Warning: I have no excuse except the sick_wilson prompt bingo challenge. I chose (what I would call) the anti-diagonal: extension cord, lamp, birthday, duct tape, potted plant. Happy Birthday sick_wilson comm, happy Easter everybody*.
[*Easter the Italian way can be equally celebrated by Christians and non-Christians, but it helps not to have a chocolate allergy.]
Wilson came back to consciousness slowly. It was night, but a setting half moon still shed some light in the unfamiliar room. The wind was howling, and he couldn't quite remember where he was, or why he wasn't home, or why the window was open. There was a bad taste in his mouth, and although it was clearly not very late in the night, he felt as if he had been sleeping for many hours already.
Then a switch clicked, and the room was flooded with a cone of electric light coming from outside the window. A tapping sound made him look at the opposite wall: there a dark shape was shifting, back and forth, in sync with the chilly wind gusts. The shape was not human, but still had some kind of hands. Or limbs. It swayed stronger as the wind got faster. The howl of the wind raised and raised, until it became like a scream. O a sustained beep.
And then the main light in the room was switched on, and the beeping monitor switched off, and House was sitting on his bed, roaring with laughter, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Finally he got his breath back, sniffed, and left out a satisfied sigh.
"God, Wilson, that was epic. Luckily you were hooked on a monitor or I might have given you a heart attack."
Then House got to work. It wasn't easy for a man with a bad leg to unmount the complicated construction hanging outside the window frame, which involved his cane, the bedside lamp, a six-yards extension cord, and enough duct tape to keep it all together.
While watching him Wilson slowly realized that the alien monster had just been the shadow of the potted plant on the windowsill, swaying in the light of the lamp hanging loose from the cane outside the window, where the wind could move it to and fro. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, wincing as the stitches on his belly helped him remember the previous day's events.
When everything was in its place again, House closed the window and went back to sit on the bed.
Wilson looked at him with a confused expression. "I understand this must have been fun, but why?"
"Because it's past midnight. Which means it's your birthday, and we need to celebrate - hence I had to wake you up. May as well have fun while doing it."
"Great. And I had an emergency appendicectomy fifteen hours ago. I can't eat any solids, nor drink alcohol. And I almost can't move. This birthday sucks."
"Precisely what I thought. And that's when I realized that there was something we could do to properly celebrate. I just used some local anesthetic to keep my thigh quiet for a couple of hours."
House locked the door, slipped out of his jeans and underwear, then climbed on the bed, resting his weight on his knees on either side of Wilson's chest, his naked erection almost touching his lover's face, hands on the other's shoulders for balance.
"You can have liquid food, and it's at most 50 calories anyway. Happy Birthday, Wilson."