Hey darlings, it's meeeeee again lol! So I know the last chapter was not all that great but this is where things start to spice up yaayyyy! Hope you all like it :) It's extra long and lemony so I hope you love it :)

Bella's POV:

5 month later

I was finally out of the house, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the birds chirping. To say I am a happy girl would be understatement of the year.

These past 5 months have been hell on earth but thanks to Edward, my sisters, the Cullen's and Jasper it has been bearable and at times even fun. I think any normal logical human being would start to feel suffocated and claustrophobic being in the same room for months on end...this is why I was more often than not moody for the last 3 months. Some days I was happy, some days I was depressed, some days I loved company, some days I just wanted to be alone, some days I would cry for hours on end because I couldn't do the little thing like collect the mail and some days I would laugh hysterically over something trivial like Emmett having the hiccups.

So as you can tell predictable was not my middle name but thankfully I was surrounded by people that truly loved me and was willing to take each day as it came with me. Edward was my saving grace through this whole ordeal. He would comfort me when I cried, hold me while I slept in my tried days, make sure I ate on my grumpy days and laugh with me on my good days.

There was also those other days...i called them my horny days when all I wanted was to have hours of heart stopping sex. OK maybe not the best saying to use given my current situation but you get the idea. Edward was being a stand up gentleman and refused to give in to my requests, he said he was to scared to hurt me. He said sex or any kind of fooling around could raise my heart rate and make thing worse. He would always tell me one day soon but just not right now.

Some days I could understand his reasoning and would be touched by the fact that he cares enough for me to refuse sex because I know deep down he was wanting to be intimate as well. Other days however I was sensitive and would cry for hours because I felt ugly and rejected. I knew that I was not being fair to Edward since he was just doing what was right. Edward knew I was just being emotional though and never took anything I said or did to heart, like I said he was my sun when all I was surrounded by was dark clouds.

Even though we have been practically living together for the past five months Edward and I are still to say 'I love you' to each other. Some might say this is weird but we have came up with our own special way of saying it without actually saying it.

One day after being rejected by Edward I was lying on my bed crying, facing away from him because I was so humiliated I just didn't want to see his face.

"Why are you crying pretty girl?" he asked from behind me as he rubbed up and down my back.

"B-because you don't want me...you don't love me." I sobbed out as I curled myself into a ball on my side.

"My silly girl you know I want you...of course I want you. I don't want to say it to you because right now is not the right moment and when I do say it I want it to be special. I want it to be because I wanted to say it to you to express how I feel about you not because of some silly sex fight we had. So this all I'm going to say for now...i don't not love you". I understood what he was saying and I was touched by what he said, at that moment I have never loved him more. So I turned around so I was facing him and kissed him hard on the lips. It was a searing and filled with love and passion kiss that told me everything I was feeling for him, he felt for me. As we broke away in need for oxygen I lent my forehead against his and said

"I don't not love you too". That is how our own personal way of expressing our love came about and we were constantly saying it to each other like before we hang up the phone or before we go to bed.

This is what leads us to now. I have finally been told that I have recovered enough to live like a normal person. No more air filters and sterile rooms for me, I was a free woman. So Edward and I decided to go to the park and feed the ducks, it was just a light outing to test how I would go. We drove down and walked to the lake hand in hand. It was an average day for Washington so it was cold but thankfully not freezing or raining. We are rugged up in all our layers to be safe. We walked down to the lake side and Edward broke up little bits of bread and handed them to me so I could feed them. We were quickly surrounded by ducks and I was laughing at the one's who braved the banks of the lake as they wattled around swaying their little bum's. They were just so cute it made my heart swell. Edward loved watching me be so happy so he broke out his phone and started taking pictures of me with the ducks.

I was starting to run out of bread to feed them with when I spotted a mother duck swimming her way over with about 8 little tiny ducklings following along behind her in a straight line.

"Look Edward...Look! Aren't they just adorable." I squealed out as I pointed to the tiny ducks.

