Hidden Behind the Computer
I should have listened to Jyou...He was right. He was so right...
...And I was wrong. I was...more wrong than I had ever been in my life. This was a mistake! A horrible, horrible mistake! Why didn't I listen to you, Jyou-kun? WHY?
I'll never forget his words...
"Careful, Koushirou. That's one addictive MMO."
...It is, Jyou. It truly, truly is.
It's a little weird, I'm the computer nerd in the group but I've never played an MMO until about two weeks ago. Jyou has, obviously, he's the one who recommended this one. Even Mimi and Taichi play MMOs! I'm behind my friends when it comes to MMO-gaming. I finally gave in after Daisuke used a bunch of MMO terms while we were talking with the others. I had no clue as to what they meant and it was obvious. He then joked with Ken that there was an aspect of computers he was actually more knowledgeable on than I was.
Daisuke's attitude made it hard not to feel at least a little weirded out by that fact. So, I went out and bought a copy of World of Chaos at Jyou's suggestion. It's one of those medieval fantasy type games with Elves, Dwarves and stuff like that. Taichi, Daisuke and Ken play it, too, and gave their own reviews of the game. All positive and with an addictiveness warning similar to what one would find on a pack of cigarettes.
I've never really been into the whole fantasy-thing, so I felt weird playing as an Elf at first. His name is Hawking, he's a level 22 Thunder Wizard. And...
...As stupid as I thought this game was when I started playing, I found myself...unable to stop. I need my daily fix of monster hunting and questing. I read online that it's due to the little rewards we get in the MMO (experience, treasure, gold) actually cause our brains to release endorphins (brain chemicals we really, really like) as if it was happening if real life.
Not to imply MMO-Addiction really is like drug addiction, but endorphin is short for "endogenous morphine." Think about that for a second! I learned that from Jyou when I told him what I read and how..."attached" to the game I'd become.
...He warned me...
I've spent hours leveling Hawking and questing, taking up most of my free time since I bought the game. He's pretty strong, I've set him up for maximum spell damage that he casts really fast. I've won more than my share of duels! I'm a little proud of Hawking, not that I think he's real or that whole "he's an extension of myself virtually" (I've been to the Digital Word - I AM the extension of myself virtually!) or anything like that...I just like that in this "world" I can light monsters on fire with the click of a mouse...
...And, yes, it is as much fun as it sounds. Hehehe, I like letting my foes burn before me! I am Koushirou Izumi – Master of Thunder and Fire!
I'm playing right now, actually. I'm leveling in the Forests Of Kaku-Oh, what's this...? A message just popped up on my screen...
...A guild invite. I get at least five of these every time I play. I'm not in a "guild" yet, those player clans where people join up and raid dungeons and things like that. I'm not all that social in this game, even though I'm usually pretty social online. I guess I'm too distracted leveling Hawking to make friends. I know Jyou, Taichi and Ken are on this server, but I haven't seen them yet.
This guild is...Heroes Of Chaos. No thanks.
I click "Decline" and continue looking for monsters...I'm just not interested. Maybe I'll ask Taichi or the others what their characters' names are and, if they're in a guild, I'll join that...Otherwise...
...Hawking works alone!
"It's time, Guilmon! MATRIX EVOLUTION!"
Hikari wo hanetsu karada ga...Toki au MATRIX EVOLUTION!...Sono toki subete wakaru sa...Futari deaeta imi...!
...Rolling server updates suck. I'm watching anime online while I wait to be able to play again.
Ever since BelialVamdemon's defeat and Digimon became public knowledge when more and more people started getting partners here and there, it's become the latest, greatest craze (and then some). Toys (we all have at least one plush of our partner or a Digimon we like), a trading card game (Iori's hooked on the card game, he has a huge collection of cards), video games and a hit anime series: Digimon Tamers. It's been two years since BelialVamdemon and Digimon Tamers is starting its third season in the fall (the second season is getting really good, ten episodes left).
However, for something the studio spent MONTHS interviewing each of us for plot information and ideas for, this is...Nothing like our adventure! Not that I don't like it, but...Digimon don't die "for good" in real life, the Digital World is completely different, you can't modify your Digimon with cards (Iori and Armadimon have apparently tried) and, well, regarding Takato...
...Taichi and Daisuke argue over which one of them Takato Matsuda is based on - In the sense that they claim the other is the inspiration for Takato. The reason? Well, Daisuke says it best: "Takato is so gay." ...Yeah, neither of them are big Takato fans, as he's obviously the "goggled leader" like they are to each generation. Daisuke hates how he's a crybaby and Taichi...is convinced Takato has a thing for Jenrya Li...
...I sorta see it, , well, what I mean by that is...Um...
I won't lie: I'm...sort of a "Jenkato" (Jenrya x Takato) fan. One of Taichi's rants about how "obviously gay" Takato is got me thinking and...
...Well, it's... ...interesting... ...to me, at least. Taichi uses it as more of a put down like Daisuke does. I don't know why, I just...like the pairing. I never really got into the whole "character shipping" thing in anime until Jenkato, actually. And...Yeah, it's shounen-ai but...I don't mind that fact. Really! I simply find it a little more interesting than the "het" pairings...
...Only a little, though.
I like the show itself, too. Hirokazu and Kenta - Actually, the latter of which, I have to say, if one character on Digimon Tamers is, without a doubt, gay: It's Kenta - Taichi agrees with me, though still in more of a 'sarcastic' way ("Pfft. Yeah... Kenta's obviously gay for either Hirokazu or Takato."). Daisuke just says "Takato's gayer. A lot gayer!" Anyway, Hirokazu and Kenta are two of my favorite characters (I like their pairing, too, since...they really hint at it and the two have kissed on accident, repeatedly in season two), but my favorite pairing is Jenkato.
Anyway, I still haven't seen the whole first season, so I'm watching that while I wait for the server updates to finish. They said it should be done by five this morning...I woke up at two-thirty for nothing...
At least I found a website that hosts the Tamers episodes I missed...
"...Takato," Jenrya says, worriedly as he rests a hand on Takato's shoulder. "Please, don't be so reckless again...D-Reaper came too close to destroying you. If it wasn't for Kenta..." ...Yeah, at the very least, Jenrya has a thing for him. And Takato...I think he's blind to anyone being in love with him, Jen'd have to confess to him...
...At least, that's how it played out in my fan fic-Er...I mean...A fan fic I read online once...Ha ha ha...ha ha…
Okay, so I might have written a few fics for fun. Nothing explicit just some light, um, 'Jenkato fluff,' I think the fangirls call it. Only for fun, really! I'm not gay, I just happen to be a fan. I'm confident enough in my orientation to write a Jenkato or two! My latest work is called "Heart Shaped Goggles."
"Sorry, Jen-kun...I'll be more careful. That was...tooclose. Thanks for the help, Kenta."
"Popu po papipe?"
"Ha ha! You, too, MarineAngemon!"
...We all agree: We're jealous that Kenta's partner is full-time mega. Even the Digimon say that's cheating! Gomamon's a MarineAngemon fan, though, while Kenta is Jyou's favorite character.
I keep watching, glancing over to Tentomon, just to make sure I don't accidentally wake him with the noise. He's sleeping on the 'Tento-bed' (a large basket with pillows and folded blankets, all decorated with an insect motif) I set up for him in at the foot of my bed. Ever since BelialVamdemon, our partners stay with us on Earth at all times. Tentomon follows me everywhere these days, even to school. He actually pays attention to my classes!
No, really, Tentomon actually enjoys school. It's nice he has such a good memory, I don't take notes anymore. He reminds me of anything I forget, my Digimon is my study partner! Ha ha ha!
Though he's not a fan of my current MMO obsession. Whenever I play World of Chaos, he usually watches television or sleeps or does things with my parents. They really like Tentomon (my Mom calls him "Tento-san," even). Actually all of our families like our Digimon, them being "talking digital animal and-slash-or insect roommates" has never really been an issue...
...Though, the Kidos do sometimes take issue with Gomamon's, um, "high energy levels." Jyou sometimes comes over here or to Taichi's with Gomamon because he's in "turbo mode" while someone in his family wants peace and quiet. On a related, yet opposite note: The Ichijoujis love Wormmon – Ken says his parents treat Wormmon more like Ken's baby brother than the "talking pet" status most of our partners get.
I continue watching Digimon Tamers after making sure it's nowhere near loud enough to wake Tentomon. At the end of the episode, I watch a "Jenkato moment" where Takato is reflecting on the battle with D-Reaper by a pond at Ruki's house as Jenrya watches him from the door... ...The look on his face, just...screams"love." I really like the level of devotion between the two characters, especially on Jenrya's side at times...
...For fun, I actually made a second character the others don't know about (and never will!). I mean, everyone knows my character is Hawking...Named after Stephen Hawking, so, yeah...That's obviously Koushirou Izumi. This character? ...I named him Jenkato. Ha ha, no-one is going to think that's me if I see the others.
I created Jenkato last night, he's a wizard, like Hawking, but a fire wizard with an arms specialty for gun and crossbow-type weapons. Sort of a cross between Takato and Jenrya, I guess. Guilmon's blazing fireballs and Terriermon's explosive armory. There's even a rapid-fire crossbow weapon (The Zhuge Nu) for higher level characters I'm saving up for: Jenkato needs firepower! His colors are also red and green, like Takato and Jen's digivices and digimon.
I think I'll check to see if I can level Jenkato...He's only level fifteen right now...
I load up the World of Chaos log-in screen. C'mon, let me have just one server to play one...
...FINALLY! The upgrade for Jenkato's server is finished! Onward, Jenkato! Spread your everlasting love-Er...That...
...Ha ha ha, that...sounded a little...too, um... "Festive." Like I said, I'm not gay. I just like a few shounen-ai pairings...
...Again, I really don't know why I actually like these shounen-ai pairings...It's just...interesting to me. Before, I always wondered what the big deal about it was...I mean, the fangirls (and occasional fanboys, who I no longer immediately judge as gay because of this…recent interest of mine) online make it sound like the greatest thing to hit anime since Osamu Tezuka but...It's just two guys getting together, I didn't...see what was so great. It was unique because it's a little uncommon (or was a little uncommon, yaoi and shounen-ai have grown since I first pondered this question)...And, now? ...I have no idea why, I just...Like it! I haven't liked an anime pairing like this since Musashi and Koujirou from Pokemon (which was a good ten years ago), and even then...I didn't like it nearly as much as I liked Jenkato. Not even remotely close to how much I like this pairing...
...I think it might have to do with the "risk" involved. I mean, when, say, Takato and Juri confess their love...There isn't as much at stake for either of them. Just rejection, "we can still be friends."
Jenrya and Takato? There's the chance of either side completely disapproving or the disapproval to downright hatred from friends and family, the stares and whispers if the "secret" gets out, the fact they'd have to keep their relationship a secret if they want to avoid problems. It's so much more complicated than a simple case of "she might turn me down," it's more dangerous, even!
All that trouble to be together, if they're willing to go through with it I think that's a sign of how much they love each other. That's, at least, my reigning theory as to why I like the concept so much. I'm obviously not in it for the same reason as the common "oh, they're sooooo cute together" fangirl...
...Re-Really, I don't like it because they're cute or anything, since, well, I've said it often enough I might as well again: I'm not gay. I don't think guys are cute. I prefer the dramatic aspect!
Anyway, I'm going to level my MMO-homage to my first favorite anime pairing. The one I would never tell the others about, of course...I mean, Daisuke and Taichi wouldn't shut up about it and probably just turn it into one big "Koushirou's gay" joke... ...I know Mimi is a rabid shounen-ai fan and I know if she found out I liked one (or two...or...three, maybe) pairing(s), she wouldn't talk about anything else with me for a looong time. Plus, well, they...They would all think I'm gay. I'd rather avoid any confusion among my friends and family on that front.
Really, I just like the concept...
...And Jenkato would like to set some Dark Elves on fire...Hehehe...! I can't help but love making my enemies kneel before me...As piles of ash! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I've been playing for about three hours, Tentomon woke up and forced me to take a break and eat breakfast. He's making it less and less of a secret that he's a little jealous of how much of my time is taken up by World of Chaos. I've been trying to find a way to let him play but...
...Last time I let Tentomon use a keyboard, he impaled it on his front claws. It was an accident, but...Tentomon doesn't quite know his own strength. I'm just glad it wasn't my laptop!
It's the first day of Summer break, which is why I woke up extra early and plan to stay up extra, extra, extra late! I want to get as much World of Chaos out of my system early on in the break so I'm not addicted to it the entire time. I guess I'm trying to make myself sick of it...
...I told Jyou about this plan, he said: "Failure is your only option, Koushirou-kun." He's probably right, but...It's worth a try and is a vaguely legitimate excuse to play for hours and hours on end...
