"I'm so hard-up, I actually had a sex dream last night about my own boyfriend!" was Charlie's opening comment at breakfast on Sunday.
"Who do you norm... actually, I really don't want to know," Blaine almost asked, but he unfortunately decided just a little too late to avoid hearing the answer.
"All of your boyfriends!" he said, pointing around the couple filled table. There was Wes and David, Jeff and Nick, and Blaine and Kurt (not that he and Kurt were a couple, but in Charlie's disturbing mind, they were close enough).
"Charlie, that's disgusting," Nick muttered, but Charlie didn't seem to care.
"When is Lucas getting here today?" Jeff asked, not seeming bothered at all by Charlie's comment.
"Not until noon," Charlie groaned dramatically. "He had... cheerleading something."
"I'm almost terrified to ask what it possibly could have been, since the Cheerios lost Regionals."
"I don't think a loss has ever deterred that crazy bitch," Charlie muttered.
"Last week she tried to overdose with gummy vitamins in a melodramatic cry for help," Kurt informed Charlie, who just shrugged.
"Does that mean we have to listen to you whine for another four hours?" Wes snapped at Charlie as he stood up to dump his tray. David, surprisingly, didn't follow him.
"What's up his craw? David," Charlie began teasingly, "did you leave something up there last night?"
"He had to go talk to Alison yesterday," David said. "From what I've heard in the bits and pieces of mumbling under Wes' breath, it didn't exactly go well. She was really angry. She told Wes that she loved him, and that he broke her heart, and that he would never find a guy who could give him what she could, and that he had just 'decided' to go gay because he's scared to be in a real relationship. Apparently, she found out about the whole Two Weeker thing. It was really rough."
"Still haven't answered my question," Charlie muttered, but he sounded a touch remorseful.
"He feels really guilty about breaking up with her," David added, ignoring Charlie, "and I think talking to her made it worse rather than better."
"Is he all right?" Blaine asked, looking over towards the trash station, but they couldn't see Wes.
"Yeah, I think so. You know him, he'll snap out of this the moment he gets his hands on a gavel and starts to feel like himself again. Despite all the relationships he's been in, and all the crap we've gone through, he's not actually good at breaking peoples' hearts. I don't think he realizes that he's actually done so before." David didn't elaborate, and Blaine didn't ask. At this point, he was just happy Wes and David were together and not fighting too much. He didn't need to know all the backstory. David sighed. "I'll go fetch him."
After David left the table, it was awkwardly quiet. Jeff and Nick seemed to be having a silent conversation, Kurt was picking at his fingernails and seemed barely conscious (despite how early he woke up, he wasn't actually a morning person), and it was too early for most of the Warblers to be conscious at all, especially on a Sunday.
"A penny for your thoughts," Kurt said with a little smile, and apparently Blaine was being the quiet one. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Blaine answered, wondering why Kurt thought he was upset. "Just thinking about Regionals."
"I can't believe they're so soon," Kurt agreed, but he didn't sound as excited as most Warblers would, and Blaine knew exactly why. However, it was Sunday morning and things were going relatively well at Dalton for the moment, so Blaine didn't try to cheer Kurt up. Not that cheering Kurt up was a bad thing, but he didn't want to get Kurt talking and debating about it.
"Hey, roomie," Chris said as he sat down in one of the spots vacated by Wes and David. "How's it going?"
"I would answer 'fine,' but I know you only ask that question when you want someone to reciprocate, so I will instead ask, how are you, Chris?"
"Awesome," Chris said with a grin. "I spent the night with Chrissy after the basketball game, and-"
"Oh, let me guess!" Charlie butted into the conversation. "Er-eh, er-eh, er-eh, er-eh, er-"
"Yes, Charlie, we get your point," Blaine interrupted him.
"Dude, that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" Chris objected, but it was half-hearted.
"But, yeah, right?"
"Pretty much," Chris said with a grin. This earned him several pats on the back and high fives, and Blaine pretended not to notice Kurt rolling his eyes as the tenor gave Chris a pat on the back himself. He really liked Chrissy. "We've got to be the best couple at Dalton," Chris said, and Blaine groaned. "Problem?" Chris asked him.
"You did this to you," was all Blaine said to the poor bastard before he sat back and watched it unfold.
"Really?" Jeff was the one who started it. "You think you and Chrissy, who have only been dating for a few weeks and spent the majority of that fighting about nothing, are a better couple than us?" he asked, gesturing between himself and the man whose lap he was sitting on with some difficulty.
"You've been in the closet for years," Chris said slowly, as if he didn't really want to address the comment.
"We were still a better couple than you guys, even in the closet."
"If we're getting awards for how long we've been in the closet and still made a good couple, we so win," David interjected as he and Wes sat back down, Wes looking considerably more cheery, if a little ruffled.
"Yeah, but you two had the fight to end all fights," Nick pointed out finally sucked in.
"I thrive on chaos," Charlie commented casually, rubbing his hands together like a villain in a terrible melodrama. "Besides, you're all wrong."
"You seriously think you and Lucas are the best couple?" Chris asked. "You just like hitting that."
"Yes, I do, but I also love him, in case you forgot," Charlie added helpfully. "And we're the only gay couple that hasn't visited the closet, and we've been together longer than Chris and Chrissy. Duh."
"Guys, I hate to get involved in this, I really do," Blaine spoke up in the hopes of ending the feud, "but how long you've been together and how long you spent in the closet doesn't actually define a relationship."
"I would say, 'Wesley, I think we need a supreme ruling here,' but you're far too biased. So, I think we need to collect the Warblers." Charlie was grinning again
"What the hell is going on?" Kurt asked Blaine, but the tenor just shook his head. Charlie would declare it soon enough.
"We're going to have a Couple War."
