Almond Oil and Evil Schemes: Chapter 1

A/N: So yes, it is finally here. This is The One Where They Do The Deed. HOWEVER, I really needed to write this in a way that felt natural to me, and I also felt like I needed to tie up some loose ends, so the first chapter is only a little bit sexy and a tad bit smutty, and is instead pretty dialogue-heavy. If you're just here for the smut, proceed to chapter 2, which is where actual V-cards are cashed in. If you want a little bit of story thrown in for good measure, begin your reading adventure below.

I don't own Glee or any of the characters. I just like making them do dirty things to amuse myself.

p.s. If you leave me a review, I will love you forever.

It was almost August. The summer had been wonderful so far, and Blaine was only just starting to think about what would happen when school started again and he wouldn't be able to see Kurt as much. He would miss him terribly – just being around him, and talking to him, and revelling in his superb wit. It wasn't like Blaine had a one-track mind or anything. He loved Kurt as a person, he really and truly did.

Okay, so maybe he was a little worried about the impact it would have on their sex lives...Or quasi-sex lives. Almost-sex lives. Just-short-of-actual-sex lives. It wasn't that Blaine didn't appreciate what they did. Kurt was an absolute natural in the bedroom, and he'd been getting nothing if not more confident and enthusiastic as time went on. But they'd been together for almost five months now, and Blaine really, really, really wanted to have sex with his boyfriend.

He also didn't want to push. Up to this point they'd both suggested things, they'd talked and fumbled and explored and gotten a sense of each other, of what the other liked in particular and what the other was less fond of. At this point they really just had that one last step. Well, two steps, Blaine supposed, if they were going to eventually take turns.

But Blaine had been waiting patiently for Kurt to say he was ready, and it hadn't happened yet, and they really only had another month to engage in daily (and sometimes multiple-times-a-day) sexual activity, and Blaine was kind of hoping to get in as much actual sex as possible before that month drew to a close and he had to settle for what measly offerings the school year would allow.

So he had decided to bring it up with Kurt that afternoon. He had carefully rehearsed what he was going to say, and it was going to be beautiful and romantic, and he was going to use the term making love instead of sex, and if Kurt said no, then Kurt said no, but it was sure as hell worth a try.

On the afternoon in question, Blaine's parents had just left for the weekend. They had left Blaine's older sister in charge, with strict instructions that she make sure Kurt find his way either home or to the guest room each night. As soon as their parents pulled out of the driveway, Blaine and Lila exchanged a knowing smile, not even bothering to give voice the agreement they knew they were making. Blaine wouldn't tell their parents that Lila was going the spend the weekend smoking weed by the pool with her friends, and Lila wouldn't tell their parents that Blaine was going to spend the weekend naked in his bedroom with Kurt.

There were some real perks to having a sister that went to Sarah Lawrence and liked to spend her free time reading Tom Robbins novels between bong hits.

When the doorbell rang, Blaine opened the door to Kurt sniffing the summer breeze curiously.

"Blaine, what is that smell? It's like a dead skunk fell into a leaf pile and someone lit it on fire."

"Oh, that's just Lila and her friends over by the pool. One guess."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I can't believe your parents let those friends of hers use their pool. The patchouli is actually starting to overpower the smell of chlorine."

Blaine laughed. "Well, at least they'll be preoccupied. Come in. Do you want something to drink?"

Kurt walked in and sighed at the air-conditioned bliss. He was a bit flushed from the heat, but the burn he had gotten earlier in the month when he fell aleep by Blaine's pool had faded and revealed a subtle golden glow. It contrasted nicely with his fitted gray tank top. Blaine admired the view as Kurt walked past him, and enjoyed it even more when Kurt began to ascend the stairs, and Blaine got to check out his incredibly well-tailored shorts, which essentially looked like tight, low-rise tuxedo pants cropped just above the knee.


"I'm just going to throw this in your room," Kurt said, referring to his generously sized overnight bag. "I'll be right back. Or..."

