A/N – This is now rated M. This flashback is graphic, just as a warning. Sorry if it's too much, I'm not a good judge of these things and I'm almost always hesitant. Feel free to yell at me. This is my disclaimer/warning. Thanks for sticking with me. Also, I don't own a thing related to Glee. And lastly, I'm pretty much positive I won't be able to update again until Monday, I have to go out of town for work. Enough from me.
"Santana!" Brittany screamed, seeing the brunette lying limply on the ground. The younger man holding her also froze, allowing the blonde to break free and rush toward her girlfriend. She dropped to her knees next to Santana who still had not moved. "San? Santana, answer me!"
"Dude," the younger man muttered. "Did you kill her?"
The older, burly man growled and inched closer to the two women on the ground. "Fuck her, we'll just have our fun with the blonde."
Santana wanted to move. She wanted to pull herself up and show those two creeps how it was done in Lima Heights Adjacent. But she couldn't will herself to get up. She immediately thought paralysis was a very real possibility as she was unable to get her limbs to respond. Even when rough hands pulled Brittany away, Santana was unable to move from her crumpled position on the ground. While her mobility was diminished, unfortunately she was still acutely aware of her surroundings even through the dull ache and roar in her head.
When Brittany was slung backwards and onto the ground, Santana saw. She saw as the burly man pawed at the blonde's clothing but she was unable to intervene. Santana watched as Brittany attempted to fight the man off, only to be backhanded roughly and pinned to the ground.
Santana fought to remain conscious for no other reason than to hold onto Brittany's wide, frightened eyes as the man continued to rain blows onto her face and body in an attempt to subdue her. Santana whimpered as the blonde's eyes widened yet again when she realized the gravity of what was about to happen.
Before the man could unbutton Brittany's jeans, she gave one final attempt to fight him off. Swinging her knee around trying to connect with him, he growled and landed a fist into the side of her face. He immediately followed with a strong, fierce blow to her ribs that left Brittany attempting to collapse in on herself. When the man pried her jeans away from her body, she no longer had the energy to fight.
Santana could only clench her jaw and watch as her girlfriend was assaulted. Brittany let out a pained cry but kept her gaze firmly on Santana, both attempting to drown out the horror they were forced to be a part of.
Suddenly, Brittany felt herself being jerked upright. "Come on Rick," the burley man panted, "get in on this."
He continued to thrust into Brittany as the younger man timidly inched forward. "Come on, what are you waiting for? Don't look so scared…she likes it. Don't you blondie?"
Brittany once again tried to gather her strength to fight away from the burly man but before she could, she screamed out in pain as she felt the younger man thrust into her from behind.
Santana felt tears stinging her eyes as she witnessed the assault but was helpless to stop it. When Brittany began to vomit from the pain of the attack, Santana was almost desperate to claw her way to her girlfriend but her body refused to cooperate.
Brittany was dropped back onto the ground and she immediately curled into herself as the two men withdrew, panting. She whimpered slightly and continued to retch as the two men eyed her, collecting themselves.
"James," the young man muttered, still short of breath and slightly pale. "That was…"
James, the burly man chuckled. "Yeah, it was. Toss me the bottle."
Rick straightened himself up and slipped into the shadows briefly before returning with a brown paper bag and pulled out a bottle of brown liquid. He tossed it to James who greedily chugged the liquor and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before pulling himself to his feet.
James tossed the bottle aside, the glass shattering, and stepped closer to Santana. The brunette was still unable to force her body into mobility and she was helpless to do anything but stare as the large man loomed over her.
A few hours later the sun came streaming in through the windows and Santana begrudgingly cracked her eyes open. Blonde hair fanning out erratically met her eye and she felt her morning grumpiness already fading. Brittany was still sound asleep.
Santana allowed her gaze to linger on her pale face. She grimaced as she took in the still fresh bruises but the peacefulness she saw gave Santana hope that her Brittany was still in there somewhere. The blonde mumbled incoherently as the Latina disentangled herself from her long limbs and the sheets.
Santana tucked the sheets tightly around Brittany's frame and brushed blonde hair away from her forehead. As Brittany's nose twitched Santana allowed a soft chuckle escape her lips. She stepped back and slowly made her way to the kitchen.
Glancing out the window, Santana saw the mailman hopping back into his truck and pulling away from the house. The brunette quirked a brow and moved closer to the door to peer out toward the front porch. The sight of a large box made her tilt her head in question. She stepped out onto the porch wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the early morning chill.
