Entry for "A Love Like Fire 2011"
Title: Unspoken Vows
Beta(s): SueBee0619 and PTB.
Pairing: E x B(with various non-cannon pairings in the mix.)
Rating: NC-17 - M - MA [You get the picture. ;) ]
Alternate Universe & Out Of Character
Song Prompt: In For The Kill (Remix) - By: Kanye West & La Roux(Link for song: www (dot) youtube (dot) com/ watch?v=Et6yZwQuv4A
Take out the spaces and fix the dots with .
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Unspoken Vows belongs to hottygurl7. Everything else Twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Summary:Things aren't always as they seem. Sometimes when you're looking too far into the future, you lose control over what's happening in the present. Watch as Bella's world falls apart over a couple of unspoken vows. Who would've thought one little phone call could change everything?
They say a girl is happiest just before her wedding day, and most usually are. But not me. No, not me. The day before what was supposed to be the happiest day of my human existence, my life ended.
Let me tell you my story…
Edward and I were kissing, practicing for our honeymoon. I remember lying there on my twin sized bed at Charlie's house with Edward perched above me, between my knees, thrusting his body against my own. I could feel his control slipping; I knew if I pushed him a little farther, I could probably get him to make love to me. He'd rip our clothes off and end this dry humping session with real thrusts; my overheated, sweaty skin slipping against his chilly marble flesh.
I could almost taste how bad I wanted him, and how much he craved me. But that's the part where we went wrong. Edward was so worried about how he'd control himself physically during our first real sexual encounter and how his bloodlust would affect him, that somewhere along the line, he lost his trust in me. His trust in us.
I'll never forget the way his hands felt when he would grip my hips and slam his denim clad erection against my wet, pajama-covered sex. I thrilled at it, and every time we took our 'sessions' one step further, I could feel the anticipation sing through my body.
Soon, we would make love, and Edward and I would be bonded to each other for eternity.
Suddenly, I could hear a light tap on my bedroom window. Edward pressed his forehead to mine in frustration and sighed exasperatedly. "That's Emmett and Jasper. We're supposed to have my bachelor party tonight."
For the first time since I had been with Edward, he didn't look upset about his brother's intrusion. He almost looked relieved to get away from me.
It left an uneasy feeling in my stomach.
I blinked a few times, processing his words. "Oh, okay. Uhm… have fun, I guess."
I moved to the window after he gave me a quick peck on the lips and hopped out.
How could he turn off his emotions so easily?
Jasper could sense my unease; he just looked at me and shrugged. I took it as him telling me he'd get to the bottom of it, and not to worry.
Before they took off, I asked good-naturedly, "What exactly does a vampire bachelor party entail?"
Emmett piped up. "Ah, you know, just some strippers and an orgy blood bath. Nothing too wild." He winked at me and I blushed, even though I knew he was giving me shit.
Jasper finally spoke, "We're just hunting, Bella. Don't worry." I thanked him for not teasing me and the boys took off into the darkness.
It was at that point I realized Edward and I hadn't exchanged "I love you's".
I couldn't fight the feeling in my heart that something was terribly wrong. I laid in bed for hours, anxiety eating away at me. Eventually, sleep claimed me.
About an hour after drifting off, my cell phone rang. It was a number I wasn't familiar with, but I answered anyway.
Nothing could have prepared me for what was on the other line.
I heard two distinct voices, male and female, having a conversation and breathing heavily.
"How did you get away from her?" The female cooed.
"Emmett and Jasper came to get me, to hunt," the male responded.
"How did you get away from them?" she asked.
"We split up to hunt… I ran up around the reservation border a few times and circled back here."
"Mmm… you always were the fastest. I can smell her on you, you know," she drawled.
I felt tears leak from my eyes as I quickly switched my phone to mute so they wouldn't be able to hear me breathe. I returned my attention back to their conversation.
"We were… practicing. But it's no use; I know I'll kill her if we try." He sounded aloof, cold.
"Shh, don't worry about that now. Let me help you. We've been practicing, and you're getting really good. Bella won't know what hit her on your wedding night."
My blood ran cold.
Edward was talking to her about our sex life. And if I wasn't mistaken, she's been helping him practice…
I listened to the call for almost thirty minutes after that. I heard every single one of her yeah baby's, oooh that feels so good, mmh harder you know you don't have to be gentle with me, and oh Edward's.
I continued to hold the phone shakily to my ear as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear in return, and told her how sexy she was, how hard she made him.
This couldn't be my Edward; my sweet, old fashioned, thoughtful, selfless Edward. Could it?
I couldn't believe it until I heard him murmur, "It's so nice to not want to kill you. I love losing control with your body as I fuck you."
I could picture his hand wrapped in her silky blonde hair as he fucked her mercilessly.
I saw red.
I wanted to tear her apart and burn the pieces. Then I wanted to rip off his cock and burn it along with her. Serves him right for cheating on me! How's eternity without your manhood, bastard?
All thoughts of love and happiness quickly escaped my shattered heart. I could only focus on one thought, and that was seeking vengeance.
I wanted revenge.
I packed every single piece of clothing that I couldn't part with, and all of the pictures of my family and friends I held dear. I couldn't cry.
I had already doomed myself to die by Edward's hand, so leaving everyone I loved wouldn't be such a hard thing to do. I'd just be doing it a little earlier than planned, and without Edward by my side.
I left a note for my parents on my bed.
Mom & Dad,
You were right, I'm too young. I can't go through with this; I need to live my life before I can be tied down to somebody.
I'm going away for a while, I need to think.
Please don't try to find me, because you won't be able to. I'll be in contact when I'm ready. I've already contacted the Cullens, so don't worry about any of that.
What's meant to be is meant to be. I know now that marriage isn't for me.
I promise to write often.
P.S. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I just need to find myself, again. The me I was before Forks.
I decided to take a page out of Victoria's book and not make any firm decisions. I took my shiny new car and my black American Express card - both gifts from Edward - and headed towards La Push.
The one place I knew none of them could find me.
I stopped at a gas station and filled up the tank in my car on my card. Then I went to the ATM and made a maximum withdrawal. After draining the ATM of money, I quickly made my way towards Jacob's house.
I wasn't surprised when my phone rang, it was Alice.
"What?" I answered, knowing she'd be freaking out about not being able to see me.
"Bella, where are you?" I could tell she was upset, I just didn't know what she knew.
"Alice, don't fuck with me. Did you know… did you know that he's been screwing her?" My voice trembled and I wanted to scream at someone.
She sighed dejectedly. "Yes… he said if I told you, it would break your heart; that you wouldn't want to become one of us anymore. I didn't want to lose you, Bella. He promised it would just be until the wedding. That he needed to do it to make sure he stayed in control."
"I think they even messed with my visions. Before, every scenario I would play out of you two being intimate would be okay, until they started fooling around. After that, everything changed, and he always ended up killing you. Please, Bella. I don't want to lose you." She dry sobbed brokenly.
"You'll never lose me, Alice. But I won't be with him, and I can't just get over this. I've been betrayed; I need to deal with this in my own way. I love you, but if you tell anyone about this discussion, and he finds me, the wolves will know. I'm going up to see Jake right now. If Edward comes after me and something happens to me, the wolves will kill him and they won't hesitate to go after all of you. So please, just… avoid Edward until the ceremony. The less he knows the better. I love you, Alice. Goodbye, for now."
After I hung up the phone I threw it out of the car window. I'd get a "pay as you go phone" later.
I didn't hesitate when I pulled into Jake's driveway. Charlie had mentioned that he finally came home the other night. Apparently the story was that he was visiting some cousins in Canada.
I walked right up to the house and let myself in. I knew Billy would be asleep in his room, so I crept in quietly and made my way into Jake's tiny bedroom.
