Never let your guard down.

It was a calm day at the base, for a change. Granted, the quietude might've been because there were only two members present at the time. It was rare that anyone was at the base at all, usually, especially when they weren't partners. Zetsu was most often the one who stayed behind as a guard. It must have been an odd lapse in fate; that, or just an odd lapse in business.

Hidan wasn't exactly happy to be at the base, nor was he excited to find Deidara already occupying it, but he wasn't complaining now. Their respective partners both had personal business to attend to before Pein would assign them another mission. Sasori was off fetching ingredients he needed for one of his paralysis poisons, and Kakuzu was probably off hunting a bounty. Hidan hadn't listened much, actually.

That left the two younger members of the Akatsuki to themselves, holding down the base in Pein and Konan's absence.

Deidara was lounging when Hidan finally came back inside, having spent most of his time out. Deidara never bothered to ask what it was the other man was doing for all that time. One way or another, Deidara was sure it involved Hidan's gory religion.

Leaned back on the couch, Deidara was molding something indistinguishable in his hands. He had his long hair strewn about his shoulders for a change. He preferred keeping it up, since it tended to get in his way, but he hadn't seen a reason to mess with it today if all he was going to do was stay inside. A storm was coming, Deidara could feel the heaviness in the air when he'd gone out earlier. Vaguely, he wondered if that was why Hidan had finally decided to come in despite it still being early.

"You look like a fucking doll with that hair." Hidan's voice came from the entryway, irate and somehow still managing to sound amused in an odd, condescending manner.

Deidara rolled his eyes, mushing the clay blob in his hands. Well, whatever it had been, now it wasn't going to be anything. "I wouldn't expect a freak like you to be good with insults, yeah. But you could try a little harder than that," Deidara replied in a cool voice. He was startled when, beside him, the couch dipped under a weight that had just flopped down. Deidara glowered at Hidan, as if he owned the couch himself and the Jashinist was committing a felony by sitting down.

"Would you rather I just cut your fucking head off, instead?" Hidan retaliated, his teeth bared in a wolfish sneer.

Deidara, as much as he knew that Hidan got off on those indulging him, bit into the bait. "You wouldn't get that far, un. I'd blow your hands off before you could ever touch me." The threat had Hidan throwing his back in a laugh. It wasn't the first time Deidara trusted the man to be completely insane, all one had to do was listen to that laugh and understand.

"That's cocky shit, for a brat like you." Hidan leaned forward, watching with a glint of satisfaction when Deidara leaned back.

"You're three years older than I am, but you sure fucking act like you're ten years younger." Deidara's hands were still molding the clay, his fingers moving on autopilot even as he argued with Hidan.

The older man's eyes lowered towards the clay. "I'm not the one who spends all day playing with fucking clay," he said, reaching out for the small blob. As he did, his fingertips happened to skim over Deidara's abdomen where his shirt had ridden up some. The sudden contact made the blond suck in his stomach and gasp in surprise, almost dropping the clay form.

Hidan raised his eyebrows at the unexpected reaction. He hadn't even touched the kid on purpose. Deidara's eyes widened as he shot his gaze towards Hidan. He had to watch as a slow, deliberate smirk stretched across the Jashinist's lips. "You're fucking ticklish?" Hidan didn't even have to ask, but he wanted to watch the panic rise on Deidara's face.

Gritting his teeth, Deidara shoved Hidan's hand away and began to stand up. "No, I just don't like your hands all over me, you f–" Deidara's rant, which was gearing up to be long-winded and full of excuses, got cut short by Hidan. The silver-haired man snatched Deidara's arm and yanked him back onto the couch, none too gently and causing him to stumble and fall. Deidara lashed out with his free hand to punch Hidan anywhere he could reach him, but it was a blind shot that didn't connect with anything but air. Hidan laughed at the poor attempt, manhandling his target to lie on the couch. He pinned Deidara's arms, rendering them useless and leaving Deidara little hope of escaping.

