her galaxy came raining down
notes. damn, i've been all ~inspired lately. it's making me happy. & this is still my absolute favorite victorious pairing, so. i don't know if this is any good because i'm still sort of rusty, but i kind of like it even though it makes like no sense and it's all weird & confusing & shit and i'm sorry guys. i'll try to write something better I SWEAR. becktori next, emma. I PROMISE BB. this is non-linear, people. just so you know.
(oh, and btw, reviews would be just. fucking. lovely.)
She can't breathe.
She doesn't know if this is what love is supposed to feel like.
"I like you a lot." Cat says, staring down at her hands in her lap.
Jade doesn't talk to her for six days.
(what's that supposed to mean?)
They fuck frantically, and it hurtshurtshurts like hell and she's got bruises on her thighs but -
Before she knows it, though, it's over and she's still hurting all over but less, somehow, and Jade is next to her but she feels like she's a million miles away (how do I get to you, how do I get to you, she thinks.) It's cold&hot at the same time under the sheets and she can't sleep so she hums songs from the Disney movies she used to watch as a child.
"Shut up." Jade mumbles, rolling onto her side. "I'm trying to sleep."
Cat just hums them inside her head.
Cat thinks that one day she'd like to just get up, walk out the door, to run run run forever and ever and ever until her feet don't touch the ground and she can't see where she's going or where's she been. Dust will fly up behind her and she'll feel grass&dirt&stones under her feet and wind&rain in her hair and -
- then Jade touches her, fingers brushing her hips and lips on her throat, and she stops thinking altogether.
Sometimes she wakes up and Jade is still next to her, dark hair splayed out all over Cat's pink pillow, and it makes her heart flutter and she stares at the ceiling, golden light streaming in through the blinds and sending shadows dancing across the walls, listens to birds beating their wings outside the window (sometimes the sound matches up with her heart beating inside her chest,
the world is alive, and so is she.)
Jade invites her over once and it makes Cat so happy that she bakes a batch of red velvet cupcakes and matches her socks and everything. Jade's house is kind of dark and not very neat but Jade seems to like it here, so Cat thinks she likes it, too. She follows Jade upstairs and tries not to concentrate too much on how the girl's voice sounds too sugary sweet (like her cupcakes, she thinks).
- suddenly, though, she's being shoved up against the wall and her cry is cut off by red lips on hers -
She leaves her with bruises on her hips and an ache in her stomach.
Jade doesn't even bother with any of the cupcakes Cat made for her.
They're making out on her bed and she doesn't even know how it came to this but all she can think of is dark hair with a blue streak and lips that taste like cigarettes and poision and cat-like green eyes and Jade, Jade, fucking Jade West.
"I have to go," Jade snarls suddenly, untangling her fingers from hair the color of red velvet cupcakes, adjusting her shorts, running her fingers through the tangles in her own hair.
"But, Jade -"
"I have to go." She snaps, eyes flashing like a warning sign.
Once she's gone, Cat curls up on the couch downstairs and watches The Little Mermaid for the sixty seventh time in her life and hopes it makes her feel better, hopes it makes her believe in magic&happiness&happyendings
(She's always been easily distracted.)
Jade is nice sometimes (soft kisses & light touches & i'm so fucking sorry sorry sorry.)
Sometimes never lasts long.
(Jad e leaves tracks of mascara all over Cat's pillow and they don't come off, ever, no matter how many times she washes the pillowcase.
And every so often when she's trying to do her homework or watching tv, she traces the smudges with the tip of her finger and she doesn't get why it makes her feel emptyemptyempty.
She buys new pillowcases the next day.
Jade stains those, too.)
For their first date, Jade takes her to the park and Cat doesn't think Jade knows this is a date but it doesn't matter because they're kissing under the shade of the slide and she wonders if Jade would even care if she were kissing anyone else right now.
Afterwards Jade lights a cigarette and sits cross-legged on the bench, blowing smoke to the wind.
Cat just runs her fingers through her hair and wrinkles her nose at the smell.
But she sees Jade smile at her and she floats through the rest of the day.
She writes Jade a note every day of the month, hides them under her mattress, prays Jade doesn't find them. She never does.
One night they just watch a movie, really, but Jade falls asleep halfway through so Cat sneaks upstairs, curls up in her bed, buries her face in her pillow. She's drifting somewhere between awake&asleep when she hears a soft rustling noise and there's Jade, leaning casually against the doorframe but the look in her eyes makes Cat's stomach hurthurthurt.
"Jade," she whispers, peeking out from the comforter nervously. "Do you want to come lay down?"
Jade just keeps staring and, eventually, Cat just throws the covers over her head again and holds her breath. Waits.
She falls asleep at exactly 3:21 am when she hears footsteps down the hall, the front door slam, and a car pulling out of the driveway.
The first time she tells Jade she loves her she spends an hour trying on different dresses and skirts (they're all so pretty!) in front of the mirror and she curls her hair and everything. She doesn't even take the car, doesn't even fucking think, just steps out into the sunlight and starts down the block. Two red cars, three blue ones, and one green one pass her as she walks and she waves to each of them. Cat doesn't even have to look up to find Jade's house (she's already got it memorized, silly!)
"I love you," she says quietly as soon as Jade opens the door, her heart doing these funny little twists in her chest and this was a bad idea oh god oh god oh god.
Jade turns suddenly, dark hair almost whipping her in the face. "No, you don't. You fucking don't."
BUT I DO, she wants to scream, wants to knot her fingers in Jade's hair right here in the doorway and kiss her and -
"Don't even fucking start," Jade growls, puts her face up all close to Cat's and grips her wrist so, so hard and Cat cries out in pain when she feels nails digging into her flesh (and she thinks she can smell alcohol.)
Then the hand clutching her wrist disappears and the door slams shut in her face.
Cat sits on the front steps of Jade's house for a long, long time. She waits for Jade to come out, because she has to come out eventually, right? She'll come out soon, Cat thinks. She will. Really. Jade will come outside and say she's sorry and then they can watch The Little Mermaid together (it's her favorite movie, didn't you know?) and Cat can try to forget about the bruises and scrapes and they can be happy.
She knows they can be happy. They have to, because everyone gets a happy ending, eventually. She just knows they do.
Cat cries on the way home.
One night Cat murmurs I love you into the curve of her neck.
Jade doesn't answer.
Cat pulls the sheets tighter over herself.
I love you, too, idiot. Jade says it one night when they're all tangled up on her couch and watching The Little Mermaid for the millionth time (Jade says it's stupid but Cat thinks she secretly might love it, she's just scared to admit it is all.)
Okay, Cat murmurs, dazed. Her eyes are still glued to the screen. Okay, Jade.
She's not sure whether to believe her or not but when the movie is over, Jade hoists herself off the couch and pulls Cat up with her.
Their fingers are still twined together and she thinks tonight, everything just might be okay.
Two days, six more bruises.
Jade's I love you echoes in her head.
They don't get a happy ending. Not really.
Because there's still Beck&Jade and Cat&Jade just doesn't have the same ring to it and she hates that the most because it makes her stomach twist and turn and she just wants Jade, that's all she wants,
(Sometimes, though, in the mornings when Jade's still there in one of Cat's t-shirts, sitting on the edge of the bed with her dark hair pulled messily into a bun, she looks back and mutters I love you and it doesn't sound all that affectionate, really -
but Cat believes her.)