Santana smiled when she saw the name on the box. Quinn had sent a care package. She carried the box inside and deposited it on the table before moving to prepare coffee. A few minutes later the scent of fresh coffee filled the kitchen and Santana sighed in anticipation of feeling the caffeine hit her bloodstream.
Santana once again heard a shuffling behind her and turned to glance over her shoulder. Brittany came wandering into the kitchen looking barely awake. She was pale with bags under eyes but as she scratched her belly and yawned, Santana couldn't help but chuckle at her childlike appearance.
"Babe," Santana said with a laugh. "What are you doing out of bed? It's early, you should get some sleep."
"I smelled coffee." Brittany croaked.
Santana smiled as Brittany pulled out a mug and splashed coffee all over the counter, as she was still halfway asleep. She stumbled over to the brunette and dropped her head onto her shoulder, bringing a hand up to squeeze her slender waist.
Santana turned, relishing any contact Brittany was willing to initiate. "Quinn sent you a package babe." She said softly. "Want to go see what's in it?"
Brittany perked up at the thought of presents and nodded almost enthusiastically. Santana took her hand and led her to the couch. They both placed their coffee on the table in front of them and Santana dropped the box onto the floor in front of the blonde.
Brittany ripped open the box and the protective stuffing went everywhere. She dove into the box, ignoring the ache to her ribs. She smiled as she pulled out the card that was on the top and began to read aloud.
"Dear Britt." She read. "Rachel and I just wanted to send you a little something to let you know we're thinking about you. We even put in a few things for Santana but I imagine you'll be able to tell what belongs to her. We're thinking about you and we love you both. Quinn and Rachel."
Santana furrowed her brow. "Why would she and Rachel send something together?"
"Because they're sleeping together of course." Brittany replied evenly.
"What?" Santana exclaimed. "What do you mean they're sleeping together?"
Brittany glanced up from the box, seemingly annoyed at having been distracted from her goodies but shrugged. "You mean you didn't know?"
Santana was flabbergasted. "What? You mean you did know? Did they tell you? I mean…what?"
Brittany smiled patiently. "They didn't have to tell me San. You can just tell. They're in love."
"But…but what about Puck?" Santana cried.
"Puck makes a great cover." Brittany deadpanned. "He was yours. Well, Sam too. And the baseball team. Oh and that brief prom thing with Karofsky…"
"Ok, B, I get your point."
Santana slumped back onto the couch with a whimper. It was too much really; dealing with what had happened to the two of them, trying to find a way to help Brittany, and then to find out her best friend was sleeping with Rachel Berry of all people. Life was cruel.
Brittany chuckled at Santana's despondent appearance. "Come on San. We both know you stopped hating Rachel a long time ago. She's a good person, she's good to Quinn, and Quinn loves her. That's all that matters."
"Yeah…I guess." Santana muttered, still dazed.
Brittany laughed. "Can I open my present now San?"
Santana seemed to shake her senses clear and nodded to Brittany and the box. "Of course babe, go for it."
Brittany smiled and dove back for the box. The first item she pulled out was a box collection of Disney movies on DVD. Brittany hugged the old school movies to her chest and declared a movie marathon day. Santana nodded with a smile and turned sideways on the couch and watched as the blonde continued to pull items from the box.
The sight of light blue pajama pants with yellow ducks on them had them both chuckling. "These look like me but they're in your size San." Brittany said holding the item up. "Oh wait, they got us matching!"
Santana tried to look disgusted as Brittany handed the pants to her and pulled out a matching pair in her own size. The smile on the blonde's face wiped away any smart comment and Santana just continued to watch, a smile still firmly on her face.
Brittany squealed in delight as she pulled a CD out with a recording of Rachel's "My Headband." At that Santana did legitimately groan. But when Brittany pulled out a small box and peered inside the groan died down when the blonde pulled out Santana's favorite lip balm. Her favorite, expensive lip balm.
"Awesome." Santana mumbled, smiling at the small tube. Brittany then handed the brunette a bottle of her favorite perfume and Santana smiled again. "Wow, they're good."
Brittany nodded as she pulled a small stack of books out of the box. She ran her hand reverently over the covers of the Dr. Seuss books and smiled slightly. The blonde finally pulled the last item out of the box and her smile widened. A large, soft stuffed duck had been placed in the bottom of the box. Brittany ran a hand through the duck's soft fur as she hugged it tightly.