He gave Blaine a look over his shoulder - one that involved darkened eyes and a sassy smirk.

" could fetch me a glass of ice water with a slice of lemon and come up and join me. It's up to you."

Blaine bolted for the kitchen.

When Blaine arrived in his bedroom, Kurt was half-heartedly leafing through his bookshelf. He walked over to Blaine and took the glass of water from his hand.

"Thanks," he said, giving Blaine that half-shy, half-sly little flirty smile that Blaine liked to call his Sexy Smile. He took a sip, and then leaned in and kissed Blaine softly, his cool, wet lips sending an electric jolt down Blaine's spine. Blaine stiffened slightly. Was it speech time? Too soon? Maybe he should light some candles or something? Maybe-

"Blaine? Are you okay?"

"Hmmm? Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I'm just..."

"You've seemed kind of tense lately."

"Oh." Oh. Had it been that obvious?

Kirt gave him another Sexy Smile. Clearly, he was trying to destroy him.

"I have an idea. Come over here. I brought something."

Blaine raised his eyebrows, and followed Kurt over to the bed. Kurt put his glass down on the bedside table and knelt to open his overnight bag. He rummaged around for a moment before removing a bottle.

"It's massage oil. Sweet almond. Take your shirt off."

Blaine smiled. That actually sounded like a nice idea.

Kurt's eyes took on a devilish glint as Blaine tossed his T-shirt onto the floor.

"Actually, you seem really tense. You should probably just take everything off."

Okay, scratch 'nice.' That sounded like an absolutely fantastic idea.

Blaine assumed an expression of mock concern as he unbuttoned his shorts.

"You know, Kurt, that's a really nice outfit you have on. I'd hate to see it get ruined with oil stains. You should probably just take everything off too."

Kurt smiled.

"Why, Blaine, that's so considerate of you. You really are a true gentleman. Last of a dying breed, I tell you."

God, they were flirting outrageously. They usually just more or less got right to it. This was actually kind of fun.

Once both boys were naked, however, they momentarily lost sight of their plan and simply fell together, lips on lips. Kurt grabbed a fistful of Blaine's curls as he kissed him deeply, tongue exploring his boyfriend's mouth with blazing urgency. Blaine groaned and tilted his head even closer, his tongue snaking around Kurt's, his arms reaching around to pull their bodies flush against one another. They were both hard and they both gasped as their erections pushed together. Kurt pulled his tongue back, gave Blaine one last hard, closed-mouth kiss, and then pushed him back onto the bed. Blaine tumbled onto his back.

"Oh, no you don't. You aren't foiling my scheme today, Blaine Anderson."

"But they're always such evil schemes," Blaine groaned, throwing his arms back in surrender so that he was completely stretched out.

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "They are." He straddled Blaine, resting his ass on Blaine's thighs, their cocks so close and yet so far away from one another, and drizzled a bit of oil onto Blaine's chest.

Kurt began massaging the oil into him, alternating between knuckles and fingertips and thumbs, and it really did feel heavenly, even if Blaine was sure it was also slowly turning his balls a very deep shade of blue.

"Blaine," Kurt sighed, as he kneaded Blaine's right-hand bicep with a pressure that was both deep and tender, and Blaine looked into his eyes. Kurt had an expression that Blaine had never seen before. Kurt seemed to be staring at him and staring off into the distance at the same time. There was softness and love in the expression, but something else as well. Something...somehow visceral. Blaine felt that indefinable something touching him, squeezing him deep inside his chest, and he felt an odd urge to cry and laugh at the same time.

Kurt's hands moved back to Blaine's chest. "Blaine," he repeated. And then, "You're so amazing." Blaine opened his mouth to say something reciprocal, but Kurt placed a slick, almond-scented finger to his lips.

"Sshh.'ll have plenty of opportunities to say pretty things to me. I just...I want you to really hear me, without thinking about what you should say back. Don't speak. Just listen. Can you do that?"