...I have a problem. I am aware of this. I also don't care, ha ha ha!
I take my plate and get up, taking it to the sink to wash. Tentomon is still eating the huge plate of eggs and pancakes I made him.
"Koushirou-han, you're going to play more?"
I nod at the sink, taking a plate to wash. "Sorry, Tentomon. Tomorrow, I promise, we'll go over to the park and I'll buy you some ice cream to make up for it. Deal?"
"Deal!" Tentomon sounds happy. If one thing will make a Digimon happy, it's ice cream. Our partners are definitely spoiled by Earth food. Give them junk food or give them death! ...Except Wormmon, he actually eats rather healthy.
After I finish washing both my dishes and Tentomon's, I go back to my room while Tentomon hovers over to the couch in front of the television in the living room. I've set up a series of channel timers for his favorite shows so he doesn't have to use the remote. We don't want a repeat of the keyboard incident. Tentomon was really sorry about the keyboard and, well, if Agumon could be forgiven for lighting Taichi's pants on fire in the middle of the city, I can easily forgive Tentomon for ruining a cheap keyboard.
As I go back to playing, another guild invite pops up-What the...?
KentaKitagawa has invited you to YaoiTamerz, do you accept?
As usual, I hit "decline."
As I go back to killing monsters, I get a "telepathy" message, private chats between two players.
KentaKitagawa: Dude why not? Youre a Jenkato fan arent you?
...I am, but...I dunno, I'm not all that social in this game and, to be honest, I don't get the whole idea of guilds. I'd rather fight the monsters and raid the dungeons as a one man army.
As I begin to type a reply, I get another message.
KentaKitagawa: Afraid you might like it?
Jenkato: I'm just not into guilds. Sorry.
KentaKitagawa: WTF? Cmon! Join us! Join the Dark Side!
Jenkato: I thought you were a Yaoi Fan, not a Sith Lord.
KentaKitagawa: You mean theres a difference?
I can't help but chuckle at that.
KentaKitagawa: Please? We really need members. Want gold?
Jenkato: Okay, I'll join. For free.
KentaKitagawa: Awesome! Thanx!
The guild invite pops up again, this time I accept...
Jenkato has joined YaoiTamers! Jenkato is at the rank of Shiuchon!
Jenkato: ...My rank is Jenrya's little sister?
KentaKitagawa: Yeah the ranks are named after characters. Next rank is Juri then Ruki then Jenrya then Akiyama and then Takato. Our leader is Goggled Master.
...Am I in a stoner guild, too? Well, I sort of see what they're going with, but...Weird!
Jenkato: So, what do I do, now?
KentaKitagawa: Our Guild does a ton of dungeon raids and enemy faction invasions. Were also allied with YuriTamerz and The Akiyama Brigade and do stuff with them on weekends. Usually invasions into enemy camps.
KentaKitagawa: Your set for PVP right?
Jenkato: Yeah. And I've been meaning to try a raid.
KentaKitagawa: Hold on lemme check something.
I wait a few minutes, slaying a couple monsters long range with the new blunderbuss I bought in the nearby town.
KentaKitagawa: OK theres a dungeon run in half n hour at the Zorrorojo Ruins. Ill meet you there kay?
Jenkato: Okay. See you soon.
I check the in-game map, the Zorrorojo Ruins are due north-west, I should be able to get there without any trouble. And the monsters on the way drop some great loot to sell in the big cities! Awesome!
When I get to the ruins, I see a group of other players...Warriors, Thieves, Wizards, Summoners...One waves to my character and runs over: An Ice Wizard with the name "KentaKitagawa" over his head in green letters. He speaks to me over the regular chat line, everyone can read what we're saying.
KentaKitagawa: Do you have voice chat?
Voice chat...No, I...I don't even want voice chat. Granted, for a dungeon raid or something like that, it'd make communicating the heat of battle easier.
I think I have some headphones and a mic I can use...
Jenkato: Hold on. I'll see if what I have works.
KentaKitagawa: Kay! Ill tell the others to wait. Our raid leader, by the way, is our guild leader TakatoLi.
TakatoLi: kool name jenkato! I luv that paring too! jenrya and takato fereva
Jenkato: Thank you.
I make a point of always using proper spelling and grammar online. Even when others don't. At least I can understand these two fairly easily. I've been in situations where I'm amazed that I'm speaking the same language as the other person...And it sometimes makes me cringe when I realize they're mangling their first language so thoroughly.
In my closet is a box with spare computer parts, I scan the contents at the top first...Yep, there's the mic and headphones. I hope I can use them separated instead of as a headset.
With a little trouble from some tangled wires, I get the mic and headphones out and plug them into my computer. The others are still waiting outside of the ruins, two giant doors built into the side of a cliff behind crumbling red stone pillars...
...I really wanted to give this a try, but I learned the hard way: Dungeon raids alone are not easy. You need to be beyond over-leveled to even have a chance and, by that point, the rewards aren't all that good. I hope I can get some good treasure for Jenkato with this.
When I finish setting up, I let Kenta know.
Jenkato: All set up. Let's see if it works.
KentaKitagawa: Ill try a private chat first for you.
KentaKitagawa invites you to his voice channel: Kenta's Gay Party Line. Do you accept?
I hit "accept" and put my headphones on.
"Hey, can you hear me?" That voice...
I-I didn't...I didn't see that coming...
"You're...a girl?" I ask, I hope...I don't sound like a complete idiot with that, but...Well, her avatar and name are male!
"Yeah, I play as a guy since, um, my female character kept getting cat calls when they found out I was really a girl, not a guy with a female avatar. The guys in this guild aren't like that, though, but please don't refer to me as 'she' or anything outside of the guild chat."
"Thanks! I'll invite you to the main chat, quit this one after I leave, okay? Then we'll start the raid. You ever go on a dungeon raid before?"
"Not successfully, I tried to solo a couple. It didn't go well," I reply.
"Ha ha ha, you'll have a ton of fun in this one! Especially as a Fire Wizard! Our leader, by the way, is the Swordsman over there, with the giant katana on his back. He's so good at dungeon raids, he's super strong!"
"Cool! Thanks for the invite."
"Thanks for joining! I'm out!" With that, she quits the channel: KentaKitagawa has left Kenta's Gay Party Line. Jenkato is now The Moderator of Kenta's Gay Party Line!
I leave the channel as well and get another invite to "YaoiTamerz Raid Line." I accept. There's a ton of chatting, I just keep quiet. Also, one of our guild mates is "totally drunk," he says and sounds...
...Lovely... Now where's the guy who's stoned? Given how TakatoLi types...
Our leader stands in front of our group of ten, he sends out one last text-based message:
TakatoLi: EVERYONE! its time for mission briefing. some1 invite me 2 the chat line plzthx
After a few seconds, TakatoLi starts to use character animations (raising a fist, saluting, things like that) and speaks...
"Hey, everyone! I think you all know what we're here for!" ...Holy...shit...
"Of course, Taichi-kun!" Kenta says. "Raid the hell out of this dungeon and get awesome treasure!" ...Ta-Taichi...? Taichi…Yagami…?
"...Dude, I am so drunk right now, thanks for reminding me..." Someone says, I don't know who but...I wish he wouldn't remind us of that every seven seconds! But that's easy to ignore right now...I mean...
...Taichi...? Y-You run...YaoiTamerz? We-Well, this...explains why you're so 'passionate' about why you think Takato has a thing for Jenrya but...
...I-I don't believe it...
"And we have a new member, courtesy of Kenta-chan! Introduce yourself!"
...Shit...I wish I wasn't on voice chat right now...Damn it, I should have just said 'no!' I do not want Taichi to know I'm a shounen-ai fan! ...Even if..he is, too, I guess...
This probably won't work but...It's work a shot! I disguise my voice...Hopefully, it's convincing. "Hey there...Taichi-san, everyone." Please don't recognize my voice."I'm Jenkato...Fan of, um, Jenkato!"
I get a telepathy message from Kenta.
KentaKitagawa: What happened to your voice?
Shit...Gotta think of an excuse, I'm glad she didn't say it on the voice or main chat line, at least...
"Awesome name, man!" Another guild member says. "I would've done that but I thought the name was taken! Ha ha ha! You are World of Chaos' official Jenkato representative!"
Ah, I know what to say...
Jenkato: I'm getting in character for the raid. It's for fun.
KentaKitagawa: Kool! Ill try that sometime! Nice voice sounds kinda like a wizard would.
I'll take that as a compliment...I could be a voice actor someday!
Jenkato: Thank you.
"Yeah, go Jenkato! Spread the word of Jenrya and Takato's love to all!" Another guild member says with a laugh.
"Loooooove~!" These people are...very passionate about their shounen-ai pairings...
I laugh nervously. "Th-Thanks, guys...I really like the pairing. It's the first shounen-ai pairing I really got into."
"Seriously? I've been a fan...Forever, I guess! Not just Jenkato and the other Tamers couples but...Satoshi and Shigeru, Goku and Vegeta, Trowa and Quatre..."My jaw falls as Taichi lists off all the shounen-ai pairings he's liked since he was young! I-I mean, these are shows that were on before we met! There's more than a dozen, some I know he's still a huge fan of (granted, I didn't know he liked the shounen-ai pairings within, too, but...!). Th-This whole time...Taichi was a closet shounen-ai fan... "...My favorite right now is Hirokenta, though. I mean, Jen and Takato obviously have something going on but...Hirokazu and Kenta SCREAM 'we're so gay for each other!'" ...Wow...
If he's a closet shounen-ai fan, I...I wonder if he's...in another closet...
...Is he...? ...I-I mean, I like Jenkato and I'm not gay...But...
"Jenkato? You there? Do you like any other pairings?" Kenta asks. "C'mon, we gotta know! It's a rite of passage for YaoiTamerz! We all talk about our absolute favorite shounen-ai couples, the cuter the better! Right guys?"
The drunk player speaks up, "I...like Kenta and, uh...Takato...I mean, Kenta saves him in that one episode and he's...um...the first to...real...realize Takato is Dukemon. He was, like, really worried when Takato vanished, too, when he evolved the first time...And Hirokazu is...um...Like so jealous sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah, Hirokazu's kinda clingy. If anyone shows interest in Kenta, you know he's gonna make sure nothing happens between them!" Another player says. "Kenta belongs to Hirokazu! ...But Takato'd get 'im if he wanted him, hehehe!"
I speak in my disguised voice. "Um...Just Jenkato and Hirokenta for me, really. I only got into it after a friend of mine ranted about it. And, um...N-Not to assume anything, but...The guys here, can I ask...?" ...I have to know, Taichi-kun.
"Yeah, some of us are gay," Taichi says. "That's not a problem is it? You sound...kinda weird."
"N-Not a problem, just...Um...First time really talking about it," I reply.
"Ooh, still in the closet?" Taichi asks. Wh-What? Well...I-I guess what I said...Yeah... That's easy to assume.
I...might play along if it means I'll find out for sure about Taichi... Ju-Just because I'm curious! I wouldn't have a problem if he was gay! ...I'd just...wonder when I entered Bizzaro-World.
"Um, yeah, I-I don't...want anyone to know," that I like shounen-ai. I'm not gay!
"It's a secret with my friends, too," Taichi says. "My family knows, actually...My little sister, um, looked through my computer's favorites and asked my parents what yaoi was. That was...a very, uh, 'interesting' discussion. It was years ago and...They didn't have a problem with it, then and now. It comes up sometimes, but...Only 'cause my sister wants me to start dating. She's worried I'm gonna end up alone or something." Taichi says, confirming my suspicions…
…I-I'm shocked, Taichi-kun…I mean, you are the absolute last person I would ever suspect as …
Taichi Yagami is gay. …I can't believe that's a true statement.
"It's good your family supports you, Taichi-san," I reply. It's amazing how...casual he is about this! I mean, Taichi...I would expect him to never want to admit to this! Ever! "None of your friends know?"
"None. I just don't want them to know, I'm not really...how do I put this...? ...I'm not 'gay,' you know? I'd be the last person any of them would suspect." No shit. "It'd just be too much of a shock to them and...I think they'd feel weird. Not like, homophobic but...'Dude, you're gay? YOU?' Kinda weird, y'know?"
"Y-Yeah, I know what you mean," I say.
"You're lucky, Taichi-san," one player says. I don't really know any of the others besides Kenta and Taichi and...I don't know if there's a way to tell exactly who's talking. "My parents would freak out if they knew I was bi. I mean, even though I still like girls...Liking one guy is 'not natural' to them." That's...terrible. "The Himura family does not like 'freaks of nature' like me..."
"I'm out but, yeah, a few of my friends...Well some knew, some didn't, some...didn't like it," another player adds. "Seriously, Taichi-san, it takes a ton of courage to come out and the fact your family knows and accepts it...Lucky!" Courage...Taichi has noshortage of that.
