AN: I don't really know what to say about this story other than I am having so much fun writing it. As of right now, all of my other stories have been halted until I finish writing this one. It's that much fun. It was supposed to be an epically long oneshot (you've all heard that from me before, haven't you) but I had to break it up into parts because one particularly dark chapter (chapter three) needs more warnings than the other chapters.

There are no major warnings for the first chapter other than it's AU and there's time travel involved.

Title: Take Me Home
Summary: AU, Lila Bray 'verse: An overzealous Trickster sends Dean, Sam and Ruby spiraling through a string of alternate universes. And it is NOT funny. Shut up.
Pairing: Dean/Ruby. With appearances by - and get ready for a big list here - Sam/Sarah, Sam/Jo, Sam/Jess, Bray/Alex, Dean/OFC, Katie/Jensen (yeah, I went there), minor Ruby/OMC, Mary/John, possibly some brief mentions of Jared/Genevieve, and I can't believe I'm about to say this but there is mention of some puppy love-ish/harmless onesided crush Dianna Agron/Jared.
Genre: Humor/Drama (with heaping helpings of romance, angst and family)
Rating: T for some dark themes in later chapters and language. The rating might have to change due to the content in chapter three.
Timeline: Alternate season six and multiple alternate universes.
Spoilers: Blanket spoilers for entire series.
Warnings: I'm going to do something new here and post individual warnings for each chapter. I'm mainly doing that because chapter three is a pretty dark chapter and needs some serious warnings but the rest is pretty lighthearted. One warning that could be used for the entire story as a whole is the warning that this story is slightly crackish.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Take Me Home

Written by Becks Rylynn

Part One


let's grow old together

Everything begins in the future.

Well, actually.

That's not technically correct. Technically, everything really begins with a stupid Trickster who thinks he's funny but he's really not.

And then there is the future.

Dean wakes up in a king sized bed to sunlight streaming in through flimsy white curtains and a voice screeching out an aggravated sounding, ''Mom!''

At first he thinks nothing of it, but then he quickly realizes that the voice sounds much too mature to be his daughter's. Beside him, Ruby bolts upright, wild eyes darting around the room. He isn't sure if her strong reaction is because she automatically responds to the cry of Mom! because she is one or because she too realizes that the voice cannot possibly be Bray's.

He sits up slowly with a yawn, and then it all comes rushing back. Trickster! There was a Trickster! And...this isn't his room. His eyes widen and he swings his gaze to Ruby. For the first time, he notices subtle differences in her physical appearance. The voice down the hall is not the only thing that has mysteriously matured. She, however, seems to be oblivious to the changes, nodding and licking her lips as she looks around the room. ''Yeah, so...I kinda hate Tricksters.''

Yep. He's right there with her. Goddamn fuckers. They so aren't as funny as they think they are.

He stands and glances around the room while Ruby drops her head into her hands and lets out a little huff of annoyance. This is most definitely not their bedroom. Their bedroom is small, too cold in the winter, too hot in the summer, there are toys scattered on the floor and their bed is too small because Bray has a nasty little habit - that they are currently in the process of trying to break - where she likes to crawl into bed with her parents in the middle of the night. And she's a bed hog so usually one of her parents winds up on the floor and staying there until morning and that is why Dean has the beginnings of back problems.

This bedroom, on the other hand, is large and in charge. It's roomy and neat and there are a hell of a lot of pictures on the dresser. Dean is not a fan of Tricksters at all but - wow, how would he go about getting himself a bedroom like this?

''Oh. Oh!''

He whirls around to face Ruby, who's holding a picture and staring down at it with wide eyes, hand over her mouth. He opens his mouth to ask her what's wrong, but she beats him to it by letting out another screech and yanking her hand away from her mouth. ''Dean!'' She waves her hand in front of his face. ''What is this?''

''Uh, your hand?''

She sighs heavily, looks at him like he's an idiot, points to the wedding band on her left ring finger and then grabs his hand, dropping it like it's on fire when she spots the matching ring on his finger. ''Dumbass,'' she grinds out through her teeth. ''I told you not to do that!''

He pinches the bridge of his nose. ''Do what?''

''Marry me!'' She squeaks out in offense. ''There's too much pressure on married couples.''

''Yes, Ruby,'' he sneers. ''That is what you've told me the pastfive times I have pleaded with you to marry me. Oh, and I don't think this is our universe so...calm yourself.''

She glares at him and pokes at his chest. Before she has the chance to berate him, another sharp cry of ''Mom!'' is reverberating throughout the house, bouncing off the walls. Except that this shriek is accompanied by footsteps and then the door is banging open. A teenage girl bursts into the room, blond hair flying in her face, blue eyes bright with frustration. Her eyes may be narrowed into slits and she might be shaking with anger but there is no mistaking who she is.

Parents know their children.

''...Bray?'' Ruby whispers out.

