DISCLAIMER- by OverMaster
Negima doesn't belong to us. It was created by Akamatsu Ken.
No other characters here, other than a few OCs, were created by us either.
We aren't making any money out of this. I sure as heck ain't!
PROLOGUE: Unequally Rational and Emotional- by OverMaster
Chao Lingshen sighed while browsing through her files. Every iteration of the universe's existence she had been through until the current one, where her ancestor, study target and secret object of subtle affections that definitely were not romantic in nature, no sir, had taught at Mahora Academy, flashed before her eyes.
In the original world, Negi Springfield had roomed with Kagurazaka Asuna and Konoe Konoka. In the current one, he lived with Hasegawa Chisame and Hakase Satomi.
In the meanwhile, several other things had happened.
Unanesthetically Anal, Economical and Theatrical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Naba Chizuru-san, Yukishiro Ayaka-san and Murakami Natsumi-san, " Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened, and an incredibly busty girl opened the door, a large spring onion in hand. "Oh, hello Sensei, Negi-sensei."
Negi smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all...
"I'm so sorry, Naba-san!" Negi apologized frantically, bowing to make the Crouch of the Wild Tiger proud. "It's just that I'm used to sleeping with my cousin, and I guess old habits die hard..."
"Oh, well, it was an honest mistake, Sensei," Chizuru said, waving his embarrassment away as Natsumi blushed at the image that had greeted her that morning: Nagi in Chizuru's bed, her face firmly stuck between her breasts. "But I believe I have an answer to your sleepwalking."
Negi perked up. "Really?"
Chizuru nodded and Natsumi got a sinking feeling in her stomach— and, not surprisingly, a remembered burning sensation up her ass. "Oh, yes," the busty girl said. "It's this old home remedy..."
And sure enough, it worked: Negi was too traumatized to ever sleepwalk into Chizuru's bed again. And thus, Ayaka was easily able to comfort him...
Unilaterally Philosophical and Bookish - by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Ayase Yue-san and Miyazaki Nodoka-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened, and Negi found himself face to face with the girl he'd just rescued. She stared at him and fainted dead away.
Three weeks later, Nodoka promptly lost her virginity. Yue lost hers soon after. Such is the inevitable result when one is rooming with a Plucky Girl with infinite determination.
Unbalancedly Angelical and Demonical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Sakurazaki Setsuna-san and Zazie Rainyday-san, " Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened, and a dark-skinned, pale-haired girlstepped out, juggling some clubs. she peered at them inquisitively, then bowed, and stepped back, somehow implying he should step inside.
Pursing his lips nervously, Negi entered the room. Once inside, he stopped and stared. "Why are there some many giant pictures on Konoka-san?"
Setsuna was catanotic for hours once she realized her secret was out. Zazie, surprisingly, was quite the housewife, though the fact she never talked made her seem more like a maid. Negi wondered why she kept giving him little blue vitamins and individually packaged transparent balloons...
Unashamedly Aquatical and Oedipal- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Okochi Akira-san and Akashi Yuuna-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
They were, surprisingly, the most normal roommates Negi could hope for, despite the fact that, weeks later, Yuuna still sometimes screamed out her father's name when the three of them were messing around...
Unoriginally Vampiric and Robotic- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Evangeline A.K. McDowell-san and Karakuri Chachamaru-san, " Negi recalled as he walked through the path through the woods, Eventually, he reached a rather nice-looking log cabin.
The door opened at his knock, revealing Chachamaru in her maid uniform. She blinked. "Oh, hello Negi-sensei."
In the living room, Evangeline's eyebrows rose at this turn of events, and she began to grin, imagining an easy escape come the full moon, when she got her fangs back...
By the time the full moon came around, however, blood was no longer the bodily fluid Evangeline wanted from him. Chachamaru was very helpful in this regard...
Unsympathetically Psychotic and Sociopathic- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Sextum Averruncus-san and Aoyama Tsukuyomi-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened, and a girl in a frilly dress covered all over with what Negi thought was ketchup opened the door. "Oh, Sexy-chan, it looks like the treat we ordered is here..."
On the plus side, it was MUCH easier for Negi to argue his alternate plan to Kosmo Entelekhia. Now, if Tertium, Quartum, and Quintum would stop trying to kill him for compromising their sister's honor. It helped that Tsukuyomi didn't want to share her "Toys"...