"I know baby, I know." Edward said back as he was now taking a video of me. I was now surrounded by about 10 normal sized duck as well as the mother and her ducklings. I fed the mother first and then went to fed the ducklings but the other bigger ducks would steal it out of my hands before I could get it to them. After 7 failed attempts at feeding the little ducks I started to get annoyed and frustrated.

"Edwarddd! The bigger ducks keep stealing the little ducks food!" I complained as I looked at him for help. He just laughed at my childish whinging as he put his phone back in his pocket and walked over. He took the bread from me and ripped in into shit loads of little bits. He then split the bits in half and threw one half as far as he could away. As all the big ducks took off toward the bread he quickly threw down the second half of the bread down to the slow baby ducks. I listened to them all quack in satisfaction and I threw myself at Edward and kissed him quickly.

"That's why I don't not love you, you always know how to make me happy!" I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his chest. He threw his arms around my shoulders and brought me even closer to him.

"I'm here to keep you happy and you make my smile...my beautiful girl." He said as he kissed my head. We stood in our embrace and watched the ducks wattle away once they realized that we had ran out of bread.

We eventually made our way back to the Cullen's house and was met with a very grumpy Emmett. As we walked in the living room he turned his head away from us like a pissed of child.

"What's going on Em?" Edward said in a very amused voice.

"I'll tell you whats up brother. I come down from my room in a great mood this morning ready to have fun with my brother and you can just imagine my surprise when I'm told that you guys had already left! And to feed ducks Edward...ducks! You know I love the ducks!" Emmett spat as he turned his head away from us. Edward looked like he was going to laugh so I quickly elbowed him in the ribs...hard. I gave him the look that said ' you better fix this right now'. Emmett may look like he belonged in a MMA fight or deep in the woods, but truth be told he is a gentle giant that just liked to be included in everything.

"We are sorry Emmett, we just weren't sure how well Bella would go on her first outing and I didn't want an audience for it if it didn't go well. Next time I promise you can come with us and I have photo's you can look at for now if you want?" Edward asked.

"Photo's?" Emmett said as his face lit up with a smile, I laughed at his silly ways. Everyone came to the main computer and we all gathered around to see the photos. They "ohhh'ed" at all the cute ducks and my happy glowing face. Alice called Edward a perv when a photo of my ass appeared on screen, everyone laughed when the next photo was of me flipping Edward the bird.

Later that night Edward and I were lying in his bed watching "Friends" on his TV. I decided to test my luck and that I was not going to back down this time, no is not an answer I was excepting this time.

I brought Edward down to me for a long hot kiss that left me breathless. I quickly rolled on top of him and dug my hands into his hair. His hands immediately found my hip and when them started to roam around to my ass. I let out a deep moan that could have rivaled any porn star. This seemed to snap Edward out of the moment and he started trying to pull me off his lap.

"Baby, you know we can't do this. Not yet..." He said as he tried to move me but I refused to budge.

"shh shhh shhhhh! This isn't going to be about me, it's going to be about you! We will take this slow and you can just lay back and enjoy the ride." I said as I looked into his eye's. I could tell he didn't like the idea of this but my determination to do this must have shown through because for once he didn't fight me on it.

I kissed him long and hard as I grind my hips against his. I was wearing these tiny blue short short and a thin white tank tops. Edward was wearing a tight white t-shirt and some black tracksuit pants. Perfect clothing choices if you asked me because I could feel the heat of his body through my clothes and as I grinded my hips even more I could feel his dick start to harden through my shorts. My hands were tangled in his sexy hair and his were rubbing my thighs lightly and my hips.

I could feel myself start getting wet from having some intense dry sex after my almost 6 month drought. It was very hard for me not to just drive in and take him how I wanted to but I knew Edward needed me gentle for his peace of mind, small steps for now.

I quickly yanked off my own top and then his quickly followed. Edward let out a strangled grown and that when I remembered that I wasn't wearing a bra, so Edward was seeing my tits for the first time in a long time. I decided to really remind him of what he was refusing to have these past few months as I lent myself back on my knee's, still

straddling him so he could see me flushed, topless and only in short shorts wanting him.