Blaine gently kissed the finger that was still pressed to his lips. "Yes," he whispered.

Kurt went back to massaging him for a moment in silence, kneading his chest muscles, knuckles slipping over his nipples gently. When he looked back into Blaine's eyes there were tears in his.

"You really are amazing. Everything about you. Even your imperfections, really, because you're just so real. So earnest. You're kind to everyone – kinder than me, and don't worry, I'm really just fine with that, but you make me want to be kinder. You see the beauty and the pain in everyone. You've helped me to become braver and stronger and you didn't even really try. It's just who you are. I just love you so much, it's actually painful sometimes."

And Blaine was bursting at the seams with so are you, so are you, me too, don't cry, me too, but he forced himself to do as Kurt had asked and quiet his inner voice and just stared into Kurt's eyes and let the loving words sink into him.

Kurt took a moment, just smiling down at Blaine lovingly, his hands moving at Blaine's shoulders now, loosening knots Blaine hadn't even realized were there.

"You know just how to touch me, Blaine," Kurt said softly. "I feel so safe and loved when I'm with you. And you turn me on so much – I still don't understand what I did to attract such an incredibly sexy man. Your body is so incredible, I can't even believe I'm allowed to touch it. Sometimes you turn me on so much I can't even see straight." Kurt raked his fingers across Blaine's chest, breaking eye contact momentarily to drink him in.

He returned his gaze to Blaine's, and it seemed to have picked up some heat from looking at Blaine's body. "I want to have sex with you, Blaine," he said.

Time stood still. Blaine was sure of it.

Kurt's hands had stopped moving, and his eyes held Blaine's utterly and completely captive. Maybe some time did pass. Maybe it was five seconds or maybe it was five hours. But Kurt had definitely said...

Yes. He definitely had.

"Blaine?" asked Kurt, sounding tentative.

"Can I speak now?"

Kurt smiled shyly and nodded, looking a little self conscious.

"That That made me feel pretty incredible, Kurt."

Kurt blushed, and ducked his head to the side a little.

"And you know what else?" He waited for Kurt's eyes to return to his.


"That was so much better than the 'we should have sex' speech that I had planned."

Kurt laughed. "So I guess that means we're on the same page, then?"

Blaine reached up and cupped Kurt's cheek.

"I would say so. Please kiss me now."

Kurt leaned down and kissed him gently, pulling back before Blaine could draw him in too much.

"We should probably figure a few things out first."

"Oh. Right. Like...?"

"Well, which one of us should..."

"Oh. Right. Well, I...I..."

Blaine was stammering. And he was blushing. Hard. Why was he blushing? He had always been the one that was so much more comfortable talking about this stuff. Hell, he had begged Kurt for this once. Well, Kurt had been giving him a killer mutant rim job imported from a heavenly dimension at the time, but still.

Kurt smirked. "Tell me what you want, Blaine."

"Oh, come on, Kurt, you know what I want."

"Hell no, Blaine! You would never let me get away with that! Now Tell. Me. What. You. Want."

Blaine sighed, but then he looked back up at Kurt, and Kurt wanted to have sex with him and he was waiting for an answer. Hello? McFly? The sooner you answer him, idiot, the sooner you'll have his cock buried deep-

"I want you inside me!"

Kurt laughed. "You don't say."

"Well, not every time, but this time. Well, not just this time. I...I'd like to try it both ways.

Kurt was grinning from ear to ear.

"Me too. That's one of the beauties of being gay, isn't it? You can literally have it both ways."

"Yeah. I never understood the concept of just picking a role and sticking with it."

Kurt shrugged. "Imitation gender roles, probably. It's a good thing we're far too evolved for any of that."

Blaine smiled. "Far too evolved. So, should we-"

"Blaine, I need to ask you something else," Kurt said quickly.

"Ask away."

"Um, should we...are we going to need...are we going to need to use a condom?"