"The rules of a Couple War are simple," Wes said as soon as the Warblers had assembled in the Stevenson common room at around eleven, many looking like they had just been forcibly dragged out of their bed… or someone else's bed. "Everyone submits three nominations for who they believe the best couple should be. The top five couples will either be brought forward or represented by one member at the front, and the audience will vote which couple they like most for each category." Wes didn't bother to explain the categories.
"Since I'm sure Wes and I will end up as one of the couples," David said as Wes glared at the assembled singers to stress his boyfriend's point, "Thad will be conducting this occasion."
"Oh, joy of joys," Thad said dryly from where he was seated at the table near Blaine and Kurt. Wes and David passed out paper and little pencils, and Wes sent Thad to collect them with a glare. Thad picked a few Warblers (Michael, Kendrick, and Trent) to be election talliers, and after a few minutes they handed Thad a sheet of paper.
"I hate you so much for this," Thad said audibly to Wes before taking the paper. "And the nominees are…" For someone who was complaining about running the show, Thad had a fairly decent game show host voice, "Wes and David," the couple came up to the front grinning and sat down in the middle two chairs of the ten arranged in a semi-circle beside Thad, "Jeff and Nick," that couple sat to Wes and David's right, "Charlie and Lucas," doubtlessly pouting that Lucas wasn't there to fill the seat next to him, Charlie sulked on the left end, "Chris and Christine," since Christine couldn't be at Dalton all the time, she hadn't joined them for the Couple War (she probably thought it was stupid and Blaine really couldn't blame her), so Chris took a solitary seat next to Jeff and Nick, "and Blaine and Kurt."
"Objection!" Wes said immediately. "They're not a couple!"
"Close enough," Charlie muttered from where he was sulking.
"Agreed," Thad said, and Blaine rolled his eyes, but went up and took a seat to the left of Wes and David. Kurt, after some coercing from the Warblers around him, sat next to Blaine.
"I can't believe they would do this to us," he hissed to the tenor.
"Then you clearly haven't been here long enough."
"I can't believe you guys actually found a podium on short notice," Kurt commented, looking to the left, towards Thad and the beautiful Dalton Academy Warblers podium Wes had rustled up from somewhere.
"That surprises me," Blaine agreed.
"No whispering among the contenders," Thad said sternly. "For the sake of efficiency, and the fact that it amuses me, I will be referring to each couple or representative by their popular couple name. From left to right, Charcas, Klaine, Wevid, Neff, and Chrisine."
"I object-" Chris started to say.
"I don't care," Thad cut him off. "As a Couple War is a mixture of democracy and the Newlywed Game, I'm going to ask some questions, never the same question to two different couples, and then the audience will vote which couple is best in twenty-two categories. The overall winner of both the questions and the votes will be the best couple of 2011. Let's play." Thad whipped some question cards out of God-knows-where, and turned to the couples. "The first question is for-"
"Wait a second," Charlie interrupted him without remorse. "How are the couples that don't have both people supposed to answer the questions?" It was a good flaw in Thad's logic.
"Do you seriously think I haven't rounded up your partners?" Thad asked quietly enough that most of the Warblers probably couldn't hear him. "You're ruining my grand reveal." Thad then cleared his throat and amped up the volume. "Please welcome to the stage, Lucas Montressor and Christine Last-Name-Omitted, both of whom have been informed of the rules!"
Charlie's face lit up when he saw Lucas and he was out of his chair in a second, grabbing his boyfriend and kissing him so fiercely the rest of the room quickly became uncomfortable. Chris, the sane one, just asked Thad if he really didn't know Christine's last name and then gave her a quick kiss when she sat down next to him.
"Break it up, break it up, jeesh," Thad complained, pushing Charlie and Lucas into separate chairs. "Let the game begin! The first question is for," he began again, but Charlie didn't interrupt him this time, "Wevid. How many boyfriends or girlfriends did your partner have before or during your relationship?" Thad had obviously tailored that question for the couple, handing them both whiteboards to answer it on.
"Thad, do you seriously think I can count that high?" David asked to laughter. Nevertheless, he scribbled down some answer for himself and for Wes.
"Grand reveal," Thad said. "All right, Wes' answer of seven is spot on while David's answer of 30ish is not close enough to 22 to count. Sorry. You receive one out of two points."
"22?" Blaine asked Wes, who nodded. "You can't say that name isn't rightfully earned anymore," he muttered, making Wes laugh.
"At this point, I couldn't care less about the nickname. I really couldn't." Wes' look at David was almost scary in how utterly adoring it was. All the love in the world was in Wes' eyes, and it was making Blaine just a little uncomfortable, but mostly he was happy for the two of them.
"All right, the next one is for Charcas. Who is the safer driver?"
"Can I answer this one?" Kurt muttered to Blaine. Sure enough, both of them answered 'Lucas' and got two out of two points with no argument.
"Next question is for Klaine. What's your song?" Charlie and Lucas passed them the whiteboards. This was probably the most evil and most embarrassing thing the Warblers had done to Blaine and Kurt yet, and Blaine could see the blush rising to Kurt's cheeks as he scribbled something down.
"Blaine, stop cheating," Jeff objected.
"Either that or he's staring at his man," Lucas added with a grin, which earned him several wolf-whistles from the audience and a kiss from Charlie.
"Why?" Kurt demanded of Lucas. "Just why?"
"Might as well join in on the madness," Lucas replied with a shrug. "I think I'm going to be around for a while." Lucas smiled at Charlie, but he was sulking again. Weird.
"All right. Grand reveal."
Blaine wasn't sure what was going to be worse: them getting it right or them getting it wrong. When Kurt turned around his board and they both had the same answer, Teenage Dream, Blaine knew getting it right was definitely worse. "Aw," Charlie said from the end with a grin, as the rest of the audience did, then he started humming the chorus. Bastard.