"Thanks, Aizawa-san. And sorry your family'd freak out, Takeshi-kun. What about yours, Jenkato?" Taichi asks.
"Uh...No idea, actually. The issue never really comes up," and won't.
"Here's hoping they don't freak out if it ever does!" Kenta speaks up, her character gives me a thumbs up.
"Ready to raid? We can keep talking in the dungeon, guys!"
"...I forgot about that..." The drunk guy speaks up. "Let's go! Kick ass and...Which dungeon is this again? I might need to set up a new armor conf...config...set up thingy!" ...I am not going to like this person, am I?
"We'll wait," Taichi says with a laugh.
I spent all day yesterday, all of last night and into this morning playing World of Chaos with my fellow YaoiTamerz...
...Taichi's gay. I-I can't believe it. Taichi Yagami...And Hikari knows! I'm shocked that it's never slipped or come up once in all the years I've known him! I am glad his family accepts him and all, too. The fact he's...so open about it online, though...
...Well, he doesn't think there's a chance any of us would find out about his character. I mean, they'd first have to join his guild and I'm sure Taichi knows the character names of those of us who play. If Hawking had joined...
...Things would have been...awkward-No, more awkward. I was really nervous while chatting 'shounen-ai' with the others...
...I can't believe I actually joined in a 'cutest Tamer' discussion, too... ...I-I guess to stay in-character. I mean, Takato and Kenta are really cute together, I guess...Bu-But I still stand by my "risk" statement as to why I like shounen-ai! It's not because I like pairing cute boys together!
Actually, I got less and less nervous the deeper we went into the dungeon, things just became more casual as we progressed. That dungeon was deep, too! More than twenty floors with stronger and stronger monsters! We barely beat the boss of that dungeon, it took an hour! I can't believe I was willingly missing out on this!
I like being a YaoiTamer! ...For the raids, I mean!
"Koushirou-han~!" Oh, I know what this is going to be about...
I turn to Tentomon, he's hovering behind me. "See? I'm not playing," I smile. I woke up an hour ago, it's almost noon.
"Just wanted to be sure...Are you done waking up yet?"
"Almost, I just want to finish reading this and drink my tea," I hold up my cup of genmaicha (green tea with toasted rice), I love a cup of genmai in the morning (or early afternoon, depends on how late I play WoC, ha ha ha!). It makes me feel warm, kinda. "I'll change in a little bit and we'll go get you as much ice cream as you want. Sorry I've been so...'distracted,' Tentomon." Especially last night...My parents asked me if anything was wrong at dinner, I was quiet and not eating...I didn't even notice how quiet I was, I was too caught up in my thoughts...
...Taichi... Why am I even making such a big deal about this? He's...gay! So what?
...He's gay and he's Taichi Yagami. That's...something you can't easily wrap your mind around, I guess.
"I'll forgive you...after about five scoops," Tentomon jokes.
"Deal," I laugh. Tentomon flies out into the living room, I hear Mom greet him. They start chatting. I really like how close my Mom is to Tentomon as a friend, they get along very well.
I roll my chair to my door and close it, then roll back to my computer.
Tentomon was worried when he saw me at my computer earlier after I first woke up, he wants his ice cream and his partner's attention. I just wanted to wake up to some of my favorite websites and some Jenkato fics...
...I'm not sure which is more unbelievable: Me being addicted to this MMO, me being addicted to a shounen-ai pairing or Taichi Yagami of all people being gay! ...The third, probably. Taichi was right, he is...the last person I'd suspect as gay. EVER!
I thought about that before going to bed, actually...Which of the others are...well, "gay?" Not that I think they really are but... Just in contrast to Taichi, I mean...
The first that came to mind is Jyou Kido. I'm sorry, Jyou-kun. I can't quite put my finger on why you came up first but...I think it's the girly scream you have. Like when that moth flew into your face while we were walking to your apartment that one night...
...Or whenever Gomamon manages to sneak up behind you and make a loud noise. Gomamon loves that prank.
Next is Ken Ichijouji...Namely his banter when he was the Digimon Kaiser and calling Daisuke things like "pretty boy." And, with jogress evolution and all, he and Daisuke are insanely close as friends. Actually, on that note: Daisuke's attitude on the subject screams "closet case," or at least: Ichijoujisexual. Since I think Taichi's rants on Jenrya and Takato were...a way of expressing his support for the couple without drawing suspicion...Maybe to hint at it...
...Could Taichi be planning to come out, soon? I mean, his rants are why I even considered the possibility and looked into Jenkato... ...Taichi got me hooked on shounen-ai...
...And Taichi is gay. I've said that to myself ten million times and it's still just as shocking as the first time I said it.
After Ken and Daisuke...I, um...Also thought about myself in that regard, I mean, it's only fair. I am rating how "gay" the others are, it'd be hypocritical not to!
...I'm kinda gay, now that I think about it. I...I don't date or even talk about girls like Taichi (who, um, was obviously feigning interest all these years), Daisuke, Takeru or Yamato (before he and Sora went out). And, um...
...I-I...I admit it, I'm not all that interested in girls. Not that...I don't like girls period, I just...don't think about love and dating and all that. And...I guess I'm not exactly the portrait of manliness. I'm a nerd, Taichi Yagami's opposite-Which, technically, would make me straight as an arrow...
...I-I really, really can't believe this...
Should I...tell him I know? Then again, I'd rather not embarrass him or have a long, awkward conversation about how I like one (maybe three) shounen-ai pairings for Digimon Tamers...And that's it! I've never been into shounen-ai! ...Until now...
The shounen-ai thing...Puts me at the top of the list, above Jyou. Waaaaaaay above Jyou... Taichi is above me only because I know, for sure, he's gay.
"Koushirou-haaaaaan~!" Tentomon calls through my door, I hear his wings buzzing.
"Koushirou, Tento-san really wants that ice cream..." Mom says with a laugh, knocking on my door.
"Okay, okay, coming!" I laugh. I get up and start to change.
Tentomon's on his third cup of green tea ice cream, I'm eating red bean. My first cone was green tea, though...I'm joining Tentomon in his frozen custard feast. The whole way down, Tentomon was telling me he was worried I'd never see the sun again because of that game...
...He may be right about that. It's as addictive as they said and then some...Gods, I love that game! My parents aren't too thrilled about it but, after I proved it won't affect my grades, they didn't complain. I always put schoolwork first, I can slay Dark Elves anytime, homework is important!
"Thanks again for the ice cream, and the sunlight," Tentomon says, he's sitting on the bench next to me, putting his face to a cup of ice cream now and then.
"Anytime, sorry if you feel neglected."
"I'm glad to see you having fun, but I want to see you move a little, too," Tentomon says. He looks up and leans forward to one side. "Hm..."
"KOUSHIROU! YOU'RE ALIVE!" AAAIIIEEE!
Two arms wrap around me, tightly. I let out a loud scream. "TA-TAI-TAICHI-KUN!" I shout.
Taichi laughs, holding onto me. "Sorry, Koushirou, but...We were about ready to start a city-wide search for you! World of Chaos has taken our friend captive!" He laughs, letting me go. "...You all right? I didn't give you a heart attack, did I?"
"N-No, of course not..." I shake my head. That...I-I shouldn't have been that shocked. Taichi just...really took me by surprise. N-Not that I...suddenly have a problem being in physical contact with him, but...If...Taichi knew what I learned yesterday, this might look a little bad for me. Maybe. "I was just...taken by surprise."
"Taichi put a finger to his lips, I wasn't supposed to warn you," Tentomon says. Cue Agumon jumping up behind him and giving him a similar hug. Tentomon lets out a startled shout, flinging his ice cream cup into the air and onto Agumon's head.
Taichi bursts into a fit of laughs, Agumon lets out a groan and licks some of the melted ice cream going down his face.
"Sorry, Agumon," Tentomon turns to Agumon, bowing.
"That's what you get for sneaking up on someone," Taichi grins. "Free ice cream!"
Tentomon takes off. "I'll go find a drinking fountain for you."
"Wait..." I reach for my wallet. "Agumon, buy some ice cream with this for both of you."
Agumon perks up, smiling, "Thanks, Koushirou!" Digimon love junk food, such is their nature...Though, like I said, Wormmon is the one exception - In the sense he'll eat healthy, nutritious food if its given to him (and Ken's eating it, too). Ken's trying to get Daisuke to do the same for both himself and V-mon (the latter, there is some hope, the former? ...Daisuke loves his Lotteria fast food and pocky).
Agumon takes the money and goes off with Tentomon. Before, this would have been an issue but...The odd Digimon and partner don't really faze anyone these days. Our partners go with us everywhere. Gomamon loves to follow Jyou to school, Jyou has an extra "travel book bag" just for Gomamon...
...Though, Jyou's been told Gomamon's snoring during tests is disruptive.
"Thanks, Koushirou, I owe you a cone," Taichi says as our Digimon go off in search of a drinking fountain and ice cream vendor.
"I...didn't expect to see you here," I say, awkwardly. Given what I learned yesterday...I'm trying to be casual but...
...One part of me wants to ask him about it, the other says "don't be stupid, Taichi would not like hearing that you found out his secret!" While another says "I wonder if Taichi likes anyone." ...That third part is...Ugh, when the hell did I get Mimi's love of gossip?
"I didn't expect to see you under that big yellow thing in the sky we call 'the sun,'" Taichi jokes. "Jyou told me you're addicted...Like the game?"
"Love the game," I say. Maybe I can hint at joining his guild, I mean, if he makes the connection himself...Here goes nothing: "I went on my first dungeon raid yesterday."
"Cool, what dungeon?"
"Zorrorojo Ruins," I reply, studying Taichi's face for a reaction.
"Cool!" ...Not what I was hoping for. "Like it?"
I nod. "Yeah, tons of treasure," I got a few awesome equips and new spell scrolls. "I can't wait to do it again sometime."
Taichi nods. "I was there yesterday, too," he laughs.
"I wonder if we were part of the same group, then," I say, I try not to sound nervous as I say that. I'm surprised Taichi isn't picking up on it...
"Nah, impossible," Taichi shakes his head. "We use voice chat, I'd have recognized you." At least I know my disguised voice worked.
"Yeah, good point," I nod.
"Join a guild yet? Jyou says you're a loner or something."
"Not yet," I lie. "Just playing solo, Hawking is all the support he needs."
Taichi shakes his head. "Come on, all we went through in the Digital World and you say that?"
"It's a game, Taichi-kun," I chuckle. "If it were a real dungeon, I'd call you."
"Damn right," Taichi laughs.
Agumon and Tentomon come back with their ice cream. We all talk and eat, Taichi changes the subject to his last soccer match and how Daisuke's been begging Ken for soccer playing tips. Ken, even though he's no longer the 'perfect' Kaiser, is second only to Taichi among the athletes...
...And Taichi is amazing! I have some videos on my computer of some of his best moments and shots from games I've recorded (as well as a ton of videos of him, Daisuke, Ken and the others goofing off before and after games...I was being the "artistic cameraman" for most of the games and practices). I did the same for Ken and Daisuke but...Taichi has extra because he's so good...And because he bought the video camera I use. It was a semi-birthday gift-slash-do-me-a-huge-favor gift...
...Taichi wanted to get on the school district's all-star team for Summer break last year. He had to upload some videos of himself playing to the school website but had no idea how to do any of it. So he asked me if I knew how to use a webcam and upload videos...I did but I didn't have a webcam.
The next words out of Taichi's mouth were "you've got a birthday coming up, right?" And...Gods, I am still embarrassed thinking about this! He dragged me to the train, got two round trip tickets to Akihabara (we ended up spending the whole day there, past sunset, even! It was actually a lot of fun) and told me to pick out a webcam...
...I originally went with something cheap but Taichi asked some technical questions. He had done a little research, but he had no idea what any of it meant. When I gave him his answers, he bought a much more expensive camera that had the features he needed (and then some) on the display card...
I told Taichi, the camera was his and I'd just borrow it to make his movie, Taichi insisted that it was mine: A birthday present and payment for my help. I put everything I had into that video and, in the end...
...Taichi made it in. He spent the Summer on the district all-star team. I recorded every game to thank Taichi, I made him a "Best of Taichi" video and showed it to him and the others when we got together for a victory party at my place...Unfortunately, it was a "Better luck next championship" party, Taichi's team was knocked out in the semi-finals. But everyone liked the video, especially Taichi, Daisuke and Ken.
...Oddly enough, Daisuke asked for a "Ken-version" of that video. I obliged with Ken's permission, Ken asked that I do a "Daisuke-version," to "make things fair." I gave them both a copy of each montage a few weeks ago (and a copy of all of Taichi's clips to Taichi), Daisuke was really excited to get his "Best of Ken" movie.