"They know us well babe." Santana said with a chuckle.
Brittany wanted to immediately begin watching the movies but she insisted they wear their new pajama pants. Santana of course complied and the two settled down onto the couch. The brunette had to force feed the painkiller into Brittany but she finally acquiesced.
A few hours later, Santana was stretched out on the couch with Brittany draped over her, sleeping soundly. She wanted to turn the cheesy Disney movie off but as Brittany tightened her grip and sighed in contentment, Santana decided not to disturb the calm. She smiled and brushed fingers through long blonde locks.
Three days later the two received the phone call they had been dreading but waiting for. Brittany was napping on the couch after her afternoon dose of medicine and Santana was catching up on emails. As the phone chirped, Santana quirked a brow, not recognizing the number on the display.
"Hello, this is Dr. Ellis. Is this Santana or Brittany?"
Santana felt her stomach drop at the sound of Brittany's doctor's voice. "This is Santana. Is everything ok?"
"Well," the man replied. "I should really speak with Brittany if she's available."
Santana glanced toward the couch where Brittany was trying to rouse herself. "Well," Santana said softly. "She's almost awake. Just give her a sec."
The brunette stood from the table, phone in hand, and moved to squat in front of Brittany who currently had only managed to crack one eye open and was blearily wiping at the other one.
"Britt? Baby, you awake enough to talk to your doctor?"
The blonde harrumphed and swiped at her face once more before reaching for the phone. "H-hello? Yes sir, thank you."
Santana didn't realize she was holding her breath as she watched Brittany begin to chew on her bottom lip. As the blonde responded occasionally with an "uh-huh" or an "ok" the brunette began to chew on her own fingernail.
Finally Brittany hung up the phone with a soft, "thanks." She turned to Santana, her brow furrowed.
"Well?" Santana asked. "What did he say babe?"
"I'm confused San." The blonde replied sadly. "I thought positive was good and negative was bad but he said that negative is good and positive is bad. I never did get numbers…"
Santana clenched her jaw, willing herself not to snap from the tension she could feel coiled in her shoulders. "Baby, what did Dr. Ellis say? Were the test results positive or negative? Whatever it is, I'm here baby and we'll get through it I swear!"
"Negative." Brittany said with a shrug. "But that sounds bad. Are you sure we wanted the test results to be negative San? I'm so confused."
Santana exhaled quickly. "Negative? Really baby? Yes, yes it's good news Britt! That's really good!"
Santana was too excited to contain herself and she pulled Brittany into a tight hug. The blonde tensed and struggled to swallow a cry. But Santana's excitement was contagious and she soon found herself relaxing into the brunette's embrace.
"You mean I really passed?" Brittany asked, somewhat bewildered. "That might be the first test I've ever passed."
Santana pulled back with a laugh and cupped Brittany's face in her hands; happy tears streaming down her face. "I love you Brittany."
The sincerity behind Santana's words made Brittany's breath catch. She smiled tenderly and before she could let any fear get the best of her, Brittany leaned forward and captured Santana's lips with her own in a chaste kiss.
Santana's heart soared and she had to refrain herself from attempting to deepen the kiss. It was the first kiss Brittany had allowed since the attack and it was entirely too soon for the brunette to be thinking about getting her mack on. As quickly as it began, it ended and Brittany pulled away with a sad smile. Santana refused to allow the blonde's quick withdrawal to upset her. Brittany was healthy; things were looking up.
The next morning when Brittany emerged from the bedroom after her morning pills wore off, she stood and stared out the large windows overlooking the lake. Santana came up beside her and waited for the blonde to acknowledge her before scooting closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. She dropped her head on the taller woman's shoulder and Brittany tilted to her own head to rest on top of Santana's.
"We should go for a walk outside." Brittany finally said quietly.
Santana lifted her head to look into Brittany's clear blue eyes. "Yeah?" she asked, trying not to become too excited. It would be the first time the blonde had left the house since they'd arrived.
"Yeah." Brittany said with a shrug. "Maybe we could walk down to the lake and look for ducks."
"I think that's a great idea babe."
The two dressed and stepped out into the fresh air. The spring mountain air was chilly even for that time of day and they walked arm in arm but not only to ward off the chill. They traveled in comfortable silence to the edge of the lake.