"What a cute couple," someone in the audience Blaine couldn't quite pinpoint to glare at added.
"Two out of two points," Thad announced, apparently the only one in the room who wasn't going to make fun of them and thankfully the only one with a microphone, "lovebugs." So much for that. Blaine rolled his eyes; Kurt was oddly quiet. "Next question is for Neff: Who would you say has the better parents?" Thad probably had no idea how easy that question was for that particular couple, and they both came up with the answer of Jeff's parents.
The question for Chrisine was a little harder: "How would you rate your partner's morning breath?" They each had to answer for the other and rate their own morning breath. Christine's board rated hers as a 4 (1 being nonexistent and 10 being noxious), as did Chris', but Christine rated Chris' morning breath as an 8, while he only rated his as a six.
"Ouch," Thad commented as Chris glared at his girlfriend. "That one's gotta hurt."
"I have to corroborate on that answer," Kurt added audibly, making Blaine laugh. "He really does have terrible rooming breath."
"Thanks, roomie," Chris muttered bitterly.
"I think a terrible decision was made when this question was assigned to Charcas," Thad began the next round with that comment, "but what is a surefire way to put your partner in the mood? Please use only G-rated phrases." Charlie pouted.
Wes actually fell out of his chair laughing when for Charlie's answer, both boards answered Lucas simply walking into the room. Charlie just shrugged, unashamed of exactly how true that statement was. However, Charlie's answer was deemed too vulgar (even though, judging by the way Lucas was blushing, it was probably true), and they only got one point.
"Neff," Thad returned to them, seemingly going in no particular order, "white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or jelly beans?"
"What?" Jeff asked kind of indignantly. "What the hell kind of question is that?"
"The kind you need to answer before I call time on you," Thad replied coolly.
Jeff's revealed answer was dark chocolate, while Nick had guessed milk chocolate, obviously never having considered Jeff's preference before. "Watch your back, Wes," Charlie commented with a whistle. Jeff blushed, Nick rolled his eyes, and Wes glared at Charlie so fiercely it was semi-surprising the pervert didn't go up in flames. Lucas just took Charlie's hand with a little smile. Nick's answer was white chocolate, while Jeff had guessed 'jelly beans, thanks to his President-crush on Ronald Reagan,' which sparked a whispered debate between the couple.
"All right, Klaine, you're in an advantageous position-"
"I hope you're super aware of the fact that we're not trying to win. Not even a little bit," Blaine interrupted, but Thad just ignored him with the grace that accompanied being crazy (and everyone at Dalton was truly, thoroughly crazy).
"Klaine, your question is: What is your partner's best physical trait?" Kurt blushed immediately, and Blaine groaned as the other couples snickered.
"Oh, come on, Thad, that's not even funny."
"Rules are rules, Blaine, and you'll be penalized if you don't answer."
"Hopefully it's disqualification," Blaine muttered, but he stared down at his blank board anyway. He had no idea what Kurt would consider his best physical feature, and he knew what he considered Kurt's best physical feature, but… how the hell was he supposed to answer this without making everything a hundred times more awkward than it had been over the past few weeks? Things had finally gotten back to normal.
When Thad finally made them turn their boards around, both of them obviously having the same mental freak-out (judging by Kurt's darkening blush), Blaine was surprised that they had both agreed on Kurt (his eyes, definitely), and Kurt's answer made him blush.
"Kurt, I have never loved you more than I do in this morning," Charlie declared, cackling with glee and clearly having given up his skulking.
"Kurt Hummel! I am shocked at you!" Chrissy joked, and a few people in the audience wolf-whistled.
Blaine almost couldn't believe his eyes. Had Kurt seriously written that?
Yep, it was right before his eyes, written in black marker with Kurt's neat handwriting: his ass.
"I have to say only one point, but I really wish I could give you guys both," Thad said, obviously biting the inside of his cheek pretty hard to keep from laughing. "Since Klaine has apparently deiced to be as vulgar as Charcas, the next question is for Wevid. What is your partner's favorite junk food indulgence?"
For two people that had been together for as long as Wes and David, it was an easy question, and Wes got a point for his correct answer (no bake cookies) and David got one for his (chocolate covered pretzels).
"All right, Chrisine: What is your partner's favorite restaurant… and what is it's phone number?" That was just mean, since nobody memorized phone numbers due to smart phones, but it was awfully funny to watch Chris' face crease in confusion as he tried to think.
Charlie and Lucas were probably the winners of the question round (even though they got the exact same number of points as Kurt and Blaine). Lucas had gotten a bunch of 'aw's by correctly choosing a song to dedicate to Charlie. Thad had needed to add the phrase 'G-rated' to the question what one word would you use to describe your partner? Charlie had chosen kind, and Lucas had chosen crazy, both of them getting it right, and it had been established that they both believed in second chances, something they had known. They ended up with eight points.
Wes and David had both remembered when their first date started and ended (Thad allowed them to first discuss what actually qualified as their first date), and had vehemently refused to answer the question 'what is your private nickname for your partner?' (David seemed less concerned, but Wes had obviously vetoed it). Wes got right how many kids David wanted to have, but David had underestimated, earning himself a roll of his eyes from his boyfriend. They ended up with six points.
Nick and Jeff were easily able to pick out each other's favorite movies, and had disagreed on who controlled the TV remote. However, they got the next biggest round of 'aw's (after Lucas) when they had immediately agreed on a first dance song, and the fact that it was Jeff's preference, but Nick loved it because he did. It was adorable, and they ended up tied with Wevid with six points.
Chris had been able to come up with the name of Christine's favorite restaurant and the number (which was impressive), but Christine hadn't been able to hold up her end of the bargain. They had agreed on who apologizes first, but argued over what they dislike about one another's habits, and had refused to answer the question 'they say that the best way to know if a person is good in bed is to find out if they dance really well. So, who dances better?' which only caused more catcalls than an answer either way ever could have. They ended up with four points, which was embarrassing, considering Lucas had started the whole thing.