"You fucking suck at excuses, bitch," Hidan mocked, soaking up the smug satisfaction. Some of Deidara's hair was stuck to his face, which had turned red from the exertion due to the sudden assault. "You're not so tough without that shitty clay of yours, huh? Got nothing to say, now?" Hidan's fingers crept up Deidara's side, digging into his skin with careful precision.

The reaction was exactly what Hidan had been aiming for. Deidara's body, though trapped beneath Hidan's own, arched up and struggled to push Hidan off. A peal of laughter burst from Deidara's mouth, sudden and loud, only for Deidara to stifle it by biting his tongue. "Pathetic," Hidan sneered down at the prone blond. He continued to press his fingers against Deidara's sides and stomach, searching for weak spots. The teenager squirmed and wriggled something fierce, trying to buck Hidan off. He was expending nearly all his energy in trying to free himself from his attacker's grasp.

"G–get off, you j–jackass!" Deidara's breathless command went unheeded. Hidan was having too much fun tormenting the little pain-in-the-ass to stop now. In fact, he might have gone on for a while, had it not been for a very lucky break on Deidara's part. With a burst of adrenaline—and more than a little rage—Deidara freed one of his legs and kneed Hidan in the stomach. The hit caused the grip on Deidara's wrists to loosen and, before he lost the chance, Deidara wrenched himself free from Hidan's grasp. Flipping over the arm of the couch, Deidara made a break for it, not stopping to listen to any threats Hidan was promising him. Deidara had just reached his room, where he planned to barricade himself and plan Hidan's demise. Unfortunately, Hidan was one step ahead. Or rather, one step behind.

A rough hand shoved Deidara inside his room, causing him to stumble into it. Behind him came the sound of the door getting kicked shut. When Deidara looked up, he was met with Hidan, who narrowed his eyes dangerously. Deidara should have known better than to run, running triggered Hidan's inherent sense of hunting down his victims. "Hidan if you don't fuck–"

"Oh, I intend to fuck." Hidan's gruff voice cut into Deidara's sentence. Blue eyes widened, first in disbelief, and then they darkened into a glare.

"I always knew you were a fucking psychopath. I'm not–" A hand grabbed a handful of Deidara's shirt and dragged him forward, yanking his body against Hidan's. Before the bomber had the chance to shout out any other obscenities, Hidan had crushed their lips together. He forced his mouth onto Deidara's with bruising force. The soft skin of Deidara's lips cut against his teeth, bringing the taste of blood into the kiss. It was sharp, tasting of iron and lust. Hidan's tongue swiped against Deidara's cut lip as he pulled away. Bloodlust thrown into the mix was a terrible addition, Deidara realized, once he saw the glaze in Hidan's eyes.

"Bastard," Deidara hissed, his nails finding and sinking into Hidan's arms. Hidan grinned, a sinister expression that sent a shudder down Deidara's back. He wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement; perhaps a healthy mix of both.

"Bitch," Hidan returned the banter. Right after, his palm planted against Deidara's chest and shoved the boy backwards. The backs of Deidara's legs hit the bed and sent him toppling down onto it, the mattress creaked underneath the sudden weight. Hidan knelt on the bed on one knee and reached out, taking a handful of Deidara's long hair. A cry of pain left Deidara's lips as Hidan jerked him back by his hair, but his mouth was soon covered by Hidan's and the sound was greedily swallowed. Hidan plunged his tongue into Deidara's mouth, not giving the teenager the choice to close his lips or not.

Deidara groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. The way Hidan's tongue pressed against his own, roved against his teeth and lips... It was embarrassing to admit that it was good in an odd, sick way. Deidara's nails scratched bloody lines into Hidan's arms and the older man bit Deidara's tongue. Once again, he drew blood, forcing the younger man to jerk backwards with a gasp. "Fuck," Deidara hissed, dizzy with sensation. Between his legs, his cock was hard and straining against his pants, the rough fabric having started to drive Deidara mad.

