in the eye" Mrs Taylor thomas advised her very scared children. The repair man turned around and looked at Mrs Taylor Thomas and her two children who were still backed up agaisnt the counter.
"Are you sure you're ok Mrs Taylor Thomas?" he asked her.
"Oh my god children, he's going to kill us, run for your lifes?" Mrs Taylor Thomas screamed. The two children screamed and ran out of the kitchen, followed shortly by Mrs Taylor thomas and the repair man was left, looking dumbfounded.
More sketches to come.