AN: Inspired by a friend who said "Pirates of the Caribbean" "Harvey Birdman" and for a plot device "blizzard"... you know who you are.


"So you're a pirate." Harvey Birdman shuffled some random papers, trying to look anywhere but at his deadlocked, stinking, client.

"Aye, Captain Jack Sparrow o' the Black Pearl" the old cutlass was raised in what Harvey could only speculate was a proud way.

"And you've come to me for help because Emma Frost is suing you for sexual harassment during a blizzard?" A telepath, oh god, if he one this she would…

"Aye. Not sure I deserve that." The pirate mused, stroking his… chin hair, there wasn't nearly enough to be called a beard.

"Yes? She doesn't have cause? There wasn't any harassment?" Please let Emma be overreacting, I don't want to hallucinate the rest of my life.

"Could call it that," the Captain drawled grinning in memory. "She was in a blizzard, was trying to warm her up since the rum was gone."

"Oh." There was a long pause, where the defender hoped against hope for his client to be barbecued by lightning… or frozen by a blizzard. "You're defense is, she wasn't… dressed for the weather and you were trying to help her?"

"Aye, that would be about right."

"She claims that your thoughts were… on another matter." The mask was doing a good job of hiding his blush as he read exactly what Emma Frost had to say about the encounter.

"Oi! 'Zit legal to kill someone who may hurt you? Jus' because she looked as good as rum, don't mean I woulda done anything." And the sword was back up, this time in a vaguely threatening manner.

"Well, no… but Ms. Frost is a respected telepath, her abilities would hold up in a court of law." This was normal when you're one of the strongest telepaths' around.

"Aye, a mighty fine lookin' woman, don't want her to do anything… stupid." The last bit was coughed out, as the pirate muttered about a 'eunuch'.

"Well," the attorney paused, wanting to fluff his feathers. "She wants you in a forgotten cell and the key given to a 'filthy, slimy, mangy cur'." The attorney paused at the odd request. "I think she meant, dog."

There was a long silence from the pirate, the cutlass raised and lowered a few times.

"In any case." Harvey paused once more, dreading the answer to hiss next question. "Do you have any defense against her claims?"

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, mate!"