"Jake," I whispered softly as I nudged his arm. He didn't stir, and I was running out of time. I climbed into bed with him and slipped under his quilt.
"Jake, wake up. I want you…" I whispered breathily in his ear as I kissed his neck and slid my hand down his body, softly massaging his thigh over his shorts.
Practicing with Edward had definitely taught me how to get a guy's attention.
That got his attention, and he finally started to stir. "Bella? Is that you?" He asked huskily, as he tried to shake himself out of his sleepy stupor.
"Yeah, Jake, it's me. Listen, are you awake enough to understand me? We need to talk - quick."
He sat up eagerly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Yeah, I'm awake, I'm awake, . what's going on?"
I removed my hand from his thigh and laid back against his warm soft bed.
"I'm not marrying Edward, Jacob. But it isn't because of you, please, don't get your hopes up. I don't want to hurt you. I caught Edward with someone else, and I'm going to… go away for a while. I don't know if or when I'll be back, but I need you to help me with something before I go. Could you do that for me, Jake?"
"Yeah, sure, I'll do anything, Bells. You name it."
I smiled demurely. "Will you… sleep with me, Jake? And before you answer, I want you to know this is just a business arrangement. I want to give you my virginity, and, in return, I want you to show up tomorrow, at my wedding, and show Edward everything. But make sure you're safe. I don't want you getting hurt because of me. Make sure the pack is with you."
His answering smile was wicked sexy, "Are you sure, Bells? Me?"
I nodded as I licked my lips. "Yeah, Jake. Definitely."
Without hesitation, I reached down and gripped his shaft over his shorts, pumping him with a confidence I hadn't known I possessed.
"God, Bella, that feels… so good." he whispered huskily against my throat.
He was now on top of me kissing all over my neck and chest, trailing his tongue over me, tasting me, marking me as his.
"Mmh, Jake, you're so warm and soft… but hard in all the right places."
Let Edward stew on that for a while.
We continued to explore each others' bodies; he stripped me bare and used his mouth to make me cum. I told him how good he was and how nice it felt to finally have someone to make me cum.
I played on every single one of Edward's insecurities.
Just before Jake slipped inside of me, I told him I knew he'd never hurt me, and assured him I was ready. As he tore through my remaining innocence, I felt myself change inside. My emotional walls were being built up, my decisions solidified.
Having sex with Jake was just a means to an end. We both knew it, but Jake deserved this one last human piece of me. It was the least I could do, for all he'd done for me.
After we were sated and drunk off of our lust, we finally broke apart, both of us gasping for air as we lay sprawled across his bed.
Just before Jake drifted off to sleep, he leaned over and asked, "Who'd he mess around on you with anyway?"
I looked up into his warm brown eyes, and, knowing Edward would see this exchange tomorrow, I couldn't prevent the utter heartbreak that must have crossed my features.
My throat felt tight as I finally whispered, "Rosalie."
I managed to get a few hours of sleep in before I slipped out of Jake's house and drove to Seattle Airport. I managed to arrive just after 7:00AM, and, thinking quickly, I used a payphone to call Alice.
She picked up on the first ring. "Bella? Don't worry, I'm not near him, we can talk…"
"Where was he taking me for the honeymoon, Alice?" I asked impatiently. She knew what I wanted to know, why couldn't she just tell me?
"An island Carlisle owns, it's called Isle Esme. It's located just off the coast of Rio De Janeiro."
I felt myself die a little inside. That would have been perfect.
"Will he still be going there, Alice? Even when he finds out I've called off the wedding. ? Will he still go to the island?"
"No. But he is going to look for you. He really does love you, Bella. I think he's been brainwashed; Rosalie is good at using her body to get her way," Alice said with defeat.
"Has… she… has she done this before, Alice?" My blood ran cold at the thought of Rosalie doing this to somebody else, somebody like… Alice and Jasper.
"No," her answer was immediate. The next part was more of a whisper, "Not to anyone else in the family, anyway. But it's not because she hasn't tried. She has been with others though, nomads… occasionally a human…"
I couldn't stop the growl that left my throat. I wanted to beat the living piss out of that cold-hearted Barbie.
"Does Emmett know?" My heart broke at the thought of Emmett being deceived. Emmett had always been like a big brother to me. I couldn't stand the thought of someone betraying him.
"He's… starting to suspect. He can smell others on her. I don't know how to explain this to you, Bella. Rosalie is destined to be a succubus like Tanya from the Denali coven. Something from the way she died, so violently. It doesn't make any sense, but for some reason she finds comfort in physical contact. But now Emmett wants to experience other things, and she just wants more sex. They've drifted apart. This is her way of lashing out at him."
"That bitch!" I spat. My grip tightened on the receiver of the phone.
Suddenly, an idea formed in my head.
"Alice, did you see it?"
"I did," she responded, her voice a little lighter this time.
"Good. I'll head there now. Don't fuck this up. If I even sense something is wrong, I'll call Jake."
"I understand. He'll arrive shortly after you. And Bella?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Alice. But I really am very disappointed in you for not telling me… about them. I can't tell you how bad your decisions have hurt me, Alice. Let alone how much theirs have."
I disconnected the call and made my way to a gift shop to purchase a new disposable cell phone and a book to read for my flight.
After checking my luggage, I was able to board my plane just under an hour and a half later.
After the two day trip to Brazil, I was thankful to see the outside of an airport. The layover in Miami would have been welcomed if I had planned it when Renee was in Florida. She and Phil could have come down to see me.
Instead, she was in Forks, probably freaking out about my absence.
Funny how things work out.
Alice had everything arranged for me when I landed in Rio. I was escorted to Isle Esme via boat and, after I tipped the nice gentleman who brought me there, I was left to myself.
I knew I had until the end of the day before I was expecting my visitor, so I figured I'd make the best of my time alone.
I had already finished the book I started at the airport, so I decided to change into something cooler and relax in the sun for the rest of the day.
After falling asleep for a few hours in the sweltering sun, I woke to find my skin glowing red from the slight burn I'd received from my carelessness. I quickly grabbed my things and went inside to escape the heat.
I decided to take a shower, to make sure I had Jake's smell off of me. I didn't want to make matters worse than they already were, and let's face it, things were definitely bad.
After taking a lukewarm shower and applying aloe to my over-heated skin, I settled into the arm chair in the den with my iPod. I didn't bother dressing up, just threw on a night gown and wrapped my hair up in a towel to dry while I waited for my guest to arrive.
I hit shuffle on the iPod, praying I'd find something that wouldn't jostle the seemingly calm mood I'd found myself in over the past couple of days. It seemed as though every song on it reminded me of Edward, or our relationship - our past relationship. I could feel the lyrics slowly beating chunks out of the armor I'd so carefully crafted around myself.
How could he do this to me?
Why couldn't he just trust me?
Why couldn't he trust that we could be great together? That he wouldn't hurt me…
Is this really the Edward I fell in love with? The virtue protecting, soul preserving, brooding, tortured, beautiful, fascinating, Edward?
When did my life stop making sense? When did it lose its purpose?
When Edward fucked Rosalie under the pretense of protecting me, that's when.
I still wonder if she did it all on purpose, her purposeful sneers in my direction, each snide comment, seducing my fiancé and the love of my life, the phone call, everything…
Edward told me once that she and Jasper wanted to kill me after Edward saved me from being crushed by Tyler Crowley's van. I understood Jasper's motivation - to protect his family. But what was hers? Why did Rosalie truly hate me so much?
Finally, a song came on that I didn't remember adding to my iTunes. I looked down to see who it was by and frowned when I didn't recognize the main artist, La Roux. The second artist was Kanye West, and I was just about to skip it when the beginning lyrics started.