I sucked on my index finger and then slowly dragged it down his bare chest leaving a trail behind. As my finger got lower to his lower stomach i could see his muscles twitching with excitement and pleasure...he may say he doesn't want me but his body screams that he does. I gave his pant bulge a quick pat and squeeze before I brought both

my hands up to squeeze and cup my tits.

"Did you miss these big tits Edward..." I asked in a husky voice as I rubbed my left nipple and squeezed my right tit. I saw him gulp and pant before nodding slowly. I lowered my front and rubbed my breasts over his bare chest. I kissed and sucked at his neck before I whispered in his ear

" You can say you don't want me all you want but your body tells a whole another story...". I kissed across his chest before continuing whispering in his other ear

" Like how hard your cock is right now. I know all you want to do is bury it in my hot, tight, wet pussy...but your not gonna get that today...because I want you in my mouth and down my throat...".

Edward let out a long moan at my words and I started to kiss down his chest. As I licked just above the band of his pants and went to put them off with my hands I felt Edward put his hand on mine to stop me.

"Baby girl, you don't have to do this...". He went to say more but I quick shut him up by saying

"But i want to...really just lay back and enjoy sexy boy.".

I kissed his stomach and sucked a little bit as I slowly brought down his pants and boxers. Clearly we had had enough foreplay because when Edward cock was finally released from its fabric prison it was so rock hard it almost hit me in the face.

It had been so long since I had seen his dick I actually forgot just how magnificent it actually was. I sat back on my knees which were either side of his legs and just stared at its long, hard, thick beauty. It twitched with me staring at it and that's when I snapped out of whatever I was in and went to work on pleasuring Edward.

I grasped his cock which was so thick I could barely wrap my hand fully around it and pumped him slowly. As I would reach the head I would twist my wrist which made him moan and grasp the sheets in pleasure and restraint. I thought to myself that this was going to be over a lot quicker than I thought it would be because after all he had been almost 6 months without another persons touch too. So I quickly bent down and sucked him as far into my mouth as I could.

"Fucckkk...ohhh shit baby!" Edward moaned. I worked him as far into my mouth as I could while trying not to gag. I tell you I have no idea how this ever fit inside me because Edward has one monster dick that would destroy any pussy it came across. I was moaning around Edward while I felt his legs start to shake. I knew he was close to loosing it so i gently grabbed his hand which was clenching at the sheet and

brought it to my head. For added effect and to get him really worked up I added a

"Come on sexy boy...control me! Control me sucking on your monster cock!". Edward snarled so loud he sounded like should be animal plant before he grasped a big chunk of my hair and all but force my my mouth on the cock. He was pushing my so deep that I could feel the head of his dick slipping in and out of my throat with each thrust.

"Come on baby, take it! Take my cock in your nice hot mouth for me! God you feel so good...uhhh uhhh...ohhh fuck..Jesus!" Edward shouted as his hips started to jerk off the bed. I moaned around the dick and that was all it took for Edward to scream my name as he came down my throat. I quickly swallowed everything he gave me and then leisurely licked him clean. When I was done I looked up to see a concerned Edward

"Are you OK Bella? Jesus I just lost it and couldn't control myself anymore, please dear god tell me you are OK?" He asked in a panic. I kissed the tip of his dick one last time before covering him back up with his pants and moved up the bed to kiss his lips. After 5 quick pecks I said

"I've never been better, but thanks for asking.".

"Thank-god, I so don't not love you! Now about you..." he said as he tried to take my top from me which I was trying to put back on.

"No baby, no me for tonight! This was all about you!" I said as I quickly shoved my top back on. I moved into Edwards arms to cuddle and suddenly felt very tired.

"I don't not love you.." I said before I closed my eyes.

"I don't not love you too." I heard Edward say before I drifted off to dream land.

A/N: So did you love it...please please please review! I think I did a good job but I would love your opinion. Did you like the ducks and the I love you bit? Please tell me!

All my love