The teenaged version of their daughter doesn't seem to hear her mother as she turns on her father and thrusts an article of clothing at him. ''Look what he did!'' She stomps her foot dramatically. Dean is slowly beginning to move past both the holy shit, we're in the future and the I'm gonna friggin' kill that trickster stages and is making his way into the my god, my daughter's a banshee stage. ''Look what that little rodent did,'' Bray continues, hands balling into fists. ''He ruined my favourite shirt!''

There's a flurry of frenzied sounding footfalls and then a boy around ten or eleven races into the room. He looks a hell of a lot like Dean did when he was that age. It's almost frightening. ''I didn't do anything!'' He protests vehemently, shoving a finger in Bray's face. ''And you know it!''

''Oh, you did too!''

''No, I didn't!''

''Oh, really? Then how did this giant hole get here?''

''I don't know,'' the boy smirks. ''Maybe it got ripped when Alex took it off you in the back of your car last Saturday.''

Bray squeaks and her face reddens. ''That didn't - You don't...Ugh!''

The boy smiles smugly and crosses his arms.

Ruby presses her lips into a thin line and throws Dean a look. ''I don't think this is funny at all.''

...Dean's kind of still stuck on the Alex comment.

''Okay, so.'' Bray looks at her mother and father expectantly and re-opens the scrapbook in front of her. ''Let's have a refresher course, shall we? Your son's name is Connor Sam Winchester. He's eleven years old. He plays soccer, hockey and baseball. He used to play basketball until he got kicked off of the team for nailing a dude in the head with a ball.''

Dean lets out a short bark of laughter, only deterred by the look Ruby gives him. ''That's not funny, Dean.''

''If it helps,'' Bray chimes in. ''He was defending me.'' She flips to another page mindlessly, then another and another. ''He goes to Memorial Middle School. I go to Lincoln High. You,'' she jabs a finger in Ruby's direction. ''Used to work there as a history teacher 'cause there's nobody better to teach history than someone who is older than most of the history books but you quit because you realized that you hate teenagers so now you work with Dad at his garage. He won't let you touch the cars though. I'm telling you these things,'' Bray leans across the counter. ''Because you need to know enough so that if you come into contact with people while you're here, you won't be thought of as crazy. Because people already think you're crazy and it's embarrassing.''

''Ruby,'' Dean turns wide, panicked eyes to her. ''We're embarrassing. I said I wasn't going to be embarrassing. I said I was going to be the cool dad.''

Bray snorts. ''Yeah, right. I-I mean, yeah. Right. You...You can be cool. Sometimes. Um, mostly when you're not threatening any boy who comes within three feet of me.''

Ruby reaches out to pat Dean's hand gently, and then abruptly claps her hand over his mouth when he tries to speak. ''What about you?'' She asks. ''You've told us all about Connor, but what about you? How's your life?''

''Well,'' Bray shrugs. ''My life's pretty normal. I'm seventeen, I got my driver's license last year and when I turned seventeen, Dad gave me his car. I don't play any sports because I think they're a waste of time, but I'm editor of my school's newspaper. Oh, I wear glasses sometimes. I got them when I was five so in a couple years when I start walking into things, don't assume I'm flighty like Mom and take me to the doctors, 'kay?''

Ruby blinks and looks at Dean slowly. ''...You think I'm flighty?''

''Hey,'' he shrugs and lifts his coffee mug to his lips. ''You married me.''

''You probably got me drunk.''

''Actually, when you two finally did get married, it was Mom who proposed,'' Bray says.

While Dean bursts into laughter, Ruby pales comically and twirls the ring on her finger. ''Shut up, Dean,'' she snaps.

''Right,'' he nods. ''Gotta keep the little missus happy.''

''And,'' Bray interjects, effectively saving her father from a probable beating. ''I have a boyfriend named Alex, who you do not want to murder and who has never ever taken my shirt off. Because that would be wrong.''

''Just so you know,'' Connor pops up beside his sister, grinning from ear to ear. ''Those last two are dirty little lies. You,'' he points to Dean. ''Do, in fact, want to murder him. Mostly because her boyfriend has a motorcycle and a leather jacket - ''

''I don't think I like the sound of that.''

'' - And he has totally had at least some under the bra action.''

''You two seem oddly prepared for something like this,'' Ruby intercepts before Dean has a chance to process the thought of some boy groping his daughter.

''Oh, you've been prepping us for this moment for years,'' Bray says plainly. ''You guys knew that the past yous would be sent here one day so the future yous wanted us to be ready for the day when our parents suddenly weren't our parents.''

''Don't think too much about it,'' Connor advises. ''It'll hurt your head.''

''I wouldn't worry,'' Bray says kindly. She closes the scrapbook and slides it across the counter into Ruby's capable hands. ''You two shouldn't be here very long. You always said you were here less than a day. Oh,'' her eyes widen. ''But actually there's - ''

The doorbell cuts her off, followed by a myriad of knocks that escalate into pounding.

