Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Pairing: One-sided Prussia/Hungary, Prussia/Austria, France/Canada, America/England, Spain/Romano, Germany/Italy
Genre: humour, romance, high school AU
Disclaimer: APH belongs to Himaruya, and the countries factually belong to themselves. Or their bosses and the people that live there, rather.
Summary: Erzsébet is fed up with Gilbert coming onto her. So she decides to get rid of him in a way that will make her doubly happy: setting him up with Roderich! But Gilbert has completely different plans…
A/n: Yeah, yeah, everyone has to do a high school AU for Hetalia, and I'm no different.
Erzsébet Héderváry was, as ever during algebra, bored out of her mind. She was staring at the whiteboard, her eyes unfocused and her mouth half-open. She played with her biro on reflex, flicking it through her fingers absently. She should really be trying her hardest to take something in, as algebra certainly wasn't her forte, but her heart wasn't in it today. She growled softly when something that felt like a rubber collided with her head. She half-turned, keeping one eye on the teacher so she wouldn't be caught, to see who had dared to do that to her. Evidently, they had an earnest wish to have their head go on a blind date with her frying pan.
She rolled her eyes. Of course, who else could it be? Gilbert Beilschmidt winked lewdly and blew a kiss at her. Erzsébet growled again and longed to throw her school diary at him, but he'd probably keep it and hold it for ransom, or something.
"Lizzie, come on, go out with me!" he urged, making annoying kissy noises and drawing heart shapes in the air with his fingertips. One of his friends, Francis, sniggered next to him. Erzsébet squeezed her pencil case and gritted her teeth, turning stiffly around to face the front of the class again. Luckily, the teacher hadn't spotted anything yet.
She really needed to get rid of Gilbert somehow. He was really, really on her nerves by now. If he wasn't propositioning her in class, he was making lewd comments in the canteen and embarrassing her in front of everybody. And Erzsébet wasn't easily embarrassed anymore, not since the teacher had confiscated her yaoi comic in middle school, telling the whole class and calling her father in about it. She was still known as 'that pervy girl who likes gay porn', but she'd long since stopped caring about that.
Sighing, she began doodling on a spare piece of paper torn from her notebook. First, she doodled Gilbert being struck by lightning, then being hit by a train. Then she doodled two generic males kissing, because that was usually what she did. Deciding it wasn't finished, she added in a pair of glasses and her ex-boyfriend Roderich's hairstyle on one. Wondering vaguely who she could do him with, she found her hand drawn to her red pen and drew the other boy's eyes in that colour. Then she finished with a flourish of Gilbert's hairstyle.
She stared at the picture, horrified and strangely inspired at the same time and asking herself what the hell was that all about, when it struck her. It was the perfect way to get Gilbert out of her hair! And the perfect way of making Roderich happy again. She glanced over to her ex, who was still basically her best friend, and stifled a giggle as the boy diligently copied down the formula on the whiteboard. She and Roderich had left each other on perfectly amicable terms, and she knew he swung both ways (she had to admit that was one of the reasons she was attracted to him in the first place). She looked back down to her doodle and added some hearts, and wrote underneath: Operation…
She paused for a moment, frowning. She had no idea what to call her plan that wasn't painfully obvious. Gilbert/Roderich and GilbertxRoderich were out of the question. She shrugged and scribbled down a portmanteau. Operation Prusstria sounded good enough.
And the bell rang. She quickly balled the paper up and threw it in the bin on the way out. No use in keeping it, she could always draw properly later (or even better, find it on the internet, although her RAM was getting a little crowded nowadays, with all the pictures…). She left the classroom for mid-morning break and headed downstairs to her friend Feliks's class. Feliks would aid in her plan, no doubt about it!
Gilbert stood up and strode to the bin by the door with intent, before everyone else finished their snacks, vending machine coffee and fruit juices and threw the wrappers in. Francis sidled up behind him, an eyebrow raised.
"Shall we go and find Antonio?" he asked.
"Wait a sec…" Gilbert said, fishing out the balled up piece of paper. "Erzsébet was pouring over this all lesson!" he declared triumphantly. Francis did not seem convinced.
"And this is important why?" he asked, dragging Gilbert into the corridor and down the hall towards Antonio's classroom. They only had about fifteen minutes to chat before lessons started again, and none of them wanted to waste it.