Brittany quickly pulled out the numerous slices of bread she had snagged to feed the ducks. She and Santana sat side-by-side, cross-legged, and threw bread chunks out toward the water. Brittany watched with delight as the ducks quickly devoured the bread. A few braver ducks came close enough for the blonde to talk to them. And Santana could have sworn the little creatures talked back and carried on a conversation.
Brittany reached and squeezed Santana's hand as they sat gazing out over the water. The brunette hated for the afternoon to end but storm clouds seemed to be rolling in and the two reluctantly pulled themselves to their feet to head back to the house. Before they could make it even halfway back, the heavens opened up and the two were caught in a downpour.
By the time they made it back to the house they were drenched and shivering from the cold, wet chill. Brittany was slightly out of breath and her ribs were aching from the exertion of rushing back through the rain but they were both giggling like schoolgirls as they rushed back into the entryway. Santana could already imagine her mother scolding them for trudging through the house and dripping water everywhere so she quickly began discarding her clothing.
"Come on babe." Santana said glancing up. "My mom will kill us if we drip water on any of her expensive shit. Let's get out of these wet clothes."
Brittany shifted nervously from one foot to the other with her eyes downcast. Santana sighed and felt her heart clench at the blonde's lost look. "Babe, we can't track water and mud all through the house. Come on; take 'em off. I don't want you catching a cold either; you're shivering. We can go take a shower to warm up."
"Together?" Brittany whimpered, her eyes darting back and forth.
Santana had already managed to wriggle out of her clothes, standing in just her under garments and stood watching the blonde sadly. "Less chance of us running out of hot water if we shower together. Please?"
The brunette reached a calm, steady hand out to Brittany. The blonde fearfully met Santana's gaze before nodding slightly and timidly taking the outstretched hand. Santana tried to offer an encouraging smile as Brittany stripped down to her panties and a tank top. The two left the pile of wet, muddy clothing in the entryway and quickly moved into the master bedroom.
Santana immediately entered the bathroom and started the shower. When she stepped back into the bedroom she wore nothing but a towel wrapped loosely around herself. Brittany was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor and fumbling with the hem of her tank top.
Santana stepped closer and reached to still the blonde's nervous movements. "It's ok babe." She said softly. She met Brittany's gaze questioningly as she gripped the hem of the shirt.
Brittany exhaled shakily and gave a slight nod, allowing Santana to pull the garment up and away from her body. Santana tried not to stare at the sight of her mostly naked girlfriend, or cringe at the sight of the still dark bruises splashed across her torso. The blonde in front of her seemed so broken and frightened and so unlike her usual self that Santana felt her own tears threatening. She squeezed Brittany's hands gently.
"It's ok Britt." She repeated.
Brittany nodded, keeping her gaze lowered. "I know. It's just…the bruises…I'm ugly." She said softly.
Santana stepped closer to the blonde, willing her to meet her gaze before speaking firmly. "That's not true Brittany. It's never been true and it will never be true."
Brittany's gaze remained lowered and Santana felt her heart ache for the way the usually confident woman now seemed shattered and self-conscious. The brunette once again found herself cursing the men who attacked them.
"I'm going to hop in the shower and warm up. Feel free to join me Britt. But no pressure, if you don't want to…it's ok."
With one final squeeze to Brittany's hands, Santana turned and headed back to the bathroom. Steam was wafting from the top of the shower as the water had clearly warmed. She dropped the towel to the floor and stepped into the warm stream of water. She almost moaned in contentment as she allowed the water to chase away the chill.
Santana's reverie was interrupted by a soft, "San?"
She turned and wiped water from her eyes. Her gaze softened when she was met by Brittany's wide, frightened blue eyes. She was clutching the shower curtain so tightly that her knuckles were white.
Santana's eyes once again raked over the bruises covering her abdomen. She had seen them before, many times. Brittany had needed assistance in even the most normal activities in the time after they first arrived but the sight never grew any easier to stomach.
Santana tore her eyes from the bruises and looked up into Brittany's face. Her eyes were wide and there was fear written all over her features. Santana tried to remain nonchalant as she stepped back and gestured for Brittany to enter the shower.
"Come on in babe, you're letting the steam out. Come warm up?"