Inexactly Buffoonish and Environmental- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, to make the culture shock of accommodating to Japanese society softer, you will be rooming with two of our exchange English speaking students, Quinzeel-san and Isley-san, " Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
A blond, blue eyed teen with her hair made in pigtails greeted him with an impossibly huge smile. "Awwww, look, Red! Isn't he the cutest thing ever?"
The redhaired student snorted, barely lifting her gaze from the potted plants she was watering. "You've always had such odd tastes in men, Harley."
By the time they fought Evangeline, Negi had started having serious doubts on which side was more evil, if his or hers.
Then at Kyoto, he should have bought a clue upon noticing Harley managed to actually strike a friendship of sorts with Tsukuyomi.
And then that Evil Laugh contest Harley had engaged into with Dynamis at Mundus Magicus. And her comments on Quartum being soooooo charming...
By the time they came back home, Mars had been left fully covered by rainforest, Negi hadn't talked to Ivy for a week, and Chao came back demanding to know why had she been forced to resort to coconuts and vines to make her Cassiopeia.
Ponyqually Equestrian and Intellectual- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with two of our newest exchange students, Sparkle-san and Pie-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Much to his shock, he had been led to a stable.
Much to his bigger shock, the stable was fully decorated for a huge party.
"WEEEEEEELCOMEEEEE!" a small pink talking horse had latched upon him with a viciously strong hug.
Another, purplish, horse with a horn on her head sighed. "Welcome. Please excuse Pinkie's... ways. I'm Twilight Sparkle. No Stephanie Meyer jokes, please. I have heard them all."
Two weeks later Chao had shown up demanding to know why she now had horse legs.
Uncertainly Temporal and Megalomaniacal- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Suzumiya Haruhi-san and Asahina Mikuru-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The girl with the shorter, darker brown hair had all but pounced on him. "Hell, yeah! Right what we needed to promote the Brigade's new image! Shotacon's all the rage nowadays!"
Then he squealed as she snaked a hand down and squeezed, licking her lips up and down. "Mmmmm... Surprisingly well gifted for his age, too!"
Mikuru gave the poor, twitching boy a sympathetic gaze and then retreated for the kitchen.
At the very least, she'd be spared most of Haruhi's attentions now.
She only had been half right. Negi's virginity had only survived one week after that. Hers held up for nine more days.
When Haruhi announced her desires to meet aliens, time travelers and Espers, no one ever wondered why she never included mages into it.
But really, mages already were old hat for her.
Uncannily Mutant and Magical- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Jean Grey-san and Rogue-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Chamo had a lot of issues adapting to it when he finally arrived. On one hand, the girls' nearly magical in nature innate powers were always useful in a fight. On the other hand, Jean-chan had this annoying tendency to die whenever they fought any major enemy, then to be reborn after Negi cried a lot, and it just creeped the hell out of Asuna and the others. Although the look on Fate-kun's face right before the Phoenix Force slapped him into the continent made it all almost worthwhile.
As for poor Rogue-chan, it took a lot of effort and scheming from Chamo to find a way for her to Pactio with Negi without putting him into a coma. Once she could, however, she took advantage of it to its fullest, and only then did they realize how much pent up... frustration... she had been keeping.
Aniki couldn't walk straight for weeks.
Indecently Exposed and Underdressed- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with another foreign teacher, H*gh H*fner-sensei," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The old H*fner-sensei had proved to be quite a jolly, likable enough roommate, but a few quirks about his hobbies gave Negi pause for well founded fears.
"Ummm, Sensei... Are you sure this is morally correct, not to mention legal...?"
"Hey, I have all my bases covered! Sure, parents do throw a hissing fit at times, but thank God for these low consent ages, and usually they calm down after they see the paychecks."
Negi's right eyebrow twitched. "Isn't that rather underhanded?"
"I'm on a mission of mercy. I help pay their college studies. Do you think Hakase got her warm seat ready and waiting at MIT only because she created artificial robotic life?"
The boy continued flipping through the magazine, his feelings rocking back and forth between shame, disgust, and a new, strange sensation that kinda made his pants feel too tight for comfort.
"How did you manage to convince the Dean to...?"
"Konoka caved in when I promised her the cover along Setsuna. She took care of the rest."
Negi made a humming sound, looking over the photos in quiet, yet fascinated horror. "'Eiko's Voleyballs'... 'Librarians Gone Wild'... 'Nutmeg Out of her Shell'... 'Sister Shakti's Confessions'..."
