Dark sat up with a jolt, panting as though he'd just run the length of this accursed temple three times. He stared into the misty water surrounding the tree he was currently slumped against, mind racing. The last thing he remembered he'd been being thrown out of, and sneaking into, a meeting of fangirls who were discussing their love interest.
The shadow shook his head, dispelling such thoughts, and stood, stretching. There really wasn't much use wondering while he was trapped in here. He concentrated on the walls, hoping they would show something other than the endless misty landscape he was constantly subjected to, but as always they remained stubbornly firm.
Dark growled and settled back in his spot. He really had nothing better to do, so he let his thoughts go over the dream. It was the most interesting dream he'd had in quite some time.
"Let's see," he mused aloud, "I was in a meeting of fangirls who were discussing their love interest. I think it was Link, though I can't see why. If it was Link, I don't know why I was there, since I pretty much hate his guts, but it was a dream, so anything goes.
I got to read the one-shots being written for the girls, as a peace offering, I guess. They were sickeningly sweet and hopelessly happy," he made a face at the very thought, "Who would want to read such utter nonsense?"
The shadow shrugged. "I think the leader of the meeting was talking about lengthening one," he told the empty room, "but only if something she called 'reviewers' were interested. What in Din's name is a 'reviewer'?"
As he expected, the mist made no response. He kicked the inch deep water in frustration, then took deep breaths to calm himself. The last time he'd lost his temper, he'd broken both hands.
"Speaking of 'reviewers'," Dark chuckled at his use of the new word, "she said that she'd like to know what people thought of them. If she wanted my opinion, she could've just asked. I would have told her to write something better. Preferably where I was the star and it was less 'yay we are happy and in love' and mush like that."
"There was a list, too," he informed the illusions, "it had a few names, Resi, I think, and-was there another? No, I don't think so. Those were the people who got cookies, apparently.
Pah! Cookies are a worthless bribe. I wouldn't touch a cookie if my life depended on it. I'd much rather get a nice sword or maybe a new weapon. Sugar is useless, just raises blood pressure."
He let out a laugh. "Look at me, I'm ranting about sugar now. Next thing you know, I'll be down to my underwear, in the tree, convinced I'm a monkey." He cracked a smile at his own joke, twisted though it was.
He leapt to his feet as the door on the far side of the room, rusted from long disuse, began to creak open. Dark sprang into his tree, hiding from the intruder.
"Look," he whispered as a flash of blue cloth and a gleam of steel showed under the rising door, "I'm a monkey."
Dark's Song: "Shattered" by OAR
Sorry this one is so short. There's only so long you can keep someone ranting to an empty room.
It's been quite a ride and I hope you enjoyed it. If I've challenged your perceptions of the LoZ characters, then I've succeeded in what I set out to do.
Everything Dark said was true, including the bit about lengthening one and wanting to hear what you thought. Tell me if/why you liked them (eg. it made you pause and think, or made you see that girl in a different light). There's going to be a poll, so please vote.
Obviously, I couldn't have done it without all my amazing reviewers. Special thanks go to Resiviechsi, msfcatlover, and Jazzmatazz2000 for reviewing every chapter.
BTW, Jazz, I don't really have a favorite. I'm not fond of Ilia, but I don't have one girl whom I say "this is the only one for Link". So I really don't know.
Well, tempus fugit and this was Insane, Certifiably.