Brittany stepped inside and under the water, immediately shivering. Her shoulders were hunched and her arms were crossed protectively around her body. "San…I'm not…I know it's been a while and your belly is probably cold and your food isn't digesting but…"
Santana groaned inwardly. She would never live that lizard line down. "Brittany," she replied softly. "This isn't about sexy times or food digestion. I just want to help you warm up."
Brittany looked at her sadly. Santana reached her hand out to the blonde and gave an encouraging smile. "Babe, I'm not sure either of us are ready to get our mack on. But do you think maybe we could just…hold each other?"
Brittany sighed, almost in relief and stepped closer. Santana wrapped her arms around the blonde's back and dropped her head onto her shoulder. She felt Brittany press her cheek into the crown of her head. They held each other until the water lost the bite of the heat.
They once again dressed in the duck pajama pants Quinn and Rachel sent and settled in for another round of Disney movies. Brittany dozed off and on and Santana found herself nodding off occasionally as well as they cuddled on the couch.
Santana prepared dinner and convinced Brittany to eat more than just a few bites before they retreated to the bedroom for the night. The blonde allowed Santana to pull her into her arms and the two kissed for a few moments before Brittany pulled away with a quiet sigh.
"I love you Santana." She said softly. "Thank you."
"For what?" Santana asked, genuinely surprised.
Brittany smiled almost shyly. "For dropping everything and coming here. For taking care of me. I'm sure I'm not easy right now…never have been I guess. I don't deserve you."
"Babe…we both know that's not true. You stuck with me through the gay panic pandemic. I was a total bitch to everyone in high school and you stuck with me. I'm the one who doesn't deserve…"
Santana choked on the last few words and tears slipped from her eyes. Brittany immediately scooted closer and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and pulled her in for a tight embrace.
"It's ok San." Brittany whispered quietly. "I love you and you love me. Everything else will work out, right?"
Santana lifted her head to be able to look into Brittany's eyes. The brunette felt a shiver at the look of hope and pure love radiating back from those bright blue eyes.
"Absolutely." Santana replied firmly. "Thanks for reminding me. I love you B."
Brittany smiled again before settling back into Santana's arms. She settled onto Santana's shoulder and the brunette held her tightly until she was certain Brittany had drifted into slumber. And although Brittany did wake again a few hours later in the grip of a nightmare, when Santana reached to comfort her, she didn't resist.
The routine continued much the same for the next few days. The two had been at the cabin almost a month when one afternoon, Santana felt Brittany's gaze following her every move. When she would turn to the blonde, she would blush and glance away, apparently flustered. Santana would smirk and continue with whatever she had been doing.
Finally by early evening the brunette was beginning to feel flustered at the looks she was receiving. She felt as if she was being stalked by a lioness in the jungle sizing up its prey. Santana was struggling to keep her own emotions in check as the gazes lingered and Brittany's blue eyes seemed to be practically smoldering.
Finally, Santana could take no more. "Babe?" she croaked, trying to stamp down the heat she felt raising in her body. "Is everything ok? Do you want to…talk about anything...or anything?"
Brittany groaned and dropped onto the couch unceremoniously. "Well, it's just that…I was talking to Cindy and…"
Santana nodded in acknowledgment. She realized now that when the blonde had disappeared for a lengthy amount of time that day she had been on the phone with her therapist.
"And what babe?" Santana asked, trying to encourage Brittany to continue.
The blonde sighed and looked uncomfortable. "Well, we were talking about things. Like you and me things. And I kind of want to…I mean…she thinks I might be ready to…Oh San, how am I supposed to do it if I can't even say it?"
Brittany dropped her head into her hands and whined pitifully. Santana would have laughed if she hadn't started to get an idea of what was going through the blonde's mind. She settled onto the couch beside Brittany and reached for her hand.
"What's wrong Brittany?" Santana asked softly. "You're not afraid to talk to me are you?"
Brittany sighed without raising her head. "Sort of." She mumbled.
"Don't be afraid Britt. You know you can ask me anything or talk to me about anything. What are you afraid of?"
Brittany raised her head. "That you'll say yes. Or that you'll say no. Or that I'll…" her voice faded with another sigh.
Santana scooted closer yet and with her most serious face, waited for Brittany to look at her. "Is it dirty?"
Brittany blushed a deep shade of pink but laughed at the devious smirk beginning to spread on Santana's face. She raised their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of Santana's palm. "No, not really." She replied with a chuckle.