Actually, I am surprised Taichi (or any of the others) didn't ask for Hikari's help...She's the photography expert among us, I would expect her to know her way around a video camera better than me. I appreciated the faith Taichi had in my ability to splice video clips, though.
Either way, I really like hearing about Taichi's latest adventures in the world of soccer. He's always got a good story or two.
After a while and three more cones for Tentomon, myself and Agumon, and two for Taichi, we all head home. It's starting to get dark.
"See you around, Koushirou-kun!" Taichi waves with a smile.
I bow my head. "Thank you for the ice cream," Taichi bought me two of my last three cones, to pay me back for treating Agumon...Though, just one would have been enough. Taichi always likes going that extra mile for a friend, though. I like that about him...
...As a friend, I mean-Gods, why...Why did I think that? I mean, before I wouldn't have said that...
...Do I have a problem with this? I mean, I...I can't stop dwelling on the fact that...Taichi is gay. I've said those three words to myself...Gods...Probably ten million more times at this point! Taichi was right, it's...just so shocking.
"Koushirou-han, what's wrong?" Tentomon turns to me as he hovers next to me. "You've been upset since yesterday..."
"Is it that obvious?" I ask. Tentomon just nods. "...I...found out a secret about Taichi. And...It's just really shocking. It's not as if I have a problem with Taichi all of a sudden, I'm just having trouble believing it."
"What's the secret?"
"I'd rather not repeat it," I reply, shaking my head. I don't know if Digimon have a concept of homosexuality or not, so this...could turn into a biological version of the time I tried to explain how a television works to Gomamon…
…I finally gave up and said 'it's tiny people, just like you said!' Jyou later told me he did the same thing a week earlier, despite having spent (much) more than the hour and a half I had on the attempted lesson.
"What's so bad about it?"
"Nothing bad. Nothing bad at all...It's just something I found out about him World of Chaos. It's really shocking more than anything...He's comfortable with his secret, he simply would prefer it if we didn't know. However, finding out...I want to confront him about it. Just to...ask him about what he went through, I guess."
"Are you sure that would be a good idea?"
"I'm sure it would probably be a bad idea. Or at least embarrassing for Taichi," I shrug. "I'm just not sure about what to do."
"The answer will come to you," Tentomon gives me a sort of shrug as he flies. "You're you, you alwaysfigure out what to do."
"I hope so, Tentomon."
I'm trying to clear my thoughts with WoC, Taichi isn't online right now. Or, at least, not as TakatoLi. I added him to my "Pal List" along with Kenta.
As usual, I'm slaying monsters for treasure and EXP. I don't want to do a quest or anything, I'm more focused on the thing with Taichi.
As I type in a spell command, I glance over to the camera Taichi gave me. It usually sits on my desk, charged and ready for whatever Taichi or the others want filmed. I still can't believe Taichi spent so much on me, it was a little embarrassing...
...I wonder if he might like-...No, I'm not...I'm not going there. I...I have to stop dwelling on this...
When Taichi signs on, I'm...I'm just going to tell him. I know, I'm not upset...He's always my friend!
I glance back to my "Pal List," still no-one online.
...Looks like Jenkato's going to spend some time slaying monsters...
...Not to complain, of course!
It's only about fifteen or twenty monsters before Taichi does sign on. I'm about to send him a "telepathic" message, but instead I'm surprised with a voice chat invite...
I accept, putting on my headphones and setting the microphone in front of my keyboard. I still disguise my voice. "Hey, Taichi-san."
"Hey, Jenkato-kun," Taichi replies. "I was wondering if you wanted to go on a raid with some of the others."
"A-Actually, can...can we talk? It's sort of important."
"Sure, let me just tell the others I can't make it," Taichi...sounds like he always does. Casual, happy, no worries...
...I hope he still sounds like that after I tell him who I am.
While I wait, I kill a couple more monsters with one of the new fire spells I got a scroll for in yesterday's dungeon.
"Okay, I'm back," Taichi says. "What is it?"
"...I...I know you," I say. "In real life."
"...What?" Taichi sounds confused. "You...don't sound like anyone I know..."
I speak in my normal voice. "When I heard you speak yesterday, Taichi...I disguised my voice, I was...shocked when I heard you speak to us. I had no idea you were, well, a shounen-ai fan." And gay, but...For some reason I-I feel it would be awkward to say 'gay.'
"...Koushirou...? You...You're a...shounen-ai fan...?"
"Um...So-Sort of... I fell into it with the Tamers pairings. Re-Really, ju-just Tamers! I… I-I don't even know why and...and…and…" I stammer, I have no idea what to say! This…was a mistake…I-I don't want anyone knowing my…um…'character pairings' of choice! Even if it is someone who certainly wouldn't object, I-I just…
…This is more embarrassing for myself than I thought it would be…
"Are you gay, too...?" Taichi ask in a playful tone. Probably in response to how nervous I sound. He still sounds like his old self. That's relieving. Th-Though, his…question...
"N-No, I'm not. Re-Really, I just…like the pairing. I...I had no idea you were, however..." I trail off. …Please, believe me, Taichi. I'm…not gay! I-I'm not! …Wait…
Why…is that such a big deal to me? To…make it clear I'm not gay? I'm not homophobic… But...
...I just realized how often I say this to myself...Why am I justifying this to myself...? I know I'm straight!
…I guess I'm more insecure about being a shounen-ai fan than I thought. I should work on that...
"Yeah, like I said yesterday...No-one would see it coming," Taichi lets out a quiet chuckle. "Actually, I sort of lied...Yamato knows."
"After he started going out with Sora, I told him. He was worried I might have liked her for whatever reason and asked if I had any problem with them going out," Taichi begins. "I told him, 'trust me, Sora is not my type.' He asked who my type was and...I just told him, 'guys.' He laughed at first until he realized I was serious. Or, kinda, realized I was serious…Um..." Taichi laughs again.
"What do you mean? How'd he take the news?"
"He still doesn't believe it, he thinks I'm joking whenever I remind him. I say 'Yamato, I'm gay!' And he says 'bullshit, Taichi.' Seriously, he does not believe me, he really thinks I'm joking around. That's why I decided to keep it a secret...And Gods only know what Daisuke would do if he found out." I don't know about that, Taichi…I mean, Daisuke really looks up to you. I don't think this would be an issue...And if it was, it wouldn't be for very long.
Daisuke seriously idolizes Taichi…Taichi doesn't mind the praise most of the time, but Daisuke can go a little overboard.
"Um, I sort of think Daisuke might be a closet case-"
"Exactly! You know how he looks up to me..." Taichi trails off. ...Oh, he's worried...Daisuke would obsess over him ten times as much...Makes se-...Wait...
...I'm not the only one who thinks Daisuke's a closet case?
I laugh, "I-I think he…might have a thing for Ken, actually."
"Makes sense. I mean, Hikari and Miyako, Takeru and Iori, they're close with the whole jogress thing but…Those two? They make Hirokazu and Kenta look subtle. Why else do you think Daisuke asked you for that 'Ken montage' at that party?"
"Re-Really? You know, Ken asked for a Daisuke version…"
Taichi laughs, "I knew it!...Wanna try to pair them up?"
I laugh, "N-No, just…just in case we're wrong and they're straight..." Taichi responds with a rather...ominous laugh. I sort of join in, too, I guess their embarrassment in that situation would bepretty funny...
"Yeah, good point… But, if they were together... …I wonder if Wormmon would be jealous..." …Probably, Wormmon is devoted to Ken in a way that the other partners wish they could emulate at times (not saying they're disloyal or anything, Wormmon just takes things to new levels for "Ken-chan"). It's admirable, to say the least. But I think he'd be happy that Ken is happy with Daisuke…
…Wait, are…are we really pairing our friends? …In gay relationships? I really can't believe the sort of conversations I have these days… Re-Really, ever since I got into this fandom the topic of homosexuality comes up so much...
"…So, um, Hikari knows?"
"Yeah, she wants me dating and stuff, too…I…I don't know about that, dating would mean everyone would probably find out and…It wouldn't bother me if they did, except for the month of 'you're gay, Taichi? For real? You? Liar! Where's the camera?' Stuff like that." …Yeah, I-I should…be careful about that, I get the feeling Taichi doesn't like it.
"I won't lie, I was…shocked, but…Well, you're so casual about it…With me, um, I don't really talk about it with anyone, not until yesterday. I guess I'm a little embarrassed or something, it's all...new to me, shounen-ai and...homosexuality, I mean. N-No offense or anything!" I-I mean, I don't see any of this as a bad thing, but it's...Nothing I even thought about before and...
...Why am I so nervous...?
"None taken. And, well, when it came to myself...I freaked out about it at first, especially that night Hikari asked my parents what 'yaoi' was…Gods, I-I…I came so close to losing my mind, Koushirou. So close."
"Can I…ask what happened?"
"My Mom called me into the living room, Hikari was standing in front of our parents and…My Dad just flat-out asked, 'Taichi, are you gay?' The look on my face kinda told him 'yes,' even though I said 'no.' Not really all that convincingly, either. My Mom told me not to be afraid, it was okay and stuff like that. She said, 'It's okay, Taichi, you can be honest. We won't be mad.' It helped, a little, but…I was scared shitless. …I just…ran over to her, hugged her and…I told her I was sorry. She said not to be sorry and…Well, we just spent the night talking about how I realized it and how...Everyone was cool with it, I shouldn't be so scared. Even though I was still really scared for a while afterwards. These days, I talk about it with them without any problem...In fact, Hikari asks me at least once a week if I like anyone!"
"…Do you?" I…I gotta know.
Taichi laughs, "You're sooo sexy, Koushirou-kun. Wanna set up that camera? Remember, lock your door…"
I laugh, "Ve-Very...Very funny, Taichi-kun...! Ha ha ha!"
Taichi laughs. "Sorry, couldn't resist…After my family found out, I was…comfortable with it. I just stopped being ashamed or afraid. I didn't want anyone to know since, well, I knew a lot of my friends and team mates at the time would freak out if they knew…The other Chosen Children I might tell someday…But, until then, promise to keep this between us?"
"Promise," I say. "Promise not to tell anyone, um…"
"Jenkato? Never heard of it."
I laugh, "Thanks, Taichi-kun."
Taichi and I talked for…a really long time. I didn't even notice the time go by. I asked him a lot of questions about what he went through, though I realized…how personal the topic was getting. I asked him if he minded talking about it, he told me he was actually really happy to talk about it with someone other than Hikari or someone he only knows online.
I told him how one of his "Takato's so gay for Jen" rants was what got me into the Jenkato fandom, Taichi confirmed my theory that he ranted like that to 'hint' at things with the others without actually coming out...He says he does that a lot, hoping to make it less of a shock when he 'officially' says "I'm gay."
We also talked a lot about, well, Jenkato, Hirokenta…Fic and fan art recommendations and pairings from other shows Taichi liked that…I-I might be getting into, now.
He finally logged off for dinner. I had to, too, I heard my mother say it was almost ready and-…Oh, shit…
…I-I just…noticed that my door…it's open. Only a little. A-A couple inches or so, but…
…Crap! I-I've spent the past couple hours talking to Taichi….
…About how he's gay and…
…About shounen-ai and…!
Oh, Gods…I can't believe I didn't check my door, I-I always check it when I'm reading or writing fics and looking at artwork! And...Gods, I-I hope my parents didn't hear any of that...! Or even Tentomon!
We-Well, I know...if Tentomon was close enough to hear, I'd have heard his wings if he was flying...So, no, Tentomon probably didn't hear anything...Thank the Gods, that's...hopeful for me...
"Koushirou, dinner!" My Mom calls. She sounded casual, like always...That's probably a good sign.
Maybe they didn't hear a thing or…Just heard me talking as background noise, figured I was busy and walked off, not paying attention… My…My parents aren't the type to eavesdrop!
I get up and go out into the living room and to the dining room. Dinner is set out, some tempura and rice. "…Hey…" I say, knowing just how awkward I sound. I sit down at my usual seat. Tentomon is at his seat, at the other end of the table. He's eating a huge bowl of rice. Like always.
We all eat quietly…I guess they didn't hear. Thank the Gods…
I finish my two pieces of tempura and start eating my rice bowl…
"…Koushirou, can we talk to you about something?" My Dad looks to me. ...Oh, no…
"Wh-What about…?" I ask.
My parents exchange looks briefly. My Mom smiles and nods to my Dad, that's...probably good. My Dad speaks, "We, um, the other day…" The other day? Th-That's a huge relief, they…They didn't hear me talk to Taichi. Probably isn't anything important. "…You left, um, something up on your computer…" …I did…?
"…What did I…leave up?" I...I don't like where this can go…
"First, we just want to tell you, it's okay to be honest, all right? Really, it's completely all right." Mom says, still smiling. …Th-That's…what Taichi said his mother told him before... "Please, don't be scared. It's okay."