The voice was hauntingly beautiful as she sang with a power that I envied.
We can fight our desires
But when we start making fires
We get ever so hot
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotions
And what are feelings without emotions?
I'm going in for the kill
I'm doing it for a thrill
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand
And not let go of my hand
By the time the second chorus came around, I'd already put the song on repeat. It quickly became special to me. I don't know how, but I felt like a part of me was finally waking up again. In ways it hurt because I was finally feeling all of my emotions, and not just anger, but it also made me feel lighter than I had in a long time.
After losing count of how many times the song had played, I was startled by a cool hand resting softly against my shoulder. I jumped and turned to look up into the warmest caramel eyes I'd seen in days. He came, Alice told him and he came, for me. I felt my heart rate pick up slightly as we studied each others' expressions.
He softly pulled the ear buds from my ears and smiled at my choice of song. He knew I never cared for rap, it was more his taste.
Even his voice eased some of the pain I could still feel radiating throughout my chest.
"Emmett," I gave him a sad smile and stood up to greet him.
We embraced and then pulled away to face each other.
Seeing the worry in his sad eyes broke my heart - here he was worrying about me, when he had been betrayed just as I had.
"How could they, Emmett? How could they?" Tears filled my eyes and my legs began to sway. I felt exhaustion creep up over me like a heavy gray blanket. My entire body ached as the sting from my heart seeped out into every single cell and fiber of my being.
"I don't know, Bella. I just… don't know." His face crumpled as he shook his head. He steadied me and then guided me into the bedroom to lie down.
"Bella, you have to take better care of yourself. You can't let this kill you. Charlie and Renee will have a fit when they see how skinny you've gotten."
"They won't. I'm not going back, Emmett." My voice was assertive.
"Bella, what are you going to do? Live on this island for the rest of your life? No. Edward did not turn you into a hermit. You can't give him that power; you have to keep living your life. Just act as though he never-"
"Never what, Emmett? Please do not tell me you were just about to say 'as though he never existed' because for one, only Edward would say something so stupid. And for two, Edward did exist to me. You all did. I've never been normal, Emmett. I've never fit in anywhere, until you all came into my life. So please, do not tell me to pretend you all have never existed. Just because I slept with Jacob Black does not mean I want to run home and take a shot at normal. My life in Forks is over. My whole life as I knew it is over; it ended the night before I was supposed to get married to a man who I thought loved me. I was very wrong."
I took a deep breath, willing my tears away as I stared at the clean, honey-colored floors. "Please, Emmett… don't think so little of me." My voice broke at the end, but I couldn't help it. My emotions were threatening to take over, and I needed Emmett to listen to me.
"Bella, I've never thought little of you. You're the bravest person I know. But you don't understand, and there are a few things you still need to know. Rosalie is insatiable. She's a succubus, she craves sexual intimacy - more than she craves blood.
In the beginning, it was great for us; she helped me get my mind off of my bloodlust with sex. But now, I want more from a relationship. I'm beginning to wonder if we're really mated. Carlisle has always told us it would be next to impossible for mated vampire couples to split. But, given everything that's happened, I can't think that we're really mates, not soul mates."
"What are you saying, Emmett?"
"I'm saying that after I leave here, I'm going to go away for a while. I'm going to go up to Alaska and see if I can find myself, stay with the Denali coven and try to figure my life out. I just can't continue to pretend that I'm still in love with Rose. I'll always love her, but it's plain to see she doesn't love me. Why try? Why pretend there's still something there when there clearly isn't?"
I nodded, understanding his need to escape completely.
"Won't it be hard? To be around other succubae like Rose?" I asked quietly.
"No. They won't be pretending to love me - while sleeping with people close to my heart. I know what they are, plus, I think Tanya is the only self-proclaimed succubus in the house. I can deal with one." He smiled weakly.
"Bella, you need to talk to Edward. I know what he did was wrong, but he does love you. You should have seen his face at the wedding when the pack showed up. Alice did a good job of staying away from everyone and keeping Charlie and Renee quiet up until after the ceremony was supposed to start.
"When Jacob stood there at the end of the aisle where Edward had been expecting you, and showed him what you two had done and whatever it was you said, it just about killed Edward. You need to talk to him, figure things out. If you're not going to be together - that's okay, but you can't run out on your life for this. You know that, Bella." he said firmly.
"Emmett, my life is over. Don't you remember? If I am not changed, the Volturi will come for me. I only have two choices; I become one of you, or I die. It's that simple." I prayed he could hear the resolution in my decision.
Pain streaked across his face. "No, you can run. I can protect you! We can figure something out-"
"No, Emmett. I won't risk your life. I'm done running. I was hoping you would help me… but if you won't, I'm sure I can find another way. If I get desperate, I'll either seek out the Volturi or die trying."
"Bella, listen to me. When we… change… our feelings and emotions are intensified by a million. You think you're hurting over Edward now? It's going to be a million times worse…" I zoned him out, sick of hearing him play off my feelings as though they were insignificant.
"Fine, Emmett, leave me then. I'll find someone else," I pointed to the door to emphasize my point.
His shoulders hunched in defeat and dropped to his knees in front of where I sat perched at the edge of the bed. "Bella, why can't you ever just take no for an answer?"
My hands cupped his granite face softly. "Because I'm sick of people making decisions for me, Emmett. This is my life; I intend to make the best of what's left of it." I pressed my lips softly to his and started running my fingers through his hair; I felt a small shudder pass through him.
"Bells, this isn't right." His hands covered mine. "You're still in love with my brother; I'm - for all intents and purposes newly separated. We don't… love each other like this."
"You're right, Em, we don't love each other like this. And I'm not saying it has to go anywhere, I know it won't. But I just don't want to feel… I just want the pain to go away... for at least a little while."
His hands pulled my towel from my hair and it cascaded down my back in thick damp waves.
"Tell me this isn't about revenge, Bella." I felt his nose nuzzle my neck as he placed soft kisses against my throat.
"I won't lie to you, Emmett… I never have. I do want revenge, and I intend to get it. I understand if you won't help me." I sat up straighter, slightly pulling away from him.
I heard a soft growl rumble in his chest, and before I knew it, I was laying on the bed, my hair fanned across the pillows with a conflicted looking Emmett hovering above me.
I couldn't help but stare up at him. I'd always seen the playful side of Emmett; it was refreshing to know he could be so serious. Whatever he saw in my stare must have solidified his decision, because he started placing soft kisses all over my face and neck.
"I won't hurt them, Bella. I'm not going to lay a hand on Rosalie or Edward. I can't help you with that revenge," he said between kisses up and down my jaw and over my chest. I felt him tear open my night gown and all I could do was nod.
His lips moved up to mine and he kissed me deeply, conveying all of his warring emotions in the kiss. I'd be lying if I said the kiss wasn't weird; I've always looked to Emmett as I would a brother. Now we were doing things I'd never thought of doing with him. I didn't know how to feel.
Unexpectedly, his hips started to thrust against mine and I felt myself ache for more, erasing all of the confusion I had been feeling.
"Oh, God! Please, please, Emmett!" I sighed against his lips.
"Ungh, Bella… there were times I heard you and Edward, doing this… and I never wished it was me. I pitied him for having to use so much control. But you're so warm - you feel so good. Fuck." His hips thrust harshly against mine again.
I cried out when I felt his hand slip up my inner thigh, and I reflexively spread my legs wider for him. When he ripped my panties away, I all but pushed his hand where I wanted it most. Emmett didn't disappoint. Without hesitation, he plunged two fingers inside of me.
The contrast of my over-heated flesh against his cool fingers sent me into sensation overload. I could not get enough of him. I scraped my nails so hard against his solid chest that my nails cracked against each one of the bumps of his abs. Emmett was by far the most muscled person I had never seen - vampire, human, or wolf alike.