"Because, my myopic friend," Gilbert said, speaking as if Francis was a particularly dull six-year-old and his grades weren't better than Gilbert's own, "she obviously wrote her undying dedication and affection towards me all over it."
Francis glanced heavenwards melodramatically, before hooking them on Angelique, the adorable second-year from the Seychelles, and blowing an enthusiastic kiss her way. She gave him an umbrella sign and continued talking to her Taiwanese friend Wang Mei.
"Certainment, mon ami," Francis said with a sigh. "Obviously." He and Antonio were used to such megalomania and complete ignorance of Erzsébet's true feelings from their friend.
"Of course!" And Gilbert launched into a long-winded monologue of how Erzsébet really dug him, was all over him and certainly wanted to get into his pants. Very loudly, but that wasn't unusual. Even the teachers had given up trying to quieten Gilbert down, whatever he was saying. Francis nodded and hummed at irregular intervals and peered absently in the third-year classroom next to Antonio's. He stopped and leaned in.
A very, very, very cute blond boy he'd never seen before was sitting on his own reading a book. Francis smirked, running a hand through his hair, but before he could enter the classroom and chat him up, Gilbert had grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him up to Antonio.
The Iberian boy had his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders from behind, nuzzling his hair affectionately. The boyfriend in question, Lovino Vargas, who would have socked you if you'd defined him 'boyfriend' to his face, looked at if he wanted to peel Antonio's face off with a potato masher and feed it to a flock of man-eating flamingos. Antonio, as usual, was oblivious. Lovino's brother Feliciano was giggling.
"Hey, Antonio!" Gilbert practically yelled. "Quit molesting your tight-assed boyfriend and listen!"
Lovino tore himself from Antonio's arms, but before he could actually maul the German boy, Feliciano had dragged him in the direction of their third-year classroom. The one they shared with the new blond boy, Francis realised.
"Ciao ciao, a dopo!" he trilled cheerfully, as Lovino struggled tooth and claw to get at Gilbert's throat. Antonio waved merrily and turned to Gilbert and Francis.
"Sí?" he asked, cocking his head. Gilbert waved the still balled-up paper in front of his friend's face.
"Here is the proof, my friend!" he announced. "The proof Erzsébet is head over heels for me!"
Antonio looked at Francis, confused. "I thought Erzsébet hated him."
Francis sighed long-sufferingly. "Let him live with his delusions."
"The awesome me is not delusional! Here's the evidence!" With many superfluous melodramatic gestures, Gilbert opened the paper and presented it to them without even glancing at it, one hand on his hip. At least he was confident. Francis took it, his eyebrows raised and Antonio studied it over his arm. They were silent. Gilbert opened an eye a crack.
"Well?" he demanded. Francis covered his grin with a hand. Antonio was trying to stifle his sniggering and failing miserably.
"Well, there are some pictures of you…" he admitted, the amusement in his voice obvious as he elbowed Antonio, who continued to titter like a maniac. Gilbert snorted smugly.
"Sure there are!"
"One is of you being struck by lightning."
"She knows I'll survive it, because I'm that awesome! She's showing my greatness!"
"Another is of you being hit by a train."
"Nah, I'm totally saving an invisible distressed Erzsébet from the path of the metal monster!"
"And one is of you kissing Roderich."
"Well, of c-" He stopped mid-sentence, opened his eyes and snatched the paper back. He glared at the picture, which was rather detailed, complete with little hearts. "What the fuck?"
Francis and Antonio finally burst out laughing, doubled up and hanging on to one another.
"¡Ay de mí!" Antonio exclaimed, ready to slip onto the floor. Gilbert was trying to set fire to the drawing with his eyes.
"That girl's so gonna pay for this!" he snarled. Francis and Antonio stopped laughing at the same time. They'd never heard Gilbert so furious.
"Come on, amigo, she probably just knew you were going to look at it once she threw it away…" said Antonio soothingly. Gilbert gave him a sceptical look.
"Then why does it say 'Operation Prusstria' underneath it?"
Let's translation time!
Certainment, mon ami = certainly, my friend
Ciao ciao, a dopo = bye bye, see you later
¡Ay de mí! = oh, poor me!
I judge that sí and amigo don't need a translation…