…Oh, Gods, no…
"I didn't mean to snoop, but…You had a, um, word file on your computer displayed. While you were in the shower," Dad says. "It was before your break started and I thought it was a school report, so I decided to print it for you since you were running late…" He reaches to the seat next to him, holding up about ten pieces of paper. "But, when I looked it over…"
…Oh, Gods, no…No…They…They found that? …I-I can't…believe this!
Dad passes me the papers, confirming my worst fear…
'Heart Shaped Goggles' – My…My fan fic… …A Jenkato fan fic…
…My Dad printed my Jenkato fan fic… And I'm sure he and my Mom have both read it…
I look up to my parents, my eyes bulging out of my skull. I'm sure I'm pale as can be while my heart feels like it's going to burst either out of my chest or I'm going to cough it up…Gods, this…This can't be happening… "M-Mom…Dad…This…This isn't what…it looks like…!"
"Koushirou, it's…It's okay," Mom says, she takes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile. "We're not mad, we know you didn't have any control over this. We don't object. Really." B-But…I-I'm…I'M NOT GAY! "You don't have to worry...We love you. Always."
"I…I thought the story was turning out…really good, actually! Is it your first?" Dad asks with a short laugh. "I'm impressed, I didn't know you were a writer."
...I-I can't…believe he just said that…
"M-Mom…Dad…! N-No! I-I'm not gay! I-I just…I like the pairing, that's all! I-I'm not gay! Re-Really, I-I…I'm….I…!" Again, I just stammer incoherently, the word 'I' and variations of over and over again.
"Gay?" Tentomon looks up from his food. "What does that mean?"
Mom turns to Tentomon. "Tento-san, you…don't know what 'gay' means?"
Tentomon shakes his head. "Sorry."
Dad speaks, "It means…" he clears his throat, "Koushirou falls in love with, well, the same gender. Instead of girls." I-I do NOT fall in love with 'the same gender!'
…This can't be happening…
"D-Dad!" I shout. "I-I'm not-"
"Oh, is that Taichi's secret, too? The one you mentioned, Koushirou-han?" Tentomon asks. …Tentomon…!
"Taichi?" Mom turns back to me. "Taichi's gay…?" She looks genuinely shocked by this revelation. Dad does, too.
"Ye-Yes, but…I-I'm not, Mom…Re-Really, I…" I-I'm starting to hyperventilate. This…This can't be happening…Please, let this be a dream...It...It has to be! I mean, my parents not only found one of my stupid fan fics but…They…They don't believe me when I tell them I'm…I'm straight!
DAMN IT! I'M NOT GAY! I'M NOT!
"Koushirou," Dad begins, smiling, "it's really okay. We love you and support you...No matter what." He's speaking in this incredibly soothing tone...My Mother's been using the same sort of tone since this started...
...Th-They...They're...They're convinced I'm gay. Just from one stupid fan fic?
"Koushirou-han, please...Calm down," Tentomon has a worried tone to his voice. "You look really scared...They're saying it's okay. What's to be scared of?" Tentomon...! Not you, too!
I nod, taking a deep breath. "Re-Really, it's...It's just one story, I wrote it...for fun...I'm not gay," I say, calmly. "Please, understand that just...Just one stupid shounen-ai fic doesn't mean that, Dad. Please." I look to my Dad, doing my best to look calm. Especially as I'm...this close to running to my room and hiding...I-I don't like this. At all. "Really. I'm just a light fan of the pairing...Nothing more." ...I just hope he thinks that's my first fic, not...my fifth or sixth.
...I admit, what my parents don't know looks...really, really bad for any sort of argument towards heterosexuality...Even what they do know, this one fic, is bad enough...
"Koushirou, it's...not just that story," Mom says. ...What?
"Not just that story...?" I trail off. "What do you mean...?"
Mom and Dad exchange looks. Mom gives Dad another nod, he turns to me. "Koushirou, we've...discussed this as a possibility a few times before. It's something we've suspected for a while. The story was just, well..." ...the final nail in my coffin...
...Gods, you have to be kidding me...
I bolt up, I wipe my eyes, feeling tears starting to well up in them. My chest hurts, I-I'm afraid that I'm going to cry in front of them...I don't want to cry...I-I shouldn't cry! "I-I…I need…I need a few minutes…Please. I-I'll be…in my room…" I hurry off before they can say anything, I hear my Mother say my name in a worried tone. Tentomon, too.
I get to my room and make damned sure my door is closed...Tightly. I-I don't...I don't want to see anyone right now. I even lean against the door after locking it with that old lock I installed back when we first faced Vamdemon...
...In fact, this is the first I've used that lock since Vamdemon... I-I'm locking my parents out of my room...I-I'm...
...I want to say I'm mad at them but...I'm not mad...I'm scared! And...I don't...even know why I'm scared! I-I mean, what they just said...Even if I was gay, they're telling me it's okay, but... ...It's not okay. Not to me. And I have no idea why.
…I-I can't believe I was so stupid to leave a Jenkato fic up for my parents to find. Wh-Why the hell would my Dad even print something for me like that? Why was he even in my room while I was in the shower? I-I mean…He…He…! DAMN IT!
And...What the hell makes them suspect me as gay besides that? What? A-Am I...flaming or something? I-I mean...What? WHAT? WHAT THE HELL COULD POSSIBLY MAKE THEM THINK I'M GAY? WHAT?
…Ca-Calm…Calm down, Koushirou…This…This isn't as bad as it looks. It can't be...I-I mean...I-I shouldn't be this worked up about a simple...misunderstanding. That's all this is.
They saw I wrote a fic where Jenrya and Takato, both males, fall in love. And kiss.
But if...If this were my son, I might suspect he was gay because of this. No big deal. I'd tell him it was okay, I still love him and all that...And if he said, 'no, I just like the pairing and girls' I would BELIEVE HIM!
And...What else could they possibly have to go on that says "our son is gay?" ...I mean...
...Well...I-I did... ...Yeah, the other day...I...When I rated how "gay" the others were I...I admit, I was...pretty high up there. Below Taichi only because I knew for sure... Is it because I...don't date? I mean, I'm...I'm of that age and...Most of the others talk about it all the time. Gods, even IORI met a girl at a Digimon card tournament! And Taichi talks about girls and dating, too, and...I-I don't even bother to feign interest like he did! ...I didn't think I had to!
Is that it? They...They think I'm gay because I don't talk about girls? Th-That's...That's insane! My brain is in my head, not between my legs! That's why I don't talk about girls!
...Why...Why am I even making such an issue out of this? I-I'm...I'm acting...completely insulted by this...Why?
There's a knock on my door, I hear Tentomon's wings buzzing as well. "Kou-Koushirou?" ...Mom... "Koushirou? Are...Are you all right?"
"Fi-Fine..." I manage to choke out. ...Gods, I'm actually starting to cry over this... "I...I just...Need some time, okay? I...I need to think..."
"...We're sorry we upset you, but...We just wanted you to know, it's...It's okay, Koushirou. You...don't have to be scared."
"But...M-Mom, I...I'm not..." ...Am I...?
I...I mean...I'm really into those...pairings...A-And that conversation with Taichi...I-I was really...interested in what he went through and just...'that subject' entirely...
...Oh, Gods...No, no, no...Please...No...
"...Koushirou-han..." I hear Tentomon say, sadly. "Please, don't cry."
"...Please, just...give me some time...Please." I say as tears start to make their way down my cheeks, I immediately wipe them with my sleeve. "...Please..."
"All right...When you're...ready to talk, we'll be here, okay? ...We're sorry, Koushirou."
"...It's okay," I whisper as I wipe my eyes, but I doubt she heard me.
I step forward from the door. My legs are weak, my arms are weights...I stumble over to my bed and collapse.
...Am I just...in denial...? My parents, I know them. I know they wouldn't have brought this up unless they were absolutely sure I was...was...
...Unless they were absolutely sure I was...
...I finally give up trying to hold back the overpowering urge to cry...
It's been more than an hour since the incident at dinner, according to the clock on my nightstand at least...No-one's come to my door since I locked myself in here. Or, if they did, I didn't hear them...
...I calmed down after crying a little bit. I don't know how long I cried but...It was too long. I don't like how worked up I am over this...
...Damn it, I-I shouldn't have created that stupid character or played that stupid game or written that stupid fic...
...My parents are convinced that I'm gay...And because of that I'm...I'm actually starting to question whether or not they're right. I can't believe I'm saying that or even...Thinking that I might...That I might be...
...I don't want to say it.
...I need to talk to someone...
I reach for my cell phone on my nightstand, sitting up on my bed. I get Taichi's number out of my contacts...I stare at it for a few moments before taking a deep breath and hitting 'talk.'
"Hey, Koushirou-kun!" Taichi says after the first couple rings. Cheerful as always...I wish I could be as cheerful and casual about this as you are, Taichi-kun...I'd do anything to smile about this right now...
"...Dude, are you...okay?"
"I-I...No...I'm not...Taichi, at dinner...My Dad, he...he found one of my...One of my..." Gods, no, I'm...I'm starting to cry again. Damn it, stop!
"...Your...what?" Taichi whispers. "Koushirou, what happened?"
I take another deep breath and exhale sharply. "...I...I had a Jenkato fic. On my computer...He thought it was a school report and printed it for me. Before break. ...He...He read it, Taichi."
"...Oh, Gods...Don't tell me they...They're pissed at you for that. I'm so, so sorry, Koushirou-kun..." Taichi says.
"N-No, they...They...They told me that...Taichi, they...They're convinced I'm gay."
"I-I tried to tell them I'm not but...They say it's more than the fic...They've...I-I mean...They..." I-I can't go on, I don't even know where to begin with this! Or how to continue without crying again...
"O-Okay, just...Calm down. Are they pissed? Tell me that first."
"N-No, they...They've been telling me 'it's okay,' they...don't care, but..."
"Thank the Gods...Look, just...Wait there, I'll come over, okay? I...I take it you need someone to talk to who...understands, right?"
"Y-Yeah...I'm sorry to bother-"
"Dude, no, don't apologize. Trust me, it's cool. I-I mean...Koushirou, you never cry...I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"
"...Thank you," I whisper. Taichi hangs up. I roll back onto my side...Gods, why is this making me so emotional right now? Why is this such an issue for me? I-I mean, until now...It was just something I was intrigued by, I liked...a shounen-ai pairing, straight guys can like that stuff, too, right? I'm...I'm getting worked up over what should be nothing. S-So what if they...think I'm gay?
..."So what"...? Th-They're my parents! That's "what!"
...Gods, help me...
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling, lost in thought...I don't know how long it is before I hear our doorbell, the sound of someone answering the door and...Taichi's voice. I can't understand what they're saying but...Taichi's talking with my parents and Tentomon. They talk for more than a few minutes...I-I'm sure Taichi can help explain the situation to them, he's...He's the "expert," after all...
...Crap, I just...I just remembered the lock...
I get up with a sigh, going to my door and unlocking it just as Taichi knocks. "...Koushirou, it's me. Can I come in?"
"Ye-Yeah, come in, Taichi-kun..." I say.
Taichi opens my door and steps inside, I catch a glimpse of my parents in the living room...They both look upset, I see a box of tissues on the coffee table...My Mother has a couple wadded in her hand...Gods, I'm sorry, Mom...
Taichi closes the door behind him as I walk to my bed and sit down, sniffing and wiping my eyes. "They, um, wanted me to tell you they're sorry. They didn't mean to upset you. They thought it would help." He says with a shrug, glancing back to the door.
"I-I know... Did they mention...?" I trail off, I-I don't know how to refer to that...talk I had with Taichi earlier, online.
"They heard you were talking to 'someone' online about pairing off Daisuke and Ken and about, well, being gay. They didn't know it was me but...Yeah, that's why they decided to bring it up tonight. They didn't think it would, um...Well, crap, Koushirou, I've never seen you like this!"
I sigh, shaking my head. This is...just as embarrassing as it is frightening. "I know, I don't know what came over me just now. I-I really don't."
"Just tell me what's going on," Taichi sits next to me.
"...They told me that they found my fic, my Dad...He said he thought it was a report for school and printed it for me. When he glanced at it, he...realized what it was," I shrug. "...He actually said he thought it was pretty good."
I hear Taichi stifle a laugh, "S-Sorry, but...For real? Your Dad complimented your shounen-ai fic?"
"...Yeah," I chuckle a little, hearing Taichi laugh...that helped. A lot more that I expected it to. "And...I-I tried to tell them, I-I'm not gay. I just like the pairing and one shounen-ai story doesn't mean that...But, then...They've apparently suspected me for a while. I-I don't know what gave them the idea but...They're convinced I'm gay." I look to Taichi. "Is there something about me that makes the words 'I'm not gay' sound so unbelievable?"