"You're so fucking sexy," I cooed in his ear, spurring him on.
With an answering grunt, he shoved his fingers even deeper inside of me and used his thumb to rub circles against my clit.
The burn in my belly was almost too much to handle, and as soon as he curled his fingers upwards inside of me, I lost control. I screamed his name and thrashed wildly as my orgasm took over my entire body.
Emmett shed the rest of his clothes and threw the remaining scraps of my night gown on the floor before I even realized he had moved. When my eyes fluttered back open, our eyes locked. He was hovering over me again, bracing his weight on his strong arms, caging me in.
I wrapped my right leg around his waist, coaxing him closer to me as we continued to stare at each other. We knew we weren't in love with each other, but this wasn't about love, and it really wasn't even about revenge anymore.
This was about healing... and moving on… and coping with the shitty cards fate had dealt us. This was our way of continuing to live.
If we let Edward and Rosalie's choices define us, we'd be miserable for the rest of our lives. That isn't what either of us wanted for ourselves, or each other.
It was time Emmett and I took back control of our destinies.
"Are you sure about this, Bells?" He whispered.
I nodded. "Yes, Em."
He rubbed his tip against my wetness a few times before he lined himself up and pushed deep inside of me.
This was totally different than being with Jake. Emmett was solid, his flesh unyielding and cool; the vampire yin to my human yang.
I immediately wrapped both of my legs around him. "More, Emmett, please!"
I could feel my body starting to sweat, helping his marble skin slide back and forth against me.
He started thrusting harder against me and picked up his speed. He was building my second orgasm faster and faster each time he slid out and slammed back in. I felt the tight coil in my belly and tried bracing my legs against him, tightening them as much as I could, wanting him as deep as I could get him.
My hands flew up to the headboard, clawing at it as he effortlessly pounded himself inside me.
"You still smell like that dog! But you won't when I'm done with you!" He spat gutturally.
In the back of my mind - I knew I should be afraid. That I should start warning him, bringing him back to reality, but I couldn't. Every thrust of his hips caused my desire to heighten. I couldn't stop him if I wanted to. He was literally fucking my pain away - our pain away. Who was I to deny either of us what we so deserved?
I knew I had him at my advantage now, I had to move fast. As soon as my orgasm peaked and I felt his thrusts become more erratic, I locked eyes with him.
"Emmett, bite me, please? Change me."
His eyes turned black, and my body trembled with fear. He brought one hand up to my face and turned it so I was facing off to the right. Before I had a chance to react, I felt searing pain shoot through my body as his razor sharp teeth sank into my neck.
I felt my consciousness slip away with each pull he took of my blood. He was drinking greedily, and I feared I'd be dead before he stopped. I just couldn't bring myself to physically do anything about it. The pain hurt, but I felt eerily calm.
All I could do was whisper, "Thank you, Emmett."
I felt him pull back slightly; I was immediately blinded by an intense burning sensation spreading from my neck to my shoulder and chest.
I heard someone speaking to me, but for the life of me, couldn't figure out who they were. Was it Emmett? Did someone else show up? It didn't matter; all that mattered was the agonizingly painful burn that was blazing throughout my body.
Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore and everything faded to black.
Oddly enough, throughout the beginning of my transformation, I thought of Edward.
I pictured what he must have looked like in 1918, when Carlisle took his illness away and made him the man he is today. Swapping mossy green eyes for crimson and then eventually gold. How his skin - ruddy and clammy from being sick - slowly transformed into perfectly sculpted, creamy marble. His short cropped hair transforming into wild bronze locks. Waking up scared and confused, with a million voices literally screaming in his mind.
The most difficult thing for me to rationalize was how an innocent seventeen-year-old child became the brooding man I met a year ago, all in three days.
At one point in my life, Edward had been my entire world. He brought light to my life like nothing and nobody ever had… and then one day it was just gone, extinguished.
I tried not to dwell on the pain, the resentment, the hatred I had for myself - and for him, for what he had done to me. I prayed that when I woke, I really would be okay. I prayed I could focus on my anger instead of the debilitating pain - I couldn't let it bring me down.
Pretty soon, the excruciating burn made itself known again and it held my focus for quite some time. I prayed someone would come to my rescue, that somebody would just toss me in an icy bath - anything to cool the raging inferno that was taking over my body.
If I hadn't been prepared for it, I would have thought I'd gone to hell.
What felt like years, but was actually only three days later, I woke up. My scarlet eyes opened to a new world; everything was enhanced and vibrant.
I tried to focus on my surroundings, searching through the fog in my mind as I tried to focus on my memories - to hold onto them as best I could. But everything was like looking through glasses that weren't the right prescription. Everything was blurry and it almost pained my head to try to focus on any specific memory.
When I heard the door open slightly, I jumped off the bed, landing in a crouch beside it. I bared my teeth and growled before I even realized who had been standing in the doorway.
At first Alice had been standing there, but when I reacted, she jumped back slightly and raised her hands up in surrender; Jasper quickly jumped in front of her in a protective stance.
"Alice?" My voice was foreign to my ears.
"Bella, I'm so glad you're finally awake."
I still couldn't remember everything that had happened. I stopped for a second, trying to sift through the last few weeks in my mind…
Alice rambling on about the guest list…
Alice informing us that the Volturi had received our invite - but would be sending a gift instead of attending.
Jake disappearing… then returning shortly before the wedding.
Musical decisions… Rosalie was supposed to play my lullaby on the piano instead of- wait a minute…
Rosalie… Edward… Jake… Emmett…
Everything came back, crashing over me.
Before I could register my movement, I had already flown over the bed and slammed myself through the glass patio doors. Instead of heading for the water, I raced into the forest, running as fast as my newly transformed body would take me. I whizzed by trees, dodging branches and boulders, until the emotional weight of the past week finally set in.
I dropped to my knees - not bothering to slow my pace first - causing my knees to dig deeply into the exotic soil.
The pain that washed over me was indescribable. There weren't words; no analogy would do it justice. I had been betrayed in the deepest sense of the word. My eternal soul mate had deceived me.
I threw my head back, my fingers clenched with fistfuls of my hair as I screamed as loud and as hard as I could. When I ran out of breath, I screamed again… I must have screamed for hours. The burning in my throat intensified but I didn't care. I prayed for starvation, I prayed for a bonfire I could jump in to, I prayed for answers.
Emmett was right; the emotional pain truly was multiplied by a million… maybe more than that.
Imagine having every single hope, every single dream that you've always known was too good to be true - but you wanted it anyway - ripped away from you, by someone you loved. Now add to that the pain of losing a friend, a parent, a sibling, and a child combined. That was the depth of my pain. I had never felt more alone in my entire life. The human me craved isolation, before Edward…
The new me wanted to belong… wanted to be loved… I wanted to make my own decisions, and have someone who took me seriously be there while I made them.
Venom clouded my eyes, but I could not cry; my immortality wouldn't allow it. All I could do was dry sob and scream. I did both. I screamed and sobbed until the sun was on the other side of the forest, almost fully set - ready to cloak me in its darkness. It wouldn't matter anyway; I could see everything even without the sun's help.
I wanted the sun to go away. The sun reminded me of Jacob, and Jacob reminded me of the friends and family I had left behind.
I screamed for them…
I screamed for my father, who would never be able to walk me down the aisle or teach his grandkids how to fish.
I screamed for my mother, who would never be able to take her grandbabies to the beach or Disney World; who would never be able to finish the quilt she had started for me for graduation.
I screamed for Jake - for the love and friendship that he had lost because of this…
I screamed for Angela, Ben, Mike, Jessica, for the friend that they'd never see again.