Since Thad didn't neglect Blaine and Kurt in his reign of torture, they agreed that Blaine was the better cook, Blaine had picked out the one thing Kurt would change about him (the bow ties), but Kurt said that Blaine would say he would change nothing about Kurt… which led to several moments of awkward silence when Blaine admitted that he would change Kurt's snark. The most awkward moment by far was when they both agreed on their favorite name for a baby girl (Victoria). They tied with Charcas at eight points.
"And now, we move on to the democratic part of the proceedings. You have all been given papers with following twenty-two categories: chemistry/attraction; balance; respect; compromise; making time for each other; self-improvement due to the relationship; vulnerability; laughter/making each other happy; au natural, no, not the amount of time they spend naked around each other, because we all know Charcas would win that, but rather who acts the most naturally around their significant other and vice versa; family and friends, i.e. having separate groups of friends, as well as mutual friends, plus being familiar with and liked by each others' family and friends; acceptance of quirks; equality/give and take; non-clingy-ness; most things in common; fidelity and lack of jealousy; sweetness/affection; opposites attract, i.e. who are the closest to opposites?; communication; friendship; sexual intimacy; yes those last two are dead giveaways; lack of: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling; and reliability. You all have five minutes to choose your favorite couple for each category, and I will read the tally aloud at the end of the counting, done by the unfortunate freshman. Each category is a point, the couple with the most points from the Couple Games and count wins." Thad was clearly getting into the game show mode, reading the categories so fast it was almost like listening to an auctioneer, and also doing it completely from memory (which was impressive).
Thad forbid the couples from talking ('strategizing' he called it during the five minute break), so Blaine just looked up at the ceiling and prayed they didn't win. They would never hear the end of it if they won.
Thad rang a gong at the end of the five minutes (apparently they had been able to find a gong on short notice too), and the counting was relatively quick, with few categories being close.
"And now… the results!" Thad said, and he was obviously having fun at this point. "Chemistry/Attraction… Klaine, with Charcas as a close second." Blaine resisted the urge to groan. "Balance… Charcas. Respect… Neff. Compromise… Wevid. Making Time… Klaine. Self-Improvement… Charcas, duh. Vulnerability… Charcas, that's a surprise. Laugher/Make Each Other Happy… Klaine. Au Natural… Neff, with Wevid as a close second. Note: Chrisine has yet to win anything, so many Chris won't make a habit out of challenging these idiots to twisted games. Family and Friends… Klaine. Acceptance… Charcas, not a shock, because anyone dating Charlie has a lot to accept. Equality/Give and Take… Wevid. Non-clingy-ness… Chrisine, I stand corrected. Things in common… Chrisine. Fidelity and lack of jealous… Wevid, really? I don't think you people know what fidelity means! Though lack of jealousy is uncannily accurate. Sweetness/Affection… Klaine, aw."
"Fuck," Blaine muttered, and when Kurt looked over at him, he explained, "We're going to win this." Kurt looked suitably horrified at the news.
"Opposites Attracts… Charcas, interesting. Communication… Klaine. Friendship… Klaine, duh. Sexual Intimacy… Charcas unanimously. Lack of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling… Chrisine, interesting. Last, but not least, reliability… Neff." Thad threw away the results with a flourish. "And now for the final tally. Mason?" he asked his little brother.
"In last place, with seven points, Chrisine. Tied for third, both with nine points, Wevid and Neff. In second place, with fourteen points, Charas. And the winner by one point, with fifteen points, Klaine!" There was confetti and cheering and Kurt was groaning into his hands, because he knew exactly the kind of torment this meant.
"Now I'm starting to regret declaring them 'close enough' to a couple," Charlie complained, but Lucas kissed him and said something that made him smile, taking Charlie's hand and leading him out of the room. Thus ended, Blaine was sure, Charlie's brief dry spell.
Chris seemed suitably embarrassed, but Christine offered to go to his newly-revealed favorite restaurant for lunch as consolation. Wes and David seemed grumpy, Nick and Jeff didn't really seem to care, and most of the other Warblers were just eager to eat lunch.
"Remember we have Warblers practice tomorrow!" he yelled as his minions exited the room.
Charlie and Lucas eventually arrived downstairs for lunch, significantly after everyone else. "Feel better, Charlie?" Jeff asked him by way of greeting, and Charlie grinned.
"Definitely." Lucas didn't even roll his eyes, just kissing his boyfriend on the cheek as he went up to get food, Charlie getting through the line magically fast as usual. "Sex is just a wonderful relaxant; it's the reason virgins are so uptight all the time," Charlie added, casually slinging an arm around Kurt. "Speaking of uptight, wait until you two see the banner Wes had made."
"What banner?" Blaine asked immediately, but Charlie didn't answer.
"What's going on with you guys?" he asked casually, purposefully not answering or acknowledging Blaine's question. He was excellent at driving people crazy by ignoring them. It was one of the ways he used to get guys into bed.
"Charlie, we saw you an hour ago. The only news is now we don't have to fear a light breeze hitting you in public," Blaine replied dryly, trying to ignore that his question was ignored.
"I think you should always be worried about that," Lucas said, sitting down with a full plate of food and obviously having been told the magic secret to getting through the lunch line in a timely fashion. Not that lunch on a Sunday was terribly busy.
"So, how are the New Directions?" Kurt asked.
"Still wildly hung over from that party Rachel held. Santana and Brittany ditched a Cheerios meeting because Santana can't be around hairspray and Brittany… well, you know how she gets lost without Santana." Charlie was pouting again, for some reason, and when Blaine bumped his shoulder to silently get his attention, he was ignored.