"Well fuck." Santana said in mock disappointment. "Come on babe, what is it?"
Brittany closed her eyes and without a breath said in a rush, "I think maybe I'm ready to make love to you even if I'm not ready for you to touch me or anything or for us to do it together…you know."
Santana couldn't help but quirk a brow at Brittany's rushed confession. Her jaw dropped slightly and the blonde cringed at what she thought was a look of disgust or disinterest. Brittany dropped her gaze and tried to pull her hand from Santana's grip. "You don't have to if you don't want…I understand. This was a stupid idea."
"Hey now," Santana said quickly, keeping a firm hold on Brittany's hand. "Stop that. You just surprised me is all."
Brittany turned her head away from the Latina, obviously embarrassed. Santana nudged her gently with her shoulder.
"Brittany? Come on, talk to me. What's going on? Where is all this coming from? If you're not comfortable with being together, there's no rush. I'm not going anywhere."
The blonde turned back to Santana, her face full of sadness. "I know you're not. But maybe you should. This might be the longest you've ever gone without sex. I don't want you to think I don't want you…I just…"
"Brittany Susan Pierce," Santana replied firmly. "You listen to me and you listen good. I love you, whether or not we're having sex. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm not going anywhere. You and me…we're it babe. Please, please don't question me along with everything else that's been turned upside down. I love you and I'll be right here whenever you're ready to get our sweet lady kisses on."
Santana wiped a few tears away from Brittany's blue eyes as she smiled back at the brunette. "I love you Santana. I just worry about you. I don't want you to think it's you…that I don't want you. You're too good to me."
"Nope. No one is good enough for you. But I'm not about to step out of the way, you're mine babe. Besides," the brunette said, her signature smirk back in place, "I'm far too smokin' hot for you to not want me."
Brittany giggled and nodded her head enthusiastically. "It's true. I-I really want to show you San, how much I love you and appreciate what you've done for me, dropping everything to come here and take care of me. I've missed you. And like you said, you're smokin' hot."
Santana smiled tenderly. "You don't have to prove anything to me. I don't want you to feel rushed or like I'm pressuring you. Not that I'm opposed or anything…"
Brittany returned the smile and leaned toward Santana, pressing their lips together. "I want to get better San." She whispered after pulling away. "I want us to be normal. And I miss our connection. We're awesome at sexy times and I need to get a little of myself back. Baby steps right?"
"Yeah babe. If this will help you…I'm all yours. Besides, we've been making great progress I must say. Last night was hot!" Santana replied, her mind drifting back to the impromptu make out session that had ensued before Brittany pulled away breathless. "So…you wanna go right now?"
The blonde laughed as Santana waggled her eyebrows suggestively. The brunette felt her heart lighten at the sound. Brittany gently cupped Santana's cheeks and smiled sweetly. "I was thinking maybe later tonight. Give you a little more time to stew."
Santana faked a groan. "Woman, with the looks you've been giving me all day, much longer and I'm pretty sure I might have to take matters into my own hands."
"No San!" Brittany exclaimed, not realizing the joke. "You said you'd wait for me!"
Santana laughed. "I was kidding babe. What do you say I fix us some dinner, then we light some candles, I get good and naked and you get your mack on?"
Brittany flushed a deep pink. "Deal."
The rest of the evening passed quietly. Santana prepared a chicken dish that both merely picked at, their minds preoccupied. Brittany continued to openly ogle the brunette and Santana found her heat rising as the evening wore on. But the more Santana tried to encourage the blonde, the more nervous Brittany appeared.
She fiddled with her napkin at dinner and by the time they cleared the plates, all that remained were little shreds of paper scattered all around her chair. Santana had to chuckle but then she would catch that predatory gleam in Brittany's eye and she would flush all over again.
"San." Brittany finally said hoarsely, "I think my own lizard is hungry. I really, really want to get our sweet lady kisses on."
Santana felt herself blushing as Brittany stepped closer. She allowed the blonde to take the reigns and felt herself being pulled closer. Brittany wrapped her arms around the brunette and tentatively pressed their lips together. Santana tried to stifle a moan as she felt Brittany's tongue gently probing.
The kiss deepened and Santana felt her legs growing shaky. She was almost desperate to allow her hands to roam the blonde's familiar body but she struggled to control herself lest she frighten Brittany. But when her hand slipped under Santana's shirt, the brunette couldn't help but whimper slightly and whisper, "I think I might need to lay down. Will you come to the bedroom with me Brittany?"
Brittany stared down into Santana's eyes, searching for hesitation or discomfort but found only love and trust. She swallowed thickly and nodded.
Brittany took Santana's hands in her own and they walked hand in hand toward the bedroom. The brunette noticed Brittany's breath beginning to come in slow shallow gasps as they entered the darkened room. Santana gave her hand an encouraging squeeze before stepping to the nightstand and lighting a candle that was resting there.
The soft glow of the candle filled the room, casting an orange glow over the blonde's features. Santana's breath caught as the candlelight danced and flickered in her bright blue eyes.
"Oh Brittany," she whispered. "You have no idea just how beautiful you are."
Brittany graced her with a watery smile. "I don't feel it lately…except when you look at me like that. I love you San."
Santana could see the fear on Brittany's face. She smiled sadly before sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the space next to her. "Come sit next to me babe."
Brittany complied and settled next to Santana before gazing shyly over at her. "I'm kind of scared."
Santana felt her heart break slightly. "Babe, don't be afraid. We don't have to do anything if you don't feel comfortable. I'd be happy just to hold you. Please, don't ever be afraid of me."
Brittany squared her shoulders and nodded resolutely, as if to encourage herself. She raised a hand and brushed Santana's dark locks off of her shoulder before gently caressing her cheek. "Just be patient with me. I need it to be slow."
Santana nodded pressed a kiss to the palm still caressing her face before allowing the blonde to ease her backwards until she was lounging on the bed. Brittany moved until she was reclining beside her and lightly trailed her hand up and down Santana's side.
Santana's breath hitched as Brittany gently lifted the hem of her tank top, sliding it up her torso. It was difficult for the brunette to remain still and subdued as Brittany removed her shirt. She longed to return the touches but knew Brittany needed to be in control of the situation so Santana pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and remained motionless for the most part.
The shirt was discarded and Santana's bra quickly followed. Brittany ran her hands down the length of the brunette's torso and back up to cover her breasts as if she was attempting to memorize every detail. Santana felt tears threatening at the almost lost and frightened look on the blonde's face as she caressed her. She tilted her head back slightly in an attempt to hide the moisture in her eyes and allowed a moan to escape as Brittany continued to gently caress her exposed abdomen and chest.
Brittany's touches were hesitant and it almost seemed as if she was touching Santana for the first time. She seemed to be exploring the brunette's body for the first time and it was so unlike the usually confident way Brittany touched her that Santana wanted to hide in a corner and cry. Instead she allowed herself to melt into the blonde's hands as they roamed her body.
When Brittany's hand slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, Santana whimpered and had to clench the bed sheets in her fists to keep from reaching out and reciprocating the touch. The blonde ran her fingers gently along the length of Santana's center and bit back her own moan at the moisture she felt there.
Santana was aching for the blonde to do something, anything, to help relieve the tension she was feeling. Brittany must have sensed her need and she immediately pressed her body flush against the brunette's and pressed their lips together in a heated kiss. When Brittany pulled away, Santana resisted the urge to pursue once again. She instead held the blonde's steady gaze, as she seemed to be asking permission to continue. Santana nodded slightly and clenched her jaw as she felt two long fingers slide into her slick heat, biting back the heated moan.
Santana writhed beneath the blonde, as she grew accustomed to the feel of Brittany inside her once again. The blonde seemed to become encouraged at the movements and sounds of pleasure coming from the Latina and she kissed down the column of Santana's neck as she continued her ministrations.
When Santana climaxed, she arched off the bed and Brittany quickly scooped her into her arms as she brought her down gently. She didn't realize she was weeping until Brittany pressed a kiss to each eyelid and shushed her quietly. When she calmed, Santana heard the blonde chuckle nervously above her.
"Was it that bad?"
Santana choked out another laugh and quickly shook her head. "No babe. It was…amazing. I've really missed you. No one has ever made me feel like you do. You don't know what it means to me that you trust me enough to…after…"
She was crying again. Brittany smiled tenderly and cradled her in her arms, rocking them back and forth. "Let me hold you for once Sanny. I'm not going anywhere either."
Santana nodded against Brittany's shoulder and allowed the blonde to wrap her in secure arms. The fell asleep; wrapped tightly in each other's embrace.