But most of all - I screamed for me; for the life that I had thrown away because my heart was broken. I screamed for my anger, my hurt and my resentment. I screamed for the innocence I had lost; and I screamed for the love I had once had for all of the Cullens…
Who would I have now? The Cullens? Hardly, not after this… not after what I intended to do. Edward was my heart's mate… and I'd never be able to trust him again. How would I move on from this?
As I continued to let loose blood curdling screams, I noticed a calming presence seeping into my body. My mind felt foggy and I became light headed; if I were human, I would have a pounding headache and would probably throw up. But I wasn't human anymore - so I did none of those things.
My eyes snapped open and I sat straight up on my knees, only to find Jasper standing about twenty feet away from me. I was angry that he was trying to calm me; I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to go back in time and change things; I wanted to never meet Edward Cullen.
I unleashed the fury of my pain onto Jasper and pushed it at him, knowing he'd feel it all. He dropped to his knees, crippled by the anguish I was slamming against him. He looked exactly how Edward had looked when Jane attacked him in Volterra last March. I could faintly hear Alice screaming in the background, but it didn't faze me.
I didn't snap out of it until I remembered what a monster I had thought Jane was then. Edward didn't deserve her hatred then, and Jasper didn't deserve my pain. He was only trying to help me.
My eyes widened and I threw myself forward onto the ground, catching myself with my hands, gripping the soil in my fingers, digging my hands deep into it. My body shook at the effort I was putting into controlling my emotions. I truly didn't know if I could do it.
"Get him out of here, Alice!" I gritted out with force, praying she'd do what was right for all of us.
I tried envisioning a wall between Jasper and I, shielding him from my pain, when suddenly he was thrown backwards a few yards and I was surrounded by a filmy globe barrier, shielding me from the outside world.
The only problem was Jasper's calming presence was now gone, and the pain that had been radiating off of me onto him now bounced off of the walls of the shield and back into me tenfold. I flew back onto my back, and my entire body arched up with the pain. I could no longer scream; I could only sob silently in complete misery.
I felt Emmett's fists pound against the barrier, trying to break it to get to me. But I couldn't drop it; I knew if I did, they'd all feel the torment I was feeling, and I feared it would kill them. My nails were digging into my flesh, tearing at my clothes, wrenching at my hair.
Finally, my body weakened to a state where I was practically catatonic. The shield dropped and I laid in the soft, torn up dirt; barely breathing, barely moving, barely living.
I noticed it was light out when Emmett finally was able to pick up my lifeless body out of the dirt. His body was shaking in silent sobs, but I ignored it. I didn't want his sadness; I was broken, that's all there was to it.
I felt Alice's hand glide through my hair as she kissed my forehead. "We're going home, Bella."
A few days later, we arrived back in Forks. Alice had chartered a private plane to take us to Florida, and from there, we flew to SeaTac. I remembered hearing Jasper voice his concerns about my thirst, but Alice reassured him I'd be fine. She was right, nothing was tempting. I didn't move, I didn't speak, I just stayed motionless; unseeing and unfeeling the entire way.
When we pulled up in front of the house I had once thought as my second home, I felt nothing. I still felt dead inside. Emmett pulled me from the car and had begun carrying me up the steps when Carlisle and Esme hurried out the front door, Edward hot on their heels.
I closed my eyes when I saw him; I couldn't look at him, it made me sick. My lip trembled as I fought to keep the emptiness instead of embracing the pain again. This pain was nothing like the day he left me in the woods last September - this was a million times worse, and seeing him for the first time since then - with new eyes - only made it worse.
Emmett spoke first, his voice sounded desperate. "She's catatonic."
"How long has she been like this?" Carlisle asked.
Jasper answered, "Almost since she woke up."
"She hasn't fed?" Carlisle asked.
I could hear Esme sobbing in the background.
"No." Alice affirmed.
I could hear Edward's voice in the background, his anguish clear as day. "Bella?" He whispered brokenly.
I shook my head slightly and turned my face into Emmett's chest. "Please… just… let me die," I said weakly.
Esme and Alice both cried out and I felt Emmett pull me closer against him, trying to comfort me.
Carlisle sprung into action right away, the doctor ever-present in him. "Esme, Alice, come with me; we need to get Bella some blood. She must feed at once."
Emmett brushed the hair away from my face after he laid me down on the couch. I immediately curled in on myself, and every time Edward tried to step closer to me, Jasper and Emmett would try to keep him away.
"You… you slept with her, Emmett? You're the one who did this to her… who changed her?" I wanted to slap Edward for his audacity. If I were functioning properly, I probably would have.
"Don't start, Edward. You've been fucking Rosalie for how long? Bella and I didn't plan this. And it's not like we're in love. She was hurting, Edward, still is. Badly. You've underestimated her feelings for the last time. She begged me to do it, said if I wouldn't, she would go to Italy. You never would've seen her again. This was the only way to get her home."
I made a mental note to kick Emmett's ass when I was functioning again.
Edward tried to protest, but Jasper cut him off. "He's right, Edward, you haven't seen her pain… haven't felt it."
I found myself watching their interaction, and I didn't miss Edward's wince as Jasper and Emmett mentally ran through everything that they had been through with me in the past few days.
Good, you son of a bitch, I hope it hurts! I thought spitefully.
Edward's head snapped up in shock and his eyes locked on my glare. "Did anyone else hear that?" He asked, his voice trembling.
Jasper's face held a look of confusion, Emmett's mirrored his. "Hear what?" Emmett finally asked.
"I… I think I heard her thoughts," Edward stuttered in shock.
I rolled my eyes and slumped back into the couch cushions. "If you heard me, it's because I wanted you to. Don't flatter yourself…"
I didn't have to look in his direction to know my hostility was unfamiliar to him. I'd always had him on some type of pedestal, like I was never good enough for him. Looking back, I knew I was naive to feel that way. How very unworthy I'd always saw myself with him, how undeserving.
Things had changed.
Twenty minutes later, Carlisle, Esme, and Alice returned from their trip to the hospital. Carlisle didn't think he'd be able to get me to drink from an animal in my weakened state, so he had retrieved a few packs of donor blood for me until I was strong enough to hunt. Although there was a terrible ache in my throat, it wasn't unbearable. I really didn't want to drink the donor blood. One reason was because I figured it'd make it more difficult to acclimate myself to the vegetarian vampire lifestyle, and secondly, because I really didn't give a shit about anything anymore.
After a few minutes, Alice asked everyone to leave the room so she could talk to me. Jasper was hesitant to leave her with me, afraid my newborn emotions would finally take control and I'd lose my grip - inadvertently hurting her. Alice demanded he go, and he pulled an unenthusiastic Edward out the door with him. I knew they only moved to the back yard; I could hear their hushed whispers, but I tried to block them out.
"What, Alice?" I asked before she could start.
"You need your strength, Bella." She pulled the sack of blood out of the warm towel Carlisle had heated it in and sliced open the top of the pouch. Venom pooled in my mouth and trickled down my throat, fanning the flames that were already growing inside of me. I swallowed it back and tried to shake my head.
"No, Alice. I… I don't - I don't want it." I spat out, trying to resist.
"Bella, I know you're upset. I can't imagine how you feel right now, but you're acting as though you have nothing to live for, and that's just not true. You have us, all of us. I know what Edward and Rosalie have done is unforgivable. But you need to know he still loves you; he'd do anything for you. If you asked him to go to Italy right now and end it all, he would. You can't just give up now, not when you've already made it this far. You deserve happiness, Bella. If any of us does - it's you. Please, Bella, please don't give up on that… on us."
"Where is she, Alice? Where is… Rosalie?" I found myself asking before I could control it. I needed to know, so I could prepare with facing her…
"Hunting," she replied carefully.