"You seem intrigued. Sign for a subscription?"
"... Do you make overseas shippings? I have a friend at Wales who might be interested..."
Chamo made the trip to Japan the very next day after getting his copy.
Unethically Mature and yet Shotaconish- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with me, Touko-sensei, and Sister Shakti," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
She opened the door, and they saw a shapely woman with glasses sitting at a corner, in a sweaty navel showing tank top and sports shorts, polishing a blade with a thick piece of cloth.
"Uhhh... hello..." Negi began, right before a dark skinned, short haired blond woman walked out of the nearby shower stall, her well proportioned body wrapped with a towel.
"Oh, is he here already? Wasn't he supposed to arrive tonight?"
In two weeks, Negi had started to notice being bathed wasn't such a bad thing.
He didn't understand why his students seemed so hostile at his roommates, or why Evangeline called him a cake eater under her breath. True, he liked cake, but he never had made a big public deal out of it.
They made a much quicker bid for him than the students ever did, in any case. Those biological clocks were ticking, after all.
Unbelievably Celibate and Chaste- by Rubber Lotus
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Monkey D. Luffyko-san and Joseph Kerr-san, Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Upon opening the door, Negi came face-to-face with a short-haired teenage girl stuffing her face at the breakfast table. He turned his head and saw an enormous umbrella completely covering whoever it was sitting on the other side. Scrawled on the umbrella were the words "On loan from Oswald C. Cobblepot."
He approached timidly, freezing as the girl let out a large burp and a content sigh. When she turned to look at him, he noted the scar on her cheek, and cringed slightly, small as it was.
The umbrella folded then, revealing the chalk-white face of a slim man squeezed into a black T-shirt and even tighter jeans.
"Paperwork screw-up, " he said before Negi could even open his mouth. "If you're lucky, they'll have it fixed in the next year or so. Don't hold your-" His ruby lips suddenly curved into a smile. "On second thought, do hold your breath till that happens."
Negi's eye twitched helplessly.
But despite the rough start, the two of them proved some of the most useful and friendly, if not necessarily trustworthy, companions he had. The scarred girl, as he discovered, was a human rubberband with a decade's worth of hand-to-hand experience behind her. She'd even discovered how to use her rubber powers to accelerate her own blood flow and double her speed and strength for a short while.
"Joe", while no slouch in hand-to-hand, couldn't last more than second against either of them in a fair fight once Luffyko had taken to training him. But, in his own words, fair was boring. And the fact that he seemed to be a walking encyclopedia on a smorgasbord of topics, including toxins, explosives, pop culture from all around the world, psychiatry, firearms, fish, and Middle Eastern politics made it so that there was never a dull moment with him around.
Every so often, Negi would get the feeling that a part of Joe desperately disliked him but was held in check by another, stronger part. A part that didn't like him that much more but simply seemed to derive some perverse triumph just from being around him.
The two of them rarely attended his English classes, and he was (to his shame) grateful for that. He had enough trouble with the so-called "normal" girls of 3-A, never mind the Super Saiyan-esque rubber girl and the full-grown man mistakenly registered as a teenage girl. The rest of 3-A warmed up to him almost immediately, though he never could figure out why they blushed in his presence, or tried to get them to take a bath with them...
Days turned into weeks. Then months. He formed close bonds with many of them. Miyazaki-san. Ayase-san. Hasegawa-san. Every so often, though, he felt as if two-thirds of the class was... frustrated about something. Frustrated at him. Once or twice he even wondered if they didn't want to be friends anymore.
But he buried those thoughts in the back of his head, in the same closet as the "Joe dislikes me and probably wants to kill me" thoughts. They were his students; he couldn't distrust them!
"Someone up there really hates me, " Chao grumbled as she tossed the newspaper aside. On it was the headline: New Inmate Satsuki Yotsuba Proves Best Doctor Asylum has Seen in Years!
The teen genius looked at the paper, then went to retrieve it. Damn Satsuki and her cute, chubby little face. She just couldn't mistreat it, now matter how pissed she was. And boy, she was pissed. The temporal-distortion belt around her waist was the only thing preventing her existence from being wiped out, and by her estimates, there were only another ninety days guaranteed to her.
With a snarl, she drew the family tree booklet from inside of her cloak. The family tree that terminated at Negi Springfield.