"What do you mean?"

Kurt took a deep breath. "I mean, what is your sexual history?"

Blaine's eyebrows shot up about half a mile, and if Kurt hadn't been so nervous and embarassed, he probably would have laughed.

"Kurt, I told you that I never had a boyfriend before you."

"Okay, but does that mean you've never...does that mean you're a virgin?"

"Well, yeah. Are you sure we never talked about this?"

Kurt was staring at him, dumbfounded, but managed to shake his head.

"Huh. I could have sworn...Kurt, I'm sorry. You've probably been wondering all this time...why didn't you just ask me?"

Kurt sighed and shifted his eyes away from Blaine's.

"I guess I kind of didn't want to know. I was afraid I'd get...jealous, even though I know that would be completely stupid, so I just put it off.

"Really? You'd really be jealous?" Blaine was smiling.

"Yes, okay? I didn't really have any interest in seeing that side of myself come out, because trust me, it isn't pretty."

"I highly doubt there's any side of you that isn't pretty."

Kurt smiled. "I just figured you must have had sex before. You always seemed so comfortable with the idea of sex, and you said you knew some stuff..."

"When did I say that?"

"God, Blaine, I'm starting to think your sister isn't the only pothead in the family. It was when you tried to talk to me about sex. Before we were together. And you said you knew some things, and then I-"

"-kicked me out of your room. Yeah. I remember. Kurt, I just meant I'd done research. I wanted to know how everything worked. I...I think about sex a lot. I was just really curious. But I always knew that I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved."

Kurt smiled, but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes.

"I suppose it's a good thing that Jeremiah turned you down, then."

Blaine just stared at him.

"Jeremiah? Kurt, are you serious?"

"Blaine, you said you were in love with him." And wow, there was actually pain in Kurt's eyes, and Blaine couldn't believe he had been carrying this around for so long when Blaine could have soothed and reassured him if only he had known, because Blaine had pretty much forgotten that Jeremiah had even existed.

Blaine sat up, and gently nudged Kurt out of his lap. He scooted back so he was sitting against the headboard, and he held his arms out to Kurt.

"Come here."

Kurt curled up against him, and Blaine wrapped him up tightly in his arms, and showered his forehead with kisses before continuing.

"Okay. So Jeremiah. First of all, I haven't thought about him in a very long time, Kurt. I want you to know that. And second, I never loved him."

"But you-"

"I know what I said at the time, Kurt. And here's the truth. I was very attracted to him, and I just...I have a really high sex drive, Kurt."

"So I've noticed."

"I promised myself a long time ago that I would lose my virginity to someone I was in love with. But I was also thinking about sex pretty much all the time, and...I guess I was just pretty desperate to fall in love. I was grasping at straws, Kurt."

"But if he hadn't turned you down, you still would have-"

"I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. Because I would have had sex with him, and then I would have realized that I had actually been in love with you all along."

Kurt turned his face up to look at him.

"Kurt, Jeremiah did me an enormous favor when he rejected me. Come to think of it, I never even bothered to be grateful to him for that. If I ever see him again, I'm going to thank him. And I really mean that."

Kurt smiled fondly. "I know you do. This is exactly what I was talking about before, Blaine. You're so earnest, and you're so kind, and you're just amazing, because you've managed to turn the memory of watching you serenade another guy on Valentine's day into something kind of sweet, in a very perverse way."

Blaine leaned down and kissed Kurt tenderly.



"Well, Kurt, if you want to use a condom, I think you should. But since neither of us has ever been with anyone else..."

"...I think we're fine without one."


"This is kind of amazing."

"Just kind of?"

"No, more than kind of. I just... it would have been fine in the end if you had, but the fact that you haven't been with anyone else just makes this really special, Blaine."

"It really does. I'm just sorry you didn't realize how special until today."

"Well, it was kind of a nice surprise. It just makes it even better than I thought it would be."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"So...can we have sex now?"