"Well, in their defense...Not a lot of straight guys write shounen-ai," Taichi shrugs. "But, well, any idea what makes them so sure?"
"...I think it's my...lack of interest in girls or something," I shrug. "My parents...What? Just because I don't ogle every girl I see, that...That means I don't like girls period?" I let out a frustrated groan. "Is that it? I-I'm...I'm gay because I'm not hormonal? Should I start leaving porn around or something?" I say that mostly jokingly, but...I-I really, really hope that's not the only other reason they think I'm gay...
...But, I admit, it is...pretty damning evidence when you combine it with the shounen-ai fic.
Taichi laughs, "That'd show 'em... 'I'm not gay! I'm a total pervert! See? See? Behold, my magnificent collection of vintage Playboys! Miss November 1978's got the best boobs in the world! Don't you agree, Mom?'" He jokes. I laugh. A lot. Thank you, Taichi-kun...I-I needed that...
"I-I just...can't believe it..." I say after I stop laughing.
"Want me to tell them straight guys can like shounen-ai, too? I can vouch for you." Taichi says with a smile.
"...That's...just the thing..." I sigh. "Just with how...they're convinced and...Look, um, when I...I found out about you the other day, I...I sort of, um..." I feel my cheeks warm up as I say this. I hope he doesn't take this the wrong way...
"...You what...?" Taichi gives me a confused look combined with this grin that says 'this is gonna be good.'
"I sort of...ranked how...'gay' my friends were...I mean, just...in terms of...Of, um...I-I don't know how to describe it..." I mutter. To my relief, Taichi finds this funny. He does his best to hold back his laughter, but...Well, I guess...it is a little funny...
"Who ranked where? You've got to tell me, Koushirou-kun... Where's Yamato on the list?" He grins. "And is Iori in closet? I kinda wonder about him sometimes..."
"It...It was only a few of you guys...Um...Jyou-kun, Daisuke and Ken...You...A-And..." I realize I'm shaking as I'm about to admit to this... "...Myself."
"...Wait, you...ran 'gaydar' on yourself?" Taichi asks, giving me a surprised look. "Really?"
"...I'm kinda gay, I guess," I whisper. "I ranked myself just...below you. You were at the top since, well, I know you're gay."
"And you're mad at your parents right now for doing the same thing...?" Taichi asks. Mad? What?
"Wh-What? N-No, I'm...I'm not mad at them...Is that what they told you?" I ask. Taichi nods. ...Great, I hate the idea of them thinking I'd ever be mad at them, my parents...They're the greatest, even...Even with this, I know they did it out of concern for me. I-I only wish I was the one handling it better...I-I'm...I'm mad at myself, if I'm mad at anyone it's myself. "Taichi-kun...I'm scared. Not mad. And...Definitely not mad at them. I-I didn't mean to give them that impression...At all. I-I...I'm starting to worry they're onto something, I guess...I think that's why I got so emotional..." I trail off.
"I see," Taichi whispers, giving me a nod. "...So, you're starting to think, maybe, you're gay?"
I nod. "...That's...probably I was so upset when they asked. Subconsciously, I realized that...I-I mean, when you think about it... ...Taichi, I-I..." I stop, it just dawned on me...I'm telling Taichi how badly I don't want to be gay, like it's...a bad thing... Like being gay is that horrible of a fate... And I'm saying this to my gay friend...
...Gods, I'm...such an idiot...
I'm silent long enough for Taichi to put a hand on my shoulder, saying, "Koushirou-kun? What's wrong?"
"...I'm sorry, Taichi-kun..." I whisper.
"I-I just...realized, I'm...I'm treating this...like...Like it's..." I-I don't want to finish that. I can't believe I've spent this whole time ranting to Taichi like this about his orientation...
Taichi shakes his head with a laugh, "Koushirou, how do you think I acted when I first realized I had a crush on another guy? You think I just went 'Oh, goody! I'm gay! I'm so going to go shoe shopping, now!' or something?" I suddenly laugh at just how gay Taichi sounded when he said that, especially combined with the overly flamboyant hand gestures and grin on his face. He laughs, too, adding, "I-I was...I was scared out of my mind and I would have done anything to like girls like I was 'supposed' to. I know you're not homophobic...I know this is really scary for you. It's cool, got it? I'm not offended at all."
I turn to Taichi, wiping my eyes and...I don't think either of us expects what I do next...
...I wrap my arms around Taichi and hug him, tightly. "Thank you, Taichi-kun...I-I really...really needed to hear that... Thank you..."
I'm surprised by how long it takes for Taichi to hug back. He just says, "Just tell me what's going on and...I'll help you, okay?"
I let go of Taichi, nodding. "...I guess, ever since I got into 'that fandom' and...well, when I joined your guild...That's the first I've ever...'explored' anything related to...homosexuality." I-I'm a little embarrassed by how awkward I sound when I say 'homosexuality.' I don't think Taichi noticed, thankfully. "And the fact I liked that fandom so much, I guess I started to realize... ...Could I be...?" I look to Taichi. "...Could I be gay?" I...I sort of wish he had some sort of real life gaydar or just...some magic way of being able to answer that for me. In all honesty, I don't know if I want explore this possibility... just want to skip ahead to the answer. I'd so much rather do that...
...But I know it won't be that easy.
"Well, if you were...Do you get turned on by guys?"
"...I...I haven't...thought about that," I shake my head. "But...Even I know I have a...pathetic record for checking out girls or even...showing interest in them."
"Yeah, but..." Taichi shrugs. "You...could be bi, too. I'd...joke that you should kiss me and find out if you like it, but..." He trails off with a grin.
I laugh a little, "...N-No thanks, Taichi-kun."
"Aw," Taichi pouts. "You sure?"
"Huh?" Did...he really say that?
"N-Nothing," Taichi laughs, glancing away.
"...Taichi-kun, um, just...wondering..." ...Just the fact he suggested it and...asked if I was sure...
"Ha ha ha, it was just a joke," Taichi says, patting me on the back with a grin. "Look, um, at the very least...I think you should tell your parents you're just not sure. Let them know you're not mad. Your Mom was really crying when I got here...They both told me they didn't realize this would upset you so much. They thought it would help you."
"I didn't realize that, either...And I-I think it did help...Sort of." I say with a nod. "Yeah...I-I guess, when they told me they...found the story, I just started to panic. And now I-I think it's possible I've...been in denial," I say.
"What do you mean?"
"...Well, I-I...I would look at fics or art and things and...I'd keep saying to myself 'I'm not gay.'" ...And when I found out about Taichi, the fact I dwelled on it so much... ...Is this why I couldn't stop thinking about it? ...Because Taichi's gay, 'too?'
Taichi shrugs. "Straight shounen-ai fans do exist...Koushirou, just because you like a couple shounen-ai pairings and don't chase after girls..." He trails off.
"...I know," I nod. "Sorry to...make you come over here like this, Taichi-kun. I-I just...I don't know why but, earlier, I...I lost it."
"Koushirou-kun, relax. You're my friend and...Obviously you needed an expert's advice here. Want me to be with you to talk to your parents? Help them understand just what you might be going through?"
"Would you mind?" I-I don't even know exactly what I'm going through...
"Of course not...Glad to help," Taichi says with a smile, he gives me a quick hug with one arm...
...I really appreciate the help and the hug.
It's been a few days since, um, "the incident," we'll call it...That was a very emotional and embarrassing night for everyone involved, I think.
I apologized to my parents for how I reacted, even though they told me they were the ones who were sorry. I made it clear I wasn't even remotely mad at them for anything. That, in retrospect, I wanted to thank them a little...They "brought a very serious personal issue to my attention," let's say.
Mom was very relieved to hear I wasn't mad...Especially after I gave her a hug, telling her I didn't mean to make her cry. She said and did the same for me.
Taichi helped explain things for all of us...I'm amazed by how confident he is when it comes to this subject. He doesn't back down or try to hide it...I told him how much I wish I could handle things like that.
I told them my conclusion on my orientation is simply that I don't know. That was why I got so emotional. I'm not sure. I mean, I've always assumed I was straight just not interested in going out or dating...
...Then came those...Digimon Tamers pairings. That was really the first time homosexuality had ever come up in my life. It was...not something I was accustomed to, especially after this...revelation about Taichi. I just knew it was "intriguing," I just didn't know why it was so intriguing. My "risk theory" is still an aspect I enjoy about the pairings, I think it makes for a deeper romance...
...But, as of last night I realized...
...I might just like pairing cute guys together, too. ...And I'm hopefully going to be okay with that.
I've calmed down about things, at least. I told my parents I appreciate their support, even with...the way things started. I'm really embarrassed by how I reacted to them saying "it's okay, you can be gay, we still love you" and things like that but they were apologetic for bringing it up like they did. They told me they thought, with the story and voice chat being "confirmation" and all, that it would put me at ease and I wouldn't have to worry about keeping secrets from them or fear their disapproval...
...I wish it was that easy. I spent that night lost in thought over the possibility that...I might actually be gay...
...I can't believe Taichi can be so...calm about this if this is anything like what he went through.
I'm playing World of Chaos for the first time in a few days...As Jenkato again. I guess I wanted to see if Taichi was online, I wanted to thank him again for the other night. I haven't seen him online or called him since that night and I feel it would be rude not to thank him again. He was so much help in so many ways...
...Thank you, Taichi-kun.
I just signed on and, thankfully, TakatoLi is online, too.
He doesn't have the voice-chat enabled icon next to his name. I'll send him a telepathic message.
Jenkato: Thanks again for coming over the other night. I really, really feel better thanks to you, Taichi-kun. I'm so glad you were there for me. Thank you.
"Koushirou-han? Playing that game again?" I hear Tentomon buzzing up behind me.
"Not really, I just wanted to thank Taichi again for the other night." I say. He hasn't responded yet.
"Could you tell him I said 'thanks,' too? ...I'm sorry you were so upset and I'm glad he made you feel better. Taichi's a good friend."
"Sure, Tentomon," I nod. "And don't be sorry...It was...just a really scary realization. That's all."
Jenkato: Tentomon says "thanks," too.
...It's...taking him a while to respond. Tentomon flies off while I wait, I know how boring he finds watching this game to be.
Jenkato: Taichi-kun?You there?
TakatoLi: You're a Jenkato fan?
What? Ta-Taichi? Is he joking around or something?
Jenkato: Um, yeah? Love it! As always!
TakatoLi: Really? I can't believe it! Cool! :)
...Wait...Taichi...He doesn't...type like that... This is coherent.
Who am I chatting with?
Jenkato: Taichi, is that you?
TakatoLi: This is Hikari. Sorry, Koushirou, Taichi's out today and asked me to post some item auctions for him.
Jenkato: Oh, I didn't know you used his account.
CRAP! ...I really wish I knew he let Hikari sign on his characters...
TakatoLi: You're who he went to see the other night? He ran out of the house shouting "Friend needs me! Gotta go!" He didn't tell us who or what happened after he got back but...
TakatoLi: ...Hehehe! :) I didn't know you two were the same! Did he confess or did you? I'm so glad he's finally seeing someone! He came back with this reeeaaalllllly happy smile on his face! ^_^
TakatoLi: Love'll do that! :)
...Confess? ...Seeing...someone...? LOVE?
...Does she think...?
Jenkato: What do you mean?
Hikari suddenly goes "silent." There's no reply for almost a minute.
...Why did she say "confess?"
The 'voice-chat enabled' icon appears on TakatoLi's name as I'm given a sudden private voice chat invite from TakatoLi...I accept.
"Koushirou, please, don't tell Taichi I...Oh, Gods, he's going to be so mad..." Hikari says, frantically.
"Hikari, what...What did you mean by 'confess?'" I ask.
"...Well, um, with Taichi, um, you...You know his...'secret,' right?"
"Ye-Yeah, he...He's helping me...deal with some...um... 'Similar issues.' ...It's a long story..." I feel the blush on my cheeks as I admit this to Hikari...But at the same time...
...It feels sort of good to tell someone. Not as good as telling Taichi, since I know he understands my situation so well but...It still feels good.
I think I can do this.
"...So, are you both...Um...'The same?'"
"...Maybe," I say. I know Hikari's good for when you need to talk to someone. She can keep a secret (usually, this is...a bit unusual for her) and... ...I know she supports Taichi and everything.
"...The other night, my parents um...They found a fic I wrote and...They've suspected I was gay for a while, apparently, and...They confronted me, offering support but...I-I sort of lost it and...Taichi came by to help me sort things out. Both...personally and with my parents."
"O-oh...So, he...didn't tell you..." ...Tell me what?
"...Taichi, um, he...He kind of...Um...Please don't tell him I told you this but Taichi...Kinda likes you."
"H-He does? Me?"
"Yeah, when...When I saw your screen name and realized it was you and you mentioned that night he ran out like that...I-I thought someone confessed and you two were together now. Please don't tell him I told you!"