"You've got some fucking masochism in you, slut." Hidan's palm pressed down on Deidara's clothed erection.

Deidara, cursing both himself and Hidan straight to hell, bucked his hips upward. "If all you're going to do is talk, get off me so I can do something myself, un." Deidara felt cool fingertips pushing up his shirt and gliding over his abdomen. Yes, he shivered, and Hidan smirked something fierce, moving his fingers towards Deidara's nipples. The hardened nubs were pinched and twisted between calloused fingertips. Hidan teased them without mercy, drawing pitched noises from Deidara's kiss-swollen lips. Rolling Deidara's nipple between his thumb and index finger, Hidan leaned down and attached his mouth to Deidara's neck.

The blond hissed in pleasured-pain when sharp teeth bit into his neck, no doubt leaving behind bruised indents. Dazed, Deidara had briefly forgotten he had the use of his hands, but he was quick to remedy that. Reaching down, his fingers located the zipper on Hidan's pants and hastily began to unfasten them to pull out Hidan's erection. Once the cool air hit his throbbing cock, Hidan groaned, licking a wet stripe from Deidara's collarbone to his jawline. "Impatient bitch," he murmured.

Deidara's response to that was to bite Hidan's wrist where it lay beside his head. His hot, pink tongue dragged across the small bite-wound, smearing blood. Hidan growled deep in his chest. Deidara was testing his patience, and that was already at a minimal capacity to begin with. Reaching down, Hidan tore the flimsy fabric of Deidara's pants, sending the broken pieces flying to the ground.

Curling his fingers around Deidara's cock jut a smidgen too hard, Hidan gave the length in his hand a squeeze. "Do you need to be coddled, bitch?" Hidan's lips pulled back in a sneer at the cold glare Deidara gave him, which still managed to be quite hateful in spite of the flush on his cheeks.

"Just fuck me and get it over with," the blond ordered, hooking his legs around Hidan's waist to tug the man forward. Hidan cocked a brow, but he couldn't say he was put off by the commanding attitude. Regardless, he didn't trust Deidara's eagerness. Hidan lowered two fingers between the blond's spread thighs and pressed them against a puckered entrance. There, he felt the muscles twitch in response. Without further preamble, and not waiting for Deidara to bitch about it, Hidan shoved both of his fingers inside. The muscles clamped down so tightly around them that he had to groan. Fuck, maybe he should have just gone ahead and fucked the blond and let him deal with it.

Deidara turned his head, the cool sheets wrinkling against his cheek. Maybe he'd been a little too zealous, but damn if Hidan's fingers didn't burn so good. He pushed his hips down against Hidan's fingers each time they pushed inside him, accepting them as deep as he could take them. "God, Hidan, just fuck me!" Deidara ordered, nudging his thigh against Hidan's own arousal to play on the older man's own restlessness.

"Fuck," Hidan hissed, "you asked for it." He retracted his fingers and reached for his cock, giving it a few strokes to spread his pre-cum around it. It was a poor substitute for lube, but neither of them were patient enough to care in the moment. After he positioned the wet head at Deidara's entrance, he slowly let his cock sink inside of the tight ring. Deidara's fingers dug into the sheets, bunching them in his hands as he struggled not to tense up around the thick intrusion pushing into his body. Hidan groaned as the pulsing walls surrounded his cock, only just refraining from slamming himself all the way in. That would have broken the whiny brat's mind. He inched inside, coming to a stop so that they both could have a second to adjust themselves.

Hidan grabbed a hold of Deidara's hip to keep him still, preventing the blond from squirming on his cock. If that happened, this was going to be over sooner than either of them wanted. "Stay fucking still," Hidan growled, leaning down against Deidara's lips so that he could taste his words. Deidara gave a slow, shrill moan in response. He wanted Hidan to move, he needed Hidan to move.