I nodded, knowing I'd need to feed in order to gain my strength back.
Alice's eyes closed briefly, and she looked so sad when she opened them… almost defeated.
"Will I kill her, Alice?"
She shrugged sadly, letting her hands drop into her lap. "I… I don't know. You haven't decided yet."
That was the oldest Alice had ever looked to me. She looked like she had aged exponentially in the past week or so.
Without hesitation, I picked up the sack of blood and pressed the frayed edge to my lips. I gulped greedily, reveling in the sensation of the blood soothing my scorching throat. Before she had a chance to open the next two pouches, I fisted them both in my hands, biting into them, and draining them dry. I slowly felt myself gaining more strength, and by the time I was out of blood, my body felt alive with electricity.
I licked the remaining droplets of blood from my lips and felt the need for more, more blood. I needed to hunt, but I needed answers too.
What would my life become now?
How would all of us stay together?
Could I ever trust Edward again?
What would become of Emmett and Rosalie?
What would I do when I saw Rosalie? Would I kill her?
I walked out the backdoor and stood atop the deck, staring down at the rest of the Cullens, unsure of how to voice my concerns.
"What-" I sighed, frustrated with myself for feeling so insecure around them. "What happens now?" I locked eyes with Carlisle, making sure not to look at Edward at all.
"What happens to me now?" I asked more timidly as my gaze dropped to the grass, watching as each sage green blade swayed in the breeze.
I was momentarily surprised when Esme spoke first. "You are one of us, Bella. Not just a vampire, but one of our family. We've always loved you, and we want you to stay here… to live with us. We understand it will be…" She paused for a second, probably trying to think of an adequate word for our messed up situation, "difficult, for you, at first. But with time, we pray that things will get better, that we can all get through this… together."
I bit my lip, trying to stifle the sob that was stuck in my throat. I'd always loved Esme. She'd been more of a mother figure to me than mine had ever been, and if there was any reason to stay here… and endure this pain day after day… she was definitely it.
I couldn't fight the urge to run to her and wrap my arms around her. She held me tight and shh'ed me as my body shook with unyielding sobs. I whispered, "thank you" over and over again as she rocked me back and forth, trying to comfort me in the only way she knew how. When all hope felt lost, Esme breathed new life into me; she was the beacon that helped light my dark and depressed world. Even when I wanted to give up on myself, I knew she'd see me through.
"I love you, Esme," I whispered softly into her hair as she tried to comfort me.
"And I love you, Bella, my daughter," I trembled a little as Carlisle walked up and wrapped his arms around us as well. They held me until I could gain my composure, and, when I finally did, I hugged and kissed both of their cheeks before stepping away.
I turned so I was now face to face with Edward. I gazed up at his face, not looking into his eyes - avoiding the sadness I knew I'd find there.
As much as I wanted to yell at him, and berate him for everything he did to me, I didn't know if I could. I wasn't sure I was ready to forgive him yet, and I knew when he begged me to I probably would. Edward had a way with me, with getting me to do whatever he wanted me to do. I refused to be dazzled. I needed to hurt, I needed to be angry, I needed to heal.
I needed to hunt. Then I needed to find Rosalie.
"I'll be back later."
Before anyone could say anything else, I took off full force for the trees and zigzagged through the winding forest, praying no one would follow me. When I was sure I was alone, I let my senses take over for my hunt. I drained several large deer and one bobcat before deciding to look for Rosalie.
I finally stumbled across her scent about twenty miles from the Canadian border. She was standing in the middle of a clearing similar to the spot the Cullens played baseball in. I stepped out of the trees and into the sunlight, face to face with her for the first time since everything that had happened.
She spoke first in a cold voice. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I thought it was for your own good."
"What exactly was for my own good, Rosalie? You fucking my fiancé behind my back under the guise of helping him, or you dialing my number during the entire fucking thing so I could get a play by play?" I spat venomously at her.
She reacted as though I'd slapped her in the face. She obviously wasn't expecting me to lash out at her. "Well, all of it. I thought you would move on, marry that dog and have kids. Have a chance at a normal life-"
"Rosalie, don't, for one second, act as though you've done me any favors. You ruined my life! Edward was my soul mate. I would have walked through fire for him, and you've ripped away every shred of happiness I've ever had for myself! I've never asked for anything, never wanted for anything, until Edward. And you walked all over it, like it was below you, like I was below you."
"You hated me from the beginning, and I never understood it. After you told me how you "died", I figured it was because I could still have children and I was "wasting" that by being with Edward. But that was never the entire reason, was it? It was also about the conquest. Edward, poor brooding, Edward… always alone, never wanting anyone… not even you. Not until me. When I came along, you saw Edward wasn't damaged goods, and was very capable of being attracted to someone. And that killed you because he'd never wanted you that way. So you messed with his head, talked him into practicing with you, and then, when the time was right - you dialed my number and made sure I heard everything…"
My words trailed off at the stunned expression on her face. She took a step back, looking like she was going to bolt at any second.
"Don't fucking run, Rosalie, because if you do - I'll catch you, and we both know I'm stronger and faster than you, so don't even try. We need to deal with this right now!" It was true, the only thing Rosalie ever had going for her was her looks; she wasn't stronger or faster than an average vampire. And, unlucky for her, I didn't have a dick, so I wouldn't get distracted from killing her - if she pushed me far enough.
She stilled and glared at me, further enticing me into turning her stupid fucking face to ash.
"Don't make me kill you!" I growled at her.
When she didn't move, I spoke again. "How could you, Rosalie? How could you do something like this to Emmett? He's such a great person, and he loves you with his whole heart. How could you even be a succubus after dying the way you did?" I asked desperately.
I saw a flicker of pain creep across her face, but she pushed it away quickly. "I don't know, Bella. I don't know why I'm like this. I love Emmett. None of this was ever about hurting him; it was about waking you up, and satisfying a curiosity. Emmett was never supposed to know. You were supposed to walk away without an explanation. Stupid girl, can't you do anything right?" she gritted out.
"I may be stupid, Rosalie, but I'm the one who Edward wanted first - and I'm who he wants still; you were just a means to an end. Remember that; I'm the one who awakened his desire after a hundred years. Me, the stupid little human girl. Not you. Some succubus you are!" I spat back condescendingly.
Her eyes burned into mine and I waited for her retort. I braced myself - knowing that what she'd say next would probably set me off.
She didn't disappoint. "Well, that may be true, Bella. But I am the one who took his virginity."
She sought out what would most likely be my biggest weakness and used it against me. I always knew she'd be a worthy opponent. Too bad I was prepared for her fuckery.
"Yeah, about that, Rose. I feel like I should thank you or something… after all, you got to deal with the fumbling virgin, and I got to sleep with Emmett." I arched an eyebrow at her and watched as anger flared through her.
"You…. You bitch!" She growled at me as she started running at me as fast as she could. Instead of bracing for the attack, I ran back towards her and wrapped my arms around her neck as I slammed us into a nearby tree. Under any other circumstances, the splitting crack and protesting groans from the tree would be deafening, but all I could hear was white noise with the adrenaline pumping through me.
While squeezing her throat, I slammed her against the tree over and over until it gave way and we both tumbled on top of it. "That's right, bitch. I fucked your husband after you ruined my life! You… took… everything… from… me!" Each word was punctuated by the sheer force of my hands slamming her against the tree.
I felt little fissures of cracked granite forming around my fingers as I continued my assault. The porcelain skin of her neck began to fracture, and the tree was about to split right down the middle from the sheer force I was using but I didn't care. At this rate, I could pound her all the way down to the gates of hell and it wouldn't be far enough. Her audacity made the anger bubble viciously through me. She ruined the one thing I wanted most out of this world - and then attacked me? Where was the logic in this situation?