"Did the news about the party spread that fast?" Kurt asked, obviously surprised.
"It's not ever day a Glee party out-cools everything else on a Friday night. Plus, I heard I'm in the presence of two Dalton attendees. How was it?"
"It was a party thrown by Rachel Barbra Berry. Before the booze, it was terrible."
"Yeah, well, the booze was the legendary part," Lucas dismissed Kurt's comment.
"Okay, what is your problem?" Charlie demanded suddenly of his boyfriend, ignoring Blaine's attempt to calm him down from his sudden rage completely, standing up from the lunch table. "He's all you can talk about!" Charlie jerked a not particularly complimentary finger towards Kurt, who looked shell shocked.
"Charlie, I'm not talking about him, I'm talking to him," Lucas said very calmly as he tried to pull Charlie back into his seat. Charlie jerked his arm away.
"You should be talking to me," Charlie insisted.
"Ten bucks Charlie's finally lost it," Jeff murmured to his boyfriend, who ignored him.
"Charlie, it's not like we're excluding you from the conversation," Lucas said, managing to stay perfectly calm in a way most people never could.
"You're talking about people I don't know," Charlie said, and Lucas' calm approach wasn't exactly working, judging by Charlie's tone.
"Fine. What would you like to talk about, sweetie?" Lucas was starting to sound a little bit annoyed. His patience couldn't be entirely endless, and Blaine definitely knew how trying Charlie could be.
"I would like to talk about how you're an idiot who can't see what he has!" Charlie yelled, still being very unreasonable.
"Charlie…" Kurt tried to intervene, clearly having the worst idea in the history of ever.
"You shut up, I've had enough of you two. You as stupid as he is. What is wrong with everyone in this school?" Charlie yelled, storming out of the cafeteria in a manner that would have made Rachel proud.
"Am I the only one who has no idea what that was about?" Lucas asked, and everyone shook their heads. "Oh, good."
"Relax. I'm sure he just forgot to take his crazy pills this morning," Jeff joked as a comfort, and then they went back to lunch, Lucas occasionally glancing up in the hopes that Charlie would come back.
"I call this meeting of the Dalton Academy Warblers to order!" Wes announced, banging his gavel as a few unfortunate stragglers trickled in, suffering under the death glare from Wes, very much in Head Warbler mode. "With Regionals in a few short weeks, it is time to start discussing numbers for the competition. As always, we have our shortlist of suggested numbers, but we would like to continue our successful trend of singing popular music. Does anyone have suggestions from the Hot 100?" When Wes was talking about popular music, Kurt had learned, he meant it incredibly literally, going by the actual charts rather than just 'what people are listening to.' "And the first person who suggests Black and Yellow or S&M will also win the honor of being the first person kicked out of the Warblers under my tenure. Suggestions?"
Everyone immediately whipped out copies of the last three to four Hot 100's, obviously prepared for Wes' craziness, and Blaine scooted closer to Kurt, their thighs and shoulders touching, so Kurt could look on with him. "What about Firework? or Teenage Dream? or E.T.? All of which were on this weeks Hot 100?"
"We performed Teenage Dream, Blaine, in case you forgot."
"And E.T. is inappropriate," David added.
"Not the radio version! The album version," Blaine corrected, soudnign rather offended.
"Blaine and his Katy," Nick said with a grin.
"I'm beginning to wonder if she's the only woman in existence he would have sex with, just to see what she sounded like during," Charlie added.
"Enough, boys," Wes said, banging his gavel firmly.
"We could do Coming Home? It's probably the most liked song on the list," Nick suggested, done mocking Kurt.
"The problem is Skylar Grey," David pointed out.
"We don't have a girl, but we have Kurt," Nick argued. "He could sing that part easily."
"Noted," Wes said before David could argue again.
"Jar of Hearts?"
"Too negative. Choirs that sing happy songs, even happy ballads, tend to win."
"I can't even think of a happy ballad."
"Hey There Delilah," Wes said after some consideration.
"Possibly the most hated song on the list?"
"Wesy, you're being a little argumentative," David said softly, just loud enough that the people sitting near the front could hear him, and Wes sighed.
"Rhythm of Love."
"Raise Your Glass," Bliane suggested.
"P!nk?" David said doubtfully.
"She's no Katy Perry, but she's upbeat and provocative and all the swears she uses can be removed."
"Noted," Wes said with satisfaction.
"Too difficult to arrange… and don't start trying," Wes said as soon as the first note rang out.
"Little Lion Man," Kendrick suggested.
"Just the Way You Are," Michael said at the same time.
"Little Lion Man/Just the Way You Are," Oliver solved with a grin.
"I have to ask… what would that even sound like?" Thad asked, and Kendrick, Micheal, and Oliver all grinned at each other before they started singing.
Weep for yourself, my man
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep, little lion man
You're not as brave as you were at the start
So rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all of the courage you have left
And waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
Tremble for yourself, my man (her eyes, her eyes)
You know that you have seen this all before (they're not shinin')
Tremble, little lion man
You'll never settle any of your scores (her hair, her hair)
Your grace is wasted in your face
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck (oh, just the way you are)
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck (just the way you are)
But that was not your fault but mine (just the way, just the way, just the way that you are)
And it was your heart on the line (just the way, just the way, just the way that you are)
I really messed it up this time
Didn't I, my dear? (just the way, just the way, just the way that you are)
Just the way you are
Oh, hey eyes, her eyes
They're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair
Without her tryin'
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Oh, you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for
Then just say the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look okay
You know I'll say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
Just the way you are
Kurt even joined in on their impromptu mash-up, but Wes didn't look very impressed. "Nice try, but you mixed the orchestra more than the lyrics."
"Wo could do Blow."
