A.N. Oh god, first Glee/Brittana fic and I don't think I totally have these characters down yet but hey, it's just practice right? This has been stuck in my head for a while so I just hammered it out this morning. It's probably a tad rough but please read and review with what you think of it and how I can improve!
Disclaimer: I really don't own these girls...I know, the thought makes me sad too...
"I've never kissed anyone."
The statement seemed to hang in the suddenly silent basement and I wanted to hide my head in my hands, I wanted to grab her and shield her from what all the rest of the Cheerios were going to say but more than anything else I wanted to turn back time and tell Brittany to never ever say that.
The noise of twenty whispering and giggling girls was overwhelming me and I quickly downed the shot still resting in front of me from the game. I was supposed to anyway, I had definitely gone further than my innocent best friend. I blocked out the way the girls chaotic laughter had turned into more hushed, scheming whispers because I knew it wasn't going to spell anything good for the confused blonde next to me.
"San, why did the game stop?" she asked me, her soft breath blowing past my ear. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the games had only just started. I smiled tightly instead.
"Hold onto your hat Britt, I think tonight's gunna get crazy."
"But I'm not wearing a hat," I heard her mutter from beside me. I blocked it out, too busy trying to overhear what all the older girls were planning.
It was our first Cheerios sleepover. Quinn, Brittany and I were freshman's, the youngest, hand-picked new recruits and as much as I knew we were good enough to have earned our place on the team, I wasn't sure what Brittany's admission would mean. The Cheerios had a reputation, a very bad one at that, to uphold.
"So wait B, let us get this straight, you've never made out with a guy?"
I stared straight ahead as she shook her head slowly in response, the fact that this was a bad thing not dawning on her at all.
"You haven't even made out with a girl?"
I blushed but I didn't know why. I knew Brittany hadn't made out with a girl but I remembered her curiosity about it when I told her I had. It had been at one of our sleepovers, so common by then that it felt weird to even call it that.
"What's up?" she had asked me, her soft fingers running across my cheeks. I had tried to act normal but I knew I was quieter than usual and Brittany could read me better than anyone else.
"I did something today and I'm not sure how I feel about it Britts."
I breathed in and tried to ignore the way her fingers had moved to run down my neck. It was just her, she understood me better when she touched me, that's how she learnt things.
"I kissed another girl."
Her fingers stilled, I held my breath and hoped she didn't run away. I couldn't deal with this without Brittany.
I breathed out.
But now she was looking at all the older Cheerio's with a nervous look on her face, her hand twitching in her lap.
"No, but I once kissed my-"
"Britt!" I hissed, grabbing onto her wrist, feeling her soft skin as I squeezed and hoping that she understood she was never to finish that sentence with the word cat. I felt the tension from my fingers running up my wrist, into my arm and I imagined the indents my fingers would leave on her tiny wrist. I could practically feel them forming. I loosened my grip.
"Wow, well we're going to have to call someone right away. Noah Puckerman is in your year right? He'd totally be up for it."
I snapped my head around from where it had been staring straight ahead. Brittany would not be having her first kiss with Puck. I remembered what it had been like; I ran my free hand over where the bruises had been on my arms for days after. I didn't want that for Britt, she deserved better, she deserved someone who cared and liked her and who would be gentle. Basically none of the Lima-losers from our school.
"She's not making out with Puck."
I saw her head move around to look at me, I saw her small grateful smile but I kept staring at the head cheerleader, my emotionless, bitch mask hard at work.
"Why not?" she questioned, her eyes harder than I liked, the sneer on her face smug and condescending. I knew I couldn't tell the truth so I did what I did best; lied.
"She'll catch something, besides she doesn't even know how to, she can't start with Puckerman, he's top of the food-chain." My argument was solid and my eyes were hard, I knew that challenging the top dog so soon was a bad idea but the thought of Brittany having her first kiss with Puck? It made me sick.
"You have a fair point S. Does this mean you're volunteering yourself to teach her?"
My heart sped up and I couldn't quite remember how to breathe normally.