When it was all said and done, I couldn't take her life. Between the emotional turmoil I had felt during the past week and my morality finally catching up to me, I couldn't kill her. I felt ashamed for the way I had used my body, and I thought maybe someday she could come to the same realization that I had.
A part of me still wanted a piece of her to die. Right along with my humanity, it seemed only fair that she'd lose something out of this whole situation too.
Before I knew what I was doing, I tore at her hair and ended up snagging her right ear as well, tearing it clean off of her body along with a few handfuls of golden locks. I felt the surge of adrenaline as she screamed at me while I lit them aflame with a lighter I had grabbed before leaving the house.
I wouldn't kill Rosalie, not today, but I would make sure she couldn't use her beauty to ruin someone else's life.
It'd be pretty hard to lure someone's fiancé astray when you're half bald and only have one ear… unless you find a good hat.
The terror I saw in her gaze after watching the small purple flames consume her ear and hair told me all I needed to know. Rosalie would never cross me again.
My voice was eerily calm. "Rosalie, I'm only going to say this once. Go away, go far, far away. If you ever contact Edward again, I will kill you. You will not be spared again. Your relationship with the rest of the Cullens doesn't involve me, but if I'm there - you won't be. Stay out of my way, and you'll go unharmed. Do you understand me?"
"Y-yes," she spluttered, while covering the spot where her ear used to be.
I stomped out the remaining embers of the small fire and gave her one final glance before retreating back in the direction of Forks. I wasn't sure what I would find when I returned, but I felt something pulling me there. Following my instincts, I ran as fast as I could back to the Cullens' home.
When I arrived back at the house, the sun was starting to set, hanging low in the now pink-orange sky. I walked through the backdoor hesitantly. Upon first glance, nobody seemed to be home. It wasn't until I reached the stairway that I caught Edward's familiar scent; it was too potent to have been from earlier. I knew he was still lingering somewhere upstairs.
Ignoring my better judgment, I climbed the stairs two at a time. I'd been putting off talking to Edward long enough, it was time we both faced each other and figured out what the future held for us. I walked down the hallway to his room, stealing a glance at Alice's open door. I saw what was supposed to be my wedding dress - hanging on her closet door. A brief lash of pain sliced through me, but I quelled it quickly.
I took one last calming breath and knocked on the door. It was ajar, so I pushed it open the rest of the way. Edward was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands, facing the doorway. He hadn't moved when I knocked and, if I didn't know better, I would have thought he was a statue, frozen in time.
Finally, he looked up at me, and the pain I saw in his gaze made me shift mine to the floor. Biting my bottom lip, I pretended to find my nails interesting as I rubbed my fingers together - a nervous habit I'd carried into my afterlife.
He spoke first. "How did we get here, Bella? How did we get so… messed up? Where did we go wrong?" His voice sounded defeated.
If I were the old me, I'd feel bad for him. I'd take pity on those sad golden eyes and tell him I didn't know, and that everything would be okay. But I'm not that girl anymore, and that was his fault.
I found myself speaking, before I even had a chance to filter any of it. "I'm not exactly sure what you're asking me, Edward. It sounds like you're partially blaming me, which I know you had better not be doing. Let me try to answer your question for you. I'll give you a couple of different answers, so you can pick whichever you like best. We probably went wrong a lot of different times, starting when you didn't kill me that first day in biology."
I didn't miss the wince on his face. I continued on.
"Or it could have been the day you saved me from the van… or when I agreed to spend more time with you… when you took me to watch your family play baseball… when you saved me from James… Victoria… When you left me after my 18th birthday… When you went to Italy… when you decided to come back and be with me… when you decided to bribe me into marrying you so you would sleep with me… nope, that's probably not it, wait here… I think I might have it. It was probably when you fucked your sister under the guise of "protecting" me behind my back. Yup, that sounds about right to me. So what is it, Edward? Can you tell me exactly where you think we went wrong?" The ironic yet sarcastic tone of my voice wasn't lost on me or Edward.
He was finally realizing he'd no longer be up on his pedestal. In reality, I knew that was where I went wrong - when I put all of his needs and comforts before my own. That wouldn't happen again.
Anger, hurt, and some other undefined emotion – was that lust? – flashed in his eyes at my speech. He quickly moved so he was standing nose to nose with me; I wouldn't be intimidated.
Apparently he was now close enough to smell me. "Did you kill her? I smell her on you, and smoke…"
I rolled my eyes at this; apparently everything would always come back to Rosalie. Tramp.
"No, I didn't kill her. But bimbo Barbie is going to have to come up with a new way of attracting her prey, since she's slightly maimed." I shrugged and left it at that.
I was feeling claustrophobic and slightly defensive with him standing so close, so I pushed against his chest making him back up a few steps. "You're in my space," I explained flatly.
"You never seemed to mind before… in fact, if I remember correctly, you used to like it when I dazzled you," he spoke smoothly.
"That was before I realized what a fucking jerk you were. Where are the others?" I forgot to ask him when I first walked in.
He took a few steps closer again, and wrapped his hands around my wrists. He stood at an arms length from me. His scent was intoxicating; it took all of my willpower to hold my ground and not give in to him.
"Bella, I plan to spend every moment of forever showing you how sorry I am for what I've done, if you'll let me. I know what I did was wrong, and none of it was to hurt you. Not for one second was there malicious intent on my part. I honestly wanted to make our wedding night special for you - and wanted to be fully prepared. I don't know how Rosalie kept her malicious intentions from me, or the fact that she secretly dialed your number that night. But I swear, Isabella Swan, that I love you with every fiber of my being. I'll never be able to express how truly and deeply sorry I am, for everything that has happened. I take sole responsibility for my actions, and for driving you into other people's arms. I was never mad… not at you. Just… angry with myself." His voice tapered off.
I didn't know if I wanted to slap him or kiss him. He had always been so good at getting me to bend to his will - it was hard to distinguish where my love for him ended and my bitterness began. The strength of my newborn emotions, however, was making it hard for me to deny my physical attraction to my mate.
He must have sensed my reluctance to step away, because he came closer to me, until he was almost pressed against me.
"I know this is very inappropriate, considering the issues we're trying to discuss, but I can't get over your beauty. You've always been beautiful, but you're even more- so now, and to know that you're unbreakable, and… your strength… God, Bella… I want you so much." He swallowed thickly. His husky voice made my insides tremble and I fought with all of my life for my control.
Please don't give into him, c'mon, Bella. Be strong!
His hands slid from my wrists up to my shoulders and my eyes closed involuntarily.
"Bella," he spoke against my temple. "Please let me back in again. Let me make this good for you." His nose traveled from my temple, across my cheek, and down to my throat as he pressed soft kisses along the way.
I knew things with Edward and I would be good… including sex. We were explosive when we were together, but that could be dangerous… for both of us.
I kept my eyes closed as he nipped and kissed my throat, my hands braced myself against his forearms.
"Edward… this… this isn't right. We shouldn't be…" I fought with all of my might. "We shouldn't even be together." I made a poor attempt at stepping away from him, but didn't put up a fight when he pulled me tighter against him.
"This isn't over, Bella. You know it. Tell me you feel it too." He breathed out huskily.
A small moan escaped my lips. He took that as my consent, and picked me up, pressing my body against the wall forcefully. I felt his cock press through our pants where I wanted it most, so I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him against me roughly.
With a flick of my wrist, his shirt was torn to shreds and laying on the floor. I felt the plaster on the wall start to crack as Edward continued to thrust his hips against me, escalating my desire to the point of pain.
He made quick work of my shirt and bra, and lapped at my exposed skin greedily with his tongue and lips. It was almost astonishing how similar - yet different - this experience was now that I was no longer human. My head was still swimming with desire like it had before, but now I could concentrate on each and every sensation I was feeling, and still be of sound mind to react to his ministrations on my body.