"No Ke$ha!" Wes declared immediately. "No Tick Tock, no Blow, no We Are Who We Are, I won't have it!"
"Calm down, Wesy," David said with a roll of his eyes. "I like Blaine's idea about P!nk."
"We could always do Perfect, the clean version," Blaine also suggested, but Wes ignored him.
"Blaine. Happy," David reminded him.
"I think we should do more than one song," Thad said from the other side of the bench. "The New Directions always do more than one song, and the only time Vocal Adrenaline did one song, it was Bohemian Rhapsody. And we can't do two peppy pop songs, it'll sound redundant."
"What about a ballad?" Blaine asked.
"Or a duet?" Jeff asked, getting only a frosty glare from Wes.
"We could do a slower song. Slow doesn't necessarily mean sad," Nick argued as he had argued during every rehearsal.
"Dismissed!" Wes suddenly barked. "You guys are giving me a headache."
"What do you think the deal with Charlie is?" Kurt asked as they walked out of rehearsal, glad it hadn't been too long or too painful.
"I have no idea, but I know three things: one, Charlie is more sensitive than he lets on, two, Charlie lets his emotions on a particular topic build up until he snaps, and three, Charlie always changes the color of his hair when he's really upset. When I first met him, his hair was purple… I can't remember what color it was between that and pink, and now it's brown, which happened back when he first told Lucas he loved him. If Charlie's really upset, his hair color would be different by now. It's been twenty-four hours. So, he's fine."
"You really have him all figured out, don't you?"
"Trust me, it wasn't easy. Want to head to The Lima Bean?"
"It wouldn't be rehearsal without coffee after."
"Talking about the party really seemed to upset him," Kurt said, returning to the subject of Charlie after they had ordered their coffees.
"Didn't I tell you not to worry about this? Charlie is fine," Blaine insisted again. "Maybe he just… wanted an invite, or something."
"Well, I can't understand that. The party was a travesty," Kurt muttered.
"What?" Blaine said with a laugh. "It was not."
"You just don't remember it through your punch-tinted haze," Kurt replied as their order was called."
"I didn't drink that much," Blaine said with a chuckle.
"Are you kidding? You spent the entire night sucking Rachel Berry's face. That, sir," Kurt said as Blaine's phone started to ring, "is what we call rock bottom."
"Oh, my God. Speak of the devil."
"Two medium drips," the barista offered.
"Hi, Rachel. Kurt and I were just talking about you," Blaine said with a little laugh. No matter how annoying Rachel was, Blaine always managed to be so polite to her. They both picked up their coffees as Rachel obviously said something, Blaine still smiling, and he had to know.
As Blaine turned to walk towards their table, Kurt leaned closer to where Blaine and Rachel were talking, Blaine obligily walking on the left side. "So, I have a question for you. I wanted to know-" Rachel was talking slowly and uncharacteristically calmly, the way she had Friday night, and Carole King's Far Away was playing in the background.
Wait… "Is she drunk?" Kurt asked incredulously with a laugh. Why the hell was Rachel drunk-dialing Blaine?
"Shh, shh, shh, shh. Um, yeah," Blaine said, walking out of everyone's way and also preventing Kurt from hearing his conversation with Rachel. "Uh-huh. All right, I'll see you then." She probably wanted to sing another duet with him, admiring his talent despite his rival status or something very Rachilian. Unless she was really drunk. "Okay, bye." Blaine was smiling as he hung up, placing his coffee down as he sat down. "Rachel just asked me out," Blaine said, his voice choked with laugher.
"Oh, that is amazing. She's got a girl crush on you." Or Rachel being drunk just made her like Blaine, but either way it was hilarious. Blaine had agreed to… "Wait a second," Kurt backtracked as Blaine stood up to get sugar, suddenly finding the situation not-so-funny at all. "Why'd you say yes? You can't lead her on." Blaine couldn't treat his best friend like that, even if she wasn't crazy.
"Who says I'm leading her on?" Blaine even looked offended by the suggestion!
What? "You can't be serious." Blaine had to be joking. There was no way that, after everything they had been through, after all Blaine had been through, he was turning tail on everything and… what?
"When we kissed, it—it felt good," Blaine said with a little shrug, more focused on flavoring his coffee than the fact that he had just agreed to go on a date with Rachel Berry, not only a girl, but the most annoying girl anyone had ever met.
"It felt good because you were drunk."
"What's the harm in going out on one crummy little date?" Blaine asked, and Kurt couldn't think of a good answer. What was wrong with him? He was just… spouting this out of nowhere, so calmly, acting like him deciding that he was straight and going on a date with Rachel was an every day occurrence. Blaine was… Blaine was proud and he was secure and he knew who he was and he was the person Kurt went to for everything and… now what?
"You're gay, Blaine," Kurt said, hissing it more for effect than the fact they were in a crowded coffee shop in conservative Ohio. Blaine had never cared to shy away from who he was before.
"I-I-I thought I was, but I, uh, I've never even had a boyfriend before." Kurt considered himself a pretty romantic person, but Blaine was placing way too much stress on the difference between relationships and sex if he was calling his other experiences into question because he hadn't had a boyfriend. "Isn't this the time you're supposed to… figure stuff out?" Blaine asked him, shrugging and unconcerned. Wasn't the whole 'try the other sexuality' thing during college? Why was this happening?
"I can't believe that I'm hearing this right now."
"Maybe I'm bi, I don't know."
"'Bisexual' is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to… hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change," Kurt hissed, leaning back from the table.
"Woah, woah, wait, wait. Why are you so angry?" Blaine asked, and could he really not understand why this would upset Kurt? Why it felt like his world was imploding? Blaine was stubborn and crazy and yes, he could be idiotic, but Blaine had never been… scared or curious or… anything but the person Kurt needed him to be. And Kurt still needed him.