"I-I won't but...He...He likes me?" ...That explains that 'kiss' joke-Wait... ...That camera joke, too...Was he serious when he said I was sexy...?
...Nah, I'm...I'm not sexy...I sort of wish I was but...I know I'm restricted to the confines of reality and the actual definition of the word "sexy."
Now, Taichi on the other hand-...D-Did I...Did I really just think that?
...Well, gay or straight, one has to agree: Taichi Yagami is very good looking...
"Why else do you think he asked you to film and upload those videos for him instead of me?" Hikari says, a little playfully. "I mean, I'm the photography expert in the family." ...I always did wonder about that...Taichi was really insistent that we go out and get that camera together. I even asked if Hikari was coming, too, since, well, she was the expert! He said 'no, just you and me.'
We even spent the whole day in Akihabara just having fun and hanging out. Just Taichi and I. We were there from about lunch time to, um, we went out for dinner and got home really late, almost ten at night...I couldn't believe how late it was when we got home but it was a lot of fun...
...I was so tired because we were out so late that I-I remember...I almost fell asleep on him while we were riding home! I dozed off for about a minute, a passenger bumped into me and woke me and...I realized I was leaning against Taichi's shoulder. I apologized and sat up straight but...Taichi actually said it was okay and offered himself as my "pillow!"
...I was so tired at the time, I almost accepted. But I felt it was too awkward...
...His next words were "offer's open all night, Koushirou-kun" in his usual "playful Taichi" tone.
...Was all that...an excuse to be with me? Like a mock-date or something? And that camera...?
I glance over to the camera on my desk... ...Taichi, is the reason you bought that for me...?
"So, um...Can I ask if you've...figured things out at all or...?"
"N-Not really..." I say. "I...I think I might be 'the same' as him, I've just been in denial...The whole...shounen-ai thing sort of started it. I've never thought about that until...recently." I feel...at ease right now, saying this to Hikari...I guess I'm picking up a little from Taichi. I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be.
"I see...Um...If you do realize you two are the same... ...Is there a chance you like Taichi, too? I mean, Taichi's kind of alone, you know? He's keeping it a secret and doing that means he doesn't want to see anyone, you know? ...I'm a little worried about him." Yeah, Taichi mentioned that Hikari keeps asking him who he likes and wants him dating...
...Me, though? Me?
"I-I'll definitely consider it...So-Sorry, Hikari but...This is..."
"I-I know, I shouldn't have asked but...I don't like seeing my big brother all alone like that. And, well..."
"Can I ask how much he, um, 'likes' me?"
"...Thanks, Hikari. And, I promise, I won't tell him you said anything. Don't worry."
"Thanks...I-I still feel bad about that, um, question I asked Mom and Dad a few years ago...Taichi jokes about it now, but he was so mad at me for that..."
"How did it go?"
"He cried a lot, even though Mom and Dad told him it was okay...He was afraid to admit to it at first." ...Just like I acted. "It's not a big deal now, I mean, Mom and Dad don't care at all but...That night, I'd never seen Taichi like that."
"...That's kind of how my night went, except...Well, Taichi helped explain to them that I wasn't 'sure' at this point. It's sort of weird that I never thought about this kind of thing until now."
"Not really, Ken told me it took him years to figure out how he felt towards Daisuke and-...Wait...Did Taichi tell you about...?" ...No, no he did not, but if his joke about pairing Ken and Daisuke was like his 'kiss' joke, then...Well, Taichi obviously uses jokes like that to, um, gauge my reaction, I guess...Interesting strategy, Taichi-kun...
"...Ken and Daisuke...? ...Seriously? They're...?" ...That explains that laugh when I said 'if they're straight' the other day...
I then hear something I never thought I would hear from Hikari Yagami in a million years...
I'm sworn to secrecy with Hikari on her slip ups about Taichi, Ken and Daisuke...Though, Daisuke and Ken don't know about Taichi, Hikari told Taichi about them after she, um, caught them in a compromising position at school...
...Ken's secret make out spot's secrecy was compromised by Wormmon. He innocently led Hikari to "where Ken-chan and Daisuke play this weird game with their faces glued together." Hikari said that the description of their "game" (which Wormmon calls "glue-face") kinda tipped her off before she got "visual confirmation."
Hikari also had trouble keeping a straight face when she found out that Wormmon is apparently the jealous type... "Just from how happy Ken and Daisuke are when they play, I bet it has to be a really fun game! I asked Ken-chan if he could teach me how to play glue-face, too...But every time I ask, he gets this weird look on his face like he ate some bad food and then talks about something else... ...Why is Daisuke the only one allowed to play glue-face with Ken-chan? It's not fair, Hikari-san!"
...I made a mental note to explain what 'making out' means to Tentomon just in case he thinks there's such a game as 'glue face.' I also wish I could see the look on Ken's face when the topic comes up with Wormmon...
And, now that I think about this second revelation...Given how Ken and Daisuke made my list of "gay friends"...
...I'm starting to wonder about Jyou-kun...
And, given how I was "second to Taichi" on that list...Myself.
I can't believe it! I not only have gaydar, but it's accurate gaydar!
I turn from my computer to face my Mother. I'm actually just reading an article online...I'm a little tired of World of Chaos right now...
"Mom?" I ask.
She drops off a tray of rice cakes and some tea. "I thought you could use a snack. Are you feeling better?" ..I both can and can't believe she's still guilty about that night. As many times as I've told her not to feel guilty about it, she is...And that makes me feel guilty for making her so upset.
"I am...Mom, really, it's...okay. I understand how you came to that, um...conclusion, let's say. A-And...I'm...adjusting to the possibility..."
"I know, but...We shouldn't have just asked you like that. I'm so sorry, Koushirou."
"Trust me...It might be a good thing in the end..." I say, glancing back to that camera on my desk. "...Mom, um...Can I ask you one question...about, um...That 'possibility?'"
"...Would you have a problem if I...were to see Taichi?" I'm sure I'm red as a tomato right now from actually asking my Mother that question...
"Not at all...Do you like Taichi...?" She's a little cautious with her tone, I think to avoid any remote chance of a repeat of the other night. But it's a valid question...We all know Taichi's gay, so if I were, too...He's someone I could see...
...As hard as that is for my parents to believe, they said. Taichi really wasn't kidding about that 'Hell just froze over' level of disbelief at the idea that Taichi Yagami is gay.
...Though, I noticed that if you spell "Yagami" backwards...
"...I'm not sure," I shake my head. "Just...a hypothetical."
"Hypothetically, I'd be very happy for both of you." Mom smiles, giving me a quick hug. "Always."
"Tha-Thank you," I nod once and hug back after a moment's hesitation...I-I can't believe I asked her that...
"I'll let you think on it," my Mom smiles like before as she turns to leave...I'm glad to see her smile. She spent the day after the incident looking really upset. I felt really bad about how my reaction made her feel. My Dad had a similar guilt trip, no matter how clear I tried to make it that I wasn't mad...They were convinced otherwise.
...Damn it, I-I have...I have to do this...!
"O-One other...question..." I say, more awkwardly and higher pitched than I had hoped to, turning back to my Mother as she stops at my door and turns back to me with her hand on the doorknob.
"Um...O-On a...similar subject...Wh-What about...Um..." Girl's name...Girl's name...Girl I know...Uh... "...Mimi...?" I-I'd...have said Sora but... ...We all know she's dating Yamato and all that...Saying her name wouldn't be right, so... ...Mimi...
My Mom tilts her head to one side, saying, "...Are you up for such a long distance relationship...?" ...Yeah, New York to Tokyo...I wish I had thought of that before I opened my mouth like that...
...When did I become so stupid?
"...G-Good point...Just wondering..." I say, nervously. I-I'll pretend I don't hear my Mom laughing as she goes back into the other room...
...That was...a very pathetic attempt at an obviously desperate show of heterosexuality...
...I think at this point, I'm just grasping at straws when it comes to any interest in women. That second question was more of a confirmation than the first one!
...I'm just one big closet case, aren't I? "I like shounen-ai, but I am so not gay! I'm still straight, I only wrote six Jenkato fan fics!" Ugh...
...Should I just call Taichi and get it over with? After that I'm pretty sure the answer to the 'question' of my orientation is obvious: Starts with a G and ends with an AYER THAN KENTA!
How do I even feel about Taichi to begin with? I mean, we've been friends for years and we're obviously close...
...Especially on Taichi's side of things.
...I decide to do what I usually do when I need to think these days...
I really like this new fire spell for Jenkato...It has a really high critical hit rate. It one-hit-kills most enemies I use it on!
I started up World of Chaos to help take my mind of that...scene...earlier. I...I really don't know why I'm fighting this so much...
As I level up my character, I get a message from a familiar face...
KentaKitagawa: Hey Jenkato! Havent seen you lately.
Jenkato: Been busy with Taichi-kun.
KentaKitagawa: Did you see his latest post on the guild board?
Jenkato: Guild board?
KentaKitagawa: The Guild Button on your UI there's an announcement board for guild officers.
Jenkato: Oh, I didn't know. What'd he post?
I click the button on the interface after I slay one last monster and head to a safe area. Let's see...Members, alliances, missions...Announcements...
i wanted to show u all these videos i have. my sister showed me how to upload to a video site. its me playing soccer and stuff. all of the clips were filmed by a friend of mine. Izumi-san.
this is your leader in action! behold my awesomeness! lol
Below is a link to a video archive site, clicking it shrinks the game and loads my browser. The user is "YagamiTaichiSoccerStar." Looks like Taichi's trying to get onto another all-star team or something, he's using a lot of my footage from the last championship...
I take a quick look over the videos before going back to the game to check on what Kenta's saying.
KentaKitagawa: Taichi is SO cute!
KentaKitagawa: What? You dont think so?
Jenkato: No, it's not that. I agree!
...Do I agree? ...Well... Yeah, I guess I do.
KentaKitagawa: That girl who made the videos must like him. Hehehe!
That girl? I-I made those videos!
Jenkato: Why do you think a girl made those videos?
KentaKitagawa: Cuz most of them show Taichi-san playing skins. If its not a girl Taichi-sans got a gay crush! He or she does awesome camera work! I wanna thank Izumi-san!
I immediately shrink the browser and check the archive of Taichi's videos...
...And...Kenta-san has a...good point...More than half of these are...Taichi playing soccer as skins...
...B-But, I-I...I only filmed this, I mean, he's the one who invited me to the games and...! And, besides, this is Taichi's selection of the video clips I gave him...He probably decided to "give the people what they want." That's...probably it...
...Something tells me this is going to end with me doing an inventory of how many video clips I have of Taichi playing soccer without a shirt on...
...Which will be followed by a lot of meditation on the numerous implications of said inventory...
I go back to WoC and chat with Kenta...
KentaKitagawa: What do you think? Isnt he really cute?
Jenkato: Yeah, he is.
I can't argue – Taichi is really good looking...I mean, him, Yamato, Ken...They're the best looking among us. ...And I won't comment on how easy that was to say or the fact that I realize I think Yamato Ishida and Ken Ichijouji are cute, too...
KentaKitagawa: Kinda cool how he plays with that Takato fan a lot too.
KentaKitagawa: In a lot of those clips hes playing with this kid who wears goggles like Takato. I guess hes a fan but he got the color wrong!
Jenkato: LOL! Daisuke-san was wearing goggles a long time before Takato was.
KentaKitagawa: You know him?
Jenkato: I know Taichi and Daisuke-san in RL.
KentaKitagawa: Lucky! You know all the cute guys! CuteTakatofan is really cute, too!
Jenkato: LOL! Actually, I was the one who filmed those video clips for Taichi.
KentaKitagawa: So you ARE a Taichi obsessed pervert! ^_^ lol Does Taichi know you like him? Are you in any videos too? I wanna know how cute Taichis boyfriend is!
Err...I-I shouldn't have told her I filmed those clips...A-Are they that blatant or something? I was just filming, I thought!
Jenkato: I don't have a crush on Taichi.
KentaKitagawa: Some of close ups say otherwise, Izumi-san! Come on I wont tell anyone! Please?
Jenkato: I really don't know how I feel about Taichi-san. He's a really good friend, though.
KentaKitagawa: I agree. Hes awesome as our guild leader! Hes awesome when it comes to raids and stuff!
Jenkato: Yeah, Taichi-san's really nice. I'm glad he's still using my clips, he bought me the camera I used.
KentaKitagawa: Was it an anniversary of your first kiss gift?
Jenkato: LMAO! No, birthday gift...
Kenta and I chat for a while before we go on a low-level dungeon raid...And the whole time we talked about...I can't believe this, but...
We spent most of the dungeon raid talking about how cute Taichi is. And, um, Daisuke, too, but I wasn't as into the "cute Takato fan" as she was. I can only imagine how Daisuke would feel if he knew the internet knew him as a "cute Takato fan with the wrong color goggles."