This had never happened with the other loops. And she dearly hoped that it was only because this happened to be the 666th loop, and not a sign that the space-time continuum was really starting to consider just giving up and going home.
Inevitably Magical and Martial- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Harry Potter-san and Saotome Ranma-san," Shizuna said as the door to his new quarters began to open...
Later, Shizuna gave her report to the police as they cleared the bodies.
"I don't know what came over them," she said, traumatized. "Potter-san and Negi-kun just attacked each other, then they suddenly turned on Ranma..."
Awesomely Magical and Haremical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Harry Dresden-san and Emiya Shirou-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Negi smiled as the door opened and he stepped in—
Skuld sighed as she looked up from her terminal. "The squiding universe broke again! Too much awesome in one room."
Insanely Incestous and Comical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Nelly Springfield-san, Chao Lingshen-san and Arika-sama," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened to reveal a busty blonde woman, a girl about Negi's age with long hair, and a teen with her hair in buns.
Guess what happens.
Inconceivably Hot Blooded And Masculine-by Iniquitus the Third
"Negi-sensei, you will be rooming with Adell-san and Kamina-san."
Negi bowed, stepped inside the room, and was enclosed in a raw light. Shizuna barely had enough time to bring her arms up before the concentrated manliness erupted in an explosion of sheer power, knocking Shizuna out as she was tossed against the wall.
"...Didn't know the power of a man's conviction was so great! Truly, the mighty emotions of the great Kamina have wrought a miracle!"
"Hey, you said you'd stop turning boys into men before their time!"
"I do only what my manly soul commands of me!"
"Jeez, fine. As long as I'm not involved in the report. This sort of thing just..." A small pause, much like that it would take for someone to strike a pose. "Isn't my style."
Shizuna dully returned to partial conciousness, her eyes fluttering open and seeing three silhouettes.
"Please, Kamina-san, Adell-san, can we talk about this later? I think Shizuna-sensei is waking up."
Shizuna groaned, and opened her eyes fully to see Negi Springfield kneeling before her, looking concerned, worried and above all like a twenty-year old.
Red hair in a splayed form with that short ponytail stub...
Confidence and kindliness in equal amounts...
Unblemished skin and a flawless appearance...
She managed a small whimper.
Barney Stinson jolted upwards off his bed. A dozen nubile women, spread around on the ground and the bed in the room mumbled and shifted poses in their sleep, and the nearest yawned and rubbed her eyes.
"Something wrong?" she asked sleepily.
Barney cradled his chin with his hand. "I sense... a challenger."
Uncommonly Friendly and Overkilly- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Fate Testarossa-san and Takamachi Nanoha-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened, and a girl about Negi's age appeared. "Oh, hello, " she said.
Negi smiled and stepped into the room—
Skuld blinked. "Darn it!" she cried. "Stupid universe blew up!"
Impossibly Mammogrammatical- by Iniquitus the Third
"Negi-sensei you will be rooming with Chichigami-san."
Negi smiled, bowed, and steppe through to meet his new roommate.
"I... I couldn't help myself... he just asked so kindly..." Shizuna whimpered and drew her hands around her substantial chest.
"There, there, Shizuna-kun. I'm sure that this is just a natural phase for Negi-kun to go through. His curiosity will fade in time."
The intercom crackled into life. "Headmaster? There's a... There are a few girls out here seeking counseling from being molested and 'compared', if what they're saying is right." A swallow was audible. "Um, they, ah... they claim it was Negi-sensei who did this."
A distressed look came over the Dean's face. "How many of them are there?"
A hasty headcount was audible. "...All bar four students of the entire Junior High."
Everbelligerently Zephryical and Iniquital- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Anemoi-san and Iniquitus-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Negi opened the door...
"DEATH TO KYUBEY!" Anemoi cried, waving a pamphlet at Negi like an evangelist.
"KYUBEY IS A GOOD BOY!" Iniquitus cried, tackling him.
Negi stared as the two rolled on the floor. "O-kay..."
And thus, Negi-slash-Platypus Venon was born...
Unlimitally No and Teethical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with J-Teeth-san and No Limit-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened...
To this day, no one knows what happened. But Terminators were somehow involved...
Insanely Cheesical and SCMical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with OverMaster-san and Shadow Crystal Mage-san, " Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
The door opened...
"And that's how 'Unequally Rational And Emotional' and part of the 2814-Universe was born!" Negi told his many children.