My main focus was feeling more… I wanted to feel everything. I'd dreamed about me and Edward being sexual for as long as we'd been together and now it was finally happening, but not under the any of the circumstances I had dreamt about.
My hands tangled in his hair, pulling it roughly as he slid his hands down my body, tugging and tearing the denim from my legs. He had to put me down in order for us to get fully naked, but we wasted no time. No sooner than our clothes hit the floor, we were grabbing and shoving each other against the walls, slamming into dressers and miscellaneous furniture.
I'd never forget the way he slammed my body down on his dresser, pressing my body back against the mirror as he dropped to his knees and dove between my legs with reckless abandon. He licked and suckled my tender flesh, alternating between rubbing me with his fingers and teasing me with his tongue.
I came, thrashing around and screaming his name. My head slammed backwards so hard that the mirror shattered around us, making it look like we were doused in glitter. The sound it made as it landed on our unyielding flesh was no match for the husky growl Edward released as I came on his lips.
I couldn't wait any longer as I quickly threw him onto the bed and flew on top of him. "Please, Edward, now… I can't take it anymore." My eyes locked onto his as he situated himself at my entrance. I dropped my weight on top of him the same time he thrust his hips upwards - fully sheathing himself inside of me.
My head dropped back and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as I rocked my hips against his. I slid back so he was almost completely withdrawn from me, then slammed back against him, forcing him as deep inside of me as he could get.
My nails dug into his biceps and I bit my lip to keep from screaming out. When he sat up and used his lips to tug on my nipples, I couldn't hold back my screams anymore. I called out his name and told him to take me harder.
He told me how good I felt, and how right we felt together, and that he knew we were meant to be together.
My jealous streak reared its ugly head and I kissed him hard, pushing him back against the bed. I pinned both of his wrists in one of my small hands and held him down as I kept thrusting my hips against his. "How does this feel, Edward? Tell me… tell me I'm better than that slut. Tell me this is all you'll ever want."
His eyes opened wide - partly in shock, and partly in pleasure. He knew I was stronger than him, and he was at my mercy. I loved it. Dominating Edward was quickly becoming my favorite aspect of being an immortal.
"There's no comparison, Bella… You've always been it for me… you'll always be better… than anyone. Always…" His words were more like grunts as I rode him mercilessly.
With my empty hand, I smacked him once across the face, and whispered threateningly. "Don't you ever fucking forget it, Edward."
Once the words were out of my mouth, he somehow gained back control and flipped us over so he was pinning me down. He had to use both of his hands to pin me, which made me quirk an eyebrow at him. My smug grin wasn't helping his anger as he started to pound into me even harder. The wrought iron bed frame was squeaking and squealing with each of our thrusts - but we wouldn't be deterred.
"Watch yourself, Isabella. I think it's my turn to make you forget all about the other cocks you've been getting lately and show you how a real man fucks. Emmett, I can understand, an eye for an eye and all that; but going to that… that dog. I'll teach you, Isabella. When I'm done with you, you'll never even think about any other cock," he growled menacingly.
His mouth crashed down onto mine violently and we growled against each other's lips. His hands released mine and he gripped my shoulders as he slammed himself harder and harder into me. We both grunted at the force of his thrusts, my hands sought out the mattress first, but when I noticed I was tearing rather large chunks of it apart, I gripped the headboard.
Not surprisingly, the iron crumbled like sand in my hands. I grabbed onto Edward's back, digging my nails into his shoulder blades as I felt my stomach tighten with my quickly approaching orgasm.
"Edward… oh… oh God… Edward, fuck me harder, please … please, please, oh… God, Edward… more!" I roared, as we thrust against each other with feral abandon. My legs wrapped tighter around his waist and he grabbed my hips, bracing me slightly so he could thrust himself deeper inside of me. The new angle was just what I needed to let go, and I exploded around him.
He roared, "Fuck yes! So good so good, yes, Bella!" He came deep inside of me, losing his rhythm and pounding into me erratically.
Then his voice quieted and he started whispering to me reverently. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…"
He pressed soft kisses against my throat all the way up to my cheeks, lips, and temple. His thrusting stopped completely and we laid there with him buried inside of me.
I pushed his hair back from his eyes and kissed his mouth softly. Looking up at him, I saw the important answers to the questions I had for him when I sought him out earlier.
Did he still love me? He did.
Did he still want me? Obviously.
Was I the only one for him? It felt like it.
Was he sorry for what he did? Definitely.
Would he ever do something like that again? Never.
Would it be a long time before we were completely over this? Probably.
Would our love for each other last forever? Absolutely.
Seven Years Later:
After perfecting my control for a few months, I got back in touch with my parents. I pretended to be traveling through the states, and told them I had some kind of a pre-mid life crisis. Being Renee's daughter, they really didn't have much reason to doubt my decision. She was as flighty as they came.
After going through a really bad experience, even the good things surrounding it were tainted with its memories. That's how I felt about weddings.
So when all of the wedding nonsense started happening around me again, it was hard not to flashback and think about all of the bad stuff that happened to us when we were engaged the first time around.
Here we all were again, surrounded with color choices, theme selections, fabric swatches, and guest lists… Tuxedos, music, dresses, and invitations… Only this time, it wasn't for me. Yes, you heard me correctly; I still wasn't quite ready to tie the knot with Edward yet. It wasn't about me not wanting to be his wife, I just loved the new dynamic we'd found together. We weren't pressured to take the leap, but we would - eventually. And we'd make sure it happened while my parents were still able to be a part of our lives, just not yet.
Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their son
Emmett Dale McCarty Cullen
Kathryn Sasha Denali
on Saturday, the sixth of July, two thousand and thirteen. Three o'clock in the afternoon. At their home. Reception and dance to follow.
Emmett left shortly after Edward and I reconciled. He was happy to see us together, but sad about how everything turned out with Rosalie. He went up to the Denalis, like he had planned, and met Kate for the first time. Carlisle and the others had only been to visit the Denali coven once after Emmett was changed, Kate and Irina had been gone on a hunting trip. When they met he instantly connected with her, and they built a strong and loving relationship. Emmett was a new man now that he had actually found his true mate; still a sweet teddy bear, just - calmer.
Kate, Alice, and I became fast friends. We all love each other like only sisters could; I couldn't have picked a better mate for Emmett myself, or a better fit for our family.
As for Rosalie, she found her mate in a vampire named Fred. He supposedly had a gift that could make people not want to be around him, which was kind of perfect because no one wanted to be around Rosalie.
They don't keep in contact, and we don't seek them out. They're happy, we're happy. End of story.
So, as for Edward and I, we're still building back the walls that were destroyed by his deceit, but we're communicating and getting stronger by the day. I am no longer driven by my anger or revenge, and his eyes aren't so sad anymore.
Weddings are still a tender subject, and I know he really would like to make me his wife, but he's being patient for me… and I respect him for that.
But for now, I keep all of the words that I'll say to him someday locked in my heart. Instead, we express our undying affection for one another physically and through simple gestures.
Ashes to ashes,
only death could do us part.
You're always in my mind,
and forever in my heart.
Our love will never end,
as I know in you - I've found my best friend.
I'll love you always - as I love you now.
With this promise - I'm giving you - my unspoken vows.
A/N 1: I'd like to thank my beta, Sue, she is a life saver! Anyone who has anything beta'd by her is lucky! She picked me up off of floor, dusted me off, and helped me find my way through this. Thank you, Sue.
A/N 1.5: Also - thanks to the Twitter and Facebook ladies for consoling my miserable ass when I got this back from PTB and thought it was too far gone. You are all the frosting to my cupcake! I love you ladies, lots!