''Yeah,'' Connor nods. ''That sounds about right. That'd be my reaction to the Blake-Winchester household too.''

''Okay, see,'' Bray races out from around the counter, trailing after her mother when Ruby goes to answer the door. ''That's Sam and you should know that he's from your time too. And he's probably really frightened right now.''

''As he should be,'' Connor says wisely.

Left alone with the son he doesn't know yet, Dean isn't exactly sure how to go about a conversation without it becoming very, very awkward. Luckily for him, Connor saves them from tense silence by sidling up next to him. ''By the way,'' he whispers conspiratorially, throwing a look over his shoulder. ''If you see, like, a giant spider...don't freak out. That's just my pet tarantula and he sorta got out again but I'll have him back in his cage in no time. Just don't tell Bray. She will go hunting.''

''Oh, I totally get it, Uncle Sam,'' Bray's voice echoes from the other room. Dean turns just in time to see Ruby and Bray leading a shell shocked Sam into the kitchen. ''Your house can be a tad alarming during the first visit,'' she soothes, patting him on the back. ''Here,'' she gently pushes him into the chair next to Dean and gives him a bright, sunny smile. ''Why don't you sit down and I'll make you some coffee?'' She turns to give both her father and her brother a warning look. ''Be nice.''

''Wow, there is a lot of your mother in you, huh?'' Dean holds his hands up in surrender when she glares at him and studies the older version of Sam closely, lips curving into a grin. ''Dude,'' he says. ''You got old.'' This, admittedly, is something of an untruth. In all honesty, Sam looks largely the same. The changes in his physical appearance are pretty minor. A few lines around his eyes and mouth, a five o'clock shadow, slightly shorter hair and he looks more clean cut than he's ever been.

''Oh, ages!'' Bray snaps her fingers. ''I haven't told you how old you are!''

''That's really okay,'' Ruby deadpans. ''Keep it to yourself.''

Bray shrugs, offers them a wicked smile that is clearly a Winchester trait and goes back to making coffee.

''Hey.'' Dean nudges his brother. ''My kids are awesome,'' he brags. ''How's your future?''

''Five of them, Dean,'' Sam hisses, leaning into his brother's personal bubble. ''There were five of them.'' In case Dean isn't getting it, Sam holds up five fingers. ''Five kids.''

''You have five kids?'' Dean laughs and sends a look at Ruby. ''And you think I can't keep it in my pants?''

''And they all appear to be insane,'' Sam adds. ''Two of them were walking around with helmets on. In the house.''

''Your house can get all kinds of wild,'' Connor nods in agreement. ''Especially the boys. So you make them wear helmets. It's so awesome.''

''And there's dogs,'' Sam goes on. ''And one of the little kids was sleeping in the dog's bed.''

''That's Paige,'' Bray says, handing him a cup of coffee. ''She's two. She currently thinks she's a dog. Take that with a grain of salt. Next week she'll go back to thinking she's a fairy.''

''I don't even know their names,'' Sam groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

''Thing 1, Thing 2, Dumb and Dumber and Tinkerbell,'' Connor informs him with a smirk.

''Nick, Carrie, Johnny, Eli and Paige,'' Bray lists off helpfully. ''And the dogs are Dizzy and Kent. Kent after Clark Kent.''


''There's a story.''

Dean lets out a contented sigh, looking Sam up and down. ''You're going to be an odd dad, aren't you?''

''Nothing brings out your inner wacko like parenthood,'' Ruby says sagely.

''Nothing brings out the inner wacko in Sam like Aunt Sarah,'' Bray corrects. ''You two are the strangest couple I know. You aim to be the super embarrassing parents.''

''Oh, hey!'' Dean beams, leaning across the counter to stare at his now all grown up daughter. ''Are we more or less embarrassing then Sam and Sarah? We're less, right? We gotta be less embarrassing than the dizzy dummies over there.''

Bray grimaces and sends a pleading look at her mother. ''Mom, please don't make me answer that question.''

Connor places a hand on his father's shoulder. ''Maybe,'' he says seriously, ''this whole cool thing would work out better for you if you didn't try so hard.''

Dean sighs wistfully. ''I remember a time when I didn't even have to try to be cool.''

''Really?'' Ruby sips at her coffee. ''I don't.''

But the future, you see, is only the beginning.

After Bray and Connor leave for school, giving their parents and uncle specific instructions to lay low for the rest of their Back to the Future moment until they go back to their time, Dean, Ruby and Sam learn that this particular Trickster is going for broke in the whole sending them to places they should never set foot in department. The future is, apparently, only stop one. How do they learn this exactly? Well, they go through a door.

...No, seriously. That's what happens.

The scrapbook of future knowledge Bray leaves them with tells them that Bobby is still puttering around in his salvage yard and if anyone can help, it's Bobby. The only problem is that the front door does not at all lead to the glorious sunshine. Instead it picks them apart, rudely separates them and tosses them head first into worlds they never should have been a part of.

Welcome to the jungle.

end part one