"Because I look up to you," Kurt said, knowing. "I admire how proud you are of who you are. I know what it's like to be in the closet, and here you are about to tiptoe back in." Maybe Blaine had never been in the closet, but people like Blaine, stories like Blaine's were the reason he and so many others were out!
"I-I'm really sorry if this hurts your feelings or your… pride or whatever, but however confusing it might be for you, it's actually a lot more confusing for me. You're one hundred percent sure who you are. Fantastic. Well, maybe we all can't be so lucky." Blaine was accusing him of being ungrateful? Really?
"Yeah, I have—I've had a lot of luck, Blaine. I was really lucky to be chased out of high school by a bully who threatened to kill me." Kurt had gone through so much because of his sexuality, and so had Blaine, and now he was just backing out of everything they stood for!
"And why did he do that?"
"Because he didn't like who I was." The same way those bullies didn't like who Blaine was, but Blaine fought to be who he was anyway!
"Sort of exactly… what you're saying to me right now, isn't it?" Kurt just stared at Blaine, because he didn't even know what to say. This wasn't what Blaine was! And how could Blaine compare his confused 'feelings' about a drunk kiss to Karofsky's repressed sexuality and assault on him and… who was this idiot sitting across from him? Because it wasn't Blaine. "I am—I'm searching, okay? I'm honestly just… trying to figure out who I am, and for you, of all people, to get down on me for that—I didn't think that's who you were." Blaine slumped forward a little before standing up. "I'll see you. I'd, uh, I'd say 'bye,' but I wouldn't want to make you angry." Blaine flounced out of the coffee shop, and Kurt just stared after him.
Blaine had driven them both to the Lima Bean, which meant he had gotten a ride back with some scared freshmen, and he kept replaying the conversation with Blaine in his head over and over as they drove back to Dalton. Yes, Blaine had been out of line by comparing Kurt's innocent comment about how proud Blaine had been of his sexuality to Karofsky's repression and assault and death threats, way out of line, but… Blaine was a human being, not just Kurt's night in shining armor, and he had every right to question and wonder and find out. Just because Kurt had feelings for him that Blaine was way too good at blatantly ignoring, didn't mean he shouldn't be a good friend. And he had been a terrible friend. And Blaine was so mad at him, he wouldn't even answer Kurt's texts.
The tears started without his permission as they pulled into Dalton, frightening the freshmen further, and he only knew one person who wouldn't judge him for this.
"Charlie!" Kurt could feel the tears building in his eyes and hoped that no one would see him before Charlie opened his damn door. "Charlie!" He rapped his knuckles on the door, wiping away tears. Sweet McQueen, he'd been so stupid. Inside, he heard ruffling and some swearing.
"'lo?" Charlie opened the door, looking irritated. The moment his eyes landed on Kurt's tear-stained face, his entire demeanor softened. "Come 'ere," he murmured, grabbing Kurt in a hug. Kurt just tightened his grip and cried into his bare shoulder. Holy Jacobs, what had he done? Blaine was his best friend and he had just tried to repress Blaine's feelings because he was scared to lose his perfect gay figurine! What was wrong with him?
"What the hell?" Some mussed boy came to the door from inside Charlie's dorm. "Oh, classy. I haven't even left yet." Kurt stepped out of Charlie's arms, probably gaping in a horribly unbecoming and embarrassing way.
"Oh… I'm so sorry… I didn't meant to… I'll just," he stumbled awkwardly. Had he just interrupted Charlie having sex? With someone who wasn't Lucas?
"You, come here," Charlie said, grabbing Kurt's wrist. "You, out. He's not my boyfriend, or one of them, but he sure takes precedence over your lousy ass. Shoo," Charlie addressed the boy he had just slept with without a care, leading Kurt into his room. The bed looked like he'd been having a group-grope with an entire football team, Charlie was, Kurt realized now, half-naked... he even smelled like sex. Well, this day was getting better and better.
"I'm sorry, Charlie, I didn't mean to..." 'be such a cock-block,' he continued mentally, but Charlie just waved a hand, like he could brush the incident off.
"What happened?" Charlie fixed an intense gaze on him, and... Kurt had forgotten how green his eyes were up close. Why had he come here? He didn't want to talk about this.
"You know, you really shouldn't treat guys like that," Kurt said with a frown, gesturing towards the door. Charlie, for as long as he had known him, had yet to figure out how excellent he was at deflecting.
"He's a whore anyway, I'm sure he's used to getting kicked out after," Charlie snorted. "What happened? And don't even try to lie to me." Damn, Charlie was stubborn.
"Most of us would be lucky to have one boyfriend. How many do you have now? Five? And what happened to Lucas?" Kurt continued, ignoring Charlie's question.
"He broke up with me," Charlie's eyebrows pulled together and his lip trembled a little. "It's the first time, I think, that I've ever been the one broken up with. It was... interesting to say the least. And I only have two special friends on call, thank you very much."
"Shame," Kurt said, with a very real sigh.
"Wasn't getting any anyway," Charlie said with a shrug, but Kurt knew that number one, that wasn't true, and number two, Charlie cared about much more than that, especially when it came to Lucas. Lucas made Charlie… even crazier than normal, which was quite the feat. But Charlie was trying to push all of his feelings away, for some unknown reason. Kurt looked up at his hair, which was still his natural dark brown.
"I thought you loved about him." Kurt raised a perfectly-waxed eyebrow at his friend. Deflecting, he learned a long time ago, was an excellent distraction.
"Foreign words," Charlie replied. "Now, what happened with Blaine?" Kurt opened his mouth to protest. Did his entire life revolve around Blaine? "I know it was with Blaine, because there are massive tear tracks all over your face. Now spill," Charlie said flatly, and Kurt knew he couldn't get away this time.