Unhealthily Skanky and Promiscuous- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with L*nds*y L*han-san, P*ris H*lton-san and Br*tn*y Sp**rs-san, " Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
And so, Evangeline died after sucking P*ris' blood, Fate made an exception for L*nds*y actually breaking her down after petrification, Br*tn*y was never seen again after wandering off with one of the seediest clients at Tohsaka's place, and Negi was too sick by the time he got to Dynamis, and Mundus Magicus was a goner. Oh, and Mahora exploded, too.
Game Over, please play again.
Undoubtedly Lesbian and Shoujo Aish- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Tennou Haruka-san and Kaiou Michiru-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
And so, finally, poor Negi-kun's virginity survived past his first teaching year at Mahora. Although he'd never stop wondering why his roommates kept on insisting he and Chamo had to spend at least two hours over at Asuna-san's every night.
Unrepentantly Angelical and Diabolical- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Flonne-san and Etna-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
When Anya arrived, she was both overjoyed and aghast that Negi had joined the flat side.
Unabashedly Mild-Mannered and Foppish- by Shadow Crystal Mage
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Clark Kent-san and Bruce Wayne-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
Somehow, Negi ended up turning into a girl, putting on a red, white, blue and gold swimsuit, and ended up in Themiscyra with his class...
Uncertainly Joking and Woobiesh- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Jacqueline Napier-san and Victoria Fries-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
As soon as he walked through the door, a bucket full with tar fell on his head, immediately followed by a rain of feathers, and a rubber chicken on top of it all.
Then a 12 years old girl with black greenish hair and sharp green eyes was grinning on his face, in a way deeply disturbing for such a young child. "Hey, hey there!" she sing-sang. "Have you ever danced with the devil under the pale moonlight?-!"
Negi recoiled back in instinctive fear. "Wh-What?-!"
"AH HA HA HA HA!" the girl laughed. "I loooooove how people reacts to that! Never fails to shock the underpants outta anyone!" She had to yelp then, as an annoyed Shizuna pulled on her right ear. "Ow! What? What?"
Another, taller and pale girl with short curly blond hair stepped closer, coughing and fanning herself nonstop, clearly suffering under the current heat wave. "Jacquie, please..." she spoke with a distinctive but soft European accent... Austrian, perhaps? "That's no way to greet our new teacher..."
At the dorm at the other side of the street, another girl around the same age, with short black hair, looked through her window, her binoculars fixed on her archenemies' room. "This is bad. Those... fiends have just gotten a potentially powerful new ally. I'll have to go out early tonight, Alice. I can't allow them to get the Dark Seeds before I do..."
The robin perched on her shoulder chirped as if in agreement.
Her silver haired maid only sighed. "I'll go press your tights, Mistress Bryce. Just remember tomorrow's a school day..."
Unholy Evangelical and Genetical- by OverMaster
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Soryu Asuka Langley-san and Ayanami Rei-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
To this day, the author still receives at least fourteen death threats a day, but he's also bought half of Japan, so what does he care?
Unimaginably Useful Yet Irritating- by Rubber Lotus
"Well, Negi-kun, you will be rooming with Kurosaki Ichigo-san and Uzumaki Naruto-san," Shizuna said as she guided him along the dorms to his new quarters.
And lo, the triple-strong dose of Arc Fatigue, interspliced with flashbacks, had resolved the affair with Cosmo Entelechia in the most peaceful and unpredictable way possible. By the time they were through, Fate and his minions had literally been bored to death.
And everyone lived happily ever after. Well, everyone that the author remembered, anyway.
EPILOGUE: Unequally Rational and Emotional- by OverMaster
Chao breathed deeply and turned her computer off. She slinked into her bunk and closed her eyes.
From the other bunk, Satsuki's voice asked softly, "Was there ever a world where he lived with me?"
"Not yet," Chao had to admit with some reluctance. She made a pause. "I'm sorry."
"Oh," Yotsuba's voice betrayed only the slightest hint of disappointment. "No, it's okay. I guess it's just not fated to be."
Chao spoke again, comfortingly. "I'm sure, if he ever ended up with you, my quest would finally be over. And everyone would end up with a much better future."
"Thank you, Chao".
"Good night, Satsuki," she reached over for the switch and turned the lights off.
"Good night, Chao."
Unseen in the room's darkness, Satsuki quietly wiped a tear from a corner of an eye and somehow managed to fall asleep.