"Or do you want me to?"
I felt her eyes boring into the side of my head. I didn't want to take away her first kiss but I knew if I didn't then it would still be happening tonight no matter what Brittany wanted. I finally met her eyes and I was surprised at the expression there. None of the anger I had expected. I started to breathe normally again.
"What do you say B?" I asked, jokingly leaning in close, letting my hand run against her thigh gently and letting her know that she could still back out of this if she really wanted, told her without any of the Cheerios in the room realising. I looked up for a second and caught the angry eyes of Quinn. I flinched, knowing she would find this a sin and wrong and everything I shouldn't be doing but Britt's pinky was linked with mine and she was looking up at me shyly, an expression I hadn't seen directed at me since third grade.
I breathed in.
Breathed out and watched her bright blue eyes flutter closed at the warm air.
I didn't want to do this, not in front of all these quietly giggling girls gathered around to see Britt's first kiss like it was some kind of freak show.
I closed my eyes and ever so gently touched my lips to hers.
She pushed against me softly, it wasn't intense, I didn't want to force her to do anything so after a few seconds I pulled away and tried to ignore the burn on my lips, the heat that was travelling through my body and the fire it her bright eyes.
"See wasn't such a big deal now was it?" the head-cheerleader mocked Brittany, pulling her into a one-armed hug over to the table groaning under drinks. I went to jump up, to stop her from going over there and drinking and becoming a little toy to her but Quinn's cold hands gripped my upper arm as she pulled me harshly in the opposite direction.
I sulked, but followed.
"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly to the still form of Brittany beside me. The sleeping bag made more noise than I would have liked as I rolled to face her and I prayed that everyone remained asleep. I didn't know why but I didn't want anyone else to hear what I was saying. Her blonde hair stood out in the dark room and I smiled gently when I saw her eye flicker open. I knew she wasn't asleep.
"Why?" Such an innocent question, one I didn't really know how to answer. Sorry for kissing you, sorry for taking your first kiss, sorry for it not meaning anything, sorry for feeling something from it, sorry for not being able to protect you any longer, sorry for not protecting you.
I couldn't answer her so I stealthily climbed out of my sleeping bag and slid under her quilt beside her, letting her hands run across my forehead and eyelids and cheeks and letting her read the answer herself. I sighed into the silent room and closed my eyes as she moved closer to wrap her arms around me, seeing me completely.
"It's okay San," she whispered into my hair, understanding our need to be silent, understanding that this was only for us to hear. "It's okay."
I didn't even have a moment to prepare before her lips were pressed on mine once again. She tasted miraculous, the sweetness from the sodas she had drunk clinging to her and making my head spin. Her lips moved against mine, different from when we were in front of everyone, this time it felt like in the movies, like when the hero had saved the damsel in distress, felt more like when I had kissed guys.
But so much better, softer and perfect.
She pressed even closer, her body pressing into all of me, her arms sliding around to rest on my back, her soft fingers pressing gently where my Cheerio's t-shirt ended and the stupid tiny red shorts began and causing a warmth to spread where they met my skin. I didn't think for a second and pushed my tongue into her mouth, swallowing her gasp and tasting a life-time of soda sweetness.
I felt like I was drowning.
She was perfect, so much better at it than any of the loser guys I had been with, her natural grace and talent from dance seeming to flow right into this as her tongue swept across mine making my hands tangle into her hair.
I heard a cough from the other corner and I froze, my lips pulled back to barely a millimetre from hers and my whole body tensed to fly back into my own sleeping bag. None of the other Cheerio's could know about this; what we had done before had been okay, expected with a night full of drinking and a room full of hot teenage girls but what we were doing then wasn't normal. It wasn't what these girls did and it was something that was going to be our secret.
"San," she whispered from beside me and I was so lost in my thoughts that I jumped, forgetting she was there. "It's fine, no one will know. It can be our secret, no one has to know."
And not for the first time I wondered why people thought Brittany was so dumb when she could read so much. I let out the breath I had been holding as her lips met mine again and let her read every inch of me until morning.
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