"You remember Blaine and I went to a party?" Charlie nodded. "Well, it was at my friend Rachel's house, so I assumed it would be rather... wholesome." Charlie snorted, but didn't interrupt. "Turns out, Rachel was tired of playing 'Daddys' Little Princess' and everyone, with the exception of Finn, the designated driver, and myself got completely drunk. I, to be honest, don't enjoy not having control over all of my senses." Charlie snorted at that too.
"Blah, blah, blah. Party, party, party. Skip to the problem please." Kurt glared at Charlie, who seemed unfazed by the 'Mighty Dragon Glare' as Finn would call it.
"We played Spin the Bottle." Charlie grinned. "Blaine ended up kissing Rachel, about a foot from my face, might I add, and singing a duet of Don't You Want Me by The Human League with her."
"Wait, wait, wait. So this is what happened when our wholesome little Blainey got drunk off his ass?" Kurt nodded and Charlie cracked up laughing, almost falling off the bed where he and Kurt were sitting. "Please tell me you have videos!" Kurt frowned, and Charlie sobered again. "Sorry..."
"As I was saying, Blaine was drunk. After the party, I took him home, and-"
"Ooh, la, la," Charlie smirked, waggling his eyebrows.
"Not like that. Today-"
"Oh, so before it was 'I took him home' and now it's 'today.' Someone is withholding details," Charlie said, waggling his eyebrows. Kurt smacked his arm.
"What happened to 'skip to the problem'?" Kurt asked with a raised eyebrow. "Today, just a little bit ago, we were at The Lima Bean and Rachel called him, drunk. She asked him out and he said, 'yes'!"
"Hold up," Charlie interrupted... again. "You've been crying because Blaine is going on a date with a girl? Be serious, Kurt, that's not gonna last!" Kurt glared.
"I wasn't done, was I?" Charlie looked remorseless, and Kurt continued anyway. "He... he said he was 'searching' and trying to figure out who we was, and I... I said some really horrible things to him," Kurt couldn't look at Charlie as he said that, and he certainly couldn't repeat the words he'd said to Blaine. "I overreacted and said the first few things that popped into my head, and now he hates me." Tears were building in his eyes and attempting to flow over again. What had he done? Charlie, the arrogant, irritating asshole, started laughing! "What is funny about that?" Kurt snapped angrily, getting up from Charlie's bed.
"You overreacted then, and you're overreacting now. Kurt, Blaine's your best friend. Nothing you ever say to him will make him hate you. I'm sure he's a little upset, but I'm sure that if you talked to him and told him what you just told me, he'd be fine. Honestly!" Charlie said with a huff, falling dramatically against the bed. Damn him for being so clear-headed.
"I've told you I hate you recently, right?" Kurt asked, laying back down on the bed and leaning into his friend.
"Of course," Charlie said softly, wrapping an arm around the countertenor's shoulders. To anyone else, this would look like a romantic situation (especially since Charlie had yet to put a shirt on), but Kurt knew this was Charlie's way of comforting him, so he just rested his head against his shoulder.
"Can I ask you something personal?"
"I feel like now is not the right moment to hit on you, but I have an awesome line planned out in case I wanted to," Kurt just ignored Charlie's comment and surmised that was an affirmative.
"Have you ever tried to figure things out?"
"You mean with a girl?"
"No, I figured out pretty early guys do it for me in both my head and reality. But Blaine… Blaine can be a little bit artsy-fartsy given the chance. When something feels good, he decides that it's good for him, even when it's really not. Take the two of you for example: he likes where your friendship is, so he's decided that's the best thing that could happen, even when the reality is that the two of you would make a great couple."
"You think so?"
"Much better than him and the only other person I've ever met who's as small as him and fully grown." Kurt laughed at that.
"No problem, chico. I got your back." Charlie kissed his hair.
A/N: And this is the third apology I've written in as many days that I've been out of writing commission for such a long time. It's been a really unfortunate set of weeks, but I have Christmas vacation ahead of me and I'm ready to write! Whoo! Next chapter will be a big one (I actually plan to write Blaine and Rachel's date, which will be super fun for me). Also, the word I could not spell today was Blaine's name, see I just did it there, but I'll leave it as an example of what it might look like in the upper paragraphs, spelled wrong. My spell check does nothing about it, so, if you see it like that anywhere else, I apologize.
Songs used/mentioned: (so many… just so many)
'Teenage Dream' by Katy Perry (in the style of Glee; mentioned)
'Black and Yellow' by Wiz Khalifa (mentioned)
'S&M' by Rihanna (mentioned)
'Firework' by Katy Perry (mentioned)
'E.T.' by Katy Perry feat. Kanye West (or not, on the album version; mentioned)
'Coming Home' by Diddy - Dirty Money feat. Skylar Grey (mentioned)
'Jar of Hearts' by Christina Perri (mentioned)
'Hey There Delilah' by the Plain White T's (mentioned)
'Grenade' by Bruno Mars (mentioned)
'Secrets' by OneRepublic (mentioned)
'Rhythm of Love' by the Plain White T's (mentioned)
'Raise Your Glass' by P!nk (mentioned)
'Dynamite' by Taio Cruz (mentioned)
'Little Lion Man/Just the Way You Are' by Mumford & Sons/Bruno Mars (in the style of Glee, because I love YouTube extras)
'Blow' by Ke$ha (mentioned)
'Tik Tok' by Ke$ha (mentioned)
'We R Who We R' by Ke$ha (mentioned)
'Perfect' by P!nk (mentioned)
'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen (in the style of Glee; mentioned)
'Far Away' by Carole King (mentioned)
'Don't You Want Me?' by the Human League (in the style of Glee; mentioned)
And I just had to use the Warbler Little Lion Man/Just the Way You Are Mash-up off YouTube. It's just too ridiculously them... and not very well mashed together at all.
Reviews are Love.