...Kenta-san told me how lucky I am that I'm a guy, too. The reason? Because she doesn't have a shot at Taichi-san. I-I can't believe how boy-crazy Kenta is...Granted, Kenta Kitagawa liking guys shouldn't be all that weird...
After Kenta-san logged off, I checked my archive of Taichi clips and...
...For a "supposed heterosexual," I have an appallingly high number of videos of Taichi Yagami playing soccer without a shirt on.
I'm surprised I never noticed how many of these were made during Taichi's practices. He plays skins in a lot of them...And I'm starting to think it's less coincidental than I thought since my Daisuke and Ken collections are nothing like my Taichi collection in this regard...
Though, I think this is less "Koushirou Izumi has had a hidden crush on Taichi for so many years" and more "Koushirou Izumi is a closet homosexual and an even bigger closet pervert." ...But I won't lie: Taichi is...really...
I can do this...
...Taichi Yagami is really cute. There. I said it. Taichi Yagami is cute.
...I'm gay. Or maybe bi, but...That doesn't really matter to me as much as the fact that...
...I am attracted to males.
Actually, after the other night and just...The amount of help and support I've gotten from my family and Taichi...
...I'm okay with that. I-I really don't mind now. My parents made it clear, they would always support me and I have a friend to turn to whenever I feel I need someone to talk to about this. And then there's Ken and Daisuke who, even though they're supposed to have a secret relationship (they're simply really bad at the "secret" part), I feel good knowing I'm certainly not alone...
...I can live with this. Easily.
I even made one decision...
"...Koushirou-kun?" Taichi answers on his third ring. I called him right after I logged off of WoC.
"Hey, Taichi-san...Wanna go out?" I think Taichi would appreciate it if I didn't stutter through this like before...And I want to be as confident as he is. I really do.
"Wh-What?" Taichi laughs. "...Are you gay or joking?"
"Gay." I can't believe how calmly I said that.
"Welcome to the dark side," Taichi gives me an evil chuckle. "And you're...asking me out? Wait, lemme guess why...Hikari told me you mistook her for me earlier..."
"...She might have let something slip but, I promise, it's not the only reason I'm asking you out," I reply. "Don't be mad at her."
"I won't be, don't worry. You're really okay with being gay, though?"
"With the support I'm getting from you and my family...Yeah, I think...I think I can be okay with it...I'm more embarrassed by how much I denied it to myself like that...Can I ask you a question?"
"...Was I obvious or anything? I mean, is this...surprising?"
"...Well, yes and no." Taichi begins. "Before I knew you were a shounen-ai fan, I saw you as straight. But, after I found out you liked shounen-ai... ...'It made sense,' you know?"
I laugh a little. "...Yeah, I guess that's why that story was...'the confirmation' it was for my family."
"Have you told them?"
"...Not yet, I will tonight. That I need some mental preparation for. But, are you busy...?"
"For you? Not at all..." Taichi trails off, I can just see the grin on his face... "Where do you want to meet?"
"How about that ramen place on Nami street we like?" ...I-I can't believe I'm going on my first date...
...With Taichi Yagami.
I've been officially out for three days, now...My parents, of course, support Taichi and I. I wish my Mother didn't tell Taichi about the two questions I had asked her (Taichi did his best to hide how funny he thought the second question was) but...Well, we spent a lot of time talking with them again. I thanked them for that night, actually, as scary as it was...It's what got me to realize this about myself. Things could have gone a lot worse further down the road, I think.
Hikari is very happy for her brother and I. Taichi's parents, too. I was incredibly nervous the first time I met them as "Taichi's boyfriend," but...It was no different from the hundreds of other times I'd seen them. Taichi's helping me with how nervous I can be. It was...an awkward first kiss because of it but...Taichi told me "we'll get as much practice for you as possible." ...I like that.
Tentomon and Agumon give us their support, too...Agumon even, um...He saw an anime that showed a boyfriend and a girlfriend exchanging chocolates and...
...While Taichi and I were talking at his apartment, Tentomon distracted me while Agumon snuck up to Taichi and said "give this to Koushirou-san, it'll be romantic!" And passed him something behind his back...
...And the next thing I hear is Taichi shout in disgust as Agumon passes him a half-melted and half-eaten fudge bar. Digimon don't quite get human romance that well, it seems. I can only imagine how Gomamon will one day complicate Jyou's love-life (Taichi, Hikari and I have a bet going regarding Jyou, by the way...Straight, bi or gay – Respectively, losers buy winner lunch).
I do want to do one thing, mostly for myself and for Daisuke and Ken - Who are still a "secret," even though a recent phone call I had with Iori tells me he knows...
"...You want to come out?" Taichi asks, looking down to me. I'm sitting against him on a park bench, he's got one arm around me...I won't lie: I really, really like sitting in this position. "Really?"
"To the others, at least. It's...mostly so Daisuke and Ken can do the same. And Jyou."
"You and Hikari are so buying me lunch, you know that?" Taichi grins. "Okay...We'll do a practice run..." He points ahead. Yamato's walking down the sidewalk. "Act casual."
I nod, sitting up straight. I think I know what Taichi's planning...
"Hey, Yamato-san!" Taichi waves as Yamato gets close. I wave, too.
"Hey, guys," Yamato smiles. "I'm surprised to see Koushirou away from World of Chaos...Jyou told me you were hooked."
"I found something...a lot better," I say with a smile, glancing to Taichi briefly. Taichi gives me a quick smile.
Yamato laughs, "I hope it involves fresh air."
"It does, don't worry," I reply.
"Before I forget," Taichi begins, motioning to me. "I just told Koushirou I'm gay. He's cool with it!"
Yamato rolls his eyes, then looks to me, "Did you actually fall for that stupid joke? Seriously, Taichi, I don't know why you think anyone would ever beli-" Yamato goes completely silent as Taichi kisses me on the lips. I'm not taken by surprise, I had a feeling this is what Taichi had planned. I look over to him with one eye without breaking the kiss...His jaw is down as far as it'll go and I've never been able to see his eyes so clearly, they're just short of popping out. He starts stammering out portions of our names, but he's not even close to coherent...
...So much for the legendary "always calm and cool" Yamato Ishida.
"...What was that, Yama-kun?" Taichi looks to Yamato with a grin. I can't help but smile, too...
...That was kinda fun.
"...Taichi...Sin...Since when...the hell are you gay?" Yamato finally manages to say.
"Since that magic time in a boy's life where his voice gets deeper, hair grows in weird places and girls are suddenly really pretty...Just replace 'girls' with 'other guys.' Or 'Koushirou,' but then replace 'pretty' with 'hot,' too." Taichi says. ...Hot, Taichi-kun...? ...Me?
...Taichi, even I have to say: You have odd taste in guys. Not that I have a problem with that.
"...Holy shit..." Yamato says. He manages to regain a little bit of composure, turning to me. "And, you, too...? We-Well, obviously,since...you two kissed and all! But..."
I nod. "...Since that magic time in a boy's life where he finds out shounen-ai isn't just for girls." I say, I've sort of made a joke out of my old 'interest' at this point. Taichi's trying to get me into his other favorite pairings and shows.
Yamato chuckles, "Well...Congratulations...Did you tell Daisuke and Ken? I mean, they might wanna know they're not alone."
Taichi and I exchange looks. "...You...knew about them...?" Taichi asks.
"It's a Chosen Child's rite of passage to one day open a closet door and have those two stumble out of it..." Yamato says, rolling his eyes with a shrug. "It's how Iori and Takeru found out. The first time it happened, anyway." He starts back down the sidewalk. "I've got to meet Sora...Congratulations, again, guys! Mind if I tell her?"
"Go ahead," Taichi says. "Thanks for finally believing me!"
"All it took was you locking lips with Koushirou right before my eyes, Taichi-kun, you should have done it sooner!" Yamato jokes with a wave.
"I wish I could have..." Taichi grins. "Are you...completely okay with things?"
I nod. "Completely. Really...I'm gay, Taichi."
I give Taichi a quick kiss on the cheek. "That proof enough...?"
Taichi wraps one arm around me with a smile. "Thanks, Koushirou-kun."
I'm happy with the way things worked out, as scary as it may have been at first...And the fact I'm with Taichi now...Not something I'd have ever expected but... ...I can safely say I like being with Taichi...
...I'm just amazed I've been in the dark about Daisuke and Ken for so long...
Augh...I had...no idea how the hell to end this stupid thing...Actually, I really, really don't know how well this fic worked in general...Like I said in some other notes: A lot of my writing right now is done as a distraction and...I don't know how badly that hurts my fics right now, so (as always) sorry if they're crap(pier than usual) right now. And, like with Teardrop, I can't believe the length of this damned fic!
I really wanted to do a Taishirou. I don't know why... Originally, this was a lot different and didn't feature the whole "shounen-ai" plot device...But when I threw in "Tamers is a show in Adventure" as a joke (same with the Daisuke and Ken running gag - Those two are the official precursor to Hirokazu and Kenta, if you ask me...), I decided to run with it and make Koushirou a Jenkato fan and have fun with it...
...And I should, real quick, point out to Twerp-chan: Taiki, as much as I LOVE to tease you about how big of a shounen-ai fan (and, especially, Jenrya x Takato addict) you are...I know you're straight and Koushirou's story in this fic is in no way a statement about you or any other straight male shounen-ai fans. I know they exist and I appreciate their support of shounen-ai! Thank you, straight people!
And it just dawned on me...This fic also contains the unthinkable...
...THERE IS A STRAIGHT KENTA KITAGAWA IN THIS FIC! ...Granted, the Kenta Kitagawa in question still obsesses over cute guys and is actually a girl using "Kenta Kitagawa" as a username but...STRAIGHT KENTA! Crap, this means the apocalypse is a'comin'! SOON! I always had a feeling I'd have a hand in bringing it about but...Not with a straight Kenta!
...At least I got out one Taishirou before the world came to an end! Yay?
Final note: I'm seriously considering a rewrite of the fic "Mira No Kodomo." I think that fic was rushed and I could have done a lot better (also didn't help that I was fighting off a bad cold when I wrote it). There's a poll on the profile right now regarding this. I'm using it to find out what the (five or so) readers of Mirai No Kodomo would like to see in the new version.
Oh and I leave you all with this fun fact: "I'm a Gay Yagami" is a palindrome!
Ori, about what you said regarding my "addiction" to Jenkato and shounen-ai-No, not just that. This entire fic has gotten me thinking. I think it's time we told everyone the truth! I'm tired of lying!
EVERYONE! I am sure you all know the routine by now, I'm the "straight" shounen-ai fan, Ori is the sarcastic, somewhat bitter and not-so-ambiguously-gay shounen-ai-writer-in-denial. This isn't right. It's not right at all and I'm sick and tired of living a lie!
The truth is:
ORI IS STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW AND I AM THE GAY ONE! I'm sorry we lied to you all but we did not think you were ready for the truth! We weren't ready for the truth!
Ha ha ha! Actually, that is a complete lie. I simply find the above statement (or the first part, at least) to be more believable than the fact Ori has (technically) written a fic that contains a straight character named "Kenta Kitagawa." Ha ha ha, I thought that was quite funny when I realized it. Ori, you've done what we all thought was impossible for you! I don't know whether to be proud or frightened.
And don't worry, Ori, I know you're only joking when you poke fun at how much I love Jenkato and slash. I don't mind it (or this fic) in the slightest! I actually quite enjoyed Koushirou's denial as well as his "risk" justification for being a fan in the beginning. I also liked the touch of making Digimon Tamers a show in the Adventure universe since we usually do the opposite.
How good is Iori at the card game by the way?
The title of this fic, I should mention, is the same as Ori's first shounen-ai on this site! The original version was a Jyoushirou and featured Koushirou finding out Jyou had a crush on him through a personal website (a Digimon "fan site," Jyou claims it's an anime rather than a journal). I noticed that Ori kept in a few elements in the new version despite changing the central pairing. Particularly the scene with Koushirou's parents. Koushirou comes out to them in the original. They accept him, naturally, but Koushirou got quite emotional in both versions.
I can't say I blame Koushirou for his reaction. I could only imagine how I would feel if my parents showed me a printed copy of one of Ori's fics and said "You edit these?"
And, finally, as Ori mentioned: Please answer the poll currently featured on the profile if you are a fan of Ori's "Kako Mo Ima Mo Mirai Mo Kakenukero" fic series. If you haven't read it, it's a very large series of Jenkato fics written in the following order:
-Pass The Soy Sauce
-Kako Mo Ima Mo Mirai Mo Kakenukero
-Mirai No Kodomo
If you're a Jenkato fan (like Taichi and Koushirou), you would definitely enjoy that series!