Keeping his hand on Deidara's hip and shoving him into the mattress, Hidan pulled his cock out, slow at first. The friction of Hidan's cock pulling against his muscles made Deidara's cock twitch as pleasure hurtled up his back. "Fuck!" Deidara screamed at the harsh jolt of sensation when Hidan, instead of easing his cock inside like he had before, shoved back inside in one go. It hurt, and Deidara wanted to hurt.

Hidan wrapped the fingers of his free hand around Deidara's slim neck, squeezed the sides, and began to fuck the loud, demanding bitch. His hips slammed against Deidara's so hard that each thrust was pushing Deidara further up the bed, bunching the sheets beneath him. The blond's voice was raspy and choked, and he was growing dizzy with Hidan's hand around his throat. The older man only let up for short periods, just before Deidara could black out completely. Darkness crept at the edges of Deidara's vision and his muscles clamped down tight. Each thrust feeling deeper and harder than the last. The lack of oxygen was making Deidara's nerves way more sensitive. He thought that despite the burning in his chest, he didn't want it to ever stop.

Hidan watched Deidara's face, flushed and sweaty, his blue eyes rolling up in his skull as he grew faint and dizzy. His hole clenched so fucking tight on Hidan's cock. If only he'd known that all he had to do to get Deidara to shut up was to fucking choke him. Pistoning his hips harder into Deidara, he sunk deeper into the suffocating heat. Hidan wanted Deidara to really feel it, even tomorrow. Blond hair was askew across the pillows, sticking to Deidara's face, the teenager really was a mess. Pre-cum had dripped all over his abdomen and pelvis, and Hidan was smearing it each time he thrust. He was leaning too close and his lower stomach would grind against Deidara's cock. It didn't matter, they were both already a wreck as it was. Deidara was getting too sensitive for this, though. Having Hidan rub against his cock while he pounded against Deidara's aching prostate was too much.

"F–ck, Hi–dan!" Deidara's garbled exclamation was breathless and gravelly. His orgasm didn't edge up on him, no. It was happening fast and sudden, without much build-up at all. Deidara came with jarring intensity, one of the most full-body orgasms he'd ever had. His entire body seized up and convulsed in pleasure as he covered his own stomach and chest with white-hot come. Hidan groaned, heaving a violent shudder at the way Deidara tightened down around his cock, dragging his own orgasm out of him. His hand squeezed Deidara's neck hard as he pumped the still-shivering blond full of seed. All the while he was still rocking his hips into Deidara's twitching hole. That caused some of the come to leak between Deidara's thighs, further ruining the sheet.

Finally, Hidan let go of Deidara's neck, and he took several gasping breaths. Deidara's vision was dark and his entire body was thrumming wildly, sizzling with sensitivity. "Holy fuck," Deidara rasped, dizzy, sore, and immensely satisfied. Having sex with a psychopath was definitely something everyone should have on their bucket list. The two men had collapsed on the bed, ignoring the mess and trying to catch their bearings again.

"You gonna blow me up in my sleep?" Hidan asked, his eyes cutting sideways to look at Deidara, who snorted in response.

"You wouldn't be worth it, it'd just be a waste of an explosion, un," Deidara grumbled. His eye slipped shut and indicated that any further conversation, he was going to ignore.

Hidan rolled his eyes and turned onto his side, facing the blond menace he'd been stupid enough to gain an attraction to. He supposed it was his own fault. If he was going to be a heathen, then it was going to be with someone who was just as much of a nightmare as he was.


Well, I tried my best rewriting this fic to make it less cringy and a little less out-of-character, though there's still a lot of both. I personally don't even like this pairing anymore, but I wanted to leave it up since I was happy to contribute to it at the time. Forgive the OOC parts of it, and hopefully someone'll enjoy a little domesticity-Akatsuki story!

Also, I'm going to add that "having sex with a psychopath" to my own bucket list, now. Definitely one of my favorite quotes I've written to date.