Hi guys. It's been a while since I've posted anything here but I have been busy writing my socks off. I currently have two long stories on the go and will post them as soon as I can. In the mean time I've written this one-shot today so I thought I'd post it.
This story was inspired by Supermassive Black Hole by Muse - which apart from being one of my favorite songs, is also from one of the best scenes (imho) from the first film. It was played on the radio when I was driving to work this week and a spark went off in my head. And this is what I came up with.
The story is told from two perspectives, the first being Bella's and the second from Jasper's. Each section is named after a lyric from the song. Enjoy!
Set My Soul Alight.
'I'm in love with Edward,' I remind myself repeatedly, once again grateful that he's unable to read my thoughts. My inner mantra is completely true and yet my attention has been caught by someone else and I'm trying to deny the growing attraction, even to myself. I'm realistic enough to know this will never be reciprocated.
I'm sure he's barely aware of my existence, except for maybe the burning sensation in his throat each time I'm near; a constant reminder of something he has to resist. I'm almost certain there's no further recognition of me on his radar; I'm barely a blip in the background. I'm still surprised Edward wants to be with me; after all, I'm just me. There's nothing special about that at all.
Edward. The man I've been waiting for longer than I'd ever realized, or so I thought anyway. There was definitely an attraction there; from that first Biology lesson where he just scowled at me and then ran as fast as a human could from the room when the bell rang right up to when he was in my room the other night. I can't deny what I feel for him and in some ways I wish that what we had was much more; I wish he'd show me how much he feels for me. But he doesn't; he holds back, blaming his craving for my blood and his superhuman strength as reasons for not taking that step. Hell we've barely kissed but I know I want much more. Maybe that's why I'm now distracted by his brother. Does that sound like I'm blaming Edward? Because I'm not. This is most definitely all down to me.
My eyes lock on the vision before me; his whole appearance telling me more about him and it's like really seeing him for the very first time. When I was introduced to him he'd seemed so intense, even more than Edward had in my class; his eyes locked on my face and I can admit he'd scared me more than I hoped I'd let on. The first time I saw him, on that day at school in Forks, it'd looked like he was in pain as he walked across the cafeteria and the day Edward took me to his house had been no different. Today, at this moment, he looks free, almost happy.
My eyes are focused on him and he's a different person to the vampire I met just a few days ago. He's relaxed now as he spins the baseball bat in his hand. That simple act demonstrating much more about his control than anything else I'd seen during the rest of my time with the family. There seems to be some lightness to him that I haven't noticed before and it's intoxicating. I feel… actually it's hard to describe what it is I feel. I do know that my heart speeds up a little.
Esme catches my attention and she's laughing about something as she tells me about her family and their exploits with baseball. I can hardly pay attention, my eyes once again caught by his mere presence. Rosalie's attitude towards me is also largely ignored as I see him stand with the bat resting on the back of his shoulders as he watches play. I'd much rather watch him and I find myself doing so without any guilt building within me. Technically I'm not cheating on Edward, I'm just… admiring the scenery.
Carlisle steps forward and the game continues. I'm supposed to be paying attention when he hits the ball across the field, Edward and Emmett both running and leaping for the ball to only miss out and land in a heap in the distance. My eyes are rapt as I, instead, take in the strength of his shoulders and the wistful look on his face as he watches them like I should be. Like I said, I'm barely a mosquito in a net as far as he's concerned and that makes me sadder than each time Edward pushes me away.
I bite my lip as he steps forward and take his place on the spot that's the home plate and he starts to play with the bat again, tossing the wood end over end in his hand as he waits for Alice to pitch. It's captivating and there's a small part of me that wishes I was closer to him. I know Edward sees his brother as a danger to me; he's warned me about spending time with him and yet right now, I just don't care. If he was to sink his teeth into my neck, pulling every last drop of blood from my veins I'd consider it a gift and welcome that moment. I know, I'm sick in the head. In truth, I'm desperate for him to realize how I feel and there's a heat welling in my body that's almost pushing me towards him.
This isn't the way I'm supposed to be feeling about my boyfriend's brother. 'I'm in love with Edward,' I think yet again but it's halfhearted at best and I can't deny it. Jasper is the one I really want.
She's an intense mix of emotions that are all intoxicating at different levels. It's taking everything within me to not let her know how aware of her I am. It's a permanent battle to ensure no one knows how I feel. It's ironic I know but I can barely work out what it is exactly that I feel. For someone who's empathic, it's difficult to admit such a failing. Unfortunately it's not my only one.
The first time I went into the cafeteria after she started at school I could sense her. Obviously she didn't know that I could feel her emotions; I'm not even sure she's aware of it now because the cocktail she's currently emoting is pretty amazing; for me at least.
I can feel everything and it would take my breath away, if I actually needed to breathe. She is, quite literally, a breath of fresh air to a life that had become pretty staid. There was a time at the end of that first day when I was against her being involved with Edward. And I'll admit it was purely selfish. I don't want him to have her. I don't want him to be close to her. I want her and it infuriates me to think of him touching her and… I can't take that thought any further or the rest of the family will be feeling my anger.
It's wrong I know but I can't help myself. Now, before you start thinking that I'm a complete bastard, and I guess you wouldn't be far wrong with your assumption, I do love my wife. Alice rescued me when I didn't even think I was worth saving. She gave me pretty much everything I have in my life today; everything that is apart from Peter and Charlotte, my one link to my past life. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Alice but there's something about Bella that calls to me. And it's not her blood… okay, that might be the second thing on my list, but that's not important. Really.
Edward brought her back to the house for the first time the other day to meet us all properly and I was formerly introduced to her. Of course, like the idiot I am, all I could do was stare at her, leading my entire family to assume I wanted to drain her. I repeat, that was my second thought… my first one was how much I wanted to make her mine. To fuck her and feel her body pressed against mine. It's just as well that over the years I've managed to find a way to shield my thoughts from Edward when I need to. He sure as hell wouldn't have appreciated that visual image.
It's not escaped my attention that since then that I'm not left alone with Bella; in fact I'm kept as far away from her as is possible. I guess, in a way, that's probably a good thing because the more time I spend around her, the more difficult it is to resist her. The attraction I feel is warming me and making me lower my guard in ways that have never happened before.
So now I'm faced with spending the afternoon with her and my family and the emotions she's feelings are making the task even harder; or more specifically making me harder. I try to focus on the baseball game that's about to start, concentrating on spinning the bat in my hand and hoping I'm managing to mask how captivated by her I am. I always know what she's doing. If she's even vaguely close by, she's there in my peripheral vision. It's difficult to hide that from the rest of my family, especially because they're always around me. Today is no different but I'm subtly managing to keep her in my direct line of sight. She's looking at me; I can see her eyes watching me and it thrills me. I wonder if she catches me looking at her once, when I'm spinning the bat in my hand and I hear her heart rate increase but Esme starts talking to her and I'm saved from giving myself away. The task is trying to not let her know is made more difficult as I feel as spike of lust from her direction, yet deep inside I feel nothing but delight to know she feels that way about me. To get confirmation that she feels an iota of what I do. The same emotion intensifies and it takes everything in me to not look in her direction and show her all that I am.
My thoughts are distracted briefly, wondering if Alice has any idea of how I feel about her 'future best friend'. She must've seen something in a vision because I've been running through my fantasies with Bella in the starring role for the last couple of days but she hasn't said anything to me. I'm not sure if that bothers me or not. It's wrong for me to think about Bella like that, I know that but I can't help myself. Who am I to stop those thoughts if they were to appear? It's not like I can stop them, is it? I stare across the field, watching as Carlisle hits the ball into the distance, Edward and Emmett both run for it. I feel she's still watching me and I'm surprised she isn't watching her boyfriend as he tries to impress her. I can almost feel my heart clench as I absorb how good that realization makes me feel.
It's my turn to bat now and I stroll into place. I'll admit I use the opportunity to show off in front of her, the bat becoming my weapon as I throw it over and over. I concentrate on her briefly and send a pulse of my feelings towards her; feeling her lust heighten even more and knowing it was because of me. I prepare for my wife to throw the ball at me and I hear Bella's gasp of surprise when I hit it quite a distance. Part of me can't help the pride I feel at her reaction and my attention is on her even when I'm running around the bases. If only Emmett didn't catch it; her disappointment at that outcome set my mind at ease though. Rosalie's second attempt is when shit happens and the game stops because of three nomadic vampires; I know nothing will ever be the same again.
Tension builds within me as Alice tells us about the approaching vampires. I know I'll do anything to keep Bella safe. I want her to be safe and in my arms, however unlikely that scenario is likely to be. I stand side by side with the rest of family as we await them and we try to get them to leave. Then all hell breaks loose when the wind catches Bella's hair and James knows about her presence. I can sense his emotions mirror mine about her and the thought of that fills me with disgust. I hate myself almost as much as I hate him because I know how much I could hurt my brother with the way I feel. Just like James is planning to.
We leave the field quickly, making our way back to the house, all of us planning how to evade James and keep Bella alive. Alice tells them we'll drive her south and take Bella to Phoenix; take her and run and it's a plan I'm all for; who would've thought that I'd run away from a fight. Not me, that's for sure. The thought of spending time with her makes my body react and there's a little part of me that wishes it could just be the two of us, not Alice as well. I told you, I'm a bastard. Alice doesn't deserve to be treated this way and neither does Bella if I'm being perfectly honest.
In no time we're driving Carlisle's Mercedes away from Forks and our families. The atmosphere in the vehicle is tense and I try to calm it; although I'm largely unsuccessful. Alice eases the tension somewhat when she takes my hand as I drive and it makes me feel a bit better, calmer if you will. Bella's eyes are on me almost the whole time. I feel the weight of her stare on the back of my neck and the despair she's feeling at the situation she now faces because she decided to get involved with vampires; with my brother. I sympathize with her totally but I don't regret her being with us.
It's odd if you think about it, there was a time when I would've appropriately been described as a viscous monster, one of the worst of my kind but now I feel sympathy for the young girl in the back of this car and I wish there was something I could do to make her feel happier. It's not something I can do, not at the moment though. But I'll find a way because she's important to all of us now; especially me. I'm not sure why but I know she is. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'm going to savor every moment I can be with her. She's worth it and so much more.
A/N: So there you go. What did you think? Just a little something that kept me amused today and stopped me worrying about writer's block. It's also my first posting written in the first person. Anyway, I'll be back soon (I hope), with something a bit longer - maybe. Send me a review and let me know what you thought. Did you think I captured Bella and Jasper